Did anyone identify as a gay male before they transitioned? Did you always feel like a full woman on the inside and only see yourself with straight men? Did you or do you find gay sex and gay porn appealing or not appealing?
I guess i'm confused because recently I've been questioning my gender but I have ALWAYS identified as a gay male, attracted to other gay men and find gay sex VERY appealing and used to watch hours and hours of gay porn growing up. I am 26 years only now. I have always been a more "fem" gay and sometimes I "feel" girly on the inside but I always just thought the "girly" feeling was the "gay" in me because most gay men are kind of girly.
Any thoughts or opinions are much appreciated. And please dont just respond with "you need to see a therapist" or "you have to figure it out on your own" because those two things are obvious but was just wondering how others felt. Thanks!
I came out as a gay guy at about 19.. Lived my life until I came out as trans as the femme gay guy. That said, I knew it was a lie, it was merely a way for me to be more the real me.
Funny thing was, I could never get emotionally attached to a guy, women I fell for at the drop of a hat..
Which probably explains why I'm a lesbian now..
Nope. Never identified with or contemplated a homosexual lifestyle.
I find gay sex disgusting, personally. I have no issue with gay men or even straight men who have sex with men who enjoy doing it, but I don't want to see it, it makes me sick. I have been attracted to gay men physically, mainly the stereotypical "twink" variety, but just physically. I've never wanted to be with one. I've not identified as a gay man internally, but I did go through a phase where I outwardly identified as a gay man, just to relieve some dysphoria by feeling more comfortable and socially accepted acting and dressing as I wanted to.
No never thought about being gay. I'm bi though. Have always viewed myself as female. I have always strived for womanhood.
I've always been like 98% attracted to women.
The 2% missing is the -extremely- rare guy that I find attractive. Even then they never hold a candle to really attractive women.
I've also only ever been romantically interested and in relationships with women (and I am with one now, who knows I'm transitioning and is totally supportive).
I have no idea what the future holds, though, because I just started HRT today. For all I know I could be one of those people who ends up having a shift in sexual orientation after HRT. Or, not. I feel like I'll always only like women, though.
I have only considered myself as a hetrosexual woman. I've always been attracted to men however only as a woman to receive & enjoy men. I still love to make a man very satisfied. I've always enjoyed receiving men & for myself I should have followed thru long ago with a complete improvement of my body with SRS.
Yeah, I identify as a gay male for now, but when I transition I'm going to identify as a straight female :)
Quote from: ryguy on February 27, 2014, 07:31:24 PM
Did anyone identify as a gay male before they transitioned? Did you always feel like a full woman on the inside and only see yourself with straight men? Did you or do you find gay sex and gay porn appealing or not appealing?
I guess i'm confused because recently I've been questioning my gender but I have ALWAYS identified as a gay male, attracted to other gay men and find gay sex VERY appealing and used to watch hours and hours of gay porn growing up. I am 26 years only now. I have always been a more "fem" gay and sometimes I "feel" girly on the inside but I always just thought the "girly" feeling was the "gay" in me because most gay men are kind of girly.
Any thoughts or opinions are much appreciated. And please dont just respond with "you need to see a therapist" or "you have to figure it out on your own" because those two things are obvious but was just wondering how others felt. Thanks!
Yes and no. Ever since I was young, I felt like I should be a girl or really wished I could have been one. However, I was and am attracted to men and was forced to live as a guy, so in a way I could identify with gay men even if I felt my situation was different. It's weird because I'm not a gay guy yet I can relate a lot with what they go through. In fact, I came out as gay to a few friends prior to transitioning, so it was sort of a part of my identity even though I've always felt like a girl.
Honestly, I've never considered the sexuality of a guy before liking someone. It's irrelevant if he's gay or straight. If I like him, I like him.
In terms of intimacy, I would say I'm likely no different in my views than most straight women.
There is a big difference between what gay men and straight women feel. I love gay guys and my heart goes out to you, but it really comes down to gender identity more than sexuality. Transwomen come in all different sexualities. The thing that links us together is the fact that we identitfy as female regardless of our sexuality or feminity levels. Gay men, no matter how girly, often see themselves as men and strive to live as one. That's the big difference.
