Hello everybody.
I feel I am flooding this forum with my messages :o Sorry, it happens that I am a very unsecure and anxious girl :)
But here it goes:
My grandparents are indeed accepting me...they are not exactly happy, but my grandmother is talking with me about FFS and about the changes I am taking and son on.
I revealed to her that I am wearing female jeans now...and I bought some feminine t-shirts but she is not aware they are not masculine. I am wearing a necklace with a pingent that looks very feminine to me...and now I have a wig and I have told her!!!
We watched a documentary about ->-bleeped-<- today and they kept talking about my gradual changes...but they fear I won't pass (mainly because of my nose)...I also fear that more than she can even imagine!
I was considering showing up to her as Natalia...with my wig and all my feminine clothes...some make-up perhaps...
Would it be too much for her?
I really want advices, feminie advices. I need to learn make-up...I want to learn to style my hair (wig) and so on...I need her guidance.
But I am afraid of it being too much for her...Am I being too fast and rushing things?
Two weeks ago she couldn't even speak to me, but now she is accepting me...probably because she fears losing me as we lost my mother (her daughter).
What you girls think? Should I give more time?
I am dressing myself as Natalia every night and I stay closed inside my room...I really want to get out here and even try to come out as me (out home).
Is it too soon?
If you want to do it then do it...
Its only up to you...
Quote from: Natalia on March 24, 2014, 07:05:17 PMbut they fear I won't pass (mainly because of my nose)...I also fear that more than she can even imagine!
You have a pretty nose!
Did I read your post right? Your grandparents are encouraging you to have FFS? If so, congrats on such supportive grandparents (although you're cute enough already).
As far as showing them your full female presentation, I see no reason why you shouldn't, as long as it kind of feels right and not rushed. It took me a while to even show my spouse after coming out, and it's a big step that really makes all the conversations and heart-to-hearts cross over into reality, and sometimes the reaction is utter joy at how pretty this new girl is, and sometimes it's a WTF, like this is getting weird now.
I'd urge taking it slow, maybe piece by piece, and maybe just one on one with your grandmother first. What helped with my wife is for her to see me get dressed, or watching me put on makeup. It just lessened the sense of shock and confusion that might have otherwise spoiled a rather beautiful moment. It would also be a good way of seeking your grandmother's guidance in those matters, and she might enjoy the moments where you can connect; it'll let her know that no matter what, she's still your grandmother and you value her opinions and expertise.
My SO made up my face for me the first time. I think that helped.
Maybe you could ask your grandmother to do that for you, and then you gauge whether she's ok with that from her reaction.
I don't think you need FFS myself, but then I want to and my SO says I don't need it. I grids it's a personal thing :)
If she knows you're transitioning, I think you should do it.
I would think that since you have already broken the ice so to speak, why don't you just ask her if you could show her Natalia.. It really does not seem a unreasonable request as you have gotten past the major hurdle of telling her in the first place. Grandmothers can be pretty tough o'l birds and you would be surprised what they can and cannot handle. (At least mine sure was.) Ask for her help. I have a feeling she would be more than willing to help as she seems to have your best interest at heart.
PS: You have a wonderful nose by the way...
I jumped into the deep end of the girl pool, but I eased into it around family because of respect. I had my whole life to plan transition and they didn't. I started showing different things a little slow and it eased them into it and proved to them I was courteous and compassionate towards them. It worked in my case, but you know your family and what they are capable of dealing with, I don't. :)
In my case, action was more effective than talking.
I have changed my appearance gradually.
This week, I wear whatever I want at my workplace, a university.
A big change this week is that I started to wear miniskirt in the campus.
One colleague commented like "Oh. You wear a skirt, and you will have some problem in using men's restroom", but they already know who I am, not by my talking, but by my wearing.
They once worried about the reaction of students. Students no longer are surprised, as they are already familiar with my feminine clothes. Students smile at me and I also smile at them.
I also began wearing high heels gradually. First 3-cm low high heel ankle boots, followed by 4-inch ankle boots, 3-inch knee-high boots, and 2-inch black pumps today.
My wearing mini-skirt is now no longer for just going out. It is my daily life. My family, colleagues and other people all accept it very well, although some of them do not like my crossdressing at all.
barbie~~
Quote from: __________ on March 24, 2014, 07:42:50 PM
You have a pretty nose!
Did I read your post right? Your grandparents are encouraging you to have FFS? If so, congrats on such supportive grandparents (although you're cute enough already).
As far as showing them your full female presentation, I see no reason why you shouldn't, as long as it kind of feels right and not rushed. It took me a while to even show my spouse after coming out, and it's a big step that really makes all the conversations and heart-to-hearts cross over into reality, and sometimes the reaction is utter joy at how pretty this new girl is, and sometimes it's a WTF, like this is getting weird now.
