Looking at many people on this site, it seems like many 30+ year olds.. When do people usually discover themselves being trans?
I mean, I think I first started feeling like this early in childhood. I never fit in with the girls and I was told I wasn't allowed to play with boys so I never got along with anyone. I felt like a boy and wanted nothing more than to just be wild and weird, and find myself subconsciously walking into the men's restroom forgetting I'm not a boy..
The first time I told anyone how I felt I was 10 or 11, it was to my therapist
The next time was when I was 13 or so, I was a 9th grader, I told my Pentecostal friend, she was my best friend, she shrugged it off as a joke, as did my boyfriend when I was 15, and now my girlfriend
Is it that you find out later? Or that no one believed you until now? Or maybe you knew you were trans but had no idea how to go about fixing it and transitioning?
Well some of us oldies grew up at a time when there was no help, no support and very little in the way of medical care. II new I was female when I was 5-6 but at that time being Gay was illegal and people went to gaol for it. So in my case I tried to be a man, and failed spectacularly and then decided I just needed to be me.
Of course I risked losing my job and my family. But I had no choice, it was transition or keep living in a whiskey bottle and swallowing antidepressants.
I chose to live and I'm very glad I did.
I'm on antidepressants right now, but I'm not 21 yet and I prefer not to do illegal things (I'm so stiff, eh?)
But I'm diagnosed with mild-severe depression, panic attack disorder, social anxiety, etc
I might also be bipolar.. Or just frustrated because I think the word "gay" just got down here in Mississippi xD and transsexual is completely foreign
It is never worth while doing illegal drugs. I know! I was drug addicted and worked the streets for a year at your age. It was hell and I only escaped by the kindness of a client who told the vice squad and they rescued me.
For you I suggest seeing a therapist and starting your journey. I and everyone here will be with you every step.
Hugs young man.
Cindy
Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 03:08:45 AM
I'm on antidepressants right now, but I'm not 21 yet and I prefer not to do illegal things (I'm so stiff, eh?)
But I'm diagnosed with mild-severe depression, panic attack disorder, social anxiety, etc
I might also be bipolar.. Or just frustrated because I think the word "gay" just got down here in Mississippi xD and transsexual is completely foreign
Some people know that they're trans when they're quite young, but a lot of the time they can't transition until they're much older, whether because of laws, family, finances, and/or something else.
My therapist told me that my anxiety and depression will probably be non-exsistant when I don't have to deal with the oppression of living in a very conservative family in an openly discriminatory Southern state, so hopefully things will get better for you, too.
Wow
Well thankfully you're great now, huh :3
I'm trying to find a therapist.. I've posted a topic ...somewhere... Asking about finding one
Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 02:45:31 AM
Looking at many people on this site, it seems like many 30+ year olds.. When do people usually discover themselves being trans?
I mean, I think I first started feeling like this early in childhood. I never fit in with the girls and I was told I wasn't allowed to play with boys so I never got along with anyone. I felt like a boy and wanted nothing more than to just be wild and weird, and find myself subconsciously walking into the men's restroom forgetting I'm not a boy..
The first time I told anyone how I felt I was 10 or 11, it was to my therapist
The next time was when I was 13 or so, I was a 9th grader, I told my Pentecostal friend, she was my best friend, she shrugged it off as a joke, as did my boyfriend when I was 15, and now my girlfriend
Is it that you find out later? Or that no one believed you until now? Or maybe you knew you were trans but had no idea how to go about fixing it and transitioning?
I've known that I was a male in the wrong body since I was 4 years old (now 35). I never had access to the appropriate medical interventions where I came from and grew up (was too far from most of civilisation - much less anyone educated with trans* needs). I only moved to a larger city in a country that is accepting of transsexualism as a medical condition in 2010.
As Cindy said, a lot of the older crowd never had access or support back in the day - whereas now, so many teens have support and established clinics, etc. at their disposal since trans* has been brought into the light over the years.
