I really thought that things would go well in my favor once I moved out and started living my life the way I wanted. But unfortunately there were a few forks in my road. My family has told me that the only way that I can see them is as my male self and not as my feminine self which I've been living happily as for the past month and a half. Even though my psychiatrist has told them that I suffer from GID, there has been no room for compromising. :(
I can in no way shape or form speak for anyone else but myself. But I will say, that is a reason (of many) that I think I aspire to be more androgynous that straight up female. essentially, I'd like to be able to pull off both if I so chose. This is also why I'm not out yet :-\ I really hope that all goes well for you, and that they can somehow find it in their hearts to put family over vanity and accept your life decisions *hugs*
I know where you're at, Gina. My mother basically said the same thing. So I just used a little logic and turned the table on her. Now I know our situations are completely different.
Essentially I reminded her how she taugh me everything I know with respects to principles. I also reminded her of the principle she stood on and refused to attend my wedding. I then stated this is my principl; I can't go back to living a lie, just to see her. I further suggested she shouldn't deny embracing a life long ambition of hers to have a daughter.
It didn't take long for her to change her mind.
I know your situation may be completely different; but if you have to say goodbye, than say goodbye an keep moving. It's called, tough love.
Huggs
Catherine
Gina, based on what I've read previously about your family's behaviour towards you around this issue they are intent on controlling and manipulating you, forcing you to conform to their view of the world. There's a good chance I will get a similar ultimatum from my father when I out myself in a couple more months and because he is the patriarch my mother would go along with it. It would break my heart but if they can't accept me as Grace then they cannot accept me full stop. Besides, they would find - as I'm sure your family would - that regardless of any mandate about presentation, the HRT will eventually make that option moot as you will look more and more female anyway...hair, face, breasts, etc. No clothing is hiding that! Those kind of ultimatums rob you of your right to be true to yourself. I know your family means a lot to you but if they cannot accept you being true to yourself then you'll need to decide what is ultimately more important to you. Hugs, Grace.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on February 19, 2014, 10:39:53 AM
I really thought that things would go well in my favor once I moved out and started living my life the way I wanted. But unfortunately there were a few forks in my road. My family has told me that the only way that I can see them is as my male self and not as my feminine self which I've been living happily as for the past month and a half. Even though my psychiatrist has told them that I suffer from GID, there has been no room for compromising. :(
Gina, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how upsetting this is. It's tragic because your family members are missing out on seeing you blossom as a woman.
Personally, if a woman wanted to involve me in her transition I'd jump at the chance. It's such an honor to be part of such an important process and so exciting to watch someone change and grow.
However, I found what you did, that a lot of people distanced themselves from me during that period (though nothing like your family). It's a pity they don't know what they're missing.
If I was in that situation, I would just continue on the transformations path, but wear a T shirt and jean without makeup when you visit. Like some else said, eventually that will more awkward than wearing a dress. That would give them time to slowly adjust to the changes. Unless you see them very often, it shouldn't be that big of deal.
If you see them more than once a week, that wouldn't work so well.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on February 19, 2014, 10:39:53 AM
I really thought that things would go well in my favor once I moved out and started living my life the way I wanted. But unfortunately there were a few forks in my road. My family has told me that the only way that I can see them is as my male self and not as my feminine self which I've been living happily as for the past month and a half. Even though my psychiatrist has told them that I suffer from GID, there has been no room for compromising. :(
Ok then i guess they will be missing out on a very happy Gina. Sister it is truly there loss and not yours.
Anyone who makes demands for someone to be unhappy just so they are happy is a form of abuse.
I would stay your course, keep looking inwards and do what is for Gina. She is the only one who lay you head on your pillow at night and can sleep knowing what you are doing is for your happiness.
Sometimes the world will take time to come back around. I would never compromise who you are.
Stay the path. Stay positive.
Hugs
Isabell
Quote from: Mickie on February 19, 2014, 11:03:07 AM
I can in no way shape or form speak for anyone else but myself. But I will say, that is a reason (of many) that I think I aspire to be more androgynous that straight up female. essentially, I'd like to be able to pull off both if I so chose. This is also why I'm not out yet :-\ I really hope that all goes well for you, and that they can somehow find it in their hearts to put family over vanity and accept your life decisions *hugs*
Y'know Mickie, life would be so much easier if I were androgynous like you are. Then I could flip lop like some of our previous politian's have and nobody would say anything about it, but unfortunately I have to take what fate has given to me, and soon I'll have to decide which way I'm going. And I'm really leaning more to the woman's side! :)
Quote from: Catherine Sarah on February 19, 2014, 11:23:11 AM
I know where you're at, Gina. My mother basically said the same thing. So I just used a little logic and turned the table on her. Now I know our situations are completely different.
