Hello Everyone,
This is my first post here. Much like most of you I'm sure, I have felt as though i was in the wrong body sense i was of an early age. I am now 22 and have finally built up the courage to come out to friends and family about this issue. I have received only encouragement and acceptance from both friends and family which has made me feel so happy and lucky to have such great support in my life. I am so confident now in transitioning that I have made an appointment at the end of the month to see a doctor in order to start HRT. I do have some great concerns about my current physical appearance that makes me wish i came out earlier than i did. I feel like i have a very feminine jaw line and some of my facial characteristics are more female than male which is nice. I do have a huge issue with my head size and wrist size. I'M 5'10" at 210lb, my wrist size is 7.2", my cranial circumference is 23", and the circumference of my head from my jaw to my crown is 25". I also have a HUGE neck measuring at 17". Although my face is somewhat feminine, there are a bunch of parts on my body (muscles, hand size, feet size, etc.) that look more masculine than feminine. I'm someone whom is prone to depression and anxiety and sometimes think that HRT wont even help me look remotely passable which causes me to have suicidal thoughts. I would like to know if there are others here that had my same concerns that after starting HRT no longer had an issue with these things (i know my head will never shrink but will i pass with such a large head?). I would also like to know if HRT can decrease my neck to a more feminine size or if I'M cursed to have a LARGE ugly neck for the rest of my life.
All help is appreciated,
Thank you,
Devon
Hi Devon, and welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way :) Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
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- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
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HRT does reduce muscle bulk quite considerably. But you will also need to diet and work out to drop your weight. Aerobic exercise can work wonder. If you check out the Before and After thread you will see some incredible transformations. Never give up hope honey.
Cindy
Hi devon
I am new to this site too. I am glad that you have significant others to support you in transitioning. That is the most important thing that will help you overcome your fear during transition. Anyway from what I have read, you are really lean, ain't you? That's good because later during hrt you will most likely gain some weight.
I am 24 y.o and I could say I have been there before. I had a lot of thoughts about my physical appearance. Do i look femminine enough? Am I passable? Yet i realized the most important thing is I am happy with myself. I am a woman regardless my strong jawline, my broad shoulder etc. In my experience, support from significant others really helped me building a good self concept. Everybody is unique. What I do to make me more confident is to emphasize whats good on me (e.g. my eyes or in your case your feminine face) rather than overthink my flaws.
Oh anyway, from what I've seen, people will see (smell/sense) you more like a woman after few months HRT.
I hope this helps. Oh, please share your experience during your hrt. I am excited about that
Kristia
Cindy: thank you for the helpful links. I have already looked over a great deal of the Before and Afters and use that as hope for my future with my transformation. Despite being very drepressed and axious, i do have a strong will and will hold as much hope as i can to continue forward.
Kristia: Thank you for your supportive words of self acceptance. I have a best friend that continually tells me the same sorts of things, its just really hard sometimes as i keep kicking myself for not doing anything about this sooner (but focusing on the past is useless). I will keep you posted on my HRT, I'm excited for this too :) . Oh, i almost forgot and needed to edit this post to reply to another statement of yours. I wish i was lean but I'm actually kinda pudgy. I'm trying as hard as i can to diet and am increasing my exercise regimen in order to thin myself up.
Ah I guess I was wrong with the lbs >_< I am accustomed to kg. Is it like around 90 in kilogram? From what I have heard it is better to lose weight before HRT cause once you go on, it will be harder. I did diet before and it worked. I maintain my calories intake per day (1600kcal) and avoid greasy food. I did jogging twice per week, yoga and pilates once every two days. This didn't require big space or a lot of time. I hope this helps too.
Devon, if you don't mind me asking, what did you do first before this? I mean whom did you see? Was it a psychologist or a doctor? Honestly I have been selfmed (i know it's wrong) and soon I will move to Germany, I would like to start the real deal once i get there. I wanna know whom I should see first.
Thank you :) just focus on your excitement rather than your thoughts about the past. This will make ur days brighter and happier :)
Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on March 10, 2014, 06:54:28 AM
I have heard that Germany is a bit screwed up in terms of transgender treatment (at least some time ago they required RLE before hormones and many people just avoided the system and DIY). As for body sizes - I was wearing L size clothing pre-HRT and now I am on S/M scale. I had huge anxiety about my shoulders, biceps, neck and chest. Pretty much everything apart of some chest and upper back bulk has slimmed down considerably and I have also lost 1-1.5 shoe size due to meaty tissue melting away.
Hi Emily,
Oh really? Well I have been living as a desired gender, in this case female, for more than 3 years. I've been on selfmed with low dosage and I am really looking forward to get help from professionals once I move there. I've found the website of trans support group there and I guess they may have more information about this.
Emily: that's good to hear about the changes you experienced, I hope I will achieve the same, I'll just need to wait and see.
Kristia: 210lb = 95.254kg. In terms of the help that I recived, I've been seeing general counselors throughout most of my life working on other issues so that I may build up the courage to finally seek help with being transexual. I'm not to sure what support systems you have over there as I live in the USA but I've been seeing a specialized therapist that has extensive experience with both MTF and FTM transexuals. As for the doctor I'm seeing, I found a doctor in my area whom specializes in treatment for transexuals.
I was given a list of recommended doctors to see by my gender therapist.
Ah, my bad counting. Pardon. I just found a support group website in the city I will live. I will contact them first, hoping that they will have clearer information about this. Good morning to you!
If it helps I have a 23" head circumference and confidently live in the world as a woman. I disclosed to my boyfriend recently and he's been having trouble with it so I've been asking lots of people, mostly former lovers, about how they dealt with my transition. Almost all of them say they forget that I'm trans until I bring it up, even people I know from before transition.
It's totally normal to obsess about various things prior to transition. Aside form the head circumference, for me it was my strong brow and jaw. But over time I realize that I'm thought of as a woman not in terms of individual parts, but in terms of the whole I communicate, and that's much more important than a body part being out of place.
Quote from: mandonlym on March 10, 2014, 08:27:33 AM
It's totally normal to obsess about various things prior to transition. Aside form the head circumference, for me it was my strong brow and jaw. But over time I realize that I'm thought of as a woman not in terms of individual parts, but in terms of the whole I communicate, and that's much more important than a body part being out of place.
Very well said :)
I had a 16" neck and wrists that weren't something I measured but I couldn't fit in 15" bracelets. After a year on HRT, my neck was 14" and my wrists comfortably (loosely) fit a 14" bracelet. So there is hope. :) My head also *looks* more delicate due to some subtle changes; I can't pinpoint what they were, but I look at male pics of myself and I have this huge square head, and now it looks like my head is narrower and oval.
Oh, and I also had a shoulder breadth of about 22" and now it's 16". Never underestimate what losing muscle mass will do, especially if you have a lot to lose!
work what you've got Devon! Confidence is key... even if your not confident, pretend to be until you truly become comfortable in being YOU
Thank you all for such kind words. I agree wholeheartedly that confidence is key and will use the advice that all of you have given me to keep moving forward.
If it makes you feel any better, while my head circ is slightly smaller at 22 3/8, my neck is 17 1/2 inches. My biceps are what ruins it for me... I carry a 28' ladder on a daily basis... So they just WONT go away