I'd urge taking it slow, maybe piece by piece, and maybe just one on one with your grandmother first. What helped with my wife is for her to see me get dressed, or watching me put on makeup. It just lessened the sense of shock and confusion that might have otherwise spoiled a rather beautiful moment. It would also be a good way of seeking your grandmother's guidance in those matters, and she might enjoy the moments where you can connect; it'll let her know that no matter what, she's still your grandmother and you value her opinions and expertise.
Thank you for the kind words!
Yes, they are willing to help me with FFS, but at the same time they are afraid of me taking surgeries as they are...well... surgeries after all. I don't want to do any kind of FFS so soon (at least after more 6 months of HRT)...but sometimes I think that my female presentation can convince my grandparents that I am more female than they imagine...and that perhaps I don't need as many FFS as they think (I want to hope so) ^^
Quote from: Joan on March 24, 2014, 07:47:38 PM
My SO made up my face for me the first time. I think that helped.
Maybe you could ask your grandmother to do that for you, and then you gauge whether she's ok with that from her reaction.
I don't think you need FFS myself, but then I want to and my SO says I don't need it. I grids it's a personal thing :)
I loved your idea! I think I'll ask my grandmother to make me make-up someday and help styling my wig! It will be a straaaange day!
Quote from: latoya rayne on March 24, 2014, 08:00:36 PM
If she knows you're transitioning, I think you should do it.
Quote from: Veronica M on March 24, 2014, 08:29:23 PM
I would think that since you have already broken the ice so to speak, why don't you just ask her if you could show her Natalia.. It really does not seem a unreasonable request as you have gotten past the major hurdle of telling her in the first place. Grandmothers can be pretty tough o'l birds and you would be surprised what they can and cannot handle. (At least mine sure was.) Ask for her help. I have a feeling she would be more than willing to help as she seems to have your best interest at heart.
PS: You have a wonderful nose by the way...
Yes, she knows and I am tired of keep presenting in boy mode all the time! This is indeed something I'll do, perhaps until the end of this week!
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 24, 2014, 10:07:29 PM
I jumped into the deep end of the girl pool, but I eased into it around family because of respect. I had my whole life to plan transition and they didn't. I started showing different things a little slow and it eased them into it and proved to them I was courteous and compassionate towards them. It worked in my case, but you know your family and what they are capable of dealing with, I don't. :)
Hmm I'll try to be less girly close to them, but as far as what I know, I think I'll keep acting the same way I am right now...what is kind of girly but not that much.
Quote from: barbie on March 25, 2014, 02:32:53 AM
In my case, action was more effective than talking.
I have changed my appearance gradually.
This week, I wear whatever I want at my workplace, a university.
A big change this week is that I started to wear miniskirt in the campus.
One colleague commented like "Oh. You wear a skirt, and you will have some problem in using men's restroom", but they already know who I am, not by my talking, but by my wearing.
They once worried about the reaction of students. Students no longer are surprised, as they are already familiar with my feminine clothes. Students smile at me and I also smile at them.
I also began wearing high heels gradually. First 3-cm low high heel ankle boots, followed by 4-inch ankle boots, 3-inch knee-high boots, and 2-inch black pumps today.
My wearing mini-skirt is now no longer for just going out. It is my daily life. My family, colleagues and other people all accept it very well, although some of them do not like my crossdressing at all.
barbie~~
Must be very hard to be out his way, but must be a very good sensation, to show yourself as a woman for everybody! And to get compliments! I envy you Barbie :)
I don't know, but I hope that I will feel it when I do feel it and then it will work out.
I'm a believer in taking things slow.....but this isn't for everyone.
The thing is, you could be drop dead gorgeous presenting female....but for those who know they will essentially see a man in a dress. If on the other hand you start to make gradual changes, and then decide to take a bigger step they start to see an effeminate man in a dress...:(
This really is how the people closest to you will see you...even if they are 110% accepting its hard for them to see you differently so quickly. Even when I did come out to my children I dressed fairly the same...ugh! I remember those days!! The only thing that was noticeable was that I was wearing a bra and had visible breasts....and this was only if they weren't covered with a hoody. I constantly feared being misgendered and wasn't happy with how I looked...but I never got misgendered....it also helped that often my children were with me when out and about.
It was a good three months before I wore any earing's and another year before I wore a skirt.....and I was 100% out and my name was legally changed. Sure I wanted to be a bit more feminine and I definitely wanted (needed!) to rush but I still would not shock my children too fast, too much. This time also gave me the chance to find my style and colors....I learned what not to wear more often than what to wear!!