When you say girly, what do you mean? How do you feel girly?
Learningtolive- I understand where your coming from and I know it really has nothing to do with sexuality and what not, but don't most trans women who are attracted to men feel the need to be with a straight man and be treating like a straight woman and want everything a straight woman would want?
I have NEVER felt that way, I have always felt like a gay boy. Growing up I did have crushes on certain boys, gay or straight but I would always wish that the straight ones were gay. I never thought I wanted to be a woman and date them, I wanted them to be gay so I could date them as me, a boy. But maybe I only felt that way because I knew I was born male and not female. But even to this day, I dont ever fantasize about sleeping with a man as a woman. I also thought hetero sex was kinda of gross and find gay sex very appealing and I enjoy it.
When I saw I feel girly, I guess I mean flamboyant. I feel like a flamboyant boy and it comes out more around certain people that I feeling comfortable with. For example, my friends always tease me and say "you could never pass as a straight guy if you tried" because im more of a fem male. My friends joke and say I'm sort of like Jack from Will and Grace but maybe a little less flamboyant.
wrong forum maybe lol, most people here liked girls. Idk. I kinda identify as a gay male now and I live full time as a girl. hah.....
ryguy - I saw myself as bi-gendered and bi-sexual. I think, maybe now, I would say my "genderfluid."
But gender identity is largely separate from sexual orientation. One of the defining points of being transgendered is the feeling the the "person inside" you body is not 100% congruent with the physical sex. For those who have a very strong sense of gender dysphoria, transition may become a life-or-death necessity.
It's fine to identify as whatever you feel, and it is equally fine to explore the dimensions of your gender here. One of my personal favorites here, "dalebert," is a gay male who has a web podcast.
The transgender community here welcomes all of the folks who identify as TG/TS, including drag queens and drag kings, crossdressers, as well as allies.
Welcome! :)
Thank you everyone for all your responses it helps a lot and I appreciate everyone being friendly and helpful!
I think some are misunderstanding my question though. I UNDERSTAND that gender and sexual orientation are different but what I'm asking is if any of you that are attracted to MEN and were born as MEN thought they might be just a gay MAN growing up. Or did you always feel like you were a straight woman inside and never identified as "gay?"
And im asking specific questions, did you watch gay porn when you were a male? are you interested in gay sex or heterosex? Does being with another male not interest you and and you only see yourself as a straight women with a straight man?
This question is mainly for MTF who identify as STRAIGHT WOMEN. Thank you and sorry for all the CAPS haha just trying to be clear on what im asking....
Quote from: ryguy on February 27, 2014, 09:49:18 PM
Learningtolive- I understand where your coming from and I know it really has nothing to do with sexuality and what not, but don't most trans women who are attracted to men feel the need to be with a straight man and be treating like a straight woman and want everything a straight woman would want?
I have NEVER felt that way, I have always felt like a gay boy. Growing up I did have crushes on certain boys, gay or straight but I would always wish that the straight ones were gay. I never thought I wanted to be a woman and date them, I wanted them to be gay so I could date them as me, a boy. But maybe I only felt that way because I knew I was born male and not female. But even to this day, I dont ever fantasize about sleeping with a man as a woman. I also thought hetero sex was kinda of gross and find gay sex very appealing and I enjoy it.
When I saw I feel girly, I guess I mean flamboyant. I feel like a flamboyant boy and it comes out more around certain people that I feeling comfortable with. For example, my friends always tease me and say "you could never pass as a straight guy if you tried" because im more of a fem male. My friends joke and say I'm sort of like Jack from Will and Grace but maybe a little less flamboyant.
Well, most of us that are straight would prefer a typical boy-girl relationship, so yes. However, I really think some gay guys are really cute. I don't know. There are plenty of attractive guys regarldess of their orientation. Though, you are probably right that it wouldn't work out in a romantic sense since I wish to be seen and treated as female and he doesn't feel the same. And depending on the woman, some may not have an issue or enjoy being intimate prior to the surgery and can find it appealing. So gay intimacy as you put it doesn't have to be "gay".
Some transwomen were also flamboyant before coming out, but it seems that's not the most common scenario. I don't know. Everyone is different. Being flamboyant, however, isn't necessarily indicative of being trans over a gay man.
