Hey guys (and girls).
I'm a male (in a female's body), and the sooner I can change this the better. However, I can't do much until I come out to my parents...who don't have a high chance of taking the news well. So I just really need some advice on how to tell them with the least amount of damage to my family as possible so we can just get on with it. Help! (Please.)
edited for age.
First I would say to get a Therapist with gender experience and go from there. Therapist's can help you determine the best way possible with the least damage. Therapy would also show them a responsible and educated decision not made rashly or recklessly. I would say to be honest with them and be educated on the transition process when the time presents itself. :)
Quote from: PhoenixAsher on May 11, 2014, 02:46:41 PM
So I just really need some advice on how to tell them with the least amount of damage to my family as possible so we can just get on with it. Help! (Please.)
Is there another adult in your life who you can recruit to help you out. A more open-minded relative, a school counselor, a teacher, a friend's parent?
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on May 11, 2014, 02:57:42 PM
First I would say to get a Therapist with gender experience and go from there. Therapist's can help you determine the best way possible with the least damage. Therapy would also show them a responsible and educated decision not made rashly or recklessly. I would say to be honest with them and be educated on the transition process when the time presents itself. :)
I'm not sure I can get a therapist without my parents knowing why. Or am I missing something? I'll be free in October to do what I want. But its driving me insane.
Quote from: suzifrommd on May 11, 2014, 03:00:35 PM
Is there another adult in your life who you can recruit to help you out. A more open-minded relative, a school counselor, a teacher, a friend's parent?
Well, my uncle is gay. So there is LGBT parts into family, but we aren't super close. And I think if I tell him, it'll go right back to my mom. And I don't want her to find out like that
Quote from: PhoenixAsher on May 11, 2014, 03:04:11 PM
I'm not sure I can get a therapist without my parents knowing why.
Just tell them you have some things on your mind or are depressed. :)
That could actually work. She has a therapist who used to see my sister. She might be able to get me in. Thanks! I will try that first.
It is important to have someone who is (or who is perceived to be) a professional on your side. Sometimes that alone can get people to take you seriously.
It isn't nice, but with my blood relations I've had to demonstrate that I tried very hard to be a "normal" person before giving in and becoming the actual normal person of the gender I need to be. Explaining that you studied and thought and maybe prayed (if your family is religious) is important. A lot of people might assume that you are being impulsive and if you can convince them that you really mean this and have thought it through, they might be more supportive.
Please try to be patient, and even once you are on your own try to get adequate counseling and documentation and affirmation of the steps you've taken and those you need to take going forward.
Quote from: Felix on May 13, 2014, 04:38:07 AM
It is important to have someone who is (or who is perceived to be) a professional on your side. Sometimes that alone can get people to take you seriously.
It isn't nice, but with my blood relations I've had to demonstrate that I tried very hard to be a "normal" person before giving in and becoming the actual normal person of the gender I need to be. Explaining that you studied and thought and maybe prayed (if your family is religious) is important. A lot of people might assume that you are being impulsive and if you can convince them that you really mean this and have thought it through, they might be more supportive.
Please try to be patient, and even once you are on your own try to get adequate counseling and documentation and affirmation of the steps you've taken and those you need to take going forward.
Thank you, Felix. I'm going to try to get my mom to allow me to talk to the counselor my sister saw when she was depressed. Maybe then, he can get me some help, or send me to a professional. For now, I'm going to try to keep this a secret until I do get a professional of some kind to hear me out.
I think it might not be too hard to see a counselor though because my mom keeps commenting on how un-happy I seem--she just doesn't know why. I really hope this will help.
Thank you for the advice! (And sorry I saw it so late.)
Well the only people around me who know are my mother and my grandmother. My grandmother is the only family member I trust. My mother didn't take it well, as I expected. It went great the day I told her I was questioning my gender and all/most of the signs across my life, but later she seemed to change her mind...idk.
Part of it might be religion based. If so, I would look into scientific theories. Mention how it's even listed in the DSM-5 the modern book used for such diagnosis's. You could even make a strong argument that it's a birth defect caused by hormone imbalances as a fetus. Religious people are more accepting if they can have a some evidence that's it has medical backing. And yes, talk to a therapist. Even if they can't help you come out, people often accept things better if they know you talked to a professional.
Post Script: No offense meant. I know someone out there is mad that I said it could be a medical condition, or even discussed telling others it could be a birth defect. I am sure someone is offended. I wish it to be clear, I am only discussing ways to approach it so others might accept it better. My most sincere apology for any feelings hurt. :'(
No offense taken.
My mother is recently diving back into her old religion. We go to a non-denominational church, but I'm not sure where they stand when it comes to transgenders.
I am not going to try to make excuses for being this way because it's just who i am, but I am for sure gonna talk to the counselor before coming out so that I can have a professional back me up. By then, I'll probably be of a legal age but I'm hoping it'll help them realize it isn't just a phase.
Also, I'm sorry to hear that your mother didn't take it so well, Rayne. But I'm also glad that you do have someone irl that you can trust.