Hello Everyone,
So today I went to my support group today but it was kind of dark and left me afraid. I learned that a lot of the TS woman there have had issues with crime in the past or having to sell themselves for prostitution in order to make money for themselves. Some of them blame discrimination in the work place being the cause and others don't.
I have also noticed that a lot of the TS woman in my support group have some other sort of mental issues packaged with their transsexual issues that, for some of them, has caused them to commit acts of violence towards themselves or have put themselves into positions where they are committing illegal acts.
There are these two really annoying TS women in my group that are very vulgar with their choice of words and you can tell that they have been into some shady stuff in the past (they even admitted to it in the group). One of the two is kind of in between wanting to be both male and female, she identifies as female but continually says that she has no idea what gender she really is anymore. She acts and dresses much more masculine and is just overall upsetting to be around as she's very rude. She even said to the group during our discussion "If some of you think that you'll never have to do prostitution to make money just remember, especially you cute ones out there, transition can knock you down the economic ladder to the point where your willing to do ANYTHING to make money." She also keeps talking about how taking hormones will just mess up your body and that she knows this because it messed up her body so she applies that to everyone else.
After the meeting was over, i felt kind of sick as I bared whiteness to so many of them confessing to crimes that they did in the past or gross and awful things that they needed to do in order to get money.
After the meeting, some of them go out to eat with each other. I went with a group that I know did not have a bad history of committing felons. As we ate with each other, there was another TG woman there with me whom is close to my age and has been taking hormones a week longer than I have (three weeks). I asked her if she noticed any changes while being on hormones for this short duration. I worded that question wrongly so she kind of gave me a weird glare. I rephrased it by asking her if she's noticed anything about her mental being after being on hormones. She told me that she did not feel any different than before. This girl is also kind of emotionally stunted too if that gives a better perspective. But anyway, I told her that I've felt more emotional, calm, peaceful, and less aggressive by being on hormones for this long. I didn't want to share this with her but I've also noticed a decrease in sex drive (which for me feels like a relief more than anything else). She told me that "Maybe you feel this way because your more comfortable with yourself instead of it being an effect of the hormones." Can hormones not affect me this way in two weeks? Is this all in my head? I'm currently on a low dose of estrogen and am taking testosterone blockers. I'm taking them both in pill form.
I also really would like to dispel those bad thoughts that I picked up when over hearing those two rude TS women talk. They are always so negative about everything related to transition but it also scares me to hear that some people have had such struggles be it with mental issues, crime issues, money issues, or issues relating to taking the hormones for a long period of time.
I'm being heavily supervised by a really good doctor as far as my hormones are concerned. I'm just afraid of having any of these issues that some of the TS women experience. I know my job is not in vein because I've already come out to them and they 100% accept me for who I am. I have never committed a crime in my life nor have i been whiteness to a crime. I'm a HUGE softy that just wants to love everyone.
I'm just so scared... I need a hug... :'(
You can have a hug from me. Please try not to listen to the very negative people on your group. Just remember that no matter where you are in the world. The people that surround you have all made it there by taking a journey that was not the same as yours. What I mean by that is you do not have to follow the same path as anybody else. I wish you well and try to concentrate on the positive aspects of your group.
Hugs whenever you need one
:icon_hug:
Devon it sounds like you are doing things the right way. If you have a Therapist with gender experience this would be good to talk to them about. Don't let a few bad apples sour you or scare you out of transition. Transition is very possible without turning to crime. It can be very expensive depending on how far you want to go, but I personally know no one who has to prostitute to make ends meet. I personally don't attend group support meetings like this because of bad experiences like you had. I have met those like you describe and have had run ins with the "you are not trans enough" crowd. My Therapist is considering starting a new support group at the University to avoid these kinds of issue's. The ones you describe though to me appear to be the minority. Don't worry about them or what they say and keep working towards your goal. :)
Are you being 100% fair tho? I understand some of your points cuz I've dealt with some weirdo trans peeps, but not completely. Tbh I've been offered sex for money. When I was living in a car I considered it.
These are just some realities of transition for some people. The ones you talked to seem over the top, and in my experience, I don't relate to 99% of the trans crowd either so don't feel bad about that. But you shouldn't be too judgmental, life can hit people hard. Reality is something you need to face before you go ANYwhere in transition, it's not 'lala' and butterflies like at Susans
See, my transition started before my life did. So I didn't get the chance to build anything as a cismale efore transitioning like some. It's all been as a girl/transgirl, and all my energy has gone to transition. And yeah, I'm lucky in a lotta ways, but still.
At the end, some of this cant be helped some is about choices and what direction to take. Transition is a giant gamble. You just gotta cast your die and hope to god it lands where you want.
Take care hon!
