I would like to know if our dysphoria gets more intense as we get older. I think mine has. There are scary implications for me if it continues to do so. The hormones seem to have it holding steady where it is, in a rather healthy way.
Progression anyone? It sure hit a crisis point with me that drove me to the docs....
yes, for me it was brutally progressive
Quote from: stephaniec on March 26, 2014, 07:26:45 PM
yes, for me it was brutally progressive
Definitely this! To the point of damaging my health and will to live.
Oh, absolutely. I just got progressively worse from age 12 or so, and it really started to get bad from age 20. Finally couldn't deal with it anymore in August, last year, age 26, and started hormones.
I could keep it in check until I was 43, when it just blew up in my face. It was always there, but that little voice in the back of my head became this sad, angry, desperate woman who started screaming all day long. If I hadn't taken the HRT, I'd probably be crazy or dead by now.
My therapist told me that dysphoria definitely gets worse with age.
It hit me just as I turned 44 too. Until then it came in waves, but they got stronger and stronger and in the in they swept me away.
I don't think I've ever heard from anyone who said that time made the dysphoria less bearable.
This means I live every moment with passion, knowing the life I have now is a great gift
I am scared of the progression. It is an overpowering fear of losing my wife. Right now, I can keep her, I can hold to her boundary comfort zones, for her peace.
Oh boy we sure got dealt a heck of a card hand to play in this world.
yes, quite challenging
Most definitely. And the longer we ignore it or bury it inside the heavier the baggage becomes. I could be wrong but I think there's a point where even if we believe it's under control, it's really isn't and our personal lives suffer.
Quote from: Satinjoy on March 26, 2014, 07:23:33 PM
Progression anyone? It sure hit a crisis point with me that drove me to the docs....
Yes. Medically proven, over and over.
It was for me, because it went from something almost non-existant to something that I felt all the time...
When I was 8 I clearly didn't have a clue about it. With 14 I just felt the need to crossdress...I just started questioning myself seriously after 18...and it got each time worse until I seeked help with 26.
And even on HRT it seems to gets worse sometimes. Sure, when I can see female features in my body I get pretty less disphoric...but staying as a boy while on HRT is always tricking some disphoria...
So, in a way, HRT worsened my disphoria. I feel a big urge to transition, even knowing I can't do it right now, and this will only hopefully stop after I start going out full time and I will only be 100% )I hope ;D) recovered of it if I can pass most of the time!
I don't know if my dysphoria was progressive. I hit a low point around twenty years old...which coincided with when I learned I was in fact TS(dysphoria was there but I hadn't self diagnosed as an eight year old.) I spent many years on self improvement, and trying hard to ignore what I knew, which of course didn't address my dysphoria. After taking care of many things it came to be that the dysphoria I have was the largest and indeed hardest thing to address(the elephant in my mind, so to speak.)
The rest is history.
most deffinitly yes. I was absolutly fine untill 31, then.... BOOM all in my face all at once. net that im over 4 months into HRT and i still have moments. mainly when my hormone levels drop......
Well I can't say from a medical point of view as I am not a doctor, however, I would almost bet that most everyone here will tell you "BIG YES". And I started feeling this way at age 11... I myself am just starting to come to terms with this at 56 year old. To a point where I am willing to throw everything stable in my life away to deal with it. That said however, I'm a train wreck! Or I was four weeks ago, when I just said to myself I need to find help. And believe me I had this stuff buried deep. I never really crossed dressed. (Well, not much), I was so scared of getting caught I never did it much. I tried being straight, gay, and whatever. Somehow the pieces just were not falling into place. My depression was to a point I couldn't even get out of bed and my health was in the toilet. I would go days without a shower. It was bad to say the least.
Tomorrow is my forth therapy session and have to admit I look forward to them every week. While I know there is a long road ahead that is not going to be easy, I am glad I finally got help. Just knowing I am doing something about it has helped a lot. I'm back in the gym... Losing weight... I get up every morning and shower and have a new found attitude I haven't felt for many years. Anyway, I'm rambling... But a big yes from me for sure...
Dysphoria is erosive. Your ability to stand up against it gets worn away over time until eventually you have nothing left and you crumble to bits. However, erosion only happens when one thing tries to stand firm against the flow of a moving force. When you stop doing that and just go with the flow of who you are naturally, the erosion stops and healing begins.
