Susan's Place Transgender Resources

First time poster, I figured I would share my story, partly if anyone else is interested, partly for myself and finally to introduce myself to the community.

One of my earliest memories (I was probably 4 or 5) is me going into my mothers bedroom, dressing up and smudging on some make-up, high heels and then strutting out in full dress to surprise my mother and her best friend, I remember getting some laughs followed by a talk on why I should not dress as a girl.

My family has traditional values and passed these on to me leading to me feeling very guilty and ashamed as I continued to wear my mothers and sisters clothes throughout my childhood and teens. I always hated sports, but enjoyed singing in the school choir, naturally I ended up hanging out with the other geeks, playing chess and messing with computers.

I started puberty very early, as I became interested in sex I automatically went after girls, I was so tied up inside that the thought of going out with men would make me sick. Whenever I would fantasize I would always think about everything from the female side, how it would feel, what she/me desired, I never had any fantasies with me in the "male" role.

If I masturbated en femme I would get totally disgusted with myself after I finished, tear everything off only to put it all back an hour later, one time when I was 17 I got very drunk, spent a night with a man with the same result, I was totally disgusted with myself and ran out faster than you can say "Morning".

As I got older the pattern continued, I would purge, throwing away any female items I had accumulated out of shame but then repeat the cycle, sometimes days later but other times several years went by.

Meanwhile I had a long time relationship with a girl in my late teens into my early twenties, in the end I walked away because I realized something wasn't clicking. It was at this point that I decided sexuality wasn't important to me, I buckled up and built a career in computer science, built a live-aboard sailboat, started a couple of companies, travelled all over the place and was very active in community work.

When I hit 30 I realized something was missing, when one does not really care if one lives or dies and is constantly depressed something needs to be done, so when I met an awesome girl I jumped head-first into another relationship, two years later I hit a low-point because I still wasn't happy and from deep deep inside my feminine self surfaced redoubled. This time it was different, the heck with social stigma and conventions, it was time for me and my feminine self to merge and become whole again.

Now I'm 34, I came clean with my girlfriend and being the awesome person she is she accepted me and my feminine self both, offered to help me with my make-up, helped me with plucking my eyebrows and made suggestions for my wardrobe. Now I live en femme all the time around the house and I've started making plans for my transition.

I've reconnected with my body, before I'd lost interest because I felt I would always be ugly no matter what I did, I've started exercising and eating more healthy and I'm happier than I've ever been.

Aside from shopping for female clothes I completed my first laser hair removal session yesterday and I'm getting my first corset sometime next week which should help in shaping my body. I've also made a promise to myself to start hormones as soon as I quit smoking (talk about a motivation).

All the shame and self loathing has now gone away, after living en femme for a couple of weeks I now feel more comfortable with my feminine self than ever before, having others accept me for who I really am is just the icing on the cake.

---

Random interesting observations (at least to me) and points I have made in the last couple of weeks:

I've accepted the fact that I'm bisexual, I still find women attractive but I've realized that I don't really want to penetrate them, one of the questions that I have been mentally asking myself when I see an attractive woman is: "Would I rather look like her or sleep with her", and the answer is always that I'd rather look/be her. For me this was a pivotal point in making up my mind to transition, I know it's the right thing for me.

One thing I discovered is that the laser hair removal business is full of people trying to rip you off and full of people that don't know what they are doing. I searched until I found a clinic with medical professionals, good equipment and good prices. I highly recommend http://www.dermace.ca/ for anyone in Southern Ontario, $200 for full body session with facial hair, super service, friendly and professional!

Buying shoes is pretty hard for transgirs, Payless Shoesource has turned out to be my best source along with Aldo, both carry shoes in sizes 11,12,13 and frequently have wide and double wide at reasonable prices, some of the shoe stores that specialize in larger shoes are complete rip-offs with high pressure sales tactics and trying to sell you shoes for $300-500. Another favourite for clothes is Winners, for once it's good to be on the larger side for a woman since the outlets and discount stores tend to have more items for us odd sizes.