I did for most of my teen years. During that time i sometimes watch x-rated videos and pretend i had a vagina. However i always knew what transgender was and never really identified with being trans even though i always felt connected more to females. The possibility of how my life would be as a transgender person would pop into my head every now and then. I remember one time during my teenage years i tried dress on and it felt weird then i put the thought in the back of my head. When i turned about 18/19 i started to have this genderqueer/crossdresser phase. Last year was when i decided i was transgender and when it hits you, you'll know. Looking back it all makes sense now and the signs were all there. I think could've caught on to it sooner if i paid more attention to myself rather than other things.
Well, this is an interesting question
When I was in my mid teens just after I had left home and moved to London, I always knew I was transgender, but back then of course things were so different than today. Then I thought I was Gay and I was a very effeminate boy. I am not sure I remember how it happened but I went through a Phase of always wanting to be dominated and I ended up living as a House Boy for this older School master for about 5 months. Basically all I wanted to do was dress as a girl, but when he was home, he wanted me in tight boy shorts. I did all the housework, shopping, cleaning and so on and was expected to sleep with him, but funnily enough he never wanted have penetrative sex with me. Which was good as I have only ever wanted to have sexual relationships as a woman.
However he was into BDSM and if I displeased him I got a beating. As time when on though, I wanted to be myself more and more and he hated this as he just wanted just a very feminine boy around him. He hated bodily hair on me, which was great as I had regular waxing, plus every night before bed he gave me an inspection wanting to ensure I was clean all over, clean teeth, plus checking out all the crevices etc.
Anything out of place and I got beaten, but I tried to please him as much as possible including oral on him, but I didn't want him touching me down there as I was very dysphoric then.
After 5 months and one or two Gay encounters, I decided I really was'nt gay and was not really attracted to other men and decided one day I would have to get on with my life as best as I could in my male self. Since then I have been 100% focussed on female relationship with many relationships both during my real life transition phases and before it, although I did have two male relationships as Judith in the UK whilst living full time when I first transitioned. One with one of my ex girlfriends (ex boyfriend) and one with a polymorphic couple, although I was more attracted to the wife, but we saw each other over many months most weekends, with both of them totally treating me as a woman.
JudithLynn
Quote from: ryguy on February 27, 2014, 11:39:21 PM
Thank you everyone for all your responses it helps a lot and I appreciate everyone being friendly and helpful!
I think some are misunderstanding my question though. I UNDERSTAND that gender and sexual orientation are different but what I'm asking is if any of you that are attracted to MEN and were born as MEN thought they might be just a gay MAN growing up. Or did you always feel like you were a straight woman inside and never identified as "gay?"
And im asking specific questions, did you watch gay porn when you were a male? are you interested in gay sex or heterosex? Does being with another male not interest you and and you only see yourself as a straight women with a straight man?
This question is mainly for MTF who identify as STRAIGHT WOMEN. Thank you and sorry for all the CAPS haha just trying to be clear on what im asking....
I have identified as a gay male but also felt different than most gay men. My current identity is like straight should have been a woman but would rather be a cis guy than trans anything if I could pass as a cis guy, so I end up gay in that sense. More in common generally with gay men than straight cis men, but way less in common than with straight cis women.
Like I was less hypersexual, I have tried gay porn but it's too like, idk. Bland and loveless. I never understood male sexuality in that sense. I like yaoi better, go figure. I have never been the type of person who thinks about sex often though. Maybe I'm a little pan cuz I care more about love itself and experiences and connection, sex is not the most important part at all. But I pretty strictly prefer guys, I can appreciate stories or things with girls in them, and I can find it beautiful, but I couldn't romantically be interested in a girl ever. I can't imagine that at all.
Do I like gay sex? I like the idea more than participating. I think it could be so beautiful but it hurts. a lot. for me...
