I was seeing a guy but we broke up mid December. And I'm just now coming out of the dark hole I have been hiding in. Do you ladies feel it to be smart to date before and during transition? I can't help but want to find a guy to talk to and become close with. Having been in love and lost it I know it's the best feeling in the universe but at the same time if it spirals out of control it is the worst feeling in the world. So I find myself on dating sites and talking to men, telling them I am a woman but not being completely forthcoming as to how I'm not physically one just yet.
I know it's wrong. :(
It's not wrong for you to not tell a guy you're trans. You're a woman, whatever body parts you have. The major thing you have to be concerned about is your safety because there's a lot of violence especially with pre-op transsexuals. Make sure the guy is at least open-minded and always be in public when you reveal whatever you need to reveal to him.
I dated a lot during my transition phase, probably more than what's healthy, though it was also good because I did a lot of prepwork so I was experienced with men by the time I started dating after surgery. I even had a couple of boyfriends who never knew I was trans because I didn't do any penetrative contact with them, though I regret the deception.
The most successful relationship I had pre-transition was with a close friend who I ended up dating again post-transition after a break. In my experience, it's hard for guys who don't know you well to get over it, but it's also hard to get to know guys well without telling them, so it's a Catch-22. And if you're not comfortable with the she-male scene, then it's also hard to date guys who are attracted to pre-ops if you're planning to transition.
So overall it's kind of a mess to date during that time, but I don't regret doing it. We're human after all and need love and companionship. And while it's true that I definitely used attention from men to boost my self-esteem during a trying time, it's something that's pretty hard to blame someone for, especially people like us who have to deal with a lot of crap to be who we are.
Hi Brenda,
Transition as you're probably aware is a major event to go through. Not only is there substantial physical changes that we have to adjust to, there is an absolute profound psychological change we undergo. This is on top of our daily survival techniques (working, study, paying bills etc,etc)
There is also a considerable amount of planning and research we have to put into where are we going to be in the next year, 5 and 10 year plans, particularly if you're planning surgeries.
All this activity requires a lot of effort on our behalf in order to get it right. In fact we need to be own right selfish. Given all of that dynamic change, it's probably not the best idea to involve yourself in other activities that requires a sharing of ourselves beyond normal limits. Not only does it create additional stress on notch parties trying to understand the dynamics of transition. Should either party fail in his endeavour, it puts further stress and strain in an environment where itis least needed.
Once own the other side of transition, there'll be plenty of opportunities to delve headlng into relationships with a clearer understanding and less stress.
Huggs
Catherine
Quote from: BrendaBunnie on February 20, 2014, 10:31:30 PM
I was seeing a guy but we broke up mid December. And I'm just now coming out of the dark hole I have been hiding in. Do you ladies feel it to be smart to date before and during transition? I can't help but want to find a guy to talk to and become close with. Having been in love and lost it I know it's the best feeling in the universe but at the same time if it spirals out of control it is the worst feeling in the world. So I find myself on dating sites and talking to men, telling them I am a woman but not being completely forthcoming as to how I'm not physically one just yet.
I know it's wrong. :(
I don't think you should stop yourself for dating if you really want to. Just keep in mind that it's going to be harder because they may not accept your transition. If you're pre-transition then gay guys may lose interest as you go further and straight guys may be difficult to find depending on your current appearance. I suppose there is always the bi community. I've always wanted to test this out for myself but felt I may as well wait for full time to start dating. Good luck! I hope everything goes well for you.