Now most of y'all know that I've been having problems with my family accepting my new gender. Recently I've been thinking that since my mom won't accept me as her daughter, maybe she will accept me as a woman. So after I speak with my therapist about this, I'm going to try this out, because I'm really getting a bit sick of flip flopping around from gender only to satisfy them. If they would accept me as a woman, then it would really make my life so much easier. :)
Quote from: Gina Taylor on April 01, 2014, 10:59:23 AM
I'm going to try this out, because I'm really getting a bit sick of flip flopping around from gender only to satisfy them.
Gina, I don't think you should flipflop your gender to make your family happy. It's not your job to satisfy them. It's their job to get used to you.
Just be you. Life is too short to be fake, right?
Quote from: suzifrommd on April 01, 2014, 11:51:36 AM
Gina, I don't think you should flipflop your gender to make your family happy. It's not your job to satisfy them. It's their job to get used to you.
Just be you. Life is too short to be fake, right?
I agree with you there Suzi! I'm getting a little sick of having to flip flop for them, so as said it's time for them to get use to me as a
WOMAN!
Gina, hugs
You have made a lot of progress in you identity; this is the 1st time I can remember you are so positive about who you are. I love to follow your progress and learn from you.
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on April 02, 2014, 06:49:07 PM
Gina, hugs
You have made a lot of progress in you identity; this is the 1st time I can remember you are so positive about who you are. I love to follow your progress and learn from you.
Thanks Cynthia. I feel that I have made a lot of progress since I started many moons ago. I appreciate it that you'd wanna learn from me. PM me and ask me anything.
Tomorrow I'm seeing my therapist and I'm gonna be discussing with him about how I'm just gonna tell my family that starting in May I'm gonna be a
woman from now on and that's the way it's gonna be!
Good luck cause the back and forth is the pits. I did it for like 4-5 months after I went full time in order to go to the gym and that stressed the crap out of me.
I later found out that the situation could have probably been handled at the gym too, but, live and learn.
I know how you feel Gina when I go and visit my cousins they tell me to come as a guy for their comfort but have they stopped and thaught that maybe coming as a guy is uncomfortable for me because I'm not a guy I'm a woman.
Be strong Hun and do what is right for you and your happiness. Xx
Good on you, Gina! No more flip-flopping!! :D
Quote from: Misato on April 03, 2014, 11:55:33 PM
Good luck cause the back and forth is the pits. I did it for like 4-5 months after I went full time in order to go to the gym and that stressed the crap out of me.
I later found out that the situation could have probably been handled at the gym too, but, live and learn.
Yeah I know what you mean. There are so many times that I get up and plan my day, when my mom or my sister will call and they need me for something and I have to change and it spoils the day for me. :(
I had a very good talk with my therapist about that this morning and he understands and supports me on my decision. :icon_biggrin: He told me that the letter that I'll be sending to my mom was very well written, to the point and very stern.
Quote from: Emily.T on April 04, 2014, 12:59:55 AM
I know how you feel Gina when I go and visit my cousins they tell me to come as a guy for their comfort but have they stopped and thaught that maybe coming as a guy is uncomfortable for me because I'm not a guy I'm a woman.
Be strong Hun and do what is right for you and your happiness. Xx
Nice hearing from you Emily. But I do agree with you 100% They'll just have to get use to the change because I'm not changing for them, but I'm doing it for me and my happiness!
Quote from: Ms Grace on April 04, 2014, 01:31:13 AM
Good on you, Gina! No more flip-flopping!! :D
Thanks for your support Ms. Grace. I hope and trust that everything has been going well for you since you've gone full time. :)
Gina, all the flip-flopping will do is wear you out. If they don't accept you as a daughter, I doubt if they will accept you as a woman.
:)
Quote from: gennee on April 04, 2014, 12:38:45 PM
Gina, all the flip-flopping will do is wear you out. If they don't accept you as a daughter, I doubt if they will accept you as a woman.