Natalia,
After my SO had a few days to digest what I had told her, I asked if she would like to see Sarah. She was VERY cool with it but it was perhaps the most awkward and embarrassing moment I ever felt. When you dress in private for so long, doing it in front of someone else the first time can REALLY be hard. She could feel my inhibitions and adjusted her comments accordingly. Your grandmother will most likely try to do the same for you. It will be hard for her to see, but if she has accepted, she will also want you to feel comfortable. Good luck...I say just ask her :)
Sarah
:) :) :) :)
Well, this night I decided to put on my wig...
And as I was with my wig, I decided to put on some clothes...a nice pink shirt, a sllim jeans and some nice shoes...
And then I decided to pass some make-up (just a bit for the beard shadow)...
And I spent 30 minutes looking at my telephone...wondering if I should make the call...
I decided: YES!
I called my grandmother (we have two telephone numbers here, so we can communicate this way) and asked if she wanted to see my real me, with wig and feminine clothes...and I asked "please, don't laugh!"
She said: hmmm ok...
I slowly opened the door and she entered on my room. Everything was dark...then I turned on the light and:
There was Natalia!
My grandmother didn't laugh (just a bit)! She loved my clothes and the way I looked. She said that, besides my nose, I really look like a woman...and a nice woman she said!
Then we spent one hour talking about my real self and my appearance and that I plan to go to a crossdresser event party this weekend. She was kind of happy with my new me! I wasn't expecting it, after all ther previous reactions!
She told me she will help me to fix my wig properly and she will teach me make-up and how to use eyelashes and eyeshadow! :) She treated me like her grandaughter!
She just told me that my grandfather can't see this or he will have a heart attack! :P
But everything went so fine that I can't believe!
Here's the way I presented (it wasn't very feminine on my opinion...but it worked!):
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.image-share.com%2Fupload%2F2490%2F98.jpg&hash=48cd6b528d4cfcb6ad777bf433118ec7906e7f1f)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.image-share.com%2Fupload%2F2490%2F99.jpg&hash=4cdd9d9641a6aa32f158dc9c6db0f8b44c52b110)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.image-share.com%2Fupload%2F2490%2F97.jpg&hash=027ec6de8267e45fae5e617d749894ba02f7e95e)
And my shoes (I love them!):
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.image-share.com%2Fupload%2F2490%2F101.jpg&hash=3d4c4f6748b88378692074eae966ab248a5b0a42)
That just made my day... I am so glad for you. I had a feeling that it would all be okay with your grandmother. On another note, you look stunning... I love your blouse. Very nice indeed.
you look very feminine
YEAH!! Way to go!!! And they're right....you do look great!! ^_^
Looking great! :)
I'm so glad it went so well with your grandmother :)
Awesome! You look great. :)
Quote from: Natalia on March 25, 2014, 07:34:52 PM
:) :) :) :)
Well, this night I decided to put on my wig...
And as I was with my wig, I decided to put on some clothes...a nice pink shirt, a sllim jeans and some nice shoes...
And then I decided to pass some make-up (just a bit for the beard shadow)...
And I spent 30 minutes looking at my telephone...wondering if I should make the call...
I decided: YES!
I called my grandmother (we have two telephone numbers here, so we can communicate this way) and asked if she wanted to see my real me, with wig and feminine clothes...and I asked "please, don't laugh!"
She said: hmmm ok...
I slowly opened the door and she entered on my room. Everything was dark...then I turned on the light and:
There was Natalia!
My grandmother didn't laugh (just a bit)! She loved my clothes and the way I looked. She said that, besides my nose, I really look like a woman...and a nice woman she said!
Then we spent one hour talking about my real self and my appearance and that I plan to go to a crossdresser event party this weekend. She was kind of happy with my new me! I wasn't expecting it, after all ther previous reactions!
She told me she will help me to fix my wig properly and she will teach me make-up and how to use eyelashes and eyeshadow! :) She treated me like her grandaughter!
She just told me that my grandfather can't see this or he will have a heart attack! :P
But everything went so fine that I can't believe!
Here's the way I presented (it wasn't very feminine on my opinion...but it worked!):
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.image-share.com%2Fupload%2F2490%2F98.jpg&hash=48cd6b528d4cfcb6ad777bf433118ec7906e7f1f)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.image-share.com%2Fupload%2F2490%2F99.jpg&hash=4cdd9d9641a6aa32f158dc9c6db0f8b44c52b110)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.image-share.com%2Fupload%2F2490%2F97.jpg&hash=027ec6de8267e45fae5e617d749894ba02f7e95e)
And my shoes (I love them!):
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.image-share.com%2Fupload%2F2490%2F101.jpg&hash=3d4c4f6748b88378692074eae966ab248a5b0a42)
Your grandparents seem to be very open-minded and love you so much.
Happy!
barbie~~