So I tried once again to come out to my parents and asked for therapy as well. It went terrible. I wrote a really nice letter to them and also attached a newspaper article about transgender children and teens that was in our paper two weeks ago. I laid it on their bed for them to find and went to bed. I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom and my mom came in and said in a very stern voice to come into her room. I walk in and she and dad are both telling me that they are sick and tired of hearing all this crap about being transgender, that I'm a perfectly normal boy and that I'm only doing this because I don't have a girlfriend. My dad said why don't you just go buy a dress! In an sarcastic tone. By this time I just want to go to my room and bawl my eyes out!!! And on top of that, they didn't even read the letter :'( I don't know what to do!!! My parents also are convinced that the only way someone is transgender is if they are born with the wrong parts or dna :( I just tried to approach my mom a little while ago to try to talk to her in private but she says my dad has to be in there and I'm not comfortable sharing this stuff with him. I'm so sick of not being able to be myself. I'm so sad right now. What should I do?
All you can do is accept that your parents are flawed human beings and they are wrong. Love them for their flawed human selves and try to make your own path. Get out of there if you're of age to go. See if there's any support groups in your area for trans folk, and perhaps locate a gender therapist who can possibly get you on hormones.
But right now, go look in the mirror and tell yourself 'Who am I living for?'
The road ahead is a mountain climb, but when you get there, the view beats being on the ground. You can get through this. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel. But never lose sight of yourself and the life you want to live. You live for you. <3
That's what I'm trying to do peacock :-\ I just feel so guilty because I feel like I'm hurting people who love me and I have no one to talk to except on this site :(
Ahh guilt. I know that one a lot. It's especially hard living at home for it. I personally waited until I was 3000 miles away to start my transition. I'm a wimp.
...We're all here for you, though! Keep coming back here. It's a great support family.
If it's any consolation, parents tend to come around eventually. *hug* The future is your playground.
I just want to stop living a lie :-\
Why do they have to be this way?! Ugh!
Quote from: kaylagirl0806 on February 23, 2014, 03:01:25 PM
Why do they have to be this way?! Ugh!
Because sometimes it's hard for some people to accept that you aren't the image they've built up of you inside their minds. It's hard for people to admit they were wrong, and let go of a misplaced perception.
That isn't your fault, sweetie. All you can do is be yourself. That's all any of us can be.
*big hug*
Sometimes I feel like its all my fault :'(
Excuse me girl, but YOU are the one living in pain, not them.
Daughter of mine, how many times have I said it? Find acceptance with yourself, not everyone else. ;)
sorry to say this ,but once your 18 you can do what you want
Quote from: stephaniec on February 23, 2014, 03:47:37 PM
sorry to say this ,but once your 18 you can do what you want
Stephanie nailed it sweetie! This a thousand times over.
I never got the whole "Don't say that/Don't talk about this anymore," attitude personally. It's been said, and it doesn't stop being true just because it's not being said. I've had that attitude used on me in the past with something else but just as major, and it sucks, and there's nothing worse than that feeling of being so alone because of it.
I'm sorry you are getting this from your parents, especially when it comes to something as major and as severe as Gender Dysphoria. It's unfair and horrible and sucks. But you're not alone. You have us, and we are here for you whenever you need. Both in post and PM.
I really hope your parents have a change of heart, but even if they don't, like everyone here has said, once you're 18, you are able to decide yourself. Don't let them keep you from being yourself and being happy. As soon as you are able, take the steps you need to to become your true self. And never hesitate to use us when you need a shoulder or ear or just a reminder you're not alone.
Kayla, I have kids and I can honestly say I would react more like your parents than I'd like to admit if one of my kids came to me with this news. As a parent, we want the world to go nice and smooth for our kids, we want a kinder world for them than we've experienced. Try to appreciate the hurt they're going thru.
Being a parent is hard. I would give my life for my kids at any given moment, no questions asked. Do I piss 'em off much of the time and drive them crazy... oh yeah, definitely.
I think their hearts may very well be in the right place. Until you're a parent one day, it's hard for you to understand where they're coming from, just as they're struggling to understand where you're coming from.
You'll be on your own one day and you'll be able to live as you see fit. They'll have no choice to accept that or risk harming their relationship with you. You go at your pace and let them go at theirs and enjoy life girl...
Quote from: Nikko on February 23, 2014, 06:05:25 PM
Kayla, I have kids and I can honestly say I would react more like your parents than I'd like to admit if one of my kids came to me with this news. As a parent, we want the world to go nice and smooth for our kids, we want a kinder world for them than we've experienced. Try to appreciate the hurt they're going thru.
Being a parent is hard. I would give my life for my kids at any given moment, no questions asked. Do I piss 'em off much of the time and drive them crazy... oh yeah, definitely.
I think their hearts may very well be in the right place. Until you're a parent one day, it's hard for you to understand where they're coming from, just as they're struggling to understand where you're coming from.
You'll be on your own one day and you'll be able to live as you see fit. They'll have no choice to accept that or risk harming their relationship with you. You go at your pace and let them go at theirs and enjoy life girl...
A very good post about how it can be for the parents. I would like to hope though that you'd give your kids the chance and opportunity to explain things thoroughly and fully get their side, and not automatically shut them out on the subject, and have an honest and full discussion on the matter with them.
I can understand and appreciate the fear and hardship of the parents side, especially with how hostile the world can be. And I'm not a parent, so this all comes with a huge, non-judgmental grain of salt, because I don't know what it's like to be a parent, and I fully admit that. I would just hope and like to think that being scared and wanting the best for your kids doesn't mean not hearing them out when they come to talk about something that they are dealing with and struggling to deal with.
