So, as you may have seen from my previous post, meeting the in laws went great for me. Hayleigh was able to come out to her family, and they have been nothing but wonderful and supportive (even if they don't quite understand everything yet).
Hayleigh is getting ready to come out on facebook soon, which leaves me with mixed emotions. When it comes down to it, she will do it when she is ready, and I will be there 100%. In this particular case, what I feel doesn't matter. It is what she needs to do, when she needs to do it.
But... I do worry about my family's reaction... This is more of a rant than asking for advice, but I will definitely take any if anyone has had a similar experience!
My mom has met "Tom" exactly twice and Hayleigh zero times.
The first time she met Tom was when we were 15/16 years old at my birthday party. Tom was dating someone else, he was there just as a friend.
The next part is an elaboration on my intro post, so if you don't want the crazy details, just skip the next couple paragraphs! Tom moved to TX in September 2013, and I went to Michigan to see family for Thanksgiving. I dropped the hint that Tom and I were thinking about marriage, and my mom asked, "When?" I told her about 2-2.5 years from now. Her response was, "Awesome! I have time to lose weight!" When I returned, Tom and I began the process that would lead us to where Hayleigh and I are today. By Christmas time, I knew a lot, but didn't know this would turn into our life, I thought it would just be part of our life. So, we head to Maryland to my brother's house, and disaster! Up on arriving, my mom was cold, distant, and with in 4 hours of arrival was trying to talk me into breaking up with him. When I asked her to elaborate or be specific in her concerns, she couldn't or wouldn't, and I told her that I hear her, and when she can be specific, I will be more than happy to hear her out and consider her position. She got VERY upset with me, accused me of being childish (I was getting frustrated, but was trying to hold it together), and basically said our affection towards each other was inappropriate (I have asked numerous people, and we were not inappropriate by anyone else's standards). The next couple days were rough. Tom was anxious about "ruining" things, hiding his feelings, getting ready to propose to me, and just generally being a shy person. I gave up caring and was just trying to keep things civil. My step dad and brother seemed cool with everything, actually telling my mom to calm down.
On Christmas day, my brother (Jeremy) and I started cooking, and for the first 15-20 minutes we had it under control. Jeremy was getting stuff out and organizing and I was peeling potatoes, carrots, onions, etc. for all the different dishes. I knew that when I was part way done, there would be jobs for the rest of the family to start on. So I told Tom to come to the kitchen after 15 minutes to help chop the veggies. After 10 minutes my mom came in, and started cutting up the veggies. I told her that Tom would be in the kitchen in 5 minutes and he was going to do that. My mom said, "I bought the food, so I will do whatever I want!" I said OK, and continued peeling. Tom came in, and saw that his job was taken, and asked what he could do. EVERYONE just ignored him. I looked at them, and then to him, and said, "Maybe they didn't hear you?" So he said it louder. They still ignored! So I asked Jeremy, "Since mom took Tom's job, what should he do?" My brother found him a job after much huffing and puffing, and when Tom finished, and asked what else to do, they continued to ignore him, so he went to the living room to sit down.
After dinner, Tom corralled everyone into the living room and gave the most romantic, heart felt speech/proposal ever. Of course I said yes, and enjoyed being newly engaged for the next 20 minutes. Yes, only 20 because my mom had cornered my step dad, brother, and one of my brother's friends (a girl named Alex) and convinced them to do an "intervention" on me. I listened while my mom and brother verbally threw up on me. I acknowledged each of their concerns, and thanked them for sharing with me. When they were done, I was asked by Alex if I would like to say anything. I said, "Nothing I can say will change anyone's mind, so no. And, I guess that means we will be leaving now." I left the room and went to the bedroom we were staying in. I started to pack, and decided I should probably fill Tom in. On my way to the living room, my mom was dragging Tom to the bedroom. I told him that I wouldn't go in there, but he could do what he wanted to do. He said he would listen to what they have to say. I continued packing, and suddenly heard yelling from the next room. I went and said goodbye to my brother's friends who came over for dinner, and started moving everything towards the door. Tom came flying out of the room and into the bedroom. We packed in silence, while my mom followed us around the house screaming at us. I don't remember everything that happened that night anymore, but here are a few of my favorite lines from my mom that night:
"Mark my words, you will come running back to me in less than a year!"
"You can't leave here without hugging and kissing me and telling me you love me, you will regret it." (Said while cornering me in the hallway)
And my favorite.... "Everyone! Everyone listen! My daughter is leaving with the devil!" (Screamed at the top of her lungs out the back door)
Needless to say, I have had no contact with my mother or brother since then. I have talked to my step dad a few times, he is just trying to survive living with my mom, so I don't blame him for anything.
Tom and I left, drove back to TX and have been enjoying life. Hayleigh has made her mark on the world and on my life. I can't imagine her going back to being Tom. I can't wait to see what is next in life for both of us.
But now she is going facebook public, and I have no idea how my family will react. But then again, maybe I do... Will they continue to not talk to me, or will they make a big deal about it? My dad is pissed he found out I was engaged on facebook, but he never answers his phone when I call, so what am I to do? If they disown me, that is fine. I don't care. I will "defriend" them, and life will be no different than it is now. If they ignore it, life will go on. I just want it to be over!
Any thoughts on how to be prepared or suggestions on how to deal with whatever may come?
...Wow. I think you can assume they'll react badly; the only question is whether it'll be a continuation of the silent treatment or a giant fit, as you said. But the blessing is, you don't have to care. They've already written you off and you've made your peace with that. You can feel free to ignore whatever they get up to now. :) Incidentally, you can make FB friends filters so that you don't have to unfriend but will never see what they post or vice versa.
My parents disowned me when my wife came out, and the nice thing was, I finally had peace and quiet in my life. Turns out I don't actually miss the constant screaming drama.
Good luck.