If there is anything I wish, it is that child me was told this instead of being told all about how you can overcome anything if you set your mind to it. You can't. Well, I couldn't. With dysphoria, I don't think anybody can tbh.
Yes, but it seems to correlate with how well my life is going. If nothing is going right, I feel like this is a huge problem that has been plaguing me for a long time and needs to be resolved. Otherwise it's sadly manageable enough to the point where I try to put off transitioning till a time when conditions are optimal.
Mine's been around since I was 5. It wasn't bad back then, just an occasional questioning. It got worse when I was a teenager and that's when I feel it became actual dysphoria. I ignored it hoping it would go away and decided to focus on career oriented goals since I felt ashamed and my exposure to trans anything was the end of every joke in our culture that wraps up with "Eww! Transsexual!" About a year ago my career kinda stagnated and I had nothing. That's when I finally came out.
I agree with Jen. My dysphoria has been there since I was a child and I think the the mechanism to supress it just gets weaker over time. It could be down to changes in my hormones as I get older, something psychological in the brain, or a mix of both.
My experience is that the dysphoria becomes more intense with age and with stress. Low dose hrt is the only thing that works for me and even then there is a real temptation or hunger (addictive perhaps but my body craves hrt) to increase the dosage.
Adjusting the dosage to facilitate the path you wish to take is a challenge but it has enriched my life considerably and not destroyed my relationships.
Safe travels
Aisla
I have a theory that human brains developed an ability to ignore gender issues into middle age. Without this, few transgender people would have reproduced (since transition makes it much harder to have kids), and the possibility would have been bred out of our species.
Certainly was my experience. Gender didn't bother me much until I hit my 50s.
I have a trans friend who calls it the "transgender bell" that goes off in our heads after which our transgender becomes impossible to ignore.
Evolution takes a while. More than however long our modern idea of transition has been an option. What did people with this condition do in ancient times anyway? Suicide I guess? Probably other things?
Anyway, i imagine there are stages of life things that happen which really turn up the volume on dysphoria at older ages. The 25-35 year olds it's probably marriage/kids/getting settled, 40-50 it may be feeling like life is half over/midlife crisis stuff. I don't know. I believe it is just erosive and some people have thicker shells than others and it takes a little longer to wear through for them.
I think battery acid might be an appropriate analogy.
Hmmmmmmmm.... I don't think that's very apt.
Ever seen the video of the Tacoma Narrows bridge? This strong, very well built thing that a bunch of people put together (using the metaphor, the engineers would be society which put together your 'male' personality) collapsed completely because the structure was placed in a spot completely unconducive to such a thing being there in the first place. At first, it was just ripples. You knew that something was wrong because this structure should NOT wobble like that. It's obvious that something is very off about it. Then, with time, eventually the nature of the location revealed itself and the structure (personality) started to fail. It undulated violently and then... collapsed.
This is now my metaphor for being trans pre-transition... that I just came up with.
Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on March 27, 2014, 05:59:14 PM
Hmmmmmmmm.... I don't think that's very apt.
Ever seen the video of the Tacoma Narrows bridge? This strong, very well built thing that a bunch of people put together (using the metaphor, the engineers would be society which put together your 'male' personality) collapsed completely because the structure was placed in a spot completely unconducive to such a thing being there in the first place. At first, it was just ripples. You knew that something was wrong because this structure should NOT wobble like that. It's obvious that something is very off about it. Then, with time, eventually the nature of the location revealed itself and the structure (personality) started to fail. It undulated violently and then... collapsed.
This is now my metaphor for being trans pre-transition... that I just came up with.
I feel like that is great analogy that I may have to use when I come out to my old engineering classmates... We all watched the video of the bridge for class.
Quote from: Jen on March 27, 2014, 05:37:23 PMWhat did people with this condition do in ancient times anyway? Suicide I guess? Probably other things?
I'd imagine the same things they do today. Some of them just ignored it. Some fell apart in various ways. But I bet a lot of them just assumed the gender role of their identified gender and the folks around them, having no church to tell them how evil it was, simply accepted them as they would any other unusual member of the family/community.
Does no one read or study up on this stuff when they start thinking about transitioning?!?!
TS conditions are all over the ancient world in various forms. Most of the time, TS chicks are accepted into female society or given an honored position as a kind of third-sex... or in india where they have had to fall to the worst caste ever for centuries.