Essentially I reminded her how she taugh me everything I know with respects to principles. I also reminded her of the principle she stood on and refused to attend my wedding. I then stated this is my principl; I can't go back to living a lie, just to see her. I further suggested she shouldn't deny embracing a life long ambition of hers to have a daughter.
It didn't take long for her to change her mind.
I know your situation may be completely different; but if you have to say goodbye, than say goodbye an keep moving. It's called, tough love.
Huggs
Catherine
That's a very interesting approach Catherine. You see my dilemma is is that I was my mother's first born, and then she had two daughter's and she selfishly tells me that she doesn't want a third daughter, so because of that she expects me to remain her first born son instead of becoming her first born daughter. but she's told me that in three years she'll be moving and I've told her that I will not be moving and so that will be it. So it will just be a matter of waiting.
Quote from: Ms Grace on February 19, 2014, 11:46:16 AM
Gina, based on what I've read previously about your family's behaviour towards you around this issue they are intent on controlling and manipulating you, forcing you to conform to their view of the world. There's a good chance I will get a similar ultimatum from my father when I out myself in a couple more months and because he is the patriarch my mother would go along with it. It would break my heart but if they can't accept me as Grace then they cannot accept me full stop. Besides, they would find - as I'm sure your family would - that regardless of any mandate about presentation, the HRT will eventually make that option moot as you will look more and more female anyway...hair, face, breasts, etc. No clothing is hiding that! Those kind of ultimatums rob you of your right to be true to yourself. I know your family means a lot to you but if they cannot accept you being true to yourself then you'll need to decide what is ultimately more important to you. Hugs, Grace.
As always I appreciate your kind words Grace. :icon_hug: I do realize the turmoil that you will be going through in a few months and I only wish I could be there for moral support. But yes, we are very similar in our ambitions of what we are trying to accomplish, and in the long run if it means giving up what we truly and dearly love to accomplish what we need to live our lives properly, then so be it.
Quote from: suzifrommd on February 19, 2014, 12:03:05 PM
Gina, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how upsetting this is. It's tragic because your family members are missing out on seeing you blossom as a woman.
Personally, if a woman wanted to involve me in her transition I'd jump at the chance. It's such an honor to be part of such an important process and so exciting to watch someone change and grow.
However, I found what you did, that a lot of people distanced themselves from me during that period (though nothing like your family). It's a pity they don't know what they're missing.
Thanks for your kind words as well Suzi. Right now my family has been watching my niece as she matures and blossoms into a young lady with awe, and they show absolutely no interest in me. But at least people on the outside have taken some interest in watching. If only they would look at themselves from the inside out . . .
Quote from: Michelle123 on February 19, 2014, 08:46:42 PM
If I was in that situation, I would just continue on the transformations path, but wear a T shirt and jean without makeup when you visit. Like some else said, eventually that will more awkward than wearing a dress. That would give them time to slowly adjust to the changes. Unless you see them very often, it shouldn't be that big of deal.
If you see them more than once a week, that wouldn't work so well.
Y'know Michelle, that's an excellent idea! Just the other day, I had to drop some medication off for my sister, and I didn't feel like taking off my nail polish, so I went there with it still on my fingers. I stood right there in front of my mom and she never said a word about it. She was going in for therapy the next day, so I took her hand and said a prayer for her. She thanked me and I left. Maybe I might start trying to wear some androgynous clothes now. Thanks for the excellent suggestion! :)
Quote from: mind is quiet now on February 19, 2014, 09:02:10 PM
Ok then i guess they will be missing out on a very happy Gina. Sister it is truly there loss and not yours.
Anyone who makes demands for someone to be unhappy just so they are happy is a form of abuse.
I would stay your course, keep looking inwards and do what is for Gina. She is the only one who lay you head on your pillow at night and can sleep knowing what you are doing is for your happiness.
Sometimes the world will take time to come back around. I would never compromise who you are.
Stay the path. Stay positive.