So yeah i prefer hetero but i will prob neve have hetero sex (cuz at this rate idk if i will get the op or stay trans) Again, I am not exactly a feminist lol since I can only approach sex as an object. Sex is not for me, it is for him, and in that sense it can be a little for me. pretty broken. That's just baggage though... :/
Also, equal relationships... This sounds horrid and heteronormative and all kinds of backwards but I can't do role equality. I need a guy who will be half my dad and half my man. I need to be the sub and he needs to be the dom. Bar none... it's not again cuz the idea of equality is bad, my personality just won't sustain it. I'm the demure one, he's the assertive one. It has to be like that for me personally to survive it... ahich is a lot easier to end up with as an immature girl, not that that doesn't happen ever with gay guys just...
So I think there's a difference but. I mean I think there's still some common bond I have withother girls that they probs wouldn't feel with a gay guy, no matter how femme he was. Even if it's just cuz of appearance at the end of the day, (and some specific unique experiences) but it can't really be helped... having lived as an ostensibly cis girl for s long time, there's just differences that are going to be there. Or maybe it was always that way, idk. And it's not just about brung oerceived as a cis girl. I talked to this a lot with my cis friend who knows I am trans and like, talked about how i could be a boy somehow and she has trouble seeing it too. Like she doesn't think you can be like that except in a yaoi or something and i am losing hope that she is wrong.
I don't think being a trans woman makes me happier than a gay guy though. If I could look the part and was stable enough. i would detransition asap. I hate being trans, not gonna sugarcoat it. I can't handle it.
Honestly this stuff is REALLY frustrating, cuz there is no community of people like me. Anywhere, I think :c nobody understands, ugh.
(sorry for typos, on my phone)
QuoteDid anyone identify as a gay male before they transitioned? Did you always feel like a full woman on the inside and only see yourself with straight men? Did you or do you find gay sex and gay porn appealing or not appealing?
I've never identified as a gay male but I've always desired being a heterosexual female. I don't find gay sex appealing. Most of my sexual fantasies have been as a woman with men. I've never been very interested in porn. It doesn't bother me, but if I ever do watch it, it's not for long, it gets boring pretty quick for me.
When growing up I had a younger brother that was a famous gay in my city and changed the laws relating to gays and founded LGBT here. I was greatly exposed to the gay community and many tried to convert me. I knew I was not gay and didn't know there was the TS option till much later. In my case no I was not gay but in my fantacies where I was a female then being with a fantasy male felt normal.
I happily identified and lived as a gay man until I was 24, but was consistently mistaken for a woman throughout my life so maybe that's why I didn't actively feel dysmorphia. I thought of myself as dual gendered but it wasn't worthwhile to transition and I was attracted to men so I was de facto a gay man.
Then I became friends with a transwoman and became curious, so I decided to dress in women's clothes all the time and see what that's like. It ended up being much more comfortable, so that led me down the path to transition.
As a gay man I watched gay porn and straight porn, but didn't actively think of having sex as a woman. But I also didn't like penetrative sex as a man in either position. Now my sex life is much richer and more pleasurable.
No, I didn't...but this was a bit controverse for me and is similar of what others have already posted.
I wasn't a gay man and I was never really really emotionally attracted by men, because somewhat this looked wrong on this body. I didn't feel I should be attracted by men because I was a man...but what was wrong with me was not that I shouldn't be attracted by men, but that I shouldn't be a man.
I always wanted to be the woman on a relationship...and so, I was actually physically attracted to men, but I couldn't admit it for myself. I have tried watching gay porn, but it didn't work for me. I am not a gay man, no way...
Now that I know I am a woman, feeling attracted by men is becoming more acceptable to me...but at the same time, I still feel quite assexual. Sex is not a subject that is a big concern for me.
No, I personally publicly identified at hetero male in the past. Personally I've been bi-curious for a long time, but for simplicity that wasn't public until transition, because anal just isn't my thing.
I am in an ongoing lesbian relationship.
Nope. Always just a chick in a dude's body/history.
Gay guys are fine and gay sex is fun to look at and all but, yeahno, I was pretty sure who/what I was.