I would definitely say that my dysphoria was/is progressive. When I was younger, around 12 years old or so, I was able to ignore and even actively suppress my feelings. However it was at a great cost, leading to bouts of depression and internalized anger. Eventually I turned to drugs in an attempt to keep my mind off it. Luckily, I was able to get clean and get my depression in check, but the feelings that caused it were still there. Now I'm 24 and beginning my transition, which is helping, but the dysphoria is stronger and more prevalent than ever. Hopefully I'll be able to start HRT within the next month or so, which I feel will help immensely.
Based on what has happened to me, I think it is progressive. I don't know if I will be able to hold to where I am now, but my takeaway has been that it is useless to try to suppress the feelings, that I had better learn how to be as comfortable with it as possible, and that I continue to just hang in there.
It certainly progressed over the years until I hit the wall at 54. That was a hard wall.
I am more way critical than before. Emotionally I am happier and I feel better. I now look at myself way closer than I use to. Before I came out or started hrt, I didn't care about myself. I was not concerned about the way I looked. I felt like a girl but I didn't have the means to remedy it. Now I can't do enough to look good. I pick myself apart way more than before. I hope that I will find a point where I am happy with myself.
Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on March 27, 2014, 12:24:15 AM
Yes. Medically proven, over and over.
Hi Victoria,
Would you be able to point me to the medical information. This would be really interesting for my wife and I to read.
I have had periods in my life where I've almost transitioned but lately, I'm 51, it seems to so much worse. Could it be a drop off in testosterone?
Paige
Without hormones and surgery people in ancient times (and still now!) simply did their best to present as the other gender.
In Italy there is the figure of the "femminiello" (a Neapolitan word that can be translated as "boy-girl")
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femminiello
They were MtF "ante litteram" and they were respected, the article does explain a bit of the story, interesting.
Quote from: Marina mtf on March 29, 2014, 04:43:01 AM
Without hormones and surgery people in ancient times (and still now!) simply did their best to present as the other gender.
In Italy there is the figure of the "femminiello" (a Neapolitan word that can be translated as "boy-girl")
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femminiello
They were MtF "ante litteram" and they were respected, the article does explain a bit of the story, interesting.
Actually they did have castration methods...some used rocks to crush their testicles and the other method I've heard of is a red hot piece of iron, they pull out your junk and cut it off with the iron so you don't bleed to death.
This is more so with Roman mystery cults of Dionysus and Cybele.
I'm a long time lurker and sometimes I poke my head up to chime in...
This whole topic of "does it every go away?" and its evil twin "does it just get worse?" has been at the bottom of my struggles for a very long time. I've known since I was 5 that I was born with the wrong body. But through a combination of denial, stubbornness, fear and lack of information (because I could never bring myself to Google any of my problems) I managed to keep myself from ever finding out what words like Gender Dysphoria and Transgender really meant. Seven years ago I accidentally read a magazine article about Transgender people and their struggles. I say accidentally because normally I would have seen the title, averted my eyes and then clicked to the next article on the screen as quickly as possible. I didn't look away that particular day and, as they say, my bell went off. I've been a mess to one degree or another now for the last seven years.
In one way that was a really great turning point in my life because it enabled me to really understand myself for the first time - and hey, who wouldn't like that. So that part was good. But, within a day or two of the denial lifting came the question about what to do about this. What to do? And this is the point where I really started to focus on the question about whether this will ever go away and also whether it will just get worse. Sadly, in looking back I can see that I was still very much in denial mode and that kept me for a long time from thinking the right way about the answers to those questions.
I was 37 when I read that article and had my breakthrough. If I had allowed myself to think it through the right way, the question of whether it ever will go away would have been clear, at least in my personal case. The answer is no. Maybe NO is the better way to type it. I had struggled with this since the age of 5, so at that point it had already been 32 years. 32 years! Other than eating, sleeping etc. there aren't many other threads that have run that long through my life. It should have been clear to me then, but it still took about 5 more years to really make peace with the fact that this just will never go away. And why should it? It's who I am.
The other question was a little harder to think through: will it get worse? When I had that breakthrough seven years ago, it got tremendously worse. But, my usual blend of denial, stubbornness and god knows what else led me to the conclusion that while it was worse at the time it would get better once the shock went away. It just HAD to, right? Nope. It's true that in the last seven years (or the last 39 years really) I've had some stretches where it subsides a tiny bit, but never all the way. Mostly it is torture. And, it seems to just get stronger each year.
