I can't wait to tell that I am trans them because now I can't take it anymore!! But my family conditions show no signs of improvement-I can't tell my mother she will be unable to handle it and my father is not too strong emotionally either due to some problems. And this is India meaning that I will have to explain them more so as to get them above prejudices but when is the right time? I was thinking about when my exams are over there is a 15 day break. But shouldn't my parents be in a condition to get it? There isn't any hope of any miracle happening in my home and taking this everyday cry away but I want to tell them!
hmm... for me it was hard, but a lot less hard because I knew, while there wasn't a guarantee of help, there was also no threat of disownment or discontinuance of support for school. My parents have always been very accepting kinds of people concerned mostly with me being a good, responsible, and intelligent person and to hell with the rest.
That being said the time I knew it was right to tell them was when I realized I needed their help to get where I wanted to be. Luckily, it worked and now here I am 5 years later on hormones and post-top op. Otherwise I didn't see it as much of any of their business, but thats just how I am. I also had a pretty good idea that they'd help me out. I guess I'd have come out eventually even if they were of a more ignorant ilk, but I can't say when really. I also tend to draw a stricter line than a lot of people about what is my business and what my family knows about me. I love them dearly, but not in my business. When I thought I was a lesbian I had no intention whatever of coming out to them (officially) even though I brought my gf over for holidays for years and we slept in the same bed (and they knew). It wasn't any source of shame.. it just merely wasn't any of their business. Its obviously different being gay than being called different pronouns and being treated as female in society... I guess I'm loosing myself on my point here... which is really if they don't like it that its your life in the end and not really any of their business.
I'm not at all trying to tell you to not come out. You may find unexpected support. A lot of times people will seem stubborn on a subject until they realize that their love breaks down those past ill conceptions. I know I have a lesbian friend whose mom would talk ->-bleeped-<- on gays and lesbians often. When she came out her mom almost immediately changed her tune, and allowed her long-distance gf come to stay with them for two weeks. I think her mom was just overjoyed to see my friend actually happy and in a relationship. That broke down her past feelings.
It may not come as readily as that for you. You may have to prove to your family that living your life in this way is the best thing for you (but do it for yourself, not for them). If they can't open their minds right off the bat then hopefully they'll see you become the man you are and become more comfortable with yourself as time goes by, and they'll come around to the idea.
As for when is the time right? Geez... when is it ever "right" I wrote a note for my mom... I had been on a month long trip and she picked me up at the airport at like 6AM.. we got home and I handed her the note before going up to get a shower. When I came down we talked it out. My dad was totally cool with it too, but I felt best just telling my mom first. She's the family coordinator. =p
I think notes are good because it allows a person to digest the information before coming out with a gut reaction. When someone gives you that kind of info and you're not expecting it who knows how one may react, but give the person an hour or two to calm down before you face them and you may find yourself with a much more cool-headed conversation. It also allows you to lay out your words carefully without being thrown off by interruptions or arguments. I'd say maybe towards the end of your 15 day break I'd hand them a note before heading out for the day or going to the store or something. It can be as short or as long as you like it. Maybe include some websites or something they could check out in your absence, and don't forget to tell them how much you love and appreciate them in your life.
Quote from: GnomeKid on February 21, 2014, 05:55:06 PM
hmm... for me it was hard, but a lot less hard because I knew, while there wasn't a guarantee of help, there was also no threat of disownment or discontinuance of support for school. My parents have always been very accepting kinds of people concerned mostly with me being a good, responsible, and intelligent person and to hell with the rest.
That being said the time I knew it was right to tell them was when I realized I needed their help to get where I wanted to be. Luckily, it worked and now here I am 5 years later on hormones and post-top op. Otherwise I didn't see it as much of any of their business, but thats just how I am. I also had a pretty good idea that they'd help me out. I guess I'd have come out eventually even if they were of a more ignorant ilk, but I can't say when really. I also tend to draw a stricter line than a lot of people about what is my business and what my family knows about me. I love them dearly, but not in my business. When I thought I was a lesbian I had no intention whatever of coming out to them (officially) even though I brought my gf over for holidays for years and we slept in the same bed (and they knew). It wasn't any source of shame.. it just merely wasn't any of their business. Its obviously different being gay than being called different pronouns and being treated as female in society... I guess I'm loosing myself on my point here... which is really if they don't like it that its your life in the end and not really any of their business.