I'm with learningtolive
As a kid I remembering someone making fun of me and calling me gay because I was fem and different than other boys. I asked my mother what gay was and she told me. I thought well I do like boys and I am one physically so ok. I identified as gay thorough out my teens and early 20's because I ad no understanding of gender & sexual orientation. I bought into the lie that most people believe, which is your are the gender & sex you're born. Funny thing is I was in and out of girls clothes when I went to hang out with friends through out my teens. When I started meeting other trans girls it dawned on me that I was something else completely. The only point of reference in those day's was Jerry Springer & RuPaul. Looking back I have to laugh because I was REALLY bad at being a gay boy. I didn't connect with guys in the same way that other gays did, When I went to clubs I dressed as a girl so dates were a no, I was always kinda shunned because I was articulate and feminine. There was just a clear distinction between gay fem gay boy and what I was.
I don't regret identifying as gay because I was on a path to learning and discovering myself. Some people have a stronger sense of self early on and avoid this. It's apart of my story and I've learned a lot. It's only reaffirmed to me what I really am. So when I'm questioned and asked "Are you sure your not gay" I can say been there done that no. I told my mother when I came out to here that I was trans if I were gay I'd be gay. I lived that and I can say without a doubt that that isn't and wasn't me. This is why I wish trans topics would be discussed in 6th grade health classes. It would save sooooo many struggling teens so much time who are questioning who they are.
Not really. First time I wanted to be a girl was when i was 4 or 5. In my teens the thoughts did not go away. In my teens into my early 20s I did consider my sexual orientation. The thought about being a gay guy did cross my mind. I had thought about possibly transitioning and hormone treatments but did not think it really was for me. Sure some guys are hot. Feeling female is the thing and I am not into being a gay male
Honestly, growing up I never was attracted to guys or girls. As I would later learn, I was Asexual.
When I figured out the whole gender thing at 14, I figured I'd be a lesbian. And it's weird, because growing up you always see the guy gets the girl.
Now that I've been on HRT for a while now, wow my sexuality has changed. I can totally see my self with a hetro guy. However, I need the surgery first before I even start thinking of dating (Not to say I've started noticing some cute guys).
I think it's a good question to ask, because there seams to be going around that there are mainly two types of Transsexuals.
Before transition :I identify as male on the inside,
After physical transformation: I identify as male on the inside and female on the outside.
Sexual orientation: Mainly attracted to feminine self(including scenario where I'm having sex with man but the men in this case is more like a prop to heighten the arousal) and some hetero attraction to woman.
As I've mentioned before, growing up, you were pretty much labeled gay if you "thought you were a woman in a man's body". So I thought, hmm, maybe there's something to that. I was really never attracted to males. I think years of HRT has changed that though. There are some mighty good looking guys out there!
/well, long story short. I took on a gay identity because transition seemed too much for me (though I want it since my early childhood). I got aroused by gay porn -especially by the strong machismo, bdsm kind. But this kind of approach turned out an ilusion as I found myself unable to build any kind of relationship with a gay guy (always got along better with straight men). There was something wrong all the time, both psychologically and physically. All in the meanwhile I found myself more than aroused by straight porn... and I always identified with the girls. Recently it's the only element of my sexual focus. So I guess it only lasted as long as the puberty testosterone. I guess I represssed my transsexuality strongly and tried to vent it with gay porn.
I never saw myself as a gay man, but as kid I was a slim, long haired girly goth, people always assumed I was.
I did, I came out as "gay" when I was 17, but it felt incredibly... wrong. I thought that I would be able to forget about the whole transgender thing and just be fine with a male partner, but I realised that the way I feel about my gender is completely separate from my sexuality. I had no doubts in my mind when I would go online as a 10-15 year old kid and call myself a STRAIGHT FEMALE... it felt right, I didn't feel like I was lying to anybody.
After about a year and a half of coming out as "gay" I couldn't take it any more, I was getting constant headaches, my heart was racing all the time, I would never get any sleep, I'd just stay up all night quietly crying. I was just incredibly unhappy, I had to tell my mother the truth, and I'm extremely glad I did, I have an appointment with the endocrinologist next week.
I always knew that I wasn't male even before I accepted that I was female, so being a "gay male" simply wasn't possible. I was a virgin in every way until I met my current bf. I'm pansexual so I never really worried about my sexuality. And all porn is icky to be honest.
No I was a bi male then a bi female
I was a bi male who preferred to be with guys over women. Now I'm a bi woman who still prefers guys.