There is a brand of control panties sold at Shoppers Drugmart (Pharmaprix) called Secret http://www.secretlegwear.com/products/ultra-firm-shaping-brief-77.aspx (http://www.secretlegwear.com/products/ultra-firm-shaping-brief-77.aspx), they are mostly known for their pantihose but I've found the shaping underwear great for tucking, it's comfortable, invisible under tight clothing and flattens everything really well (my girlfriend was perplexed because she could not figure out where everything went and could not see a bulge).

I think that's enough of a rant for one night.

Antonia

A big warm welcome to the family Antonia! What you describe doing is known as "purging". It is something we are all very familiar with here. See, you are not alone or strange in any way. You will find support here with no judgment or shame because we have all mostly been where you are at before. It is a vicious cycle that led a lot of us to a transition or die moment. I am so happy you have support because transition is very hard both on the body and mind. All of the information you get here comes from REAL people at all stages of transition from still questioning to Post Op. You will learn first hand what works or doesn't with great tips and suggestions in between. Here is a BIG HUG  :icon_hug: to welcome you and make you feel right at home! :) Please leave any feeling of guilt or shame at the door! ;D

welcome! and hold onto that GF.

Thanks for the kind words, I'm hope I can keep some notes and document my transition to share.

Hugs and kisses

Welcome and I second holding on to the GF.

Patience with transition is a difficult thing for me to learn. It will take time.

Focus on today and not tomorrow or yesterday.

Regardless of your beginning point seldom are we fully satisfied.

There are 20 times more nice people in the world than jerks.

The more I read here the more I see myself, over and over through the life experiences of others.

Hugs

Hi Antonia!

Welcome from another Toronto born member, lived there most of my life. Moved to Mississauga in 1991. Have quite a few transwomen friends in the "village" in TO. In the last year at the age of 72 I tried transition, but after two months on anti androgen I found my bod is too old to safely handle the chemical warfare. I still dress the girl that I am whenever I can. I have a very understanding wife. We are both blessed to have accepting SO's. Sherbourne Health Center, they have some boundaries they serve, if you live within the boundary, their medical staff does transitions & serve the LGBTQIA community. Otherwise CAMH is the one. Both are wait listed about 2 years I think.

All the best in your journey of transition.

Jamie

A follow up post, I went through some of your posts & see you know about Sherbourne & CAMH & you have a GP. Wonderful that your GP is knowledgeable enough to get you started on hormones. You seem to have done your research re hormones & probably well educated on the pros/cons & risks. Being that well versed you could probably avoid the psychiatrist/psychologist by telling your GP that you want to have hrt by informed consent. I did that at an LGBT medical center in Mississauga. I came out to my GP 2 years ago & unfortunately she didn't think she could get herself up to speed or want to take on hormone treatment for a trans person. She had me take a lot of tests & got me an appointment for an Endo. He said I would qualify to go to CAMH, but I knew I didn't want to go there as I had two friends that had bad experiences there. I wasn't going to have SRS anyway. I saw the Endo last summer & he said there has been a lot of changes & things are getting better for transgender at CAMH.

Take care.

Jamie

Ditto on hanging onto that girlfriend :).  Also, congrats on finally finding yourself and thank you for sharing your story!

Sorry for my brevity, I'm in Montreal for the weekend attending a conference as my female self, lots of first but I'm having great fun.

Thanks for the encouraging words, I've spent quite some time looking into my options after I came to terms with myself and I think I'm probably as easy a case to diagnose as any since I don't have any mental issues or abuse history. I might do as you suggested and go for the informed consent if I can't find a good mental health professional soon, 2 years is too long to wait.

I will probably get a referral to CAMH in any case, just so I'm on the waiting list for SRS.

Hugs

Antonia

Quote from: Jamiep on April 10, 2014, 11:14:05 PM
A follow up post, I went through some of your posts & see you know about Sherbourne & CAMH & you have a GP. Wonderful that your GP is knowledgeable enough to get you started on hormones. You seem to have done your research re hormones & probably well educated on the pros/cons & risks. Being that well versed you could probably avoid the psychiatrist/psychologist by telling your GP that you want to have hrt by informed consent. I did that at an LGBT medical center in Mississauga. I came out to my GP 2 years ago & unfortunately she didn't think she could get herself up to speed or want to take on hormone treatment for a trans person. She had me take a lot of tests & got me an appointment for an Endo. He said I would qualify to go to CAMH, but I knew I didn't want to go there as I had two friends that had bad experiences there. I wasn't going to have SRS anyway. I saw the Endo last summer & he said there has been a lot of changes & things are getting better for transgender at CAMH.