I'm not at all trying to tell you to not come out. You may find unexpected support. A lot of times people will seem stubborn on a subject until they realize that their love breaks down those past ill conceptions. I know I have a lesbian friend whose mom would talk ->-bleeped-<- on gays and lesbians often. When she came out her mom almost immediately changed her tune, and allowed her long-distance gf come to stay with them for two weeks. I think her mom was just overjoyed to see my friend actually happy and in a relationship. That broke down her past feelings.
It may not come as readily as that for you. You may have to prove to your family that living your life in this way is the best thing for you (but do it for yourself, not for them). If they can't open their minds right off the bat then hopefully they'll see you become the man you are and become more comfortable with yourself as time goes by, and they'll come around to the idea.
As for when is the time right? Geez... when is it ever "right" I wrote a note for my mom... I had been on a month long trip and she picked me up at the airport at like 6AM.. we got home and I handed her the note before going up to get a shower. When I came down we talked it out. My dad was totally cool with it too, but I felt best just telling my mom first. She's the family coordinator. =p
I think notes are good because it allows a person to digest the information before coming out with a gut reaction. When someone gives you that kind of info and you're not expecting it who knows how one may react, but give the person an hour or two to calm down before you face them and you may find yourself with a much more cool-headed conversation. It also allows you to lay out your words carefully without being thrown off by interruptions or arguments. I'd say maybe towards the end of your 15 day break I'd hand them a note before heading out for the day or going to the store or something. It can be as short or as long as you like it. Maybe include some websites or something they could check out in your absence, and don't forget to tell them how much you love and appreciate them in your life.
It's a difference culture here-I suppose in the west you leave your parents after you reach a certain age but here you are expected to stay with them whole life-and I'm not saying this is wrong neither would I like to leave them.
I don't think they would accept it or even understand it at least not by my sense of explanation and convincing. Many times I make up my mind to tell them but inside i know it will just stay in my head.
Leaving a note seems right but one of my worst fear is to come back and react strangely while they might have not even read it or understood it wrongly because writing it in English they may not get it, writing it in Hindi(my local language) and the words are so strange some don't even exist! They won't get half of it and rest would be needed to be explained. And giving them websites if they don't accept me they will ban my internet use.
How should I know that they are emotionally stable enough?
Try asking about a 'friend' or someone you met who is actually you. See how they react to that first.
Quote from: av1 on February 22, 2014, 06:36:58 AM
How should I know that they are emotionally stable enough?
Do you have any close friends who grew up around your parents and know them well? Come out to them and ask them how they think your parents will take it. As them for advice on how to tell them.
Quote from: LordKAT on February 22, 2014, 06:41:14 AM
Try asking about a 'friend' or someone you met who is actually you. See how they react to that first.
They'll immediately know because i hardly talk with them about myself let alone someone else
Quote from: Brett on February 22, 2014, 09:41:05 AM
Do you have any close friends who grew up around your parents and know them well? Come out to them and ask them how they think your parents will take it. As them for advice on how to tell them.
No such friend except my cousins they're 5-6 years older than me n we meet around 2 times every year so i don't talk much with them
If only they knew what it meant by trans(or even knew the word lgbt) i would have given example of someone else :-\
av1,
I am thinking about the fact that you are in India and are planning to stay with your family. Are you planning on working it out so that you can transition? I apologize for my ignorance on your culture, but I am wondering if that is even a possibility if you remain within the traditional way of doing things? Or will you have to leave your family in order to transition?
Quote from: Brett on February 23, 2014, 08:35:11 AM
av1,
I am thinking about the fact that you are in India and are planning to stay with your family. Are you planning on working it out so that you can transition? I apologize for my ignorance on your culture, but I am wondering if that is even a possibility if you remain within the traditional way of doing things? Or will you have to leave your family in order to transition?
If they don't accept me then I think I'll have no other option but to leave them.