I've heard about places like California and such having these lgbt teen support clinics or centers or something
I've never heard of them being near me
I could hardly find people who are lgbt at my school, about 1,500 people not counting staff
Why we transition later in life can depend on many reasons. Legal such as Cindy (thankfully times have changed and its illegal in only a few countries now). Resources avaliable or loaction, growing up in rural areas and on the open road has some advantages but knowing your trans from a young age is not one of them).
As for you like everyone before me find a theripist, that is what they are there for to help us sort out our problems
Remember: No mans is an island, entire of itself, Every man is a piece of the continent. John Donne,
We are all here for each othe
Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 04:10:00 AM
I've heard about places like California and such having these lgbt teen support clinics or centers or something
I've never heard of them being near me
I could hardly find people who are lgbt at my school, about 1,500 people not counting staff
Have you googled GLBTIQ in your school or city? People tend to be a bit hidden in places that are not accepting.
With 1500 students there will be about 10+% gender diverse people (statistically).
I honestly kind of waited until I was out on my own, moved far away from my old town and family. I also kind of waited until the senior generation of my family passed on. I had an exceptionally mean grandfather. He once told me to stop eating supper because I was fat. I told him he was old.
But mostly yeah. I just HAD to get out of that on horse town.
Thankfully all I have is my dad
My mom, brothers, and sisters left
Most of my family had khron's(sp?) disease and are hospitalized, dead, or they hated my mom and they don't know I exist
(I'm not trying to make light of their deaths or diseases but.. Well I've faced physical, emotional, sexual, and mental abuse by almost all of them..)
My dad is very accepting of me and wants to support me, and probably has known for years even though I never told him
He adopted me, and I always joke "I'm the son you never asked for!"
But he's just worried what people will think of me
I'm not that worried.. I don't socialize much.... I talk to my teachers and I've made deals with school counsellor a to where my only class is art class and it has 10 people, my other classes are done online in a room by myself
I have severe panic attacks
I cannot even go to stores anymore without freaking out
I told my mom when I was 7 or so that I was I boy and not a girl. I think this was "cute" back then. I grew up in the 50s. No one would have thought you could be trans or would even have known what that was. And then when I did know there were trans people, I thought there were only trans women. Chaz Bono didn't even prove anything to me, because I thought this was like the exception that proved the rule kind of, that there were only trans women (and Chaz). There were many signs but I didn't know how to read or interpret them.
There are also trans men that know they are trans and that you can be trans but either had the same fears (trans men did come out 20+ years ago), there was zero support and you had to figure out how to get the T and the surgery. It was a very lonely existence, from my understanding. They found out from networks and so on. I was not part of the LGBT community, so I missed ways of figuring it out, since all the guys I know of her figured out about it belonged to the community.
I functioned kind of androgynously. Since I am a bit less binary than a lot of guys, it's why it probably didn't drive me nuts. I definitely didn't see myself as female, so I *was* trans, I just didn't know it.
--Jay
Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 01, 2014, 04:55:00 AM
I have severe panic attacks
I cannot even go to stores anymore without freaking out
Hey man, I know how you feel. I've been out like five times since December and that's it. Panic attacks if people so much as walk past me. I noticed that since wearing a binder and consciously expressing myself as male (regardless of whether I pass or not), my anxiety is a bit better. Like...it's still VERY difficult, but it's just enough to stop me from having a panic attack. I'm not saying that's the answer to your problems, because you've had a difficult life, it sounds like. But I truly hope that you can find your own ways of making it bearable for you, because you deserve to be happy with yourself and in life.
If you ever want a fellow FTM with depression and anxiety issues to talk to, I'm always here to listen :)
People here are so awesome and nice
Btw I have NO idea who to ask or tell this to, but since maybe 1pm (I'm in American central time zone) Susan's hasn't worked
I even had friends from Pennsylvania and Colorado and Michigan try it, all on different devices, but it didn't work at all, does that happen a lot??