Take care.

Jamie

Thanks for your encouraging words, yeah I love my GF even more now.

Quote from: AlyssaRae89 on April 11, 2014, 03:00:38 AM
Ditto on hanging onto that girlfriend :).  Also, congrats on finally finding yourself and thank you for sharing your story!

Sounds like a good plan re CAMH, you will probably be about ready for SRS having been on hrt for about a two year wait list.

Enjoy your weekend in Montreal, it is a fun city. I had family that used to live there & it is like a second home city for me. Love the place, especially the old part of Montreal. I have a friend living there that we drive there to see once a year. I met a transwoman on this forum that lives in Mtl as well. My two friends & I got dressed & went to a night club named Le Drugstore. The transwoman had her SRS done with Dr. Brassard.

Hugs

Jamie

Antonia, thanks for posting. Your story sounds so similiar to mine. Yes, indeed, hang on to that GF! Your pic looks really sweet, great job on the brows :D
Un très bon séjour à Montréal!

...and oops, sorry forgot. Watch out for that hyperspace bypass they're building on Route 40.

Sorry about the late reply, it's been crazy here in Montreal, attending a conference and meeting up with all my friends from when I lived here (10 years ago), I appreciate my friends and colleagues more than ever and I'm super impressed how accepting and understanding everyone has been.

Thanks for all the kind words and support, without you girls I'd still be a trainwreck.

Quote from: EllieM on April 11, 2014, 01:31:33 PM

Antonia, thanks for posting. Your story sounds so similiar to mine. Yes, indeed, hang on to that GF! Your pic looks really sweet, great job on the brows :D
Un très bon séjour à Montréal!

Pycon conference was awesome, 3 days of nerdy programming but attending as myself for the first time.
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-cP2ngFwe_AY/U0tiSOHrR-I/AAAAAAAAAJs/9tglEvtrCgU/w426-h320/pycon.jpg)


There was even a talk on being trans in the tech community!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4R6FXtZl154 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4R6FXtZl154)

Antonia, good on you being you at the conference. Inclusion of the video I watched is a gem. Naomi was a trail blazer for us, coming through transition was tough in an archaic time. She is a courageous survivor. Even when my Sis was working at the Clark Institute (now CAMH) in the 90's she said it was abysmal & turfed out so many that needed help. Back then only 30 of 100 were accepted for transition. My Sis said the Clark really failed trans people. What happened to the people not accepted? Probably quite a few took their lives.

Cheers

Jamie

Hearing these stories about CAMH makes me so sad, I think they had an opportunity to pave the way for Canadian trans rights and progressive thinking but the more I hear about them the worse it sounds. I hope they have gotten better with time and will continue to improve since they are the only avenue for those girls that aren't fortunate enough to have the means to fund their own transition.

Quote from: Jamiep on April 14, 2014, 02:34:48 PM
Antonia, good on you being you at the conference. Inclusion of the video I watched is a gem. Naomi was a trail blazer for us, coming through transition was tough in an archaic time. She is a courageous survivor. Even when my Sis was working at the Clark Institute (now CAMH) in the 90's she said it was abysmal & turfed out so many that needed help. Back then only 30 of 100 were accepted for transition. My Sis said the Clark really failed trans people. What happened to the people not accepted? Probably quite a few took their lives.

Cheers

Jamie

Hi Antonia

Waves happily to another Canadian, I also live in southern Ontario.

Thank you for your recommendations on laser treatment. I currently have someone that I use and am happy with. but it's nice to know I have options. Pricewise. your recommended place is much cheaper.

QuoteHearing these stories about CAMH makes me so sad, I think they had an opportunity to pave the way for Canadian trans rights and progressive thinking but the more I hear about them the worse it sounds. I hope they have gotten better with time and will continue to improve since they are the only avenue for those girls that aren't fortunate enough to have the means to fund their own transition.

My Therapists is affiliated with CAMH and when I asked her about its history she told me they are trying to purge themselves of the past and I can say that CAMH seems much more progressive and inclusive now. I am really hopeful for its and our future.

