Last Friday as I was leaving the library and a gentleman on a bike came riding up to me and told me that he knows that I'm a Transgender and then he asked if I knew some others that he knew that came to the library as well. I told him that I didn't know them. Then when I asked how he knew that I was a Trans, he told me that I was obvious. But he couldn't tell me exactly what was so obvious about me. ???
You shouldn't let it get to you. Sometimes, some people just seem to home in on some cue that may betray you. It doesn't have to be bad, just happens. You learn to just go "ok" and go on and forget about it. I've been read so many times that it doesn't faze me anymore and so long as they keep treating me with common respect, then its all good.
Gina, do not let it get to you. You are all woman!
People like that are complete jack asses. I wouldn't take it personally, because if someone is going to go out of their way to do something like that (and ask if other trans people go to the library...? Wtf? Is he trying to get a date?) they've got something going on in the head. Normal people don't pay that much attention to others unless they've got some hangup.
Well that kind of sucks... LOL... If it was so "obvious" you would have to think he would have been able to answer your question though... Good response by the way... Bottom line, you are who you are inside and let no one tell you different. As the saying goes, "->-bleeped-<- happens" so don't let it get you down... Your doing just fine girlfriend...
I'm so sorry this happened. Screw him. I mean why would you purposefully say that to someone. At the end of the day, the only person that really comes off bad is him for saying something that would likely be seen as hurtful. In any case, I'm sorry this happened. I know whatever I say won't take away the pain as I've been there, but I really hope you make it out of this okay. He is only one person in a world full of billions more. Don't let him control you. (Yes everyone I know it's painfully ironic that it is coming from me, lol).
He may have seen you before when you were presenting as male and while transitioning so would know that way. But yeah, that was rather insensitive. At least he was not hostile about it...
it probably happens to all of us a lot more than we know. most people just aren't rude about it.
today i saw a *flawlessly beautiful* trans woman downtown. what gave her away? i don't know...she definitely wasn't clockable to the average person, but other trans girls and guys who like trans girls seem to have a sixth sense about it. maybe you can think of it kind of like "gaydar," if that's useful to you.
If he knows other transwomen and asked you if you knew them, chances are he's a ->-bleeped-<- and knows what to look for.
Don't sweat it, he's probably just a perv vs you giving off any telltale signs :)
There are a few hundred reasons why he could have guessed that you are a transgendered woman. The only way he could have known is if someone told him. If he were guessing and said that, you would have been outraged or even confused if you were cis. Then he would have apologized and said he thought you were someone else or something like that. In the end, it doesn't matter although it does hurt.
If you are worried, look at yourself and work on those areas where you may be weak and that you can control. Then keep working on them. It will get better.
Hugs,
Jen
Quote from: piglet smith on April 14, 2014, 06:13:19 PM
You shouldn't let it get to you. Sometimes, some people just seem to home in on some cue that may betray you. It doesn't have to be bad, just happens. You learn to just go "ok" and go on and forget about it. I've been read so many times that it doesn't faze me anymore and so long as they keep treating me with common respect, then its all good.
Very good points there. I'm definitely going to take on your attitude. He did phase me out a bit for the weekend, but I got over it. :icon_blah:
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on April 14, 2014, 06:15:05 PM
Gina, do not let it get to you. You are all woman!
Thanks for your heart warming words Cynthia. :icon_rockon: I will definitely keep them in mind if I ever run into a situation like that again.
Quote from: birkin on April 14, 2014, 06:16:12 PM
People like that are complete jack asses. I wouldn't take it personally, because if someone is going to go out of their way to do something like that (and ask if other trans people go to the library...? Wtf? Is he trying to get a date?) they've got something going on in the head. Normal people don't pay that much attention to others unless they've got some hangup.
You've got a very good point. I've been coming to this library for a long time, and I would have picked up any other Trans here, so I really think this guy is on something. So I'll be keeping my distance. Strange way to be picking up people . . . ???
Quote from: Gina Taylor on April 15, 2014, 09:36:45 AM
Very good points there. I'm definitely going to take on your attitude. He did phase me out a bit for the weekend, but I got over it. :icon_blah:
That a girl Gena... I knew you had it in you... Some people are just jerks in this world and if we let them get to us were just allowing them to control us.. My theory... If they don't like who I am, take a hike, or better yet worry more about yourself than me, because I sure don't want to waist my time on people such as that.
Quote from: Veronica M on April 14, 2014, 06:32:54 PM
Well that kind of sucks... LOL... If it was so "obvious" you would have to think he would have been able to answer your question though... Good response by the way... Bottom line, you are who you are inside and let no one tell you different. As the saying goes, "->-bleeped-<- happens" so don't let it get you down... Your doing just fine girlfriend...