I didn't know WHAT the Hell I was. I tried everything, and nothing felt right. I knew I wasn't gay...but I did enjoy sex with men...just not gay men, and I could NEVER "top".
Of course now I realize that I am a 100% heterosexual female, and completely man crazy. Now I just need the appropriate equipment.
It's a really hard feeling to explain to people, like, I am crazy about guys, when I see one I'm attracted to, I get all crazy about him, but I could just never see myself with him as a male... I remember being a little kid... getting so worked up about an actor I would have a crush on... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dean_Geyer < that guy back in the day ;3 and I would just imagine myself as a female, and him cuddling me...
I'm so lame ;-;
I tend to fall in love with personalities more than with genders. Two years ago I divorced my then wife for a variety of reasons. I moved to a new city and tried to be gay. I hoped that the gay world would be a comfortable enough place for me to find a balance between my dysphoria and my desire for men, but I soon came to realise that I just don't think or act like a gay man.
My first boyfriend in Madrid remains a dear friend. My second boyfriend was a very intense person and it was with him that I realised I wanted something like the emotional and physical intensity we had, but that I wanted it as a woman. He too remains a friend.
And I am now on the way to becoming a (probably) hetero woman. When people ask me what kind of person I would envisage myself bring with, the most honest answer is just to say "A good person" and leave it at that.
Quote from: ryguy on February 27, 2014, 07:31:24 PM
Did anyone identify as a gay male before they transitioned? Did you always feel like a full woman on the inside and only see yourself with straight men? Did you or do you find gay sex and gay porn appealing or not appealing?
I guess i'm confused because recently I've been questioning my gender but I have ALWAYS identified as a gay male, attracted to other gay men and find gay sex VERY appealing and used to watch hours and hours of gay porn growing up. I am 26 years only now. I have always been a more "fem" gay and sometimes I "feel" girly on the inside but I always just thought the "girly" feeling was the "gay" in me because most gay men are kind of girly.
Any thoughts or opinions are much appreciated. And please dont just respond with "you need to see a therapist" or "you have to figure it out on your own" because those two things are obvious but was just wondering how others felt. Thanks!
I've identified as gay since about 2006. I started having what seemed like dysphoria back in 2007ish, and being in my first relationship in 2010 put it into high gear until I couldn't take it anymore in 2012 and started hormones.
Yes, I now identify as a straight female, but I still like gay porn.
And you know what? Something like 40% of straight women who look at porn prefer gay porn to straight porn. It's OK and you're not going to lose your straight woman card for it. :)
For me the realization came to me when I could no longer top, even though I was always being asked to top. I always wanted to be on bottom with an affectionately dominant top, but the chance rarely came up; a lot of the gay doms I found were classic narcissists. Only the first guy I was ever with actually cared or was skilled enough to put me in a female headspace, and I spent years of promiscuous sex with guys trying to find another affectionate top who would do that to me. I tried fetish feminization too, and cross-dressing. None of them appealed to me. It felt like I was keeping my true self locked in the bedroom like one of my sex toys and it just felt dirty and wrong. I had to admit to myself after, getting into a lot of extreme fetishes, that all I really wanted or enjoyed was to make love as a straight woman and be able to go out of the bedroom and see the rest of the world as a straight woman too.
I've been with lots of men & enjoyed all of them. Oral & anal sex galore however I've never felt "gay". I've always felt like a girl or woman & it all seemed so "normal" for me. The only thing that was not normal was that I did not have a nice deep vagina between my legs, more feminine...... I only cared to be with straight men.
Honestly I don't even know what my sexual orientation is, but I suspect I'm either bi or a heterosexual woman. I've thought about being with men, but only as a woman with the correct plumbing downstairs. The thought of someone in my back door just grosses me the hell out.
As for women, I do find them attractive and I've been intimate with my wife for years, but usually I'd have to visualize myself as the woman when having sex. And then, even though in the heat of the moment I could find physical pleasure, afterwards I was always emotionally distraught because I was back to reality, stuck in a hatefully male body. There's nothing like sex to hammer home the role you are playing in intimacy. I'd often have to excuse myself afterwards so that my wife couldn't see me in tears over it.
I've always been Bi