I seem to be coming out more based on insecurity. And maybe to warn that my presentation is getting way more andro. This appears to be self destructive.
Anyone walk this path?
I've felt that, too. And I've had my doubts, because of being raised in the South, I was raised to think even being gay was horribly wrong, let alone being transgender; but then I realize the dysphoria and desire to be physically male for as long as I can remember, and it feels right. Then my friends call me by male pronouns, and it feels even more right.
The one thing I can think to tell you is that you have to accept yourself, that you are trans, and the rest will fall into place in time. :)
Funnily enough I am coming out to close friends and colleagues because I feel more rather than less secure. I accept and am comfortable with declaring myself as TG and that I take low dose hrt.
Having been stealth for so long and also being quite reserved by nature I think that my sense of increasing confidence is also based on the fact that I wish to show friends my authentic self; who I really am; my weaknesses; and my fears and my dreams.
Aisla
First you admit to yourself that you are trans*. Then you can come out because to not come out is to invalidate yourself. This only applies to people who you want to know you as you. It doesn't matter how you present. As for the casual passers by and aquaintances in life... its none of their business. Sort of like most things in your personal life.
For me it is a sense of actualizing the situation. Like, ok, I am ready and it is time to go to the next stage. I guess it does validate my feelings. Vocalizing it has a way of making it feel true. Plus, you know, I can't hide very well anymore.
Hi!
I didn't come out to anyone other than my wife until I was absolutely sure I was going to transition and that was when I started taking major irreversible steps like FFS. I really see little point in doing it before then with anyone other than SO's as you immediately reduce your room to manœuvre and do things at your own pace ie. the more people you come out to the more you will feel pressured to move forward with a transition you may not at all be otherwise ready for. My 2c's Worth.
Hugs
Donna
P.S. Obviously if you actually want to put pressure on yourself to move forward, there's no better way to do it. A bit like pledging to lose weight, stop smoking etc in front of a large group. If you don't deliver afterwards, you will be afraid of losing face and not being taken seriously.
I came out to very few people at first, butter closer I got to realising transition was a thing that was going to happen not just some fantasy I dying to tell people because I was so excited and wanted to share. I still mostly kept a lid on it until the week before I transitioned to full time. The suspense was killing me!
Well in my case I have been on hrt for 7 months and want/need ffs sometime soon so I kinda just need to get this over with. I am out to a few people including my SO, but I need to tell my parents. I just got some books today I'm going to send to them with my letter.
My mother still doesnt know. Those that can handle it I may tell. Those that it would trouble, and she is mid 80's and frail, don't need to know. She would worry too much.
I gotta get a grip on it. Coming out based on insecurity is probably not very bright.
I've found that the old adage "You are only as sick as your secrets" also applies to being trans. The more I've come to accepting myself for who and what I am, the better I feel about myself when I do fess up and come out.
Chicken & Egg situation me thinks once you reach that initial epiphany
LOL I wonder where you got that line from, one that I bring up all the time in a certain place
Agreed whole heartedly. I wish I wasn't such a raw nerve.
For me it was...different...than most here, I'd imagine.
I have always been sort of a self-inflicted outcast. I'm not too keen on socializing too much person-to-person because, well, for the most part I value my space and find the vast majority of people repugnant. However, quite a few people can't take the hint that I like being by myself 99/100 times, so always felt the need to "check in on me" from time to time to try to cheer me up. These solipsists...people who think that everyone is like them...think that just because they can't live by themselves, no one can. Their "good intent" actually saps me, drains me, leaves me feeling empty.
My wife and kids are almost too much sometimes, to be honest hahahaha.
There are the exceptions: the select few people who I actually like being around. These people are sharp, insightful, and secure in themselves enough to understand my position in life. Quite frankly, I would much rather be reading and writing than "hanging out" with people...but that is why I do so well/am so comfortable on a place like Susan's because I interact with people purely by reading and writing...feels as if we are all characters in a novel. If I don't want the drama, I just don't read it. If I don't like this story, I leave it. My more sensitive senses remain safe, shielded. Pecular, yes, but I never professed to being "typical." Not once.
There is a difference between being a loner and being alone. True loners are like true vegans: just like a vegan doesn't care much for meat at all, a loner doesn't miss the interaction.
I am asocial, not anti-social. Anti-social people cause trouble, like to stir the social pot. Me? I would rather let everyone else be, outside of some forum or having a pen-pal. I am a very courteous person and can chat for days if someone wants to, but don't bother inviting me over because I probably am not going to invite you. (Again, there are the exceptions.)
So, every thing I can broadcast about myself that is true and that can "filter out" shallow-minded people, I use. When I remembered my trans-nature...that had been supressed for years...I was quick to broadcast it because why? I knew it would thin the herd. And guess what? It did. Now, the only people who remain are those who I enjoy being with anyways.
I am an exile, and proud of it. I paid my debt to society when I was in the USAF and find no need to sacrafice any more of myself than I already have. To be able to "divorce" myself society as much as possible is a great feeling, very liberating. I don't want trouble and I don't want to cause it: but like I said, anything about me that I can use to get space from the shallow folk I use.
Being known is the most important part of my transition and I'm in the early middle part of mine in a much slower transition due to kids, spouse, professional concerns, though so far it's gone beautifully. I'm now about to tell some family but not because the changes are too much to hide but because being known is important to me. I could wait another year but why? Are they with me or not? That's what I want to know and I want them to know who I am so I'm not hiding from them. The speed of my transition is a separate issue to my authenticity in my close relationships. I'm coming out soon to them even though I won't be full time for quite some time.
I just decided to be out without being out. Letting myself feel and be real outside the door, andro presentation, nails and all, but a bit genderqueer visually.
This is going to get scary and interesting.
Tired of being made "less than" by outside negative influencers. Its about time I recognize both my inner and outer beauty instead of trying to hide all the time.