So I've struggled for a long time dealing with depression and dysphoria before finally coming to terms with my transsexualism (I'm male-to-female). I figured this out when I was 17 with the help of a surprisingly open-minded girlfriend. That was two years ago, and within those two years I've graduated high school, gotten a job, bought a car, become single, go on dates, work out, and basically play the part of your average young man figuring out his life before going into college, at least that's how my parents see it.
While struggling with my gender identity I confided in a small number of friends from school and my sister. I got lucky with my friends as they are all fiercely loyal and willing to learn when they say something unintentionally upsetting to me, and they've all referred to me with female pronouns and my new name despite my obviously male exterior and this group of friends is extremely comforting in times when my dysphoria makes life really hard for me. The only problem is while I can be the woman inside me around them, I am stuck living with my parents who know nothing of my gender struggles or the fact I am a woman in a man's body. This hurts me, as our family motto is "family first," and we're all very close to grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins,and especially immediate family members. I feel like there are no secrets being held within my extended family other than my transexuality, and that makes me feel uncomfortable and very upset, and so I feel I should tell my parents who I am and put my family first and trust them with such important information. However, my family and I are all very religious Christians (my sister and I still support LGBT rights very strongly, which is something my parents do know), and because my parents follow the overly common Christian stereotype of disapproving of homosexuality, bisexuality, and consider transgender people, cross dressers, and the like as "freaks," (I learned about transsexualism by hearing my dad bash it when I was a child). But despite this knowledge I feel I need to tell them, and that I'm tired of pretending to be their son. But why would this sound like a good idea?
Lately my dysphoria has gotten extremely difficult to deal with, to the point where I've gone into work and started shaking violently and fighting back tears simply because I liked a customer's skirt and thought I'd like to own one like that, before realizing that if I did I'd never be able to wear it while my parents were around because of this facade I'm forced to put on because I'm afraid of my parents. But despite the fear and unease I feel when thinking about this, I feel I'd have a better chance of being accepted now then I would have had 2 years ago as my parents befriended a homosexual man recently and kind of had their eyes opened about the blatant hate they were giving out. Ever since we befriended this man, who is a really lovely person, my parents no longer get angry when speaking about homosexuality instead saying that it really doesn't bother them but disagree with the practice as it's slammed pretty hard by the Bible. I believe this is because instead of just hearing about the "evils of homosexuality," at church and when speaking to other like-minded people, they actually met a man with a boyfriend and saw the issue from his perspective through long, serious talks with him (and no they weren't trying to convert him or anything, they just wanted to learn more about the topic from a new angle). Because of this new attitude shift, I feel they may be receptive to hearing about transsexualism and won't lash out with anger immediately and they may be willing to learn more about it, or at least that's what I'm hoping.
The way I look at the issue is if I come out and they accept me, I'll be able to be myself in the comfort of my own home and get support and love from where it matters most. If they aren't accepting of it and try to force me to change my ways, I can just go back to my male facade until I move out. And if the worst case scenario happens (which I pray it won't) and they expel me from their house I already buy all of my own clothes, food, gas, and have a fully paid off car in my name and enough supportive friends who would be willing to lend me a couch to sleep on until I can afford my own place somewhere. However I'm still uncertain of what to do and because I know nobody in a situation similar to mine, I'm here to ask for advice of all kinds. Thank you so much for reading this excessively long post,
-Jennifer :D
PS: Some more info about me
-I'm almost fully self reliant (I occasionally help my parents pay bills), although I can't afford rent but I buy all my own clothes, gadgets, food, gas, and pay my own phone bill.
-I'm not in school of any kind at the moment, but am instead focusing on making my hobbies into a career and my parents are very supportive in that. I still am considering going to college later when it's a more affordable option.
-If you need any more info about me that I didn't put in here, feel free to ask me.
It is very difficult, sometimes parents can surprise you and be nice sometimes they can just disown you. I think if you can cope with being kicked out / disowned then it's worth the risk, they might be supportive. One thing is for sure, don't live someone elses life for the sake of your parents. That path is the worse one to take.
I would suggest you see a psychiatrist and gp first though. Having an official diagnosis can be helpful when telling parents.
Thank you, Serenation. I suppose I can look into counseling at the moment. I literally know nothing about that though, but maybe Google can help me find a gender therapist not far from my house, lol. After getting a diagnosis, I'll talk to my parents then and use that diagnosis as proof this is a real thing and not just my imagination.