Very well said, Veronica, and thanks as always for the vote of confidence girlfriend! :)
Quote from: JamesG on April 14, 2014, 07:47:09 PM
He may have seen you before when you were presenting as male and while transitioning so would know that way. But yeah, that was rather insensitive. At least he was not hostile about it...
Interesting take on the situation, but fortunately I'm so much different when I'm in my male mode that nobody can tell the difference between the two. Were like night and day. Two totally different personalities. :) :(
Quote from: spooky on April 14, 2014, 09:18:47 PM
it probably happens to all of us a lot more than we know. most people just aren't rude about it.
today i saw a *flawlessly beautiful* trans woman downtown. what gave her away? i don't know...she definitely wasn't clockable to the average person, but other trans girls and guys who like trans girls seem to have a sixth sense about it. maybe you can think of it kind of like "gaydar," if that's useful to you.
Sure. I understand perfectly. We can almost sense these things about our own kind.
Quote from: KelsieJ on April 14, 2014, 09:33:27 PM
If he knows other transwomen and asked you if you knew them, chances are he's a ->-bleeped-<- and knows what to look for.
Don't sweat it, he's probably just a perv vs you giving off any telltale signs :)
Interesting take on it Kelsie, and that's something that I definitely will watch out for. I'm just a simple conservative woman who doesn't overdress to attract attention, so I don't really know what could have attracted him, but you never know. It could have been just simply the way that I flick my hair or something.
Quote from: Veronica M on April 15, 2014, 09:45:48 AM
That a girl Gina... I knew you had it in you... Some people are just jerks in this world and if we let them get to us were just allowing them to control us.. My theory... If they don't like who I am, take a hike, or better yet worry more about yourself than me, because I sure don't want to waste my time on people such as that.
I agree with you 100%. Fortunately he didn't get under my skin that bad, but the confusing thing that he had said was that he had made a comment about my bust line and then he told me that I was obvious.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on April 15, 2014, 09:59:37 AM
I agree with you 100%. Fortunately he didn't get under my skin that bad, but the confusing thing that he had said was that he had made a comment on my bust line and then he told me that I was obvious.
Personally I think it was like others have said here as to him being a ->-bleeped-<-... Screw him.... (Opps, poor choice of words)... LOL
Quote from: Veronica M on April 15, 2014, 10:18:37 AM
Personally I think it was like others have said here as to him being a ->-bleeped-<-... Screw him.... (Opps, poor choice of words)... LOL
You know, they don't
have to be all ->-bleeped-<-s. Some people are good at clocking because they themselves are trans, or are simply damned rude. As has been said, it's sometimes the intangible things that gives a trans person away. If you're newly transitioned then this may be expected. Becoming a woman doesn't happen overnight. We can use the experience in a positive way to learn and adapt. Makes you stronger.
Quote from: Nicolette on April 15, 2014, 10:35:37 AM
You know, they don't have to be all ->-bleeped-<-s. Some people are good at clocking because they themselves are trans, or are simply damned rude. As has been said, it's sometimes the intangible things that gives a trans person away. If you're newly transitioned then this may be expected. Becoming a woman doesn't happen overnight. We can use the experience in a positive way to learn and adapt. Makes you stronger.
Good point Nicolette, Never thought about it that way. And yes, people can be very rude at times. So true on the happening overnight. We could only wish... LOL. I try to take things one day at a time, and look at the positives rather than the negitives, but learn something from both. Seems to keep a smile on my face that way.
Quote from: Veronica M on April 15, 2014, 10:18:37 AM
Personally I think it was like others have said here as to him being a ->-bleeped-<-... Screw him.... (Opps, poor choice of words)... LOL
I couldn't agree more with you Veronica. :eusa_clap: Especially after making a contradicting remark like that. :P
Quote from: Nicolette on April 15, 2014, 10:35:37 AM
You know, they don't have to be all ->-bleeped-<-s. Some people are good at clocking because they themselves are trans, or are simply damned rude. As has been said, it's sometimes the intangible things that gives a trans person away. If you're newly transitioned then this may be expected. Becoming a woman doesn't happen overnight. We can use the experience in a positive way to learn and adapt. Makes you stronger.
Good thoughts there Nicolette. I spent a lot of time watching women and the way the do things {walk, sit, eat, etc.} before I started my transition many years ago, just so that I wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb, and I think it's paid off. So I really don't know what could have been obvious to this guy? But he could have very well have been a Trans ->-bleeped-<-, and maybe that's why those other people that he asked me about are no longer coming to the library. ???
