We played this random game in my Taekwon-Do class where one person piggy backs another and faces off against another pair doing the same with the person on top trying to pull the opposing team's person off. I ended up partnered with the biggest, muscular guy but it ended up being okay when it was my turn to give him the piggy back. Phew! So we face off and it's a tough one. Then as I'm twisting and turning trying to help, the velcro on my dobok (Taekwon-Do outfit) comes apart exposing my torso. At the time this happened I had my back to the whole class and for a second considered just letting my partner go to concede defeat so they didn't see my chest. (I had top surgery last December) but something kicked in to tell me not to be stupid. Who cares?! So I pushed through that issue and we won!!
Some people in my class know about the surgery. Some have no idea. Just depends on if they were around when I was using the old name. No one mentioned anything to do with the scars, but one guy asked if he could borrow my Insanity DVDs knowing I finished that program saying it obviousky works! Confidence boost much? Lol
I can't honestly say what makes me anxious still about being shirtless. Is it the scars? Is it the ingrained feeling growing up female that going shirtless in public is a no-no? Or is it the obsession since puberty with keeping that area as unnoticeable and hidden from the world as possible? Who knows? It's probably a combination of it all. All I know is that I'm thankfully moving towards losing all those fears and just being the man I am. I found it funny, though, that going without a tee under my dobok was relatively new for me, yet that never happened before, then a few weeks after going shirtless under the dobok, THAT'S when it opens up and exposes my chest. Lol! Thrust from one challenge into the more extreme in such a short time.
It's awesome though because I got through it. It was like being thrown straight into the deep end and swimming like a champ. One day I know I'll be going shirtless at the beach or pool. My number 1 concern with top surgery was just to be able to wear a tee without binding. But my results aren't half bad and I think the bonus of being shirtless in public may well be on the cards with that experience strengthening that idea.
Have any of you had similar circumstances? Or if you were tentative about going shirtless, how did you build up the confidence?
I have yet to go shirtless around a bunch of people. Alone in my yard, yes. With my family, yes. On a pretty much deserted beach, yes. In a public pool? No. At a crowded beach? No. So good for you! I should just do it.
Wow! Good go man, i'd be so proud of myself if I were you :)
I've had 2 tops surgeries (had the small one with minimal scars) but nope still not good (massive nipples and still breast tissue *sigh*), so I wouldn't even dream about swimming in public!
One more tops surgery and if it still isn't good then i'll find another plastic surgeon, being flat is the thing that matters the most (imho).
Anyway, way to go :D
Nice one, :D i went toppless for the first time in public pool it felt weird as i never done it the fact i have to hide all my life but it feels great feeling the breeze and the water to my chest. People did look at me but im unsure why but i didnt really care and it might be cos i was the only young people in the pool and worn a board shorts?
Wow Jack, that must have felt amazing, to get through those feelings and have something good happen as a result. I can't entirely relate to having those feelings after surgery, as I haven't had it yet, but I can see myself feeling those same anxieties for a while. What you said makes sense, it seems to be a combination of things, always having needed to hide that area in the past, scars of course could be a concern.
I had a sort of similar experience. I went swimming last year, which is obviously a huge deal for someone pre-op. I only did it to make my girl happy, because she kept eyeing this bathing suit but didn't want to swim alone (later found out she has a fear of water). I wore swim trunks and a black T shirt. Oh but it gets worse, I had a binding injury...I tried to bind to swim, but my brain was screaming out in pain, so I went back into the hotel room and changed into a sports bra. I was worried but decided to go back in so as not to cut the swimming short for the others. Now, my chest is small in proportion to the rest of my body, when I was skinny they were A cups, now they are bigger but I have a big belly...I still worried everyone would think I was female and I hated the idea of drawing attention to my chest. But I went in, and ran into a few people who all gendered me as male anyway. One kid even asked me why I was wearing a shirt in the pool, like, dude, why would you do that?
I still hated having my chest, but it felt good to go into the pool and be seen as male in spite of it. Not quite as victorious as your Taekwon-Do story but maybe I will have my own in a year or so. ;D