As of 48 hours ago I'm officially out to everyone I know.
I had been taking my time with it, telling each person one on one, letting it sink in for them, holding their hand and walking them through it. I went through my entire inner circle of friends like that. Took the better part of a month.
And then I stopped. I was still working in boy mode, and I wasn't comfortable coming out to my coworkers while I worked there. And I was still getting used to having my inner circle "in the know".
But, living that dual life got really tiresome and frustrating really fast. But, as tiring as it was, being the real me at work just wasn't going to happen. Ever.
But, Saturday that problem went away for me. I got fired. It was my own fault, although termination is a huge overraction response... But, whatever. I hated that job anyway. And Bonus - it removed my last hurdle from going full time!
So it became time to start telling my everyone else I know. My extended circle... I started telling them individually as well. But, that grew tiresome, so I told everyone I'm not friends with on facebook, then I changed my name, gender, and profile picture on FB and just posted "I have no idea what the best way to explain this is. If you don't get it, and don't care to, use the unfriend button. If you have questions, please ask."
I expected to check back in an hour and find out I have zero facebook friends. That wasn't the case. The outpouring of support I received was surprising and awesome. Even from the handful of now former coworkers who I was friends with on FB.
I am amused by people's reactions. Women tended to critique the hell out of my sense of style. The general consensus is that I look like a librarian, and that I should flaunt my body more. Men, surprisingly, went to the role of "protector". I was given offers of lessons in self defense, instructed on what handguns would be good for personal defense, etc. It was cute. I finally had to say "You know. I spent 33 years living as a man... I got this..."
So, yay! Not a single person I know has intentionally said anything hurtful (there have been a few "insert foot into mouth" moments, but, that's to be expected). And, in fact this seems to have brought some people I wasn't particularly close to and made them a lot closer to me.
I never expected any of that!
But, this brings up a whole realm that I wasn't quite ready for. Seeking employment. I want to do it as a woman. I don't want to go back to being a guy just for work.
But, I don't pass for ->-bleeped-<-.
My voice is lousy. And, my beard shadow is a huge problem. When I'm hanging out with friends it's fine, because they love me for who I am and the understand its a difficulty. Prospective employers, on the other hand... I feel like that would be offputting to them.
So, how do other folks handle the finding a job thing? Should I just be a boy until I'm actually hired and the ink on the employment contract is dry, and then say "oh, by the way..."? Or do I just try to pass and hope for the best?
My name, for the time being, is still legally my boy name. Once I have the money for the court fees and newspaper notice I'll be changing that, but, being that I don't have a job at the moment what money I have in savings is all earmarked towards keeping a roof over my head, the heat and lights turned on, and food in my stomach.. But, since for now it's still my boy name I'll have to disclose to employers even if I managed to get hired as a girl. So, I guess what it comes down to is do I out myself as a transwoman immediately, or do I wait until I know they're going to pay me... Anyway. Advice from others would be appreciated. Thanks!
I'm kind of in the same boat. I was starting my transition and was trying to figure how to go about coming out at work when I was let go in September of 2013. I came home from work that day and told myself that I was never going to wear male clothing again, and I have not. I filed the paperwork to change my name legally in November and it became official in February. I have since updated my Social Security records and Driver's License to my new name.
The job search is frustrating to say the least. I have identical profiles on the major job search websites under my male and female names. Both have received very little attention and when I do get a hit on one, I get a hit on both. I get identical emails from someone wanting me to sell insurance or some other job that doesn't remotely interest me or match my qualifications.
I have applied for around 200 hundred jobs and have had one interview for a call center job via telephone. I did not get the job, but did receive an email stating that they will keep my resume on file and if something more in line with my qualifications comes up, they will let me know.
I keep going back and forth on why it has been so difficult to find work. At first I thought it was because of the entire name change thing. I am starting to think that it has nothing to do with it at all. My applications and resume have not received enough attention to have any issues with conflicting names. My most recent employer is currently being investigated by the Attorneys General of seven different states as well as at least two branches of the federal government for various illegal and/or unethical business practices. In other words, my former employer is toxic.
I hope that things are a little better for you than they are for me. I know I could never go back to the male me under any circumstances.
Welcome to the Full Time club!! I am so proud of you! :) :) :) :)
Jobs are hard to come by right now, so don't think a lack of interest is necessarily do to your new status. This economy stinks! I have no idea at all where they are getting these huge hiring stats, except maybe at Spin City.