Thats great news about CAMH, now if only they could get enough funding to reduce the wait times, 2-3 years sounds like an awful long time for a consultation. I tend to be fairly frugal with everything from shopping to laser, sometimes it backfires but in the case of my laser hair removal I could not be happier.

Hugs,

Quote from: ana on April 14, 2014, 08:06:22 PM
Hi Antonia

Waves happily to another Canadian, I also live in southern Ontario.

Thank you for your recommendations on laser treatment. I currently have someone that I use and am happy with. but it's nice to know I have options. Pricewise. your recommended place is much cheaper.

My Therapists is affiliated with CAMH and when I asked her about its history she told me they are trying to purge themselves of the past and I can say that CAMH seems much more progressive and inclusive now. I am really hopeful for its and our future.

Edited on 17/04|2014 to fix typo

QuoteThats great news about CAMH, now if only the would get enough funding to reduce the wait times, 2-3 years sounds like an awful long time for a consultation. I tend to be fairly frugal with everything from shopping to laser, sometimes it backfires but in the case of my laser hair removal I could not be happier.

That is terrific ! Judging by your picture, you are a beautiful woman.

I think the latest CAMH wait is 18 months which is an improvement.

Thanks, I was actually stunned and surprised when I realized that I could actually look half decent, even if it only happens when the makeup, angle and light all work with each other :)

18 months actually does not sound to bad, I asked my GP for a referral now so I can get on the waitlist and decide on the surgery at that time.

Hugs

Antonia

Quote from: ana on April 17, 2014, 04:18:05 PM
That is terrific ! Judging by your picture, you are a beautiful woman.

I think the latest CAMH wait is 18 months which is an improvement.

I'll properly say hi, Antonia.  You've made some interesting points here and there, looking forward to seeing how your transition goes.

And yeah, you're beautiful.

Quote from: antonia on March 16, 2014, 09:15:24 PM
I always hated sports, but enjoyed singing in the school choir, naturally I ended up hanging out with the other geeks, playing chess and messing with computers.

I started puberty very early, as I became interested in sex I automatically went after girls, I was so tied up inside that the thought of going out with men would make me sick. Whenever I would fantasize I would always think about everything from the female side, how it would feel, what she/me desired, I never had any fantasies with me in the "male" role.

If I masturbated en femme I would get totally disgusted with myself after I finished, tear everything off only to put it all back an hour later.

Sound very similar to me. Thinking I would like boys when I was a boy felt so wrong (as I saw myself more as girl with a boy) and girls look so much better than boys so I thought I only liked girls.
About mastrubation, exaxtly the same.

Quote from: antonia on March 16, 2014, 09:15:24 PM
I've accepted the fact that I'm bisexual, I still find women attractive but I've realized that I don't really want to penetrate them, one of the questions that I have been mentally asking myself when I see an attractive woman is: "Would I rather look like her or sleep with her", and the answer is always that I'd rather look/be her. For me this was a pivotal point in making up my mind to transition, I know it's the right thing for me.

When I started transition that was what I thought, that I only was interested in men and wanted to be a woman. That being said something happend and coupled with what I felt in the past and how I feel now made me think about my sexuality. After the thinking I finaly figured out that what gender someone is doesn't matter to me (though i'm definitely more attracted to masculinity than to femininity). I find men and women both beautiful in their own ways now that I have sorted out my identity and self image (HRT really helped me with that).

Hi Kimberley,

I hope to be able to contribute to Susan's and help others the same way Susan's has and will continue to help me.

I'm transitioning 100% openly, for me just being able to stop pretending and being my self warts and all is a huge relief, I cant imagine going back to keeping a part of me secret albeit as a woman hiding my past.

Thanks for stopping by my intro threads and your kind words.

Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on April 17, 2014, 05:55:13 PM
I'll properly say hi, Antonia.  You've made some interesting points here and there, looking forward to seeing how your transition goes.

And yeah, you're beautiful.

That's interesting, I'm really exited to see how hormones will affect me.
Sometime during my twenties I sort of came to the same conclusion, I'm not attracted to a particular gender but rather persons.

