What were your grooming habits like before you accepted yourself?
I personally failed to find enough motivation to shave more often than once every few months, and I kinda just let my hair grow wild
Is this a common thing?
Will transitioning into who I really am give me the motivation to put the required effort into looking decent?
Through his past year of slowly accepting myself I have noticed tiny progressions in this area, however I have a very very long way to go.
So will the transition alone be enough to motivate me to do all of the above or will I need help from my mindfulness based activities as well?
Hi ,
I would say that i 've done the same thing , i really didn't care about my looks and even health as a 'boy' , at least for the last several years . I think that the transition should boost you enough and give you the motivation you need . All my identity problems aside , when i see a (beautiful ???) girl in the mirror , i get very happy and motivated to enhance myself . Since i started thinking seriously about the transition and i realized that it could really be done , i really made a few changes in my life and also fixed some damage from my earlier 'boy' times .
Personally i need all the help i can get in putting my life on track , so i can't say if the transition will be fully suficient for you , all i can say it is that the transition really helps .
Quote from: Olivia Petty on February 20, 2014, 06:41:28 AM
What were your grooming habits like before you accepted yourself?
I personally failed to find enough motivation to shave more often than once every few months, and I kinda just let my hair grow wild
Is this a common thing?
Will transitioning into who I really am give me the motivation to put the required effort into looking decent?
Through his past year of slowly accepting myself I have noticed tiny progressions in this area, however I have a very very long way to go.
So will the transition alone be enough to motivate me to do all of the above or will I need help from my mindfulness based activities as well?
Hi Olivia,
I believe that you will find additional motivation. As you learn to love and care for who you really are, starting new habits for better health and grooming will be easier that you may think. Habits start by mindfulness based activity.
For myself:
I had essentially no motivation to put effort into good grooming or my health after about age 10. Due to a medical problem in my early teens, I ballooned to over 320 lbs by the end of 7th grade (US system).
I tried different male styles in very limited ways (low-middle class Blue collar family), none of them helped. Grew my hair down to shoulders, grew big sideburns to look more male before starting high-school. Grew the rest of facial hair into a full beard to hide behind when I turned 18. My best grooming practices were taking a shower and washing hair and beard at least 5 out of 7 days a week. I could not get serious about weight loss.
35 years later when I finally invited "her" to out into the light enough to have some honest conversations, and start down the path to understanding the whole person I really am, my attitude changed.
Today, I am now motivated to live, to improve my health, to take better care of my appearance, to care for myself.
The hardest part is breaking 55 years of my many bad habits (and negative self image) and replace them with the new healthy habits and to shift my self image to the whole person I am. Still a work in process
-Cindi
Didn't much bother I was a scruffy herbert
Yea I always used to just let my beard grow and had my hair tied back lookin rubbish and unwashed.
Not any more!
Main reasons was because I started cross dressin a bit so, well, it doesn't work if you have a beard and horrible looking hair.
You pretty much described me there. I am still in that place a bit but the motivation to start taking better care of myself is growing.
I started accepting myself at the begining of this year. I was about 4 days off having my hair shaved off too. I'd already left my hair to grow a lot longer than usual. I'd usually have it only about 1.5 inches long.
I started shaving (I'd always have stubble that I'd give a light trim with an electric razor every week or two), which has been a pain in the ass. It grows back way too quickly. No joke, if I shave at 8:00am, by about 2:00pm it's in need of a shave again. If I go 2 days without a shave, I have to use my electric shaver/groomer thing before shaving as it's too long :(
For my hair, it's now pretty long. It's almost down to my shoulders, and could probably just about get into a pony tale if I tried. To keep up my 'meh don't give a crap' appearance around family (I'm not out yet), when I get out of the shower I basically just rub my hair down vigorously to dry it in a scruffy look. I get a lot of crap from family about it (demanding I get it cut) but tbh I don't care. A few times I've nearly snapped and yelled, but I just keep calm and walk away. It actually feels really nice when it's all 'puffy' I'd imagine it'll feel great once it's grown out...I cant wait for that :D
I'm not too keen on brushing my hair back. At 25 I've already got a noticeable receding patch on one side. I just hope that'll grow back on HRT :(
I've always intentionally been scruffy and gone for an unkempt look like I couldn't give a damn, and to be honest I couldn't. I hate the terrible selection of clothes that are available for men, and generally always stuck to jeans and a T'shirt. All I can think about these days though is one day being able to have awesome hair styles, cute nails, makeup, nice clothes, etc. For now though, I shall remain a fluffy bear :P
The original post could have been written by me. Always been scruffy and wondering how much that will change.
Scruffy here too. I find I have more motivation towards personal upkeep now than I used to, but I fall back into old habits when I'm in a rush.
For pretty much my entire adult life, I struggled with my weight, didn't shave very often, tied my hair back and wore a baseball cap backwards. My wardrobe was pretty much blue jeans when my weight was in check or sweatpants when it wasn't. I had 3 kinds of shirts- t-shirts with holes, t-shirts without holes, and ones with buttons that I despised wearing. I was allergic to dressing up, especially formal wear.
In 2011, I lost a LOT of weight due to illness and surgery and I started to see something/someone else in the mirror. I didn't quite put my finger on it then, but I definitely didn't want to be that fat slob ever again. I started wearing nice clothing, shaved daily and dubbed myself "Greg 2.0". That didn't last long.