Susans has been down a few times recently, but hadn't happened in years before then. I think there's some server issues out of their control. Stuff about that is normally posted in the "Announcements" section I think.
Not all of us are in our thirties. I'm certainly not. True that I didn't know I was trans until I was 15, but I knew that something wasn't right. I knew that when I was older I would be wearing a suit and tie, looking like a man, and it never seemed to sink into my head that I was supposed to be female, and thus that wouldn't happen. Now I still won't be wearing a suit, but that's because I'll be wearing overalls and grease instead. I always knew I was male in some section of my mind, but I never knew the words or that trans men were possible.
oh, i do not mean that all are 30s or older, just that many that i see
obviously people in their 20s and younger might have had access to internet (though that isnt true for everyone because i didnt) and so they may have learned more about it on the internet and sought others with similar cases (that case obviously being trans or other like androgynous, etc)
I may be in the minority, but I personally didn't 'come out' to myself until 26 (a few weeks back). It isn't that I didn't know, it's that I was denying it/suppressing it and trying to just 'fit in'. I've always felt overtly feminine, and battled to be more masculine as a result. I've dealt with a lot of weird things in my life, family issues, health issues, religious issues, and for the first time in a long time (the last year or so) I have been the healthiest (physically and mentally) that I've ever been. This may be why it all suddenly came out, it was being shoved under the mental carpet because I had other things to deal with.
I wish I had come clean with myself when I was younger, so that I could have started to deal with it earlier, but I'm just glad I know now, since I finally understand my constant frustration and anxiety (and although it's still there, I at least understand it now, and can work on my GID).
I only figured out the language to explain who I am in my late teens/early 20s. I knew something was different but didn't know what, and didn't know how to explain it. I'm also in my mid-20s right now.
I'm in my mid-30s and just beginning to physically transition, though I've known I was trans since I was 4 or 5. Basically around the same time I realized that there was a difference between boys and girls.
For me, some of the delay was that I never saw trans men anywhere. I was familiar with trans women and the idea of a "sex change" while growing up, but never fully realized it was something I could do.
Once I had figured it out, I was just old enough to be worrying about getting and keeping a job and tried to put all that gender stuff on the back burner. Transitioning is was expensive and strange and could cost me my job or my life, right? No sense in transitioning when my partner was willing to accept me as a man behind closed doors, right?
Wrong. As a lot of people on this board have said, eventually you reach a point where something has to give. I know I can't be happy living the next 40 or 50 years as a "woman". And I refuse to be unhappy for that damn long.
PS: Jasper is an awesome name, btw. I'm glad you're exploring all this so early in your life; it always cheers me up to see younger folks doing that.
Quote from: Nattie on April 02, 2014, 02:17:15 AM
I may be in the minority, but I personally didn't 'come out' to myself until 26 (a few weeks back). It isn't that I didn't know, it's that I was denying it/suppressing it and trying to just 'fit in'. I've always felt overtly feminine, and battled to be more masculine as a result. I've dealt with a lot of weird things in my life, family issues, health issues, religious issues, and for the first time in a long time (the last year or so) I have been the healthiest (physically and mentally) that I've ever been. This may be why it all suddenly came out, it was being shoved under the mental carpet because I had other things to deal with.
I wish I had come clean with myself when I was younger, so that I could have started to deal with it earlier, but I'm just glad I know now, since I finally understand my constant frustration and anxiety (and although it's still there, I at least understand it now, and can work on my GID).
Nattie's account sounds incredibly similar to my story... I am 27 and I finally admitted to myself that I have been in the wrong body all these years despite knowing for a very long time that things just did not add up. I, too, wish sometimes I came to the realisation years ago but I am very happy my eyes are wide open now. I suppose it's mostly about our mental state/environment and such that allow us to see and accept who we are. For some it just happens earlier than to others.
Quote from: Nygeel on April 02, 2014, 02:43:05 AM
I only figured out the language to explain who I am in my late teens/early 20s. I knew something was different but didn't know what, and didn't know how to explain it. I'm also in my mid-20s right now.