I tend to be more attracted to feminine things but I'm also turned on by phalluses so perhaps I'm still repressing parts of my sexual urges or HRT might also change that.

Quote from: meganB on April 18, 2014, 08:01:30 AM
Sound very similar to me. Thinking I would like boys when I was a boy felt so wrong (as I saw myself more as girl with a boy) and girls look so much better than boys so I thought I only liked girls.
About mastrubation, exaxtly the same.

When I started transition that was what I thought, that I only was interested in men and wanted to be a woman. That being said something happend and coupled with what I felt in the past and how I feel now made me think about my sexuality. After the thinking I finaly figured out that what gender someone is doesn't matter to me (though i'm definitely more attracted to masculinity than to femininity). I find men and women both beautiful in their own ways now that I have sorted out my identity and self image (HRT really helped me with that).

Quote from: antonia on April 18, 2014, 10:18:02 AM
That's interesting, I'm really exited to see how hormones will affect me.
Sometime during my twenties I sort of came to the same conclusion, I'm not attracted to a particular gender but rather persons.

I tend to be more attracted to feminine things but I'm also turned on by phalluses so perhaps I'm still repressing parts of my sexual urges or HRT might also change that.

HRT effect mostly your emotions and how your body looks. When I started with HRT I could finally express the emotions that were suppressed by the socialisation of being male (you must be strong, fix things yourself and don't like cute things exept girls/women). It felt like a floodgate was fully open in instead of just being abit open.

As you start to accept your body and how look you will become more able sort out your feelings. Before accepting your body and how you look you will focus more on the bad things than the good.
As HRT help making your body look more how you think it should look (that helps with accepting yourself, the self image part) and because it opens up your emotions (that makes all your feelings come out, the identity part) you will be able to find out what you like or not.
I know alot of trans* who first thought they were heterosexual and now feel they are homosexual so it isn't that strange.

For the record, I find myself abit androgyne, with streaks of femininity, in how I am/act. Friends say I'm definitely feminine but I'm not sure.

Sexual urges change big time. They will decrease significantly to being decreased to zero. Also what I find that turns me on had changed. It used to be more sexual oriented but now it's more intimate oriented (by that I mean being intimate with someone,  especially in a non-sexual way).

HRT unlocks the door, it's up to you to discovery what lies behinde it.

I probably have about 3-4 therapist sessions to go until I can start HRT, a girl here on the forums was nice enough to refer me to her therapist, did I mention I love the Susan's community!

Interestingly even without hormones going full time has changed the way that I interact and see people, what turns me on as a woman is quite different from before, in large part I think it has to do with trust and feeling safe.

I no longer fell safe or comfortable with some people that I used to think were harmless and it's totally different than the gay scene. In the gay scene it's all consensual and it's understood that both parties are there to enjoy themselves, as a woman what I sometimes get is "I'm going to f*** you, deal with it" attitude which scared the living heck out of me.

Quote from: meganB on April 19, 2014, 01:21:32 AM
HRT effect mostly your emotions and how your body looks. When I started with HRT I could finally express the emotions that were suppressed by the socialisation of being male (you must be strong, fix things yourself and don't like cute things exept girls/women). It felt like a floodgate was fully open in instead of just being abit open.

As you start to accept your body and how look you will become more able sort out your feelings. Before accepting your body and how you look you will focus more on the bad things than the good.
As HRT help making your body look more how you think it should look (that helps with accepting yourself, the self image part) and because it opens up your emotions (that makes all your feelings come out, the identity part) you will be able to find out what you like or not.
I know alot of trans* who first thought they were heterosexual and now feel they are homosexual so it isn't that strange.

For the record, I find myself abit androgyne, with streaks of femininity, in how I am/act. Friends say I'm definitely feminine but I'm not sure.

Sexual urges change big time. They will decrease significantly to being decreased to zero. Also what I find that turns me on had changed. It used to be more sexual oriented but now it's more intimate oriented (by that I mean being intimate with someone,  especially in a non-sexual way).

HRT unlocks the door, it's up to you to discovery what lies behinde it.