Quote from: Gina Taylor on April 14, 2014, 09:45:49 AM
Last Friday as I was leaving the library and a gentleman on a bike came riding up to me and told me that he knows that I'm a Transgender and then he asked if I knew some others that he knew that came to the library as well. I told him that I didn't know them. Then when I asked how he knew that I was a Trans, he told me that I was obvious. But he couldn't tell me exactly what was so obvious about me. ???
The human brain is particularly good at recognizing gender differences without even knowing what clues it's picking up on so unless you are really really passable you are going to get clocked.
I'm pretty good at being able to spot someone in public who is trans* but only because I know what to look... for given they are things I'm trying to "conceal" myself. Other people know, or think they know, for whatever reason... ->-bleeped-<-, ally, hater, trans* curious, whatever. Regardless of his motives the guy was a jacka$$...rude and insensitive, quite happy to intrude into your space and kick the cart. Sorry it happened, hopefully it will be an extremely rare event into the future. :)
I'm sorry that this happened to you Gina. I must have been very upsetting for you.
The important thing is that you are woman enough to know who you are and for that you have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame is on that guy for not accepting you and not allowing you go go about your daily life in private.
You are a woman no matter what that guy says or thinks.
Hugs,
Ciara.
Quote from: Amy1988 on April 16, 2014, 04:49:42 PM
The human brain is particularly good at recognizing gender differences without even knowing what clues it's picking up on so unless you are really really passable you are going to get clocked.
Very good point there Amy. That guy gave me his e-mail address and I sent him an e-mail asking if he could tell me exactly what was so obvious about me, and here it is a week later, and I've heard nothing. Maybe he just got his jollies from meeting me or spending some time with me or something. Who knows??? I don't overdress to attract any attention to myself, so I don't know what he could have picked up that gave me away?
Quote from: Ms Grace on April 16, 2014, 05:17:00 PM
I'm pretty good at being able to spot someone in public who is trans* but only because I know what to look... for given they are things I'm trying to "conceal" myself. Other people know, or think they know, for whatever reason... ->-bleeped-<-, ally, hater, trans* curious, whatever. Regardless of his motives the guy was a jacka$$...rude and insensitive, quite happy to intrude into your space and kick the cart. Sorry it happened, hopefully it will be an extremely rare event into the future. :)
Thanks for your kindful words Ms. Grace. Like yourself, I can easily pick up on the trans myself {it takes one to know one} but as said I haven't heard or seen that guy since, and I hope it's the last I'll see of him or else I'll get my boyfriend after him, and he's no one to mess around with. :icon_pistoles:
Quote from: Ciara on April 17, 2014, 07:15:19 AM
I'm sorry that this happened to you Gina. I must have been very upsetting for you.
The important thing is that you are woman enough to know who you are and for that you have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame is on that guy for not accepting you and not allowing you go go about your daily life in private.
You are a woman no matter what that guy says or thinks.
Hugs,
Ciara.
You're absolutely right Ciara, and I sure don't need no low life telling me that I'm not a woman. :) These sort of incidents will only make me stronger in my womanhood! :icon_mrhappy:
Quote from: Gina Taylor on April 17, 2014, 11:13:20 AM
Thanks for your kindful words Ms. Grace. Like yourself, I can easily pick up on the trans myself {it takes one to know one} but as said I haven't heard or seen that guy since, and I hope it's the last I'll see of him or else I'll get my boyfriend after him, and he's no one to mess around with. :icon_pistoles:
That's good to hear Gena... By the way I like your shoes.. Me and heel won't work as one I'm a total clutes and two I am 5' 11" The heels thing is going to take some practice if I do wear them... LOL
Been clocked a few times myself. I just took it all in stride.
;)
Quote from: Veronica M on April 17, 2014, 11:21:26 AM
That's good to hear Gina... By the way I like your shoes.. Me and heel won't work as one I'm a total clutes and two I am 5' 11" The heels thing is going to take some practice if I do wear them... LOL
He probably noticed my strength and how I wasn't gonna let him talk down to me. It's amazing on how much of a strong woman I've become in the last year and the s**t I've had to put up with just to maintain my femininity. :) Thanks for the sweet compliment on my shoes. They're actually ballerina slippers by Lei available at Wal-Mart and I wear them all the time. It's a shame that you can't wear heels. :( Guess you'll have to look for an alternative.
Quote from: gennee on April 17, 2014, 02:01:21 PM
Been clocked a few times myself. I just took it all in stride.
Y'know Gennee, if it happens a little more, and I'm sure it will, I'll just take on the same attitude that you've had and I too will take it in my stride and won't make much of a bother of it. :)
Quote from: gennee on April 17, 2014, 02:01:21 PM
Been clocked a few times myself. I just took it all in stride.
;)
I imagine I'd do the same.