The process of getting started would be different in each country. Even would vary from State to State. I can help with that if you're Australian if not I'm sure someone can help, there's probably resource links around here somewhere (new member myself so still finding my way around)
Quote from: girlinguyjeans on May 08, 2014, 10:29:29 PM
Thank you, Serenation. I suppose I can look into counseling at the moment. I literally know nothing about that though, but maybe Google can help me find a gender therapist not far from my house, lol. After getting a diagnosis, I'll talk to my parents then and use that diagnosis as proof this is a real thing and not just my imagination.
do like i did. i went online and did extensive research on gender dysphoria. i'm surprised to have seen different results but it gives you a better understanding of what you are dealing with and easier to bring it up with your therapist when and if you decide to go see one
Okay thanks. I'll have to do that research tomorrow (I'm getting tired, it's 12AM in sunny Florida). Thanks for all the advice :)
Quote from: girlinguyjeans on May 08, 2014, 11:02:34 PM
Okay thanks. I'll have to do that research tomorrow (I'm getting tired, it's 12AM in sunny Florida). Thanks for all the advice :)
just doing what i can :D
Quote from: Umiko Liliana on May 08, 2014, 11:04:07 PM
just doing what i can :D
Well I really appreciate it. It's nice to talk to someone who understands.
Quote from: girlinguyjeans on May 08, 2014, 11:05:37 PM
Well I really appreciate it. It's nice to talk to someone who understands.
sis, i'm just as far up the creek without a paddle as you are. i guess its the fact my mom doesnt really care or thinks its a phase that make its worse but i came out, found a therapist and that was it lol
Maybe we could just doggy paddle our boats to shore and then collect sticks to use as oars? Maybe i'm thinking too hard about this? But seriously i'm sorry your mom doesnt take it very seriously, when it really is a big deal.
Quote from: girlinguyjeans on May 08, 2014, 11:26:20 PM
Maybe we could just doggy paddle our boats to shore and then collect sticks to use as oars? Maybe i'm thinking too hard about this? But seriously i'm sorry your mom doesnt take it very seriously, when it really is a big deal.
well she blames my dark past for it but i know quite well it was way before than. since i'm old enough i just say to heck with it and found my therapist who is actually very helpful lol
Well I'm glad you're still moving on despite her not fully understanding. I guess most cis people just don't realize this is something we feel for most of our lives. My earliest memory is from when i was child (maybe 3 or 4) daydreaming about wearing long shimmery gowns and makeup and dancing with cute people who treated me like a princess, lol.
hahaha! i know right xD every time i played house, i always wanted to be the mother. they were good times until my environment changed and caused me to go into denial.
Haha yeah, I used to play this dumb game with my sister (idk the name of it) where you move around the board and try to win pieces of plastic jewelry. I would always beat her at it and feel so pretty in all that plastic jewelry until my dad made me stop playing the game. But may I ask what happened with you and your "environment change?" If it's too personal than don't worry, girl. You don't have to tell me, and I won't be offended.
Quote from: girlinguyjeans on May 09, 2014, 12:00:52 AM
Haha yeah, I used to play this dumb game with my sister (idk the name of it) where you move around the board and try to win pieces of plastic jewelry. I would always beat her at it and feel so pretty in all that plastic jewelry until my dad made me stop playing the game. But may I ask what happened with you and your "environment change?" If it's too personal than don't worry, girl. You don't have to tell me, and I won't be offended.
you'd have to ask me in private chat lol. not something to put out there, only becuz its personal and its not really appropriate for a forum chat but you can ask me in pms and i'll tell you there. you have to get 15 posts though lol
Oh ok. I'm still new to talking on forums, i stupidly forgot this was a public thing lol. After this I've got one more post to make before I can do private chats then, so that's cool.
i'm sure you can talk about it, i just feel it more appropriate for in privates unless everyone else wants to know. i do not want to incur the wraith of susan and her minions xD
Haha yeah. Well i'll send you a private message and we can talk there. You're such an awesome girl, I'm glad I met you tonight :)
Quote from: girlinguyjeans on May 09, 2014, 12:11:19 AM
Haha yeah. Well i'll send you a private message and we can talk there. You're such an awesome girl, I'm glad I met you tonight :)
aww, thnax you :)