I promised VirtualFFS so here it is:

The whole gallery, use the slideshow for best effect:
https://plus.google.com/photos/108646963702344126280/albums/6004936192758966833 (https://plus.google.com/photos/108646963702344126280/albums/6004936192758966833)

And some animated ones:
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-JrtSsmqJtM4/U1XVksJck0I/AAAAAAAAAXk/UprXRkz__eE/w655-h818-no/Antonia+3-MOTION.gif)
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-NbDTPFj4CLk/U1XVgB32XEI/AAAAAAAAAXM/VDgFoUzf0mw/w655-h818-no/Antonia+1-MOTION.gif)

Before people read the whole report I just want to say that Alexandra has been incredibly helpful, insightful and I 100% recommend her services. She is awesome and her work speaks for herself.




Hello Antonia.

Please remember that these virtuals are not and could not be 100% accurate but I hope they will give you a good idea of the possibilities and take you a long way towards planning how best to proceed.

Also remember that just like a surgeon, I am fallible and although I take quite an obsessive amount of care over virtuals, I will inevitably make a mistake every so often.

Working from photographs is not the same as seeing the person in real life. Camera lenses can affect the facial proportions to some extent and the lighting in a photograph can also affect how a face looks. So, a face or feature that looks masculine in a photo might not look quite as masculine in real life or might not be quite as important if the person has a very feminine presence about them.

Facial surgery is not an exact science and while I can control the changes I make in Photoshop completely, a surgeon may not be able to control things with quite so much precision in real life.

The eye takes a little while to tune-in to facial changes so you may be disappointed at first glance. It is best to spend a few days getting used to the pictures before you make any decisions and it is important to imagine the face in a more feminine context with a little make-up and female hairstyle.

I have created 4 different versions of your pictures (a) to (d) adding extra procedures for each version. Here is a list of changes in each version:

(a) Shows hairline corner correction, brow bossing removal, hormonal effects and beard removal.
(b) Includes rhinoplasty.
(c) Includes chin reduction and rounding.
(d) Includes a lip lift.

Hairline height:
The height of your hairline in the middle is a little lower than average for a woman. I don't think this is a problem for you but I recommend that you do not bring it any further forwards. Many surgeons do not realise that a low hairline is masculine and routinely lower hairlines for transwomen. If you have forehead surgery with the incision over the top of the head (this hides the scar under your hair) it would have the effect of raising your hairline slightly. This is not a problem for you - a slight raise would be technically a touch more feminine. I have simulated the effect.

Hairline shape:
Your hairline has corners that give it the masculine "M" shape. I have filled in the corners to give it a more rounded and feminine shape and this can be achieved with hair transplants. Some surgeons try to fix the corners with a scalp advance but it is questionable whether this works. Hair transplants look more natural than a scalp advance and you don't end up with a scar along the hairline.

Forehead:
You have quite strong brow bossing both in the centre above your nose and above your eyes. I have removed this to bring your forehead into normal female ranges. I generally recommend that people find a surgeon who can do a forehead reconstruction which sets the bone itself back a little. The other method, where the bone is only ground down, can be very limited as many people have quite thin bone here.

Eyebrow height:
Your eyebrows sit in a medium, or possibly slightly higher than medium position and I do not think you need a brow lift. They are likely to lift a little with forehead surgery and I have simulated that but I do not think you need any additional lift.

Eyebrow shape:
Your eyebrows are very nicely shaped. I don't recommend any changes.

Eyes:
I don't see any problems with your eyes or the soft tissues around them.

Nose:
Your nose is nicely symmetrical but it is a touch large overall. I have lowered the bridge to reduce the overall size and I have also reduced the tip very slightly to balance with the smaller overall size. The base of your nose has a very feminine upwards angle, as seen from the side, so you don't need to increase that.

Nostrils:
The width and height of your nostrils is fine. You do not need to make any adjustments.

Cheek bones:
I don't think you have any cheekbone problems but it is difficult to tell for sure before the hormones have had their effect (see below).

Apple of the cheeks:
The apple of your cheeks (the soft part) is a bit hollow. This area will become fuller and rounder on hormones and I have simulated this for you. It is impossible to predict exactly how the hormones will affect you (everyone's different) but I've given you an idea of the kind of change you can expect. I suspect that the hormonal effect is all you will need here and that you will not need to consider cheek implants. Feel free to send me some pictures when you have been on hormones for a year or so and I will give you a free opinion on it.