:)
Believe me Gennee, I know what you mean about being worn out by all the flip-flopping. But you know I have to start somewhere with them accepting me someplace. My therapist and I went over some possibilities of what could happen, but I'm keeping my hopes up that it will be good. :)
Yesterday I sent my mom the e-mail and she called me and told me that my sister will not accept my terms, nor will she and that she would like to go with m eon my next appointment to see my therapist. After thinking about it, I decided to confront her and talk with her, so I walked in as a woman and she asked me to leave telling me that I was invading her privacy, because I was going against something that I had told her that I would not do, which was to go into her office or her home as a woman. Being the first time that she's seen me like this, I got nothing but insults and then she tells me that because of what I have between my legs and the fact that I don't have real breasts doesn't make me a woman. So I told her that gender is between the ears not between the legs. Then she asked me what if I were to be put into the hospital, would my roommate be a woman or a man? Again I said that because I am anatomically a male, I would suspect that they would put me in with another male. Then I told her about this66 year old acquaintance who I met at a LGBT Club that had implants put in, and at times she'll let her halter top slip and her nipples will become exposed. Since she has not had sexual reassignment surgery, she is not breaking the law. If she wanted to go running down the street topless, again it would not be against the law, because she is anatomically a male. Food for thought. ??? And then she tells me that she feels that every time I go out, I'm flaunting myself.
I went and saw my therapist yesterday with my mom and she told him that since she doesn't see him often that she has to depend on him to see how my new medication is working. She then told him that she will never accept me as a woman and that she is against me exposing myself to my nine year old niece as a woman. She claims that she would laugh at me and think that it's just some Halloween costume. She then told him that I have a good relationship with my sister, and my therapist asked her aren't I being put out when I'm out doing my business as a woman and either she or my sister needs help and because of the fact that they don't approve that I have to change back to my male self. Am I ready to give up the family for this? Then she brought up that I said to her that I would return to my male mode only to help her out with her business, but she only sees that as a benefit to me. Even though she was previously thinking about taking me back on for three days a week to help out with my aging father. She tells me that she's ready to disown me if I want to go full time. She doesn't realize that I've already gone full time since I moved out and that the only thing that's really stopping me from going 100% is them. As long as they don't see me or what I'm doing is the better off I am.
My therapist suggested to me of trying to be my male self for a month, and of course my mom thought that was a good idea, because it would better myself.
After my father saw me last Friday, he now has vivid images of me, and he can't sleep because of that. My mom actually asked me if I've made more friends as a woman, and I told her that I associate more with them than I did as a guy with men. She tells me I'm delusional, and that I'm more after sexual gratification than it is to become a woman. She tells me that she doesn't understand anything about this and that if I do decide to go this way I'll be disowned. She feels that since I started cross-dressing at fifteen, I can't be affected by GID. She thinks that I should have been affected at a younger age if I had it. My psychiatrist told her that I'm suffering from GID, and he was pretty firm on that conclusion.
When I walked into her business last Friday, she automatically could tell that I was wearing a wig, but she couldn't tell that it was her son at first. She told me that my bust line was off and that my makeup was atrocious. She told me that even though I've had two professional makeovers that I think I'm an expert at makeup application. I just feel that I have a better knowledge of makeup application with the makeovers than the average person does. She thinks that everyone that tells me that I'm beautiful is pulling my leg, and she thinks it's a problem with me getting up every morning and having to put on makeup and a wig just to go out. In closing, she doesn't like Susan's Place. She feels that the members have mislead me, even though they have a much better understanding of what's going on then she would because she feels that I'm confused.
Gina, I'm so sorry your Mom is treating you like that, sister too. You could try the tack that they love your soul, and that has not changed. Just the outward trappings. Try the example from the "True Selves" book.. take your favorite novel, put a new cover on it.. the novel remains the same, it just looks different. It is still -you- inside, just the wrapper has changed.
My mom is not accepting of me either, I suspect there are more here that are not accepted by family, than are. It is heartbreaking. My sister (9yrs younger) initially was supportive, but now says I can not talk to, or interact with her kids anymore. Mom constantly prays and thinks I have been duped, led astray by my therapist "who only has her agenda, to take my money and say whatever she has to, to keep me going along my path to a sex change.." ( <-- insert eye roll here). Dad passed last year, but I pretty much know how he would feel, and say. That is sad also. But you have a terrific support system here, friends, sisters, brothers who know -exactly- what you are going thru. And how difficult it is. Family just does not understand that we are literally willing to (and most of us end up) giving up family to finally align our outside, with our insides. The highways and roads are littered with the remains of familes left behind because, for our own sanity and healing, if we can not be accepted as we feel, we must then go on this journey without them.