~Jill 1.0
Yep and it actually added to being discouraged from considering transition. When I mentioned wanting to be a girl to my wife years ago (before we were married), she would say, "You can't be a girl, girls care about their appearance and looking nice when they go out." I just couldn't find the motivation to care how I looked when I left the house, I wasn't going out dressed the way I wanted anyways.
I didn't really have a point of "acceptance" like that, I always wanted to be pretty. My sister would always bitch at me for having too many hair products lol. I didn't generally have to shave though if I had some hairs I was all over them. And I did pluck my brows but looking at older pics living as a boy it's like, maybe not enough, lol. I hated my wardrobe though, it was hard to find clothes that fit, but I did the best I could. Idk, I was kinda fab. Cruisin down to Jo-ann in my fitted tees and white jeans. Ahahahah. How did people not force me to transition earlier.
Because of my low self-confidence I never took good care of myself.
I always used glasses with very thick lenses, so my eyes and eyebrows just disappeared behind them. I had braces on my teeth, so smiling was never an option. I almost got obese (got an BMI of 29) and I lost a lot of hair on my hairline and corners.
I always wanted to let my hair grow a bit, but there was always a time (about 4 months of growing) when it always started to get so messy around my ears that I ended having it cut. On the last years I ended just having it quite short and the bald spots were terribly noticeabe.
I never let my beard grow for more than a few days. Not that I really cared, but after a few days my face starts to get red and itchy, so I really need to shave.
And to get worse, my skin was very oily!
I was a total disaster! ;D
I looked like a fat nerd.. just having this image back on my mind makes me angry! How could I live that way?
Now I shave everyday and I am starting facial hair removal, I pluck my eyebrows once a week, I clear my skin all the time, I am wearing contact lenses and I don't need braces anymore. I also lost a lot of weight. Good changes, hu? ;)
Even before I fully embraced this part of myself and fooled myself as being a male I always showered once or twice a day. Washed and conditioned my hair everyday and with the exeception of four years shaved legs, underarms, and chest, feminine feeling or what not it is much more hygienic or at leas for me it is anyway. I would grow a short beard every now and then and when I figured out the pain for a few days after getting rid of it, never again plus, well you know. So in short my pre acceptance grooming habits are pretty much no different than they are now. I'm still a slob clothing wise pretending to be a guy but a good smelling slob at least. :D
Hey Olivia
I've found that as I get more in touch with the person I want to be, I need the current and future versions of me to match - I find the discord betwen the guy with a bit of stubble and the girl-to-be are too discordant to ignore. It's a great sensation to shave well each morning (until the laser treatment starts working), pretty up my hair (with a hairdrier) and zap on a bit of makeup. Honestly, from shower to street is only 35 minutes, and that's enough time to look nice and listen to all the morning news that matters.
I'm sure you'll find the future girl to be a brilliant motivator, better than any army sergent!! ;D
Even pre acceptance, I plucked my eybrows religiously! Oddly enough, only females with keen eyes ever asked me if I did. I've also shaved my arms for many years. Now I epilate. ;D
Coming from the other side of the gender spectrum here, but I was also decidedly "scruffy" pre-acceptance. I was happily masculine in high school, but in college I went back into the closet in every sense, and tried to be a cisgender woman. It got to a point where I thought that I was meant to be a Zen-like minimalist because I cared so little for appearance and possessions. When I decided to try a more masculine style again, I realized I DID care about my appearance, and the more masculine I allowed myself to be, the more motivated I became.
@Natalia: I'd say those were some very good changes :)
@ConfusedHumanUK: I think it's funny that I used to say the exact same thing about the terrible selection of clothes except aimed at women, but really the selection is excellent-- it's just not aimed at me.
Quote from: Polo on February 25, 2014, 03:56:39 PM@ConfusedHumanUK: I think it's funny that I used to say the exact same thing about the terrible selection of clothes except aimed at women, but really the selection is excellent-- it's just not aimed at me.
Hehe, to be honest I'm sure the selection of men's clothes is great for most people. I just don't feel like I want to wear them. The styles just aren't me, so I've always stuck to jeans + t'shirt and kept it pretty boring.
Growing up I never cared about my looks or that I stayed inside and never played outside with everyone else. My hair was always messy, I was pale white, and I usually wore the same old black hoody jacket everyday to school. Then I went to high school, life seemed on the up and up compared to my dismal grade school and middle school experiences. I was still quite and never cared to do all the norm boy like behaviors of other kids. Everyone referred to me as quite,geeky, or the smart guy. At this point I was fat and weighted more then I cared about. But I never saw a need or desire to become lighter because I simply didn't care about myself.
It wasn't until I graduated school and found my first full time job did I have to care about my appearance. Even now I'm still a corrections officer that has to shave his beard everyday and trim his hair to military style length to stay within code. Heck I'll even admit that I didn't care about my body until last year. Because last year was the year I finally had serious thoughts on transition.
So now that I have told you that I never cared about being fat or messy. I'm here to say today that I now completely care about my looks, I care about dieting for the first time in my life, I care about being organized, and I care about showing the world what I beautiful woman I am on the inside. It plainly feels good to finally express myself the way that I have felt inside from the lifetime of suppressing my thoughts and feelings. Now the world can enjoy how I look along with myself. :-*