Upper lip to nose distance:
The distance between your top lip and the base of your nose is about right so technically you do not need a lip lift. However, it looks like you might not show much of your upper teeth when your mouth is open. Try looking in the mirror and counting to ten to see how much of your upper teeth you show. If you don't show the teeth then a lip lift might be useful. It might still be useful even if you do show your teeth.

I have simulated a lip lift on you and it does look nice. However, one thing to bear in mind is that a lip lift leaves a small scar at the bas of the nose and because of the upwards angle of the base of your nose, the scar could be more visible on you than it would be for some people.

The lip to nose distance is one of the most difficult areas to judge from pictures as you can probably tell from what I have written. To sum up, I would say that a lip lift is probably not essential for you but it might look quite nice and have a feminising effect anyway as long as the scar is not too visible.

Lip fullness:
Your lips are full and feminine and have a very nice shape. I don't think you need to consider any filling.

Chin height and shape:
Your chin is just a little taller than average and has a slightly square shape. I have rounded it and I have reduced the height slightly. It is difficult to say whether the change is worth the trauma and risks of surgery - the effect looks relatively subtle to me.

Chin projection:
Your chin projection is good so you do not need to move it forwards or backwards.

Jaw:
Your jaw is within normal female ranges at the back but I think chin surgery would have to reach some of the way into the mid-jaw area. Hormones tend to narrow the jaw a little - they don't alter the bones but they do reduce muscle mass and if this affects the chewing muscles it can effectively narrow the jaw a little at the back. I have accounted for this in the pictures but it doesn't look like your chewing muscles are particularly big so I suspect the effect will be quite subtle.

Adam's apple:
I don't see an adam's apple problem in these pictures.

Hormones:
I have simulated hormonal effects for you - mainly filling the cheeks but they add layer of fat that rounds off your features and they make the skin texture itself softer and more feminine. These changes can be very powerful, especially when combined with beard removal.

Beard:
I have reduced your beard shadow for you and this can be achieved with electrolysis and/or laser. People have mixed results with laser but there are many different types. I had great success with a system called "Lightsheer Diode". It was extremely painful but very effective.

Priorities:
Surgically, by far your biggest priority is the brow bossing so if you only have one procedure done - that is the one to do. The nose and hairline corners would probably come next. The other surgeries are probably more optional. However, the non surgical changes from hormones and beard removal will make a huge difference so don't underestimate them.

You have a very attractive face and I think you will retain this through FFS.

A good way to view your pictures is to lay the before and after shots side by side and keep looking from one to the other or placing one print on top of the other and quickly flicking between them. However, if you have a way to overlay them on your computer and click between them, that is ideal. For example: if you have "Photoshop" or "Photoshop Elements" you can load up a before and after picture at the same time and then by holding down "Ctrl" and pressing "F6" you can flick between the two. This often works for other photo software too. Alternatively, if you have "Word" or "Open Office Writer" you can open a new document, click on "insert", choose "picture from file" browse to your before shot and insert it. Without making any adjustments open another new document and do the same thing again but this time with the after shot. You should have 2 tabs at the bottom of the screen – one for each document. If you click on one and then the other you should see the picture change from before to after.

I have improved the photographic qualities of your pictures (contrast, focus, colour balance etc.) so I am sending you copies of the before shots with the same improvements to make them easier to compare with the after shots.

The pictures are yours so feel free to share them and the assessment with any support groups you are member of if you want some second opinions. Do take prints to your consultations with surgeons or email them in advance - most surgeons welcome them.

Please email me to confirm that the pictures have arrived. If you have any questions about your pictures and your assessment please feel free to email me.

Let me know if you want any surgeon recommendations.

You can find out more about facial gender and FFS by reading through my website.

The changes described in this assessment and illustrated in the pictures represent my opinion as an artist. You and/or your surgeon/s may disagree with my opinions. I cannot guarantee that my opinion is good or that the pictures are accurate so if you act according to my opinion, you do so at your own risk.

Thank you very much for entrusting me with your virtual FFS - I very much hope the pictures are helpful.

Good luck and best wishes,

Alexandra.