I'm 44 now and in the last year I've made peace with two things: this will be with me until the day I die and it will probably keep on getting worse since that has been the trend for like forever. I'm past those questions now, and that's a big achievement for me. Now I'm on to this question: how will I feel about all of this on my death bed if I do nothing about this? Happy thought LOL. I don't mean it in a morbid way. It's really just the next natural question to ask. If it won't go away and it will likely keep on getting worse, will it inevitably be something I think about on that last day? And, if it is, what will my thoughts and feelings be? Ok - so it is a little morbid... Sorry. My job now is to try to take this particular issue off the list of regrets I have on my last day - lord knows it will be a long enough list by then anyway. What I do to accomplish that is still unknown. I'm obviously slow in working through all of this stuff.
Who knows - maybe this thought of my death bed and what I'll think about all of this if I do nothing is the main reason why it continues to get worse for me. The powerful fear of potential future regret.
We're all unique people and so this, like everything, affects people in different ways. But, from my own experience and my years of lurking on this forum, I can say that for me and many others it does get worse if you don't do something. I just hope that me, you and everyone else in this boat can find the "something" we each will need in order to be happy in the end.
Ok - that's me poking my head up and chiming in. This is why I don't post very often, I just end up writing a rambling book and probably don't even really contribute much in the end.
You contributed a lot.
Worse? or stronger? Worse is when we fight it. Stronger sounds like the natural progression. Doesn't have to be negative perception, intensification is probably just that, turning up the volume. So do I flow with it or fight it? Couldn't fight it have to flow with it. Hardest thing for me is increasing obsession.
Hormones helped a lot. A ton of ongoing therapy helps a lot. Friends in here and out there help a lot.
I have no vision yet. I had one of me full transition shopping about ten years from now. It may happen it may not happen. I don't know. I may be able to live this social male really female life for a long time and will if I can doing more or less comfortably, for the gains of being socially male. But I cannot safely predict how long it will last. Does it tear me apart now? Not as much. Because I cannot predict. But I can predict that off hormones, and off shrink, I am really in trouble. On hormones, on shrink, I have a shot at self acceptance.
It helps.
God Bless.
Quote from: Satinjoy on March 29, 2014, 01:59:32 PM
You contributed a lot.
Worse? or stronger? Worse is when we fight it. Stronger sounds like the natural progression. Doesn't have to be negative perception, intensification is probably just that, turning up the volume. So do I flow with it or fight it? Couldn't fight it have to flow with it. Hardest thing for me is increasing obsession.
Hormones helped a lot. A ton of ongoing therapy helps a lot. Friends in here and out there help a lot.
I have no vision yet. I had one of me full transition shopping about ten years from now. It may happen it may not happen. I don't know. I may be able to live this social male really female life for a long time and will if I can doing more or less comfortably, for the gains of being socially male. But I cannot safely predict how long it will last. Does it tear me apart now? Not as much. Because I cannot predict. But I can predict that off hormones, and off shrink, I am really in trouble. On hormones, on shrink, I have a shot at self acceptance.
It helps.
God Bless.
yes , hormones and therapy
QuoteWorse? or stronger? Worse is when we fight it. Stronger sounds like the natural progression. Doesn't have to be negative perception, intensification is probably just that, turning up the volume. So do I flow with it or fight it? Couldn't fight it have to flow with it. Hardest thing for me is increasing obsession.
Hmmm. It's funny how a word choice can belie your true thoughts. I had meant to imply stronger in the sense that you've described it. But, I used "worse" a few times in my post. So, to expand on this a little: to me it does seem to be getting stronger and more intense and I would guess that it does the same for many others who don't address it. In addition to that, I myself don't necessarily feel good about that fact. It's scary and there aren't for me any options that seem likely to make me happier in the end. The stronger it gets, the harder and scarier it seems to be to cope with it. That's probably where my use of the negative word "worse" is coming from. I bet most people find that it gets stronger as time goes on, but not as many feel it gets worse. There are many great examples of people on this forum who turned and faced this bravely and resolutely as it got stronger for them. Then there are the ones like me who seem to either resist, fight or become paralyzed with fear the stronger it gets.