Hugs
Isabell
Thanks Isabell. I found your words very uplifting and inspirational. :icon_joy: I do plan on continuing on my path, and no one is going to detour me any other way. :)
It is a form of abuse as some have said, and it's very bad for your self-esteem and emotional health to submit to that abuse. That said, I saw what seems like not a bad idea for handling it if you want to give them a little more time to be reasonable and stop the abusive behavior.
Quote from: Michelle123 on February 19, 2014, 08:46:42 PM
If I was in that situation, I would just continue on the transformations path, but wear a T shirt and jean without makeup when you visit. Like some else said, eventually that will more awkward than wearing a dress. That would give them time to slowly adjust to the changes. Unless you see them very often, it shouldn't be that big of deal.
If you see them more than once a week, that wouldn't work so well.
Wear clothes that are appropriate for either a man or a woman. Don't dare cut your hair for them or anything so ridiculous. Plenty of men have long hair these days. In time, it will be clear you're a woman even when you dress androgynously and you will learn how stubborn they are going to be with their ultimatums. I hope you will ultimately put your own health ahead of submitting to their abuse. Those are just my thoughts for what their worth.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on February 20, 2014, 10:13:02 AM
Y'know Michelle, that's an excellent idea! Just the other day, I had to drop some medication off for my sister, and I didn't feel like taking off my nail polish, so I went there with it still on my fingers. I stood right there in front of my mom and she never said a word about it. She was going in for therapy the next day, so I took her hand and said a prayer for her. She thanked me and I left. Maybe I might start trying to wear some androgynous clothes now. Thanks for the excellent suggestion! :)
You need to be true to yourself. If you can do that AND wear androgynous clothes that sounds like a win for you and a win for your family. If they keep seeing you changing bit by bit maybe eventually they can accept your feminine self. Your recent visit suggests that may well happen.
I am trying to sound out my family on the topic and see some rather mixed, negative, possibilities. So in time I will end up at the same bridge.
Quote from: dalebert on February 20, 2014, 10:23:02 AM
It is a form of abuse as some have said, and it's very bad for your self-esteem and emotional health to submit to that abuse. That said, I saw what seems like not a bad idea for handling it if you want to give them a little more time to be reasonable and stop the abusive behavior.
Wear clothes that are appropriate for either a man or a woman. Don't dare cut your hair for them or anything so ridiculous. Plenty of men have long hair these days. In time, it will be clear you're a woman even when you dress androgynously and you will learn how stubborn they are going to be with their ultimatums. I hope you will ultimately put your own health ahead of submitting to their abuse. Those are just my thoughts for what their worth.
I appreciate your thoughts. And I shouldn't have to give into their whims just because they live in the dark ages and can't see my happiness as a woman. :)
Quote from: ErinWDK on February 20, 2014, 10:26:02 AM
You need to be true to yourself. If you can do that AND wear androgynous clothes that sounds like a win for you and a win for your family. If they keep seeing you changing bit by bit maybe eventually they can accept your feminine self. Your recent visit suggests that may well happen.
I am trying to sound out my family on the topic and see some rather mixed, negative, possibilities. So in time I will end up at the same bridge.
Thanks for the words of encouragement Erin. :) I hope things go well for you as well. take it slow though.
Gina, I'm sorry that your family doesn't see the beautiful person that you are. Belief systems are strong, even if proven wrong. I hope that your mom will see the real you some day.
Quote from: gennee on February 20, 2014, 11:16:32 AM
Gina, I'm sorry that your family doesn't see the beautiful person that you are. Belief systems are strong, even if proven wrong. I hope that your mom will see the real you some day.
Thank you for your kind and heartfelt words Genee. But unfortunately, my mom has turned a blind eye towards seeing me as her beautiful daughter.
Quote from: dalebert on February 20, 2014, 10:23:02 AM
It is a form of abuse as some have said, and it's very bad for your self-esteem and emotional health to submit to that abuse. That said, I saw what seems like not a bad idea for handling it if you want to give them a little more time to be reasonable and stop the abusive behavior.
Today I'll be seeing my therapist, and I plan to bring this subject up about the abuse that I'm receiving from my family. They should be more supportive towards me instead of being against me so much. Like my therapist has tried to tell my mom, this is something that happened beyond my control, but again she won't accept what professionals are saying, and she's drawing on her own conclusions. ???