I am just ranting here. I started out my week terribly with both work and home. I was an emotional basket case. I am not on any hrt so my emotions are just what they are. I couldn't get work completed. I was yelling at the kids for nothing. On Wednesday evening I just broke down and cried for most of the night. I don't know why. It was like the dam had broken. Thursday was the best day I have had in weeks if not months. Nothing had changed all of the stressors are still there and remain the same. So anyways my advice to anyone just cry it out even if you don't know why.
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Hello Christine,
Yeah, sometimes you do just need to cry. In the months and weeks before I took the plunge into embracing Julie. I was moody, and would weep spontaneously. Most of that went away as my body and mind began to fit how I have always felt. In hindsight I think that it had something to do with grief. Sadness that I felt so constrained to express femininity; worry that I would destroy my family; fear that perhaps I really was a freak, a phony, and a failure.
Fear was my daemon to slay. Fear in a thousand forms. Taking action with counseling, HRT, and finally beginning to truly fall in love with the little girl inside has changed the fear into hope, and the longing into reality. All at a price, which is another story.
Anyway if that is helpful, good. You have my heart and hope. It will get better.
Julie
The last thing that made me cry, I mean full out sobbing, was a song.
Something I read reminded me of the Bangles cover of "Hazy Shade of Winter", so I queued it up on youtube. I really listened to the lyrics for the first time in years and it struck me how it fit my long denial of my true self. I sobbed for the whole song and long after.
I'm tearing up again now. Sometimes you just gotta.
Dee
p.s.: Queued it up again. I gotta stop doing that!
Thank you everyone and even though we only converse her you all mean the world to me. Group hugs all around!
I love to cry! It can be very therapeutic. :)