That is how it sounds to me in Kayla's post. It sounds like she's tried various ways to talk to them about this and they haven't been very receptive to listening beyond the word Transgender. This to me is the more damaging and hurtful aspect of it. Knowing your parents are willing to listen, and try to understand, goes a long way.
Quote from: ColleenCallie on February 23, 2014, 06:33:47 PM
A very good post about how it can be for the parents. I would like to hope though that you'd give your kids the chance and opportunity to explain things thoroughly and fully get their side, and not automatically shut them out on the subject, and have an honest and full discussion on the matter with them.
I can understand and appreciate the fear and hardship of the parents side, especially with how hostile the world can be. And I'm not a parent, so this all comes with a huge, non-judgmental grain of salt, because I don't know what it's like to be a parent, and I fully admit that. I would just hope and like to think that being scared and wanting the best for your kids doesn't mean not hearing them out when they come to talk about something that they are dealing with and struggling to deal with.
That is how it sounds to me in Kayla's post. It sounds like she's tried various ways to talk to them about this and they haven't been very receptive to listening beyond the word Transgender. This to me is the more damaging and hurtful aspect of it. Knowing your parents are willing to listen, and try to understand, goes a long way.
Great perspective! I am a parent and if I knew MY kids were suffering needlessly I would do every thing I could to get the proper treatment even if that meant transition. All of the symptoms of Dysphoria CAN be treated. I am sure their reactions can be traced back to shock or disbelief, but they need to know this is a valid medical condition. The suicide rate is proof of that.
Quote from: ColleenCallie on February 23, 2014, 06:33:47 PM
A very good post about how it can be for the parents. I would like to hope though that you'd give your kids the chance and opportunity to explain things thoroughly and fully get their side, and not automatically shut them out on the subject, and have an honest and full discussion on the matter with them.
I can understand and appreciate the fear and hardship of the parents side, especially with how hostile the world can be. And I'm not a parent, so this all comes with a huge, non-judgmental grain of salt, because I don't know what it's like to be a parent, and I fully admit that. I would just hope and like to think that being scared and wanting the best for your kids doesn't mean not hearing them out when they come to talk about something that they are dealing with and struggling to deal with.
That is how it sounds to me in Kayla's post. It sounds like she's tried various ways to talk to them about this and they haven't been very receptive to listening beyond the word Transgender. This to me is the more damaging and hurtful aspect of it. Knowing your parents are willing to listen, and try to understand, goes a long way.
I certainly hope Kayla's parents begin to show more support soon. I don't want to sound like I'm taking their side, but rather trying to give some rational for their reaction. Love is a powerful emotion, makes us all behave quite stupid from time to time.
I see lots of understanding from the parents view in these posts. But I don't see many creative solutions for the problems at hand now from those views. ???
So to help pop some ideas out there for Kayla to try I have a few ideas. ^_^ Because the longer she has to sit on her feelings and wait to be who she is. The strain of stress is going to be that much harder on her later. :-\
Ok so I remember from a previous post that Kayla still attends school and someone suggested trying a school counselor. Have you spoke with your school staff about finding a counselor to speak with about your home affairs and feelings?
Maybe you should take your father's sarcasm to heart and GO BUY A DRESS. Then wear that statement item around the house. Either way your father is involved and your going to need to overcome that fear and present yourself in front of him to find results.
Keep bringing up the subject of your feelings at home. Imply the method of, if you cry loud enough and long enough. Someone will eventually come over to see whats the fuss.
Your parents probably love you very much, they just don't understand what your feeling inside and are confused. They want to speak with you as a family, so all is not lost. You just have to push the subject by talking with them repeatedly and having that personal time with their side of the story. Then you can explain your side of the story and how all this pain is tearing you up from the inside day by day. I hate to put it this way, but you have to get your point across and overcome your fears to be successful. Once you get your momentum moving on your transition it will move along fairly quickly. :angel: ;)
Can anyone else add to this? :) :)
Quote from: Nikko on February 23, 2014, 07:44:18 PM
I certainly hope Kayla's parents begin to show more support soon. I don't want to sound like I'm taking their side, but rather trying to give some rational for their reaction. Love is a powerful emotion, makes us all behave quite stupid from time to time.
You didn't no worries. And I got the impression you were more saying you'd share the concern and fear, rather than completely being shut off from listening to your kids, which is why I really tried to make it clear I wasn't accusing you of completely refusing to listen. Only that I got the impression Kayla's parents were doing just that.
Any updates Kayla?
I second the school counsellor idea. Or you can, as I did, come out to them with the help of a therapist or an expert on gender issues. It will help your parents understand that it is a real thing. You can't just ignore all those certificates on the wall that show that they know what they're talking about.
Quote from: stephaniec on February 23, 2014, 03:47:37 PM
sorry to say this ,but once your 18 you can do what you want
The age of consent in Missouri is 17. I don't know what that means in the USA, but up here in the frozen tundra, (where the age is 16) that means you can go to a doctor and say "help me" without the consent of your parents. It means that if you want to leave, they can't stop you. I'm not suggesting that you leave, Kayla, but with some help from your school councellor, you might be able to sort some of this out and get you hooked up with therapy. ForeverSarah has a really good point, if you can produce a "valid" professional opinion, your father will see this in a different light.
Next, little sister, you are not to blame for any of this, so forget that. Like Jessica said, you are the one in pain here.