Even though I recently figured out about me being transgender, I have only told a few select people in my life. These people being my SO, a friend I trust a lot, and a friend who understands me since she is also tg, just a mtf instead of ftm.
What i'm afraid of doing is telling my dad and my step mom. I've also already figured out that i'm also asexual and been trying to get them to understand what that means, which hasn't been easy. I'm planning on telling my sister because I really trust her not to tell our dad and step mom, but I'm waiting to do it face to face.
Anyone have any advice on possibly getting over this fear and being able to tell them?
I'm not sure how helpful what I'm about to say will be but:
I recently found something within me and have given myself a date to come out to my mother. I came to the decision (after 7 years of fear/embarrassment/confusion) because lately I have been feeling real low; I can't socialise with her anymore because I feel like a fake. I'm getting even more angry and can't control my emotions. The thought of work gets me majorly low and I get anxiety each time even though I try not to think about it. I feel that the aftermath will be pretty grim but no matter what happens it will be (sorry about the cliche) a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. That's how I personally got over the fear. In short...I'll feel happier regardless of the outcome.
Maybe you can ask yourself:
How will I feel if I don't come out vs. if I do?
If I don't come out soon, when will the 'best' time?
Am I ready for any negative emotions that may come my way?
Am I financially dependent on my dad/ step mom?
You get where I'm going with that :P
I wish you all the best when you do come out and I hope it goes smoothly! :)
It's difficult, probably the most difficult thing you'll ever have to do. No matter what you do you're going to be at least somewhat anxious, however there are several things you can do to help reduce that anxiety to a more manageable level. First you can test the waters a little, try and see how they feel and how knowledgeable they are about trans stuff. If they're more secular and liberal, then generally you can expect them to be more able and willing to understand.
When you do tell them, make sure you sound confident in your identity and what you intend to do. If you have doubts then try not to show them, since they'll use it as an excuse to dissuade you from doing anything. It may also be helpful to bring some printed information explaining what being transgender is. Mentioning things that they may have noticed about you and giving it as evidence as being trans can help as well.
I don't have a huge amount of relevant experience at coming out since I already knew how my mum would react before I told her. My brother is trans (ftm) and he came out a number of years before me, so I was able to tell my mum without much to worry about. I still felt really anxious when doing so, however! I hope that when you do decide to tell them that it goes well for you, I'm sure that others here can give some more helpful advice for getting over your fears. Best of luck! :D
If you're comfortable with telling them, then do so. You will get reactions (positive or negative) so expect that. If they ask questions, answer them as best you can. I'm sure they will be digesting what you say to them, so be patient.
:)
Well, being that I'm in your shoes (as in have not told yet) I don't know how good my advise is.
But I remember hearing somewhere in a movie "20 seconds of courage," and I thought that was an excelent example. Basically what it means is that for just 20 seconds, you will convince yourself to fight any fear no matter what. For 20 seconds, you will say what you need to say, and do what you must do with no fear. You just do it (that's how the guy in the movie proposed btw). It holds true though. I suppose if you are ready to do it, just do it. Remember "20 seconds of courage."
Ps. Broohoof! :D /)
Quote from: Sam314 on April 12, 2014, 02:01:19 AM
Well, being that I'm in your shoes (as in have not told yet) I don't know how good my advise is.
But I remember hearing somewhere in a movie "20 seconds of courage," and I thought that was an excelent example. Basically what it means is that for just 20 seconds, you will convince yourself to fight any fear no matter what. For 20 seconds, you will say what you need to say, and do what you must do with no fear. You just do it (that's how the guy in the movie proposed btw). It holds true though. I suppose if you are ready to do it, just do it. Remember "20 seconds of courage."
Ps. Broohoof! :D /)
That's actually pretty awesome way of seeing it. I'm telling my sister on Sunday and going to use that to kind of gauge how well it may turn out with my dad and step mom. If it turns out good, then maybe I'll gather up a bit of courage to tell them. Though, I'd hate to have them figure it out or someone else tell them. Then they might think I was lying to them the whole time by hiding it, which isn't the case.
PS: AW YEAH!
I'd do what you feel is best after some assessment. Sorry for the canned answer; I just feel you need to trust yourself. I didn't really tell my family, it sort of came out. I've been going a bit crazy lately, acting really odd even I must say, and it sort of just came out. I wish I had just told them sooner. Their weirded out and think I'm crazy, but I can see they care about me now. I don't think anyone wants me to start the process, but they've told me that they just want me to be happy, and that alone helps...
Quote from: Sam314 on April 12, 2014, 02:01:19 AM
Well, being that I'm in your shoes (as in have not told yet) I don't know how good my advise is.
But I remember hearing somewhere in a movie "20 seconds of courage," and I thought that was an excelent example. Basically what it means is that for just 20 seconds, you will convince yourself to fight any fear no matter what. For 20 seconds, you will say what you need to say, and do what you must do with no fear. You just do it (that's how the guy in the movie proposed btw). It holds true though. I suppose if you are ready to do it, just do it. Remember "20 seconds of courage."
Ps. Broohoof! :D /)
and yeah, that's actually great advice for most situations, discomfort in situations usually dissipates after the initial shock...