Darlin' it's a support group, that means it's a trade, you act like you care about everyone else and they act like they care about you. Don't hate on people for having been places you haven't in life...
And actually the reality that being trans isn't very great unless you seriously need it. You almost always have to give up a lot to do it. It might hurt to see that but at least you can learn from them.
Thanks so much all for your words of advice. What was said at the support group does not make me question whether I want to do this or not, it just makes me really sad because I don't want to have to see anyone go through such hardships. Hearing such things always just makes me feel so depressed because I care a lot about the well being of the people I meet.
I've never thought that you have to have a bad background to be trans. I guess i phrased that badly. The biggest thing I fear of is discrimination and losing the ability to be financially stable as a result. But I shouldn't be too afraid of things like that as there are laws in place to protect people from such discrimination in my state.
I agree, I will use their examples not to feel awful about the future but to learn from the missteps of others so that my transition is as seamless and painless as possible.
For the other question I had in this post, have any of you felt any mental changes after taking hormones for a few weeks or is what I'm feeling all in my head?
I've been dealing with this all my life. I mentally felt the effects the first few weeks and just the first day was blissful because it was a dream fulfilled.
I started to feel calmer and more focused after about a week of HRT. The dark cloud I lived under dissipated There were some other changes, week three I think it was, I became very emotional, did a bit of crying, what a great release :) I also experienced a significant loss of libido by the third month, and that feels liberating.
@Abby, @Kate: please girls, please be safe.
Quote from: EllieM on April 17, 2014, 12:27:26 PM
I started to feel calmer and more focused after about a week of HRT. The dark cloud I lived under dissipated There were some other changes, week three I think it was, I became very emotional, did a bit of crying, what a great release :) I also experienced a significant loss of libido by the third month, and that feels liberating.
@Abby, @Kate: please girls, please be safe.
I also noticed a change in my libido but it was after the second week. My libido always felt very forceful and upsetting, like i couldn't control it. Now i don't feel these violent sexual urges every time i go to bed like i used to which is awesome! I had low T before I started HRT so I think that's why these changes are happening faster than they usually would for someone else.
Devon
For me low dose hrt provided almost immediate relief from dysphoria and a richer connection with others and with myself. I feel both more present and more authentic.
Yes my libido has decreased but when compared to the other benefits it is a no contest. I love who I am becoming. I could not think of life without hrt. It is now as necessary and as fundamental to my life as the air that I breathe. At an intellectual level it has also been beneficial and it's apparent diagnostic success has allowed me to accept and know that I am not deviant, damaged or fundamentally flawed.
I consider myself as immensely blessed and richer than I ever thought possible. I no longer hide as I don't feel uncomfortable, I am learning to express myself more fully and with more confidence. Yes it has raised relationship issues but change and challenge are not necessarily bad and they have caused me to consciously and respectfully choose my course and to pick my path.
Safe travels
Aisla
Quote from: sad panda on April 17, 2014, 07:44:58 AM
Darlin' it's a support group, that means it's a trade, you act like you care about everyone else and they act like they care about you. Don't hate on people for having been places you haven't in life...
Not everyone here ACTS like we care. I honestly do and have been saving lives and property for over 25 years.
Quote from: Abbyxo on April 17, 2014, 02:52:59 AM
Transition is a giant gamble.
It isn't for those who do it the right way with Therapy support and a plan. It is only a gamble if you go at it recklessly, self medicating and not having an end goal. Responsible people who do it the right way will do fine because they are prepared for life after transition and any issue's they may face. :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 17, 2014, 06:22:21 PM
Not everyone here ACTS like we care. I honestly do and have been saving lives and property for over 25 years.
Jessica
I agree with you. There seems to be more honest caring, sharing and support here than I have found anywhere else on the interweb. But at the end of the day the only person that needs to be authentic is you, that is what this site is about and quite frankly that is what life is about. To choose to be otherwise confounds me. I am on a search for truth and growth, acting rather than being just doesn't cut it.
Aisla
This is one of the reasons I stick to Susans and therapy. I need the positive reinforcement found in here. I have been to the bottom and that was then and this is now, there are things one does when it comes down to eating or not that I would not be proud of, in my case it was a sugar daddy type thing that came out of an innocent male escort scenario followed by a seduction - by him. Not needed to be repeated, and that was a long long time ago and is in the realm of the forgiven and forgotten.
I was such a slut in the bars at the time it all had become meaningless to me. Out of control, once the alcohol hit, the true me came out and she came out intensely and not healthily at all.
I have to protect my innocence, and some people are examples of where I do not wish to go, while some are role models. I choose to focus on the heros, the survivors, and the pure hearts.
And there are a lot of them on Susan's.
I don't think I can handle a support group meeting place personally. But this is too big to handle without one, whether here on line or somewhere face to face.
I also prefer the anonymity of here.
I would not have revealed any of this except I think it can help others.
I have said too much.
Get the best support you can, it's important.
Stuff happens when we are young. There is forgiveness for it and an opportunity to create a life worth living.
Support groups...where to begin? I go to one and the only thing connecting the members is that we're all trans. They are, almost without exception, people I would never hang out with in "real life". A strange bunch...
The thing is, I keep going to the meetings and I put this selfish, arrogant feeling out of my mind as best I can. Why? Because when all is said and done, whether I like it or not, I'm part of a very small minority, a segment of society that dislikes me as much as it dislikes everyone else in that room. Society often sees us all, every one of us, as exactly the same thing. I have more in common with some of the girls in that room than I do with some of my friends.
Give the group thing a good try. I've found that the attendance at meetings varies, and one week it can be painful while another week it's a beneficial experience. You'll get out what you put in. Having said that, if the group is becoming an uncomfortable place for you, don't feel bad about moving on to other pastures. Susan's Place is a pretty good support group too!
^^ that's actually why I wouldn't attend at all. IMO there's only a small percentage of us who are actually decent, level headed gals who aren't doing this for the blatant sexualized fetish fantasy of the transsexual diaspora. I prefer not to associate with those types for this precise reason that ugly people tend to have ugly personalities...
Not really .. just goto imagefap.com
tv porn ... 80K+ galleries
crossdressing porn ... 50K+ galleries
It's one of the largest niches as a whole on the entire site not even including the ->-bleeped-<- stuff.
Go figure.
Honey, it's a support group. Of course most of the women there will be in situations you find "distasteful". I'd wager that they need support pretty damn badly.
Quote from: Evelyn K on April 19, 2014, 10:31:49 AM
^^ that's actually why I wouldn't attend at all. IMO there's only a small percentage of us who are actually decent, level headed gals who aren't doing this for the blatant sexualized fetish fantasy of the transsexual diaspora. I prefer not to associate with those types for this precise reason that ugly people tend to have ugly personalities...
What does IMO mean? I'm old.
My low self esteem took my right into oh no I hope I am not one of those people she is talking about. I transitioned because if I didn't I would have cracked up. And there was a very strong fetishistic element to it for a long time, since relieved wonderfully through hormones. Its just that there is a lot more to it with me than just that. TS goes deep and gets deeper as I dig into it in therapy as it applies to my life.
Hormones did some very nifty things to my mind and they continue to do so. I need them to stay sane. How I feel is important to me, how I look is also important. I felt it right off the bat, and I will never forget feeling the leg and lip and brain receptors fire for the first time on estrogen. Instant heaven for me.
Someone should also tell me what a trigger warning is. I don't know very much about these things.
And diaspora. Don't know what that means either.
I seem to be meeting a whole lot of very nice transpeople in here. And I need them.
Looks like I opened up a little of the dark side of me here this time. We probably all have one somewhere. I just get invested in wanting to look good. Back in the drinking days I was very ill physically, emotionally and mentally. No surprise since it almost killed me through alcohol poisoning.
Therapy is crucial. Good therapy.
I am not feeling well tonight. Something in here set me off and I don't know what it was, not just in this thread. It has to do with my fundamental perception of myself as TS, I am very sensitive about being TS but remaining stealth. This thing will blow my mind if I let it, I went way too far trying to fight it and my mind got hurt.
I sound like an idiot tonight.
I hope the OP is getting something useful out of the thread, its a bit of a scary journey here.
Lots of good people in this forum. I don't know if folks know just how fragile I really am. I play the warrior a lot but my heart is vulnerable and uncovered, in desperation to be accepted. I don't think I could handle a face to face support group.
Sad really.
Quote from: Evelyn K on April 19, 2014, 10:31:49 AM
^^ that's actually why I wouldn't attend at all. IMO there's only a small percentage of us who are actually decent, level headed gals who aren't doing this for the blatant sexualized fetish fantasy of the transsexual diaspora. I prefer not to associate with those types for this precise reason that ugly people tend to have ugly personalities...
I'm a half full girl myself, but I've never attended a trans support group, maybe because of how much I hated AA/NA meetings, or my own smugness about such things, I don't know. I have no fetishes or fantasies, though, and I think you must be over-generalizing about the diaspora of trans women and the fetish aspect of our lives. I think that when it's all said and done, the fetish things have way, way more to do with ->-bleeped-<-s/crossdressers, than us. I'd been suicidal for decades and maybe if I'd had a fetish I'd been having some fun during those brains on the ceiling daydreams, but I just knew I was female in my heart and soul, not some guy who likes to wear garter belts and stockings. Your comment about only a small percentage of transwomen who are decent level headed gals sounds not only over simplistic, but arrogant and haughty to me. That's only IMO, though, so take it with a grain of salt or however you want to. I've met a lot of women here who just seem like they're finally getting their lives together like me, and don't want to be pre-judged like we are out there in the world. Even now, we (including you, hon) are, on the whole, just a bunch of perverts with sexualized fetishistic fantasies and not worth our weight in ->-bleeped-<-e according to much of this country, especially the Bible belt. I don't believe that. I went to my 40 year high school reunion, and even though nearly every single person there was open and accepting, there was a long time born again Christian girl who, in front of everyone, asked to lay hands on me, the unspoken thought was that I have a demon that's causing me to dress like a woman! I chastised her for trying to make a scene for her own self aggrandizing. I choose to look at the women on Susan's Place much differently than you, although I once belonged to another group that actually had more TV/CD's than transgendered women and I had to cut it back to nearly zero. Your words would probably fit there perfectly, but not here. Hugs, Mira
Quote from: sad panda on April 17, 2014, 07:44:58 AM
Darlin' it's a support group, that means it's a trade, you act like you care about everyone else and they act like they care about you. Don't hate on people for having been places you haven't in life...
I have to agree with Jessica on this comment. I don't just ACT like I care, I actually DO CARE, especially after what I've been through to get to where I am today, and I'm a little offended as I believe a lot of girls here are after reading this.
As for therapists and support groups, I just recently found a new therapist whom I feel will do me good to have someone I can talk to face to face about what I've been through, and my goals which for the most part is full transition complete with VFS, and GRS after a reasonable time on hrt. So far my insurance is covering everything but I'm not above selling my house to get the money for my surgeries if it came down to it. Bottom line, my life literally depends on it. So I take all of this and my membership here on Susan's VERY seriously.
With regard to the OP, I wish you the very best with your transition. and if you feel you need to talk one on one feel free to pm me. I've lived this all my life and I am a bit older so I might have some insight on a few things that can help you. One piece of advice I can give here I remember reading someone else has already said. And that is to not let any bad experiences with support groups, or any one person talk you out of transition. The dysphoria will never go away but it will become worse as time goes by and if nothing is being done about it, it can lead you to some very dark places.
Hugs, :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
Ally :icon_flower:
P.S: SatinJoy, IMO means In My Opinion. I'm older too and had to look it up myself, lol!
Quote from: Miranda Catherine on April 19, 2014, 11:05:54 PM
I'm a half full girl myself, but I've never attended a trans support group, maybe because of how much I hated AA/NA meetings,........ I've met a lot of women here who just seem like they're finally getting their lives together like me, and don't want to be pre-judged like we are out there in the world. Even now, we (including you, hon) are, on the whole, just a bunch of perverts with sexualized fetishistic fantasies and not worth our weight in ->-bleeped-<-e according to much of this country, especially the Bible belt. I don't believe that. I went to my 40 year high school reunion, and even though nearly every single person there was open and accepting, there was a long time born again Christian girl who, in front of everyone, asked to lay hands on me, the unspoken thought was that I have a demon that's causing me to dress like a woman! I chastised her ..........
The lack of understanding in the Christian community needs so much work. Much of my own pain stems directly from this, and the mistranslation and misapplication of scriptures.
So sorry to hear that. There are many Christians here on the forum who are trans and had to push through all of this. That section of the forum can be very helpful for hurts like this one.
Very unfortunate.
I'm in AA over 30 years now LOL. Saved my life. Hey whatever works...
Yeah theres a big bunch of healthy in this forum, and it has helped me beyond measure.
All of that hurt and misrepresentation out there sure screws things up. If someone knows I am a transexual they probably jump right to drag queen. Nothing could be farther from the truth, no disrepect intended for the drags, they hurt too. I just want to be me and be allowed to live in peace without feeling like some kind of defective product.
That demon thing is not in the Bible as applicable to trans. She was clueless. Clueless is just clueless.
Thank God we have Susan's to air it all out and get some help and support.
Quote from: Satinjoy on April 19, 2014, 08:45:35 PM
What does IMO mean? I'm old.
<BigGrin>
Not buying it, S.J. I'm old too, and In My Opinion, you aught to know what IMO means, IMHO...
</BigGrin>
LOL.
I couldn't figure it out. You should have seen me working out ffs and grs. Took a while, just funny really, so innocent.
Athena, keep your eyes wide open girl. Keep going to therapy and maintain your support mechanisms.
I am a Professional Engineer and I manage a department. I love what I do, where I work and my family. I am truly lucky! Oh yah, I am trans too.
When I was very young I went through some heavy stuff then the coping stuff then the denial and numb depression stuff then the I want to live stuff. It is all stuff between friends ;), hugs.