Nygeel's sense of being "different" but not knowing how, I really understand about that. OTOH, I have Asperger's and I thought, "well that's how I'm different". As it is, I think Asperger's people do have a higher incidence of gender non-conformity. But I didn't know that back then.
--Jay
Quote from: Roy on April 02, 2014, 09:16:04 AM
I'm in my mid-30s and just beginning to physically transition, though I've known I was trans since I was 4 or 5. Basically around the same time I realized that there was a difference between boys and girls.
For me, some of the delay was that I never saw trans men anywhere. I was familiar with trans women and the idea of a "sex change" while growing up, but never fully realized it was something I could do.
Once I had figured it out, I was just old enough to be worrying about getting and keeping a job and tried to put all that gender stuff on the back burner. Transitioning is was expensive and strange and could cost me my job or my life, right? No sense in transitioning when my partner was willing to accept me as a man behind closed doors, right?
Wrong. As a lot of people on this board have said, eventually you reach a point where something has to give. I know I can't be happy living the next 40 or 50 years as a "woman". And I refuse to be unhappy for that damn long.
PS: Jasper is an awesome name, btw. I'm glad you're exploring all this so early in your life; it always cheers me up to see younger folks doing that.
thanks about my name, when i was born i was completely bald and everyone thought i was a boy, my mom had to put me in bows and dresses and pierce my ears so theyd know i was a girl.. but shed joke to people my name was jake or jacob. i have a slight ... well im not sure if its a speech impediment, but when i try to talk, my brain and mouth arent coordinated and ill want to say no, ill actually say something like elbow or my kitten's name is gilly, ill say jalapeno or something; trying to say jacob, i said jasper and it just stuck
Quote from: Jasper.Beauclair on April 02, 2014, 04:47:09 PM
thanks about my name, when i was born i was completely bald and everyone thought i was a boy, my mom had to put me in bows and dresses and pierce my ears so theyd know i was a girl.. but shed joke to people my name was jake or jacob. i have a slight ... well im not sure if its a speech impediment, but when i try to talk, my brain and mouth arent coordinated and ill want to say no, ill actually say something like elbow or my kitten's name is gilly, ill say jalapeno or something; trying to say jacob, i said jasper and it just stuck
I was completely bald too. Mom was pushing me in the tram, and someone said "What a cute little boy" and mom goes home crying. LOL. Funnier story in retrospect, but mom has been deceased now for years.
--Jay
Late 30's here, figured it out at 35. I always felt wrong being identified as female, and I was always so overjoyed when people "mistook" me for a guy, but the light bulb didn't go off until a little over two years ago. then, suddenly, a lot of things made sense for the first time...
One thing that is perplexing the professional community is the sudden exponential spurt in referrals to gender clinics, it began a few years back after many years of steady referrals and now it has gone ballistic. This is the reason for the long waiting lists in many areas. It is a worldwide occurrence as well.
One point of extreme concern is how to supply medical help to the Asian countries with an estimated 20 million or more trans*gender people who require both medical and psychiatric help and of course societal help for acceptance in their countries.
Quote from: aleon515 on April 02, 2014, 02:11:05 PM
As it is, I think Asperger's people do have a higher incidence of gender non-conformity. But I didn't know that back then.
--Jay
Hey, Jay, I have noticed this myself and wondered about it. Do you know if this has ever been researched? Know of any literature on it?
I'm 44 years old. Back in the day I knew of Renee Richards because we were a tennis family, but that was about it.
Quote from: Brett on April 03, 2014, 05:44:36 PM
Hey, Jay, I have noticed this myself and wondered about it. Do you know if this has ever been researched? Know of any literature on it?
I'm 44 years old. Back in the day I knew of Renee Richards because we were a tennis family, but that was about it.
It's OT so I'm going to refer you to it. Google Simon Baron-Cohen and gender.
I don't know re: his theory but it would preclude the existence of Aspie MTFs, imo.
--Jay