But we know, that time.. time by itself, can both, heal the wounds on each, and close the gap between us and those we love. Time can allow our families to see how much better we become after our journey.
I pray for you and your mom, that you find the solace to be strong, and for her, to find the love she has for her child, not son.. or even daughter, but child.. Maybe, when she realizes she has to rely on your help, a little time apart can help her get over her shock and sadness and see how happy you can become.
Hugs for you!!
Quote from: AnneB on April 16, 2014, 10:41:49 AM
Gina, I'm so sorry your Mom is treating you like that, sister too. You could try the tack that they love your soul, and that has not changed. Just the outward trappings. Try the example from the "True Selves" book.. take your favorite novel, put a new cover on it.. the novel remains the same, it just looks different. It is still -you- inside, just the wrapper has changed.
My mom is not accepting of me either, I suspect there are more here that are not accepted by family, than are. It is heartbreaking. My sister (9yrs younger) initially was supportive, but now says I can not talk to, or interact with her kids anymore. Mom constantly prays and thinks I have been duped, led astray by my therapist "who only has her agenda, to take my money and say whatever she has to, to keep me going along my path to a sex change.." ( <-- insert eye roll here). Dad passed last year, but I pretty much know how he would feel, and say. That is sad also. But you have a terrific support system here, friends, sisters, brothers who know -exactly- what you are going thru. And how difficult it is. Family just does not understand that we are literally willing to (and most of us end up) giving up family to finally align our outside, with our insides. The highways and roads are littered with the remains of familes left behind because, for our own sanity and healing, if we can not be accepted as we feel, we must then go on this journey without them.
But we know, that time.. time by itself, can both, heal the wounds on each, and close the gap between us and those we love. Time can allow our families to see how much better we become after our journey.
I pray for you and your mom, that you find the solace to be strong, and for her, to find the love she has for her child, not son.. or even daughter, but child.. Maybe, when she realizes she has to rely on your help, a little time apart can help her get over her shock and sadness and see how happy you can become.
Hugs for you!!
Anne, my sweet sister, thank you for some excellent suggestions! :eusa_clap: I may try that changing of the cover on the book and see how that goes. She wants me to listen to my therapist and do what he says, like I don't have a mind of my own or I can't make decisions for myself. ??? I've told my therapist that I don't like my male self and that I prefer to be my feminine self more because of that, which he understands because of the problems that my male life ahs been faced with and my female life doesn't have the same problems. So it's like a totally new and different life for me. After seeing me as a woman, she complained about the fact that my father has a weakened heart condition, and by seeing his 'son' as a woman could have caused him a heart attack. She calls me being selfish for that. But I do sympathize with you and the problems you're going through with your sister and the possible problems that I might go through with mine if it comes to be. But like I said to another TG sister, if I have to be disowned form my family because of this, it will be their loss not mine. At least I know that I have friends, sisters and brothers who'll support me here at Susan's. :)
Yeah, I really agree with the others here. If your patents won't be satisfied with who u are, that's their loss. But you should be the person who satisfies your own life. I wish u luck on talking to your mom, and whatever happens, u will always be special to many others who are willing to call you whatever you feel you are inside. *hug* hope it goes good for you:)
Quote from: Sam314 on April 16, 2014, 02:16:27 PM
Yeah, I really agree with the others here. If your patents won't be satisfied with who u are, that's their loss. But you should be the person who satisfies your own life. I wish u luck on talking to your mom, and whatever happens, u will always be special to many others who are willing to call you whatever you feel you are inside. *hug* hope it goes good for you:)
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement Sam. But unfortunately I'm almost at the end of my rope with my mom and that end is almost frayed. But I'm still willing to give it a little time to see if she'll come around and see things my way. If not I'll happily go my way . . .