You are doing things that help you and so, to me, you are already heading in the right direction. There isn't one single solution that works for everyone and it sounds like you are thinking through things, focusing on the positives and doing what fits you. The future is unknown. Just do what you can to keep your actions or inactions with this off your own list of regrets later in life. As long as you keep facing it and keep doing what feels right at the time (whatever that might be), you'll be fine.
To expand on my first post, like I said, I'm not certain my dysphoria got any worse with time. My substance abuse, suicidal actions, self injury, failed socialization, failed schooling, etc in the earlier years were evidence enough the problem was quite intense. What I think may be the best way to describe my switch to dealing with my dysphoria and transition, is I grew into maturity, and forced myself to find non-destructive ways to deal with my pain and overall situation. I think my fear of complete failure financially(with no friend or family support) eventually was ameliorated by the knowledge that TS people can succeed and thrive. It took my own basic progress in so many areas over time to give me the confidence to know transition was nothing...A mountain to climb, sure, but as with anything proper preparation prevents pee poor performance.
Hi Aisia;
Yes I am the same as you. As I have got older the Dysphoria has got worse and 12 months a major stressful situation at work, triggered a huge resurgence, whIch I had managed to keep in check, by being 150% focussed on work activities. When all that seemed to come apart , my GID overwhelmed me and I had urgently to re-start the transition. I actually transitioned before at the age of 32 and lived full time for nearly 2 years, but work pressures and money (and family) forced me back.
This time, when I presented again as a woman I was quickly put back on low dose HRT (and they found my T Levels - very low in the blood work up) and everything became calm again, but as the changes started to be evident, I found I was asking my doctor to increase the dosage. He did three times as I really felt the HRT was becoming addictive. Its only a recent health scare that put me back on hold for the last 3 months, but unfortunately the Gender dysphoria is starting to overwhelm me again. Luckily I have just got the all clear to start again. But I do agree HRT is addictive!
I had therapy yesterday and two things came up. One was in my current state, SRS is out. But the other is the choice I am making to try to keep where I am at, where I am at. I don't know if I can do it comfortably, but I have so much to lose if I progress to FTE (might was well consider me a fully transitioned preop at this point anyway, thats how I am every moment I can be safely) - that I have to at least try to hang in there as the stealth person.
My body is going to (deliciously) progress. My feelings probably will too. So will my physical attractions. The big deal is, will I stay within these current boundaries, or push them and lose all.
The way the hormones happened, it was a meltdown. It got worse and worse little by little and all it took was BPH and finding out what finesteride did and I went right over the edge.
I don't know where this will end. But I know where I am now, is a happy place. A very happy place of peace.
Quote from: Satinjoy on April 09, 2014, 09:15:40 PM
The way the hormones happened, it was a meltdown. It got worse and worse little by little and all it took was BPH and finding out what finesteride did and I went right over the edge.
Hi Satinjoy,
Wow that's interesting I've recently been diagnosed with BPH too and my GP and I are discussing finesteride. I have to do an ultrasound first, but then I'm expecting to start the prescription. I was on it a few years back for hair, but apparently for prostate it's 5 times stronger.
Was this all it took for you to go over the edge or were you already taking other hormones. My dysphoria is pretty bad now, should I expect this to make it much worse?
Thanks,
Paige :)
It was all it took. I went over the edge because it is one of the three transformation drugs, and when I did the research on finesteride, I encoutered Susan's and other info. But the dysphoria siezed on having an excuse to get somewhere on hormones, and then it got traction and I cracked and went to an endo. I tried to manipulate him into giving me estrogen, and wise old guy that he was, he told me to get a shrink and a letter, and that it wasn't my fault that I was trans, and that I probably had a response to estrogen he would not have which he attributes to having estrogen receptors in my brain (I am quite sure I have those). And he was very worried about me. And so my journey into health began with the hopes for a "She lived happily ever after" ending.
:)
Quote from: Satinjoy on April 10, 2014, 06:17:01 AM
It was all it took. I went over the edge because it is one of the three transformation drugs, and when I did the research on finesteride, I encoutered Susan's and other info. But the dysphoria siezed on having an excuse to get somewhere on hormones, and then it got traction and I cracked and went to an endo. I tried to manipulate him into giving me estrogen, and wise old guy that he was, he told me to get a shrink and a letter, and that it wasn't my fault that I was trans, and that I probably had a response to estrogen he would not have which he attributes to having estrogen receptors in my brain (I am quite sure I have those). And he was very worried about me. And so my journey into health began with the hopes for a "She lived happily ever after" ending.
