I can't stop thinking that me wanting to be a woman might just be a fetish. I don't really feel like a woman, and i like doing guy things. I just like to look like one sometimes. I'm on hormones now for about 3 months but i keep starting and stopping because im so on the fence about what to do. My wife is really supportive even though she says she couldn't be with me if i were to transition. So we split up and i got my own place now. I really miss the hell out of my wife and step-daughter. So that has me feeling down alittle and makes me think this whole thing is stupid and im making a huge mistake. I wasn't really unhappy before i decided to transition and for me it's not really a transition or die kinda thing. I would be just as happy either way. But then again i don't really know how happy i'd be as a woman. I don't really know what i'm looking for out of this post. Just wanted to vent i guess. Thank you for your time.
Well are you seeing a gender therapist? They will help you through your feelings and if you are not seeing one you really should!
Liking masculine pursuits is nothing to do with gender orientation, many women like to do blokish things and many men like to do so called traditional feminine things. It doesn't matter at all.
But I suggest you need to face your ID issues before HRT effects become irreversible, you could be in a worse state then than you were before.
Quote from: Cindy on March 16, 2014, 01:20:06 AM
Well are you seeing a gender therapist? They will help you through your feelings and if you are not seeing one you really should!
Liking masculine pursuits is nothing to do with gender orientation, many women like to do blokish things and many men like to do so called traditional feminine things. It doesn't matter at all.
But I suggest you need to face your ID issues before HRT effects become irreversible, you could be in a worse state then than you were before.
I've got to second this right here.
I'll also second the advice given so far: talk to a therapist.
I'll also through this out for consideration: Do you have any other fetishes? How do those make you feel? How does the thought of being a woman make you feel? Any similarity between the two? I know I've wondered the same thing myself, and I found asking myself this helped sort things out.
At one point when I was younger I was told I had a fetish. It actually kept me from transitioning a lot sooner.
I guess what I'm hoping to say is that the line is very fuzzy here.. A gender therapist might be of great assistance especially in your case.
Not that I am pretending to be a gender therapist, but when did feelings of femaleness come into play? And did the sexual aspect (if there is one) come at the same time or after?
Quote from: Jennygirl on March 16, 2014, 05:36:46 AM
At one point when I was younger I was told I had a fetish. It actually kept me from transitioning a lot sooner. ...
This happened to me also. One giant messed up life just because the psychiatrist had no concept of gender identity. Oh I can't really blame him too much, after all it was the early 70's when sexual expression was a big rave.
So Courtney, if you're already seeing a qualified gender therapist please make sure you can honestly and fully explain your issues. If not, maybe you can find one in your area or somebody who works by telephone or Skype.
I went through I few years when I was at high school believing that my thought were just a fetish and that I was a ->-bleeped-<-!! However the dressing, and feelings of wanting to be a girl were with me long before thst!!
I think that I was confused about my sex drive!! And I confused my dressing with my sex drive :/ but that gradually lessened and now I feel asthough there is no oyher way for me than to become a woman!! If I was told I couldnt be put on hormones I would be devastated and I dunno what I would do!!
I agree with what has been said on here!! U should see a thrapist to talk these things over with!!
also how will you feel when the hormones eradicate ure sex drive? Will u still want to persue transition then?
Zoe
x
Quote from: courtneylynn on March 16, 2014, 01:13:44 AM
I can't stop thinking that me wanting to be a woman might just be a fetish. I don't really feel like a woman, and i like doing guy things. I just like to look like one sometimes. I'm on hormones now for about 3 months but i keep starting and stopping because im so on the fence about what to do. My wife is really supportive even though she says she couldn't be with me if i were to transition. So we split up and i got my own place now. I really miss the hell out of my wife and step-daughter. So that has me feeling down alittle and makes me think this whole thing is stupid and im making a huge mistake. I wasn't really unhappy before i decided to transition and for me it's not really a transition or die kinda thing. I would be just as happy either way. But then again i don't really know how happy i'd be as a woman. I don't really know what i'm looking for out of this post. Just wanted to vent i guess. Thank you for your time.
Courtney, you sound exactly like me, about a year and a half ago. I liked doing some male things (turns out a lot of us do), and I was terrified what a possible transition would do to my family (we're now separated with a divorce in the works). I imagined living full-time as a woman would be beyond my abilities (It's proven to be no big deal, and I love every minute of it). Plus, I was sexually stimulated by being a woman (a lot of us are).
You might be transgender, you might not be. You might be happy as a woman, you might not be. But IMO, the things you mention don't really have any bearing on this. I echo Cindy's endorsement of a visit to a therapist.
I suspect you have friends similar to my own two best friends, Guilt & Shame. They can talk you into and out of a lot of things. I was on that same fence a few times. I even went as far experimenting with transitioning, twice. Both times stopping thanks to fear guilt and shame all making being "Normal" seem a lot easier. Some 3 decades later the jury is still out on that one. Both times I was completely on my own. No therapist. No support of any kind. Although we are talking pre-Jurasiac 1980's era I did live across the river from New York City so finding some sort of support was far from impossible.