Unfortunately I've had to make a compromise with my family that is acceptable to all. Because they'll never accept me as a woman, they have agreed that they'll spend time with me as their 'son' but I can do whatever I want without them seeing it.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on April 21, 2014, 09:47:25 AM
a compromise with my family that is acceptable to all
Gina,
This is the meaning of compromise. If it is acceptable to Gina, then it is OK. You get to be you... (most of the time)
I saw a FtM stand up comic do a trans* comedy gig. One sthick was him going shopping with his mother and her calling him "Janet." The reply was "Mother, if you keep doing this in public they are going to put you in a home." One can use humor to spin things around when they get too out of whack.
I hope things work better for you going forward!
Erin
Hi Gina I am finding it hard to see how this is a compromise isn't it just them getting what they want a compromise is suppose to benefit both sides isn't it? I really don't know what to suggest for you but if your happy then so be it.
Quote from: ErinWDK on April 21, 2014, 10:45:49 AM
Gina,
This is the meaning of compromise. If it is acceptable to Gina, then it is OK. You get to be you... (most of the time)
I saw a FtM stand up comic do a trans* comedy gig. One sthick was him going shopping with his mother and her calling him "Janet." The reply was "Mother, if you keep doing this in public they are going to put you in a home." One can use humor to spin things around when they get too out of whack.
I hope things work better for you going forward!
Erin
Thanks for the support Erin. But yeah, Everything is quite acceptable with me. At least my mom
won't be calling me by my feminine name when we're out in public.
Quote from: Emily.T on April 22, 2014, 04:18:19 AM
Hi Gina I am finding it hard to see how this is a compromise isn't it just them getting what they want a compromise is suppose to benefit both sides isn't it? I really don't know what to suggest for you but if your happy then so be it.
Really nice to hear from you Emily. :)
Yeah, I know that some may not see it as a compromise, but as long as both sides are happy and there's no fuss than I see it as a compromise between us. :)But the real benefit is is that I get to be Gina more than I do my male self! :icon_mrhappy:
Quote from: Gina Taylor on April 21, 2014, 09:47:25 AM
Unfortunately I've had to make a compromise with my family that is acceptable to all. Because they'll never accept me as a woman, they have agreed that they'll spend time with me as their 'son' but I can do whatever I want without them seeing it.
Hi Gina,
That sounds like a good result to me given how intransigent they had been. It sounds like your family have acknowledged to themselves that you are now living as a woman. Unfortunately they are not yet able to be part of that beautiful process. Perhaps that may change in time.
It is important that you have not lost them.
Hopefully this is the beginning of their road to accepting their daughter and sister.
Take care,
Hugs,
Ciara.
Quote from: Ciara on April 22, 2014, 11:29:54 AM
Hi Gina,
That sounds like a good result to me given how intransigent they had been. It sounds like your family have acknowledged to themselves that you are now living as a woman. Unfortunately they are not yet able to be part of that beautiful process. Perhaps that may change in time.
It is important that you have not lost them.
Hopefully this is the beginning of their road to accepting their daughter and sister.
Take care,
Hugs,
Ciara.
You've made a very good and valuable point there Ciara. As much as I love my family they won't come to terms with the changes in my life and they want me to remain as their son and not become their daughter / sister. But at least down deep they have acknowledge the change even though they don't want to admit it, but I am doing things
MY way! But like everyone has said, I'll just give them time to adjust and they'll eventually come around.
Gina, you are a strong woman.
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on April 23, 2014, 04:21:23 PM
Gina, you are a strong woman.
Thanks for your vote of confidence Cynthia. It's my strength in womanhood that keeps me going! :icon_mrhappy:
I hope everything works out. I feel a pang here because leading a double life just to go to the gym a year ago was really stressful on me. So indeed, may your womanhood keep you strong in the face of the drab! *biiiiiiiiiiig hugs*
Quote from: Misato on April 24, 2014, 10:39:51 PM
I hope everything works out. I feel a pang here because leading a double life just to go to the gym a year ago was really stressful on me. So indeed, may your womanhood keep you strong in the face of the drab! *biiiiiiiiiiig hugs*
Y'know that's kind of funny :laugh:, I was just saying yesterday to my roommate about how hard it is to live a double life, but at least I get to be THE REAL ME more of the time than I do the drab boring male shallow self that I dread. Thanks for the hug Misato. Here's a :icon_hug: right back to you.
:)