:)
This could be very interesting and scary. I think I need to talk to my therapist about this. It's weird how this developed, something seems to be steering me towards transition.
Thanks so much for the info Satinjoy.
Paige :)
I would answer this question with a big YES; it definitely, without a doubt, gets worse with age.
I've felt gender dysphoria from my earliest memories, but every time it felt truly unbearable I'd tell myself it was 'all in my head' and that I was capable of beating this, I just needed more willpower. It was when I was 23 (two years ago) I realized I'd been telling myself I could 'beat this' my entire life and had never come any closer to actually doing so; and as many on here have already described it's a definite erosion of will, of mental and emotional health. I believe my exact words to Muffinpants (my SO, very active on here) when I came out were, "I just don't have it in me to fight this anymore; every day it becomes a heavier burden"
The trick is to realize it isn't a 'mental illness'. Once I did my homework and really looked into who/what I was and the causes of it, the stigma was gone and I was finally able to accept myself :) So, know that though it gets worse, when you learn to go with your flow (in the same way cis people take for granted) it gets much, much better.
I just wanted to say I agree with most of you here that it is progressive as you age. The only way I was able to make it so long before transitioning is my being xxy for it gave me a feminine look and feelings/emotions as a kid and throughout my life. If it we'rent present in me I doubt I'd be here talking about this right now. However I will say this: had I had the opportunity I'd have transitioned much earlier. ;)
So it seems like by all accounts dysphoria is only going to get worse, great..
How did you all get over the initial fears though? The shame of feeling like this, the fear of not passing, general fear of rejection and the "Am I trans ENOUGH though?" debate. Do therapists help with this kind of stuff?
I can't go back to distracting myself with other things and if I wake up in 10 years in the same position, I could NEVER forgive myself (I'm 22 right now and already feel too old) but then again all the associated fears of transitioning just make me want to hide. I feel ok-ish when I'm locked away in my room just listening to loud music all night, but in public it's getting the point where I can't think of anything other than how out of place I feel as male.
Is it just inevitable that the fear of not acting on this is going to outweigh the fear of moving forward?
Quote from: Izla on April 10, 2014, 05:26:52 PM
So it seems like by all accounts dysphoria is only going to get worse, great..
How did you all get over the initial fears though? The shame of feeling like this, the fear of not passing, general fear of rejection and the "Am I trans ENOUGH though?" debate. Do therapists help with this kind of stuff?
I can't go back to distracting myself with other things and if I wake up in 10 years in the same position, I could NEVER forgive myself (I'm 22 right now and already feel too old) but then again all the associated fears of transitioning just make me want to hide. I feel ok-ish when I'm locked away in my room just listening to loud music all night, but in public it's getting the point where I can't think of anything other than how out of place I feel as male.
Is it just inevitable that the fear of not acting on this is going to outweigh the fear of moving forward?
Well, as someone who just scheduled an appointment to get HRT maybe I can explain what happened to me so far. Haha, I actually feel like I'm explaining this too often.
Anyways, I kind of did the same thing, I actually started to see a therapist for my gender dysphoria when I was about 19~ish. I'm trying to recall exactly what we discussed, this happened about 8 years ago, so my memory is a little bit rusty, but we basically talked through some of my concerns about transitioning and what it would mean in the future. It's not a road I really wanted to go down, I had a lot of doubts and hesitations about moving forward. I kind of repressed it, because I was very concerned what it would mean for my job prospects out of college. I stopped seeing my therapist and started to drown out my dysphoria with improving my digital arts skills. I've definitely improved a lot, but my dysphoria continued onward. 8 years later, here I am about to start the journey I should have started a long time ago.
Like many people have mentioned, I just hit a wall, I can't move forward with my life as a male. I just can't repress this side anymore, I just feel like I'm at the point where I need to move on with my life as a female rather than a male. I'm still not really over my initial fears, I'm not sure I will be able to get a job with my Electrical Engineering degree, which is still a work in progress, but that is completely different story. However, I do know one thing, I will be doing this as a female, at this point I just stopped caring about my fears. Just my personal story, your mileage will vary...
I'd only like to add that in my case, just around 5 years ago what little male part of me that was left after living years of misery and torment sort of just evaporated, vanished, to say the least. So again, yes it's progressive and yes, the decision to go full time and transform was made for me. :icon_flower: