I don't know what to do. My partner has asked me to move out. I have no money and nowhere to go. I will be on the streets in a matter of days. I can't survive on the streets. I can't live like this. Times like this makes me think that ending it all is my best option.
I hate to hear that. Please remember you are thinking about a permanent end to a temporary problem. Being trans we have all proven we are stronger than most. Just channel that energy and think of every other option available such as family, friends, temporary shelters. Do you have a time limit or is this a now type thing? ???
In the US I believe if you lived in a location for a period of time (4 months?) then you can't simply be told to leave which is an unlawful eviction. Allison please check with your local eviction laws so you can get yourself time to address these matters and get resources to help lift you back up.
Allison - there has got to be a solution better than "the end". Lets think about it -
Do you have any friends that you could crash on their couch for a bit while you figure things out?
Do you have any family that you could go to?
Maybe you could work something out with your partner by explaining the circumstance you'd be in if you got thrown out on the street and plead for mercy for a short period of time while you make arrangements to leave?
Is it possible to leave the area where you are and get to where you do have some friends/family?
Don't give up sweetie - there is always a way.
depending where you live there are temporary shelters in a lot of cities. call the city help line like 311 and get directions
Quote from: Evelyn K on April 17, 2014, 10:54:30 PM
In the US I believe if you lived in a location for a period of time (4 months?) then you can't simply be told to leave which is an unlawful eviction. Allison please check with your local eviction laws so you can get yourself time to address these matters and get resources to help lift you back up.
Allison listen to Evelyn. As a former landlord I can vouch for what she's saying though it is 3 months (90 days) not 4 unless that's unique to your particular state. Before my career ended due to serious accident, I owned property in W.Va., California, Florida, and DC. (Washington DC.) and it's pretty much the same anywhere you go. The worse your roommate could do is file for an eviction where you'll be served a 3 to 7 day notice(depending on state). All you need to do is challenge the notice and you'll have anywhere from 60 to 120 days (it takes that long for them to set a court date, and you have at least 1 continuance which will prolong the action further), to find another place and get back on your feet.
I can also tell you from hard, hurtful experience for I tried twice to take the easy way out, that our very wise sister Jessica's correct, Your talking about a permanent option to a temporary problem. There are also agencies that can help you with this such as your local Dept. of Health and Human Services, and State Housing Dept. Please, look for other options. I'm confident there's one out there for you if you look hard enough.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on April 17, 2014, 10:31:41 PM
I hate to hear that. Please remember you are thinking about a permanent end to a temporary problem. Being trans we have all proven we are stronger than most. Just channel that energy and think of every other option available such as family, friends, temporary shelters. Do you have a time limit or is this a now type thing? ???
Thank you all for caring. Here are a few more details...
I have no family nearby. I live in California and my family lives in New York. My relationship with them was not great pre-transition (hence the 3200 mile buffer zone) and has become nonexistent since I transitioned.
I have been out of work for more than six months and have exhausted my unemployment benefits. I have applied for over 200 jobs and not received one offer. I have checked with my local Social Services office and I may be eligible for $100 in food stamps a month, but that is it.
I live in Northern California and homelessness is a huge problem. All homeless shelters in the area have a 14-21 day waiting period.
I have no phone and have limited internet access. I have put a plea for help out on Facebook for help.
My partner is FTM, works part time for minimum wage at a fast food restaurant, receives public assistance, and has a small child. By his logic he should be the one who stays in the apartment because the child needs shelter and should not suffer because of our relationship issues. I agree with that to a degree, I would never do anything to harm the child, I love her more than life itself.
Me moving out causes some issues that he is not comprehending. I am the primary person on the lease. All the utilities are in my name. All of the furniture, dishes, and cookware are mine. If I were the spiteful sort I could comply with his wishes and move, take all of my possessions, shut off the utilities and leave him in a cold, dark, empty apartment.
I don't know what to do.
Well, If your the primary on the lease I wouldn't go any where.
of course I don't know how that would work if you don't have the money to pay the rent.
there are organizations that help people pay rent in emergencies
It's a pretty heartless ultimatum. As you are the primary and have the household assets, do you want to move out? If you intend to leave anyway for the sake of the child, I'd suggest telling your partner you will do so but on your own terms, once you've arranged new accommodation, etc.
Quote from: Ms Grace on April 18, 2014, 05:25:46 PM
It's a pretty heartless ultimatum. As you are the primary and have the household assets, do you want to move out? If you intend to leave anyway for the sake of the child, I'd suggest telling your partner you will do so but on your own terms, once you've arranged new accommodation, etc.
I don't want to move out, and I don't want the relationship to end. I love him and his child and would do anything in the world for them. I don't know how things went so wrong so quickly. I've begged him to go to counseling both on his own and as a couple and he is unwilling.
Quote from: stephaniec on April 18, 2014, 05:12:33 PM
there are organizations that help people pay rent in emergencies
Allison, I'm from California in the southern part of the state and I know Cali has one of the best social services system in the US. You can get help paying the rent, utilities, and you may even be eligible for financal assistance.
Personally, If my name was on the lease I wouldn't be going anywhere. And, if your SO is intent on moving out I'd give him time only for the sake of the child. Once your there alone you should have no problem qualifying for assistance with your rent and utilities until you get back on your feet.
Allison, it sounds like you love him. Is there a reparative relationship possibility?
An update:
I am still in a very dark place. The relationship is still hell. He asked me again today to move out.
But...
My plea for help on Facebook touched an old friend, someone who lives 3000 miles away and I haven't seen in 20 years. She connected me with a collogue that lives in my area. My friend and her colleague decided that it was important for me to have a phone so that I am able to reach out to service agencies and be available for job inquires...
So they got together and bought me a pre-paid cell phone with 200 minutes. I'm stunned and was brought to tears by the generosity of someone I haven't seen in over two decades and a complete stranger. There really are good people in this world still.
Sorry to hear that but if your name is on the lease; it's your place. If he's going to be an ass about it you're going to have to be too. Don't let him take advantage of you.
It is your place, put your foot down in private away from the little one. Then calmly suggest she sort herself out and think of her responsibility as a mother. Then explain it is your home and you are happy to give them both a place to live and in the future you would consider putting it in their name. Until such time they need to respect your place. Do not back down and above all do not allow anyone to walk over you. However do this where the little one can not see you both talk or they might get upset. Kids are -very- clever, do not doubt this ever.
Quote from: Sarah leah on April 21, 2014, 03:39:16 AM
It is your place, put your foot down in private away from the little one. Then calmly suggest she sort herself out and think of her responsibility as a mother. Then explain it is your home and you are happy to give them both a place to live and in the future you would consider putting it in their name. Until such time they need to respect your place. Do not back down and above all do not allow anyone to walk over you. However do this where the little one can not see you both talk or they might get upset. Kids are -very- clever, do not doubt this ever.
Again, as a former landlord I second Sarah's suggestion, and Orihime's below. Sadly there are times in your life you've got to stand up for yourself and think of #1, you, and this is one of them. As is pointed out above and below: your name is on the lease so bottom line, it's your place not your SO's. Just do your best to keep any arguments out of earshot of the little one. Type your SO up a letter explaining this, and hand it to him. Then you won't have to worry about the child overhearing any of it.
Quote from: Orihime on April 21, 2014, 12:46:27 AM
Sorry to hear that but if your name is on the lease; it's your place. If he's going to be an ass about it you're going to have to be too. Don't let him take advantage of you.
Quote from: allisonsteph on April 17, 2014, 10:23:18 PM
I don't know what to do. My partner has asked me to move out. I have no money and nowhere to go. I will be on the streets in a matter of days. I can't survive on the streets. I can't live like this. Times like this makes me think that ending it all is my best option.
Update 04/25/2014:
Things are going much better in my relationship. We have come to a mutual understanding and are trying to work things out. We have come to the realization that it is quite likely that I am being adversely effected by some of the medications I am taking.
My partner looked in the cabinet where I keep my medications and discovered that I was taking an anti-depressant and two different medications for anxiety. He googled the combination that I was taking and the potential side effects are not pretty. Apparently I had been exhibiting some signs of being a danger to myself and others and part of his reason for wanting me out was safety.
My car was repossessed earlier this week, so I am not able to get to the doctor, but I am corresponding via email and working to wean myself off of the meds. My partner remarked this morning that last week he didn't even know who I was anymore, and now he is starting to see the old me again.
That is so good to hear Allison. I am glad things are back on track! :)
Jeez, you go away for a week and you miss everything around here! Glad things are coming back together for you Allison. This is a textbook example of the "permanent solution to temporary problems" situation. Hang in there!
Yes Allison from me too, I'm sooooo happy things are working out for you. :icon_flower:
I sometimes find the combinations of meds to be frightening. I try to limit how many I need because of it. I'm glad that you were able to discover the cause of your problems and that he actually cared enough to try to figure it out rather than just dump you. he sounds like someone worth working things out with.
I'm glad you are getting things worked out.