Do you ever just get to the point where you just don't care? what gender you are, what gender people identify you as?
I first noticed this in the hospital. This was a year or two ago. I had come in unconscious from a heroin overdose. Those who had worked on me at the scene and inserted my catheter referred to me as female (I still have and always will have female genitals). And the rest the staff were confused 'that's a man! why do they keep saying she!' It was actually kind of funny in my groggy state. I was also apparently very bloody from them forcing the tubes and me fighting them unconsciously. I must have looked a sight. :laugh:
But it was probably then that I first realized I really don't care. I mean, I prefer 'he, him, sir, etc'. But I'm not sure how much it really matters. Why should it? I am half man, half woman. Physically. Chronologically. I lived a life as a girl. Does it matter? Really? Not to me.
I don't know. Maybe now the dysphoria is gone, I can feel this way. I didn't feel this way when I first came out. Now, well I kind of like being a hybrid. I don't know why I shouldn't.
I'd like to think I reached a point where I don't care if people think I'm female (socially). I mean, I don't really look female, and I'd be surprised if someone referred to me as a woman. It hasn't happened in like 5 or 6 months...so I don't know, maybe I just think I'd not care, but if it happened I might end up being devastated. I was really upset last time it happened despite being seen as male for a while.
Mostly I care about being male sexed. I don't think I could ever get over not having a fully male body, personally. But if I was 100% male physically, and people thought I was a woman now and again, I'd probably be able to handle it a little bit better.
Yeap thats how I kinda feel sometimes...
There are times which I feel gender neutral and dont really give a <not allowed> how others see me as long I can be free to be myself
and even though I would much rather have them see me as female rather than male , I do understand that Im a kind of hybrid and some people may see me different than others
same goes with pronouns and stuff, I would much rather preffer the female ones but sometimes I feel like im in the middle so no pronouns would be the best...
Hhhhm I wonder if this will change when transition ends or if I really have a gender neutral side in me...
ps I dont even know if this makes sense , im half asleep
I thought I didn't really care not so long ago, but I'm find that I do care and I care deeply. Maybe part of that is the idea that with grad school and student loans looming in my immediate future, I might be non-op instead of pre-op. I don't think I'll be able to afford both my education and SRS.
My partner and I got the hairy eyeball from some folks last weekend, and it really sucks. My partner is fairly androgynous, and I know I look like I'm trans. But I don't want to use breast forms again. I don't want to wear padded bras. I want to be taken seriously as the woman I am despite my outward appearance and my accursed voice.
The important thing, though, is that there are a great many people who see me as the woman I see myself and they treat me as such, in spite of knowing my story. So I cherish those thoughts, and it helps.
Yep, this is where I'm at now for the most part. I mean I say boy but that just means... as I was born. It's pretty freeing. I hate gender honestly.
No, I have not reached that point. Maybe, someday, I hope to leave it all behind me and not care. But for now, it's kind of a problem.
It would be nice not to worry about it, but I do. All the freaking time. I got to the point where I hated everything masculine about myself and felt the need to be emasculated 100%.
During my meltdown, I remember crying my eyes out one night and screaming at the top of my lungs, "I don't want to be a man."
I'm a girl, I have a very feminine brain and I want my body to match. If I feel differently after the orchi, then great. If not, I'm scheduling SRS.
Yes and no, it depends. When I'm home by myself I don't care at all, I'm "me" not he/she. In public, or with friends/family it must be "she"...
I can't imagine getting to that place. I lost my family in order to transition and would have considered giving up pretty much everything else as well. All because I cared so much about what gender I was.
Quote from: suzifrommd on May 01, 2014, 07:03:41 AM
I can't imagine getting to that place. I lost my family in order to transition and would have considered giving up pretty much everything else as well. All because I cared so much about what gender I was.
Well, I really didn't give much up (except the ability to do the guy working outside my window right now :laugh:).
But I was pretty serious about gender early in transition. But this is years after transition and dysphoria are gone. I mean, I still don't want to hear 'ma'am' or 'she'. Not really sure how to describe it. Maybe it's just that the dysphoria is gone.
I'm a bit unusual in that I do hear various pronouns on a regular basis these days despite being post-transition. I'm not visibly trans, just my style is very androgynous, and sometimes people have a hard time figuring out if I'm a pretty 15-year-old boy or a 20-something boyish lesbian. It can be a bit strange to go from being hit on by some bloke to being served with a polite "sir" in the space of an hour, but I'm mostly used to it.
I kind of hate all pronouns equally, anyway. It does creep me out a little that sometimes people think I'm straight when I'm with my gf, but whatever.
The only thing that really bothers me is that I find washrooms and change rooms perpetually nervous-making. I'm still waiting to get beat up, I guess.
Oh and I hate people that I'm not close with knowing I'm trans. It makes me super uncomfortable around doctors and old family friends. I'm not sure that's dysphoria exactly? More just part of my untrusting nature.
I used to care enormously about gender, and the first year and a half of my transition was a daily nightmare in which I could think of little else. Being constantly misgendered me kept it on my mind.
And then something changed. My presentation, my voice and my appearance seemed to converge at a point where strangers started automatically addressing me as 'sir' instead of 'madam'. I've had a joyous couple of months now where I haven't been misgendered anywhere (apart from by my family) and I'm now feeling much more comfortable in my own skin, and confident in my gender. As such, I find that gender doesn't bother me as much any more, because fewer and fewer people are interpreting mine incorrectly.
It's got to the point where I would probably laugh if someone called me 'madam' because it would seem ridiculous if they did so. Just a couple of months ago, I would've felt deeply hurt and disenfranchised.
I can't say so for myself, but I do find people that don't more interesting that the "normies." Not in a carnival sideshow kind of way, but in a expanding my mind, making me think kind of way.