A few years ago I needed to really take on the trans beast. Though I thought I knew all there was about it I was totally unprepared for my first ever experience with a TG support group. By my third meeting I knew I needed to be there. I also knew I was far from a normal guy but a lot more a typical transsexual. All that I felt and was feeling was the same as many others.
I can't really add much more to what has already been said, except to reiterate the importance of not only seeing a therapist, but being completely honest with him/her, and to admit that I've gone through the same issues/doubts myself. As far as my situation goes, the more I go along on hormones, the more sure I become of this path.
But, every situation is different, you really should talk to a trained and experienced professional about this.
Jane
all the girls are right about the doc ,Seeing doc few times allows you and the doc to find out what your relaxed state of mind is .Looking for a sign that your transgender could be as simple as how you veiw the other sex ( do you watch to learn or do you watch because your in male mode ).Fetish to me is something you enjoy but you do not connect in true core feeling (core feeling means like its just natural to yourself ) My doc worked with me for years on different problem but when i came out to her she let me show all my feeling on subject (3 visits ) then in her great way said to me that she seen this for long time .. All that said i still have the questions about my journey ..( thats just human )I wish best for you on your journey ... This is such cool place to come and just let your hair down .. aka sara
Weel the reason i think for my case it might just be a fetish is because i don't really feel female on the inside. I just have some very strong feeling of wanting to look like one. In my house i like to dress up but i don't really have any real desire to go out in public or be treated or looked at as a woman. In fact i am a very paranoid person and i always think everyone is kinda paying attention to me. It's not an ego or anything like that. I hate that feeling that i have. I think that if i were to transition that alone would drive me insane because i'll always be worried that everyone knows.
I really recommend seeing a therapist about this. I don't think it's a fetish and that you have some gender identity issues that you must come to terms with.
Nobody but you can decide if this is or is not a fetish. Nobody here. No therapist.
No need to trust anybody who thinks they can.
I guess I'm asking myself a lot of the same questions that courtneylynn is. I have never felt particularly like I am not supposed to be a man. In my normal day-to-day activities I am perfectly content to be a man. I think this part of me would be equally content to be a woman.
Sexually, though, I have always wanted to be a woman. Actually, for most of my life, I wasn't even involved in my own sexual fantasies, which were always about "other people," I guess because I never believed I could be a "real woman."
Recently I was talking through this with a friend, and I told him, "You know, I really only want to be a woman sexually." His response was, "Well maybe it's just a fetish." To be honest, I was sort of mad. I don't this thing that is so close to me, such a part of my identity, to be "just a fetish." I know his comment can't define me - and I think he would say exactly the same thing. He was just trying to give me his perspective to see if that helped me.
Since I've thought about transitioning, the whole idea gets me excited. But I don't want a radical shake-up in my life just because of some fetish. On the other hand, I don't want to blow off my desire to transition either, labeling it "merely a fetish."
I think what I (and I suspect courtneylynn too) am wondering is how similar or different is my experience from other transgender people? I read one person online explaining her feelings to cis people by saying, "Imagine if you were born a female and lived your whole life female, and then one day suddenly woke up in a man's body. You could no longer live the life you used to live... you could no longer wear make-up, no longer be feminine... and every day you had to somehow make it through your day as a man."
I guess my concern is that this has never been my experience. I am really not discontent as a man. But when I think about being a woman, I get really, really happy. And the few experiences that I've had where I got to present as a woman have made me happier than I have ever been in my life.
The reason this is such a pressing question for me is that I do not have the support of my spouse. She does not want me to experiment with this in order to find out. We have children together and we love each other very much. But she feels that this would be "dangerous" for our children, so if I decide that I want to even try cross-dressing, she does not want me in the house anymore. It is a moral issue for her, so if I even begin experimenting, in her mind I am walking away from God and rejecting her.
So I agree with what Tori says, that we must each decide for ourselves what is or is not a fetish. But I would like some help from the community to help me sort through the issue. Does my experience look anything like your experience, or is it a different sort of thing altogether?
Quote from: Tori on March 16, 2014, 05:08:29 PM
Nobody but you can decide if this is or is not a fetish. Nobody here. No therapist.
No need to trust anybody who thinks they can.
You are entitled to your opinion, but if one has to ask professional opinions should be sought out.
I second, third or fourth seeing a Therapist. They do know what behavior indicates fetishes and can advise you from there. :)
Thanks Jessica. I'm willing to see a therapist. I've had a couple bad experiences, but I understand that I just need to find the right person. But it seems to me that the community itself ought to have something to contribute. That's why I came here first, I guess. I feel isolated in my experiences, without anyone to relate to. I'm looking for people who are like me.
well, I started early in life and thought a lot about it being a fetish until I realized it was my body that was the problem
Quote from: fusstangtroy on March 16, 2014, 01:32:33 PM
Looking for a sign that your transgender could be as simple as how you veiw the other sex ( do you watch to learn or do you watch because your in male mode ).Fetish to me is something you enjoy but you do not connect in true core feeling (core feeling means like its just natural to yourself )
This is such cool place to come and just let your hair down .. aka sara
.
That is so true and well explained..
And this is a great forum to talk about these things..