Quote from: Jen on May 01, 2014, 11:41:55 AM
I can't say so for myself, but I do find people that don't more interesting that the "normies." Not in a carnival sideshow kind of way, but in a expanding my mind, making me think kind of way.
Seconded.
Quote from: Jen on May 01, 2014, 11:41:55 AM
I can't say so for myself, but I do find people that don't more interesting that the "normies." Not in a carnival sideshow kind of way, but in a expanding my mind, making me think kind of way.
I live to serve, my lady. ;)
I don't feel like that and I don't think I ever will. But I don't think it's uncommon. I think if you've reached a point in your life that you're happy with, your tolerance for other people's idiocy or ignorance or whatever increases greatly, so it bothers you less because you, yourself, are at peace with it. It must be a really amazing thing.
Somewhat yes but I find that my resting state of mind sees myself as she/her and so onward we go.
I am finding myself to be less and less concerned with labels and more and more concerned with just being and expressing myself. I am usually quite happy to wear a label of A or GQ but really even these are just a distraction. I am me, I try to be fully present and I try to be authentic. Labels really come with too much baggage and too many expectations/judgement to be comfortable or to capture who I am.
Aisla
I tend to be outwardly female and inwardly genderqueer. I'm aware that people are more attracted to me when I present as binary-gendered but inwardly I'm pretty androgynous. I'm about to cut my hair again so I anticipate some sir'ring in the future and I personally actually prefer it these days than "miss," which feels diminutive and un-powerful to me. So I think I might end up being MtFtX, which would somewhat mind-trippy but in a cool way.
For me this is partly a product of not being gender-policed as a child, and also having qualities that are malleable so I can be read as either man or woman fairly easily depending on how I dress and behave. I'm just not super-attached to being gendered one way or the other, but like being a woman if I'm forced to choose since I'm more naturally feminine.
Everybody knows that I am dad, and I am wearing skirt, heels and lipstick. What can I do at this point? It is no longer my business, and nowadays it seems that it is no longer their business, either.
barbie~~
I had a think on this and realised that I'm no longer misgendered by anyone but my mother in law, and she is 92 and does try. I don't think I 'pass' particularly well, but my attitude to life is such that I think people just accept me. Would I be upset if misgendered? I don't know, but I think it would just be so odd for someone to do so.
For 6 years, I've thought about gender and its complexities all the time; I'm starting to get to the point where I just don't care about it anymore. I'd love to live in a genderless world.
Quote from: Cindy on May 03, 2014, 05:00:30 PM
I had a think on this and realised that I'm no longer misgendered by anyone but my mother in law, and she is 92 and does try. I don't think I 'pass' particularly well, but my attitude to life is such that I think people just accept me. Would I be upset if misgendered? I don't know, but I think it would just be so odd for someone to do so.
My 94yo grandmother misgendered me until she saw me.. Seems seeing is believing..
On the odd occasion that I get misgendered now, I find an incredulous look and a raised eyebrow works well. I don't let it get to me, what's the point? My past is my past..
Yeah I've kinda gotten to that point. I realize, in a weird way, what I truly want is to be *expected* to be female. So basically i wish i was cis. But yeah, passing is a breeze, I even pass as female when I deliberately try to look male and I just don't care anymore. I'm burned out.
I dont want it to be some shameful little secret like it is in my interactions with people who don't know. And for people who do know, I don't want it to be something they so graaciously accept. And that's all it'll ever be so I don't care.
I think that's why the idea of being male, partly, appeals to me...even though I ironically don't pass as one anymore. It's something I can be without being denied. It's something I'm expected to be. And a part of me might rather that. At this point I don't care about gender...I just wanna be real.
But it's whatever. If you'll excuse me, gotta take my hormones, ironically. I made my decision, fullll steam ahead lol.
Quote from: Abbyxo on May 04, 2014, 11:29:26 AM
I realize, in a weird way, what I truly want is to be *expected* to be female.
I really feel that way too.
In a sense, it would be nice to be expected to be a heteronormative female, with the accompanying pressures. Instead, informed and accepting people that know I'm trans don't assume I'm attracted to males. They don't assume I have or want a vagina. They don't assume I have stereotypical feminine interests or goals in life. They do, however, make such assumptions about any other random woman until shown otherwise.
It's nice they don't make assumptions about me, but in an irrational way it still makes me feel different. My (mostly) accepting mother still puts pressure on my sister to find a nice husband and settle down. Otoh, she actually wanted me to be a lesbian when I came out.
I prefer male pronouns and to be treated like a man. However, as I'm kinda in the andro-phase it bothers me when people stare as even though I've always had an appearance that doesn't fit into main stream appearances, which causes people to stare at times. It's not that I don't care about the gender I'm referred to as, but being seen as an it or something weird bothers me.
TLDR: I'm a person and I should be treated with the same respect as other people on this Earth.
I've been following this thread and I must say this is very interesting. Honestly, I can't imagine ever getting to that point. Maybe that says something about my transition status or my age, but gender still plays a big role in my life. Perhaps it won't matter once I can look the way I way and present the way I feel. In time, things like pronouns probably will feel more like formalities as long as I can be myself to the greatest extent. If I can reach that stage, maybe the title itself won't matter.
I do care what gender I am, that's why I transitioned. I don't think about it much though and I don't get stressed when people that known me for a long time misgender me occasionally, just so long as they don't do it consistently. Most of the time, I am just Jaime and I go about my business and don't pay a lot of attention to how most people refer to me.
Personally I don't care, but I don't like people arguing over it like the male and female employee at the local hardware store that argued over whether or not I was a man or a woman, and if I was a woman they wondered if I was some kind of dyke lesbian. It's just too crazy when that happens. The woman employee became a friend, the guy is still smarting for being called out as a dork.