Mine is whatever you want it to be, but I kind of like sh'e and h'er, but I am not very attached to it I just thought it was entertaining. Sounds right regardless in the forum. Socially it is based on whatever one perceives of my current presentation. In here for me its feminine pronoun preferred, as the genderfluid feminine Satinjoy is usually in control, and goes towards the female components of my nature while in forum, though I can feel the gender neutral strengthening in this nonbinary section.
So what do you like to hear used for a pronoun for your own unique identity(s)?
Couldn't find an existing thread with this one. And it allows us to say something without being embarrassed by knowing another's preferences.
Love to all here.
i rather be referred as a girl, female, she, ma'am, ms, or mrs. lol
Just when I was coming out as gender nonconforming, I had a male, female and an andro presentation. I basically said that anything was cool except for "he-she", "shim" or god forbid, "it".
Nobody wants to be an "it".
hmmmm, I think I would prefer, "Your Royal Highness..", yes, something along that line, I'd be ok with that ;D
(ok, you can stop laughing now.. )
because I am still very much in guy mode, even with these bumps on me, I am always getting (and why wouldn't I) "sir'd, he'd, him'd".. and with no way anyone would think differently right now, no one sees why I cringe, when I get it. :-\
I do get "Hon'd, Sweetie'd, and (my personal favorite), Babe'd", a lot from the girls I work with, and from them, it's good, because it's neutral (only one knows I'm trans). :-*
This is a funny one. By funny i mean perculier for me.
My prefference is for myself, but i understand that my prefference comes from how i see myself. So I dont feel as though I can invalidate the perspective off another. In doing so i feel that in this i justify my perspective by encompassing everybody elses opinion too.
What I am is how im percieved, If you see a man then to you this is what I am to you. if you see a woman that too is what i am to you. I am to others what others see, but I to I am me, And me to me is what i see.
Im a person a people, a me. I see a woman in a prison of a body. What ever els is what you make off me.
If you know me you will see what i see, If not you`ll see what you dont know.
EDIT- to actually answer the question.
her
hon
she
babe -I feel good with.
him yada yada = cringe
Quote from: Jill F on May 14, 2014, 12:03:30 PM
Just when I was coming out as gender nonconforming, I had a male, female and an andro presentation. I basically said that anything was cool except for "he-she", "shim" or god forbid, "it".
Nobody wants to be an "it".
Definately not an "it". That is way more dehumanizing than anything else that I can think of. Other than that I really don't care what people call me.
I'm a she. Period.
Whether I feel like a man inside is irrelevant. I'm living full time as a woman. Therefore, call me she.
There is a similar thread in the stickie pinned topics section.
Check out the Let's come up with some gender neutral terms,
it gives glimpse into a couple years worth of these kinds of things.
If I don't know you and or if you don't know me, they, their, etc will do.
Otherwise it's polite to ask if there is a preferred pronoun to use.
But maybe some of you will find value in that thread, as well.
When it was first put up, there wasn't much in the way of discussion about it.
There's some of this and that, and the last post was last Oct, I think.
Regardless, this is a current topic that is important for us.
It has a lot to do with our perceptions of ourselves and each other.
Ativan
I've always fancied 'Admiral'.
Quote from: Paula Christine on May 14, 2014, 12:14:49 PM
I would prefer, "Your Royal Highness...", yes, something along that line, I'd be ok with that
What? No "Your Imperial, Royal, and Apostolic Majesty?" I mean if it was good enough for Franz Joseph... Sorry, that is the most over the top form of address I am aware of - and that comes from being a student of history.
For me it all depends on presentation. As long as I am presenting male He, Him, His, etc. are all OK; not that I really like it, but it is less confusing.
On these forums, or if I am presenting female, I would sort of prefer she, her, sis, etc.
Just my preferance.
Erin
Ativan,
You may have answered this in the sticky, which I have not had time to read yet, and I am glad to know about that, but what do you like to hear or see in your own case, if I am not invading your privacy there? I saw someone quote you in an unrelated thread and it was "she said" but I wasn't sure of its origin, and that actually was the trigger behind the original post. And one who was gendering me as Miss Satinjoy dropped the "Miss" when I posted here as she was confused, which actually I found rather sad, I like Miss Satinjoy and it made me feel good to hear it.
It is a measure of respect. To correctly gender your peers the way they want to be cared for. I want to be respectful, always.
Many thanks.
"It". Haha jk. Idgaf tbh. Peeoples can call me whatever they want
Quote from: Jill F on May 14, 2014, 12:03:30 PM
Nobody wants to be an "it".
Except Pennywise from Stephen King's book.
Talking: Singular they, "One", name
In writing: sie, hir
I prefer not to be referred to by any pronoun but am fine with she / her. The only English gender-neutral pronoun I find mildly acceptable is "yo"; all the ones I find aesthetically ugly.
I usually cringe when I hear things like lady, ma'am, miss, etc., but sometimes I like them when I'm in a good mood. I generally like being mistaken for a guy as long as it's not in a context where I might be unsafe.
A correct pronoun for me? I have no idea...
That's a very hard question for me to answer in a straight forward way.
Ativan
I understand
Thank you
I'm pretty uncomfortable with gendered language of any kind. She/her are acceptable I guess. I really dislike being addressed with "lady" or any other formal language unless it's being used with irony.
For the newcomers any personal preferences on pronouns? Missing anyone here?
By the way, for me, never he or his please. I have become political about sh'e and h'er for me, or she and her is ok to.
Odd that noone selected sie and hir from the self identified androgynes..
Love to all
If I had a choice of what people used, I would ask that they use they/them. I was one of those kids in school that would infuriate english teachers over the proper usage.
I also like they/them.
I prefer she/her, I can forgive an occasional mistep from close friends and family as most of them are still new to this.
I identify as a genderqueer femboi (biologically female) and prefer male pronouns (he/him/his) even though I don't usually pass as male :)
I think that this is situational In male mode, say at work, I am ok with he or him. But if a friend, who I am out to, uses her or she at work, I dont have a problem with it, in fact it feels nice to be recognised by a friend for who I am and how I occur to them. In andro mode I am happy being addressed as folk see me - if I was in andro mode and emiting female energy or a feminine pesona, then she and her works fine. I guess that I want to be seen and to be addressed, as I am seen by others, and how I wold like to be perceived - it is a confusing place for them and it is confusing for me. In the end my name may capture me far more accurately and reliably than any pronoun could.
Hope that this makes sense. It may explain way I have chosen the forum name that I have. Strong imagery and in common usage by both M and F. Ideal for the non binary living the dream!
Aisla
I present male. Apparently an ageless male. Thanks E! You've saved me a facelift!
So I don't care that I'm referred to as he/him. Hey you! Or Troublemaker! works for getting my attention tool. :)
I haven't noticed the pronoun thing much. The name I go by tends to get used more than he/him/sir sorta thing. While I'm not out to everyone people that do not know me address me as male more often than naught but I have days when the she/her/ma'am is used and I'm indifferent to it and others where it makes me blah.
It never really bugged me that much before, but for a while now it just grinds me when i hear ppl calling me any male pronouns. I wouldn't be bothered if they used gender neutral names though...
Preferred would be she/her/hers but I'm actually OK with he/him/his as I'm generally presenting as slightly androgynous male. When referring to others I prefer to use one/ones when appropriate and they/their/theirs when it's not. I wouldn't mind at all if he/him/his and she/her/hers fell into disuse and became as archaic as thee and thou. (Wonders how quickly this could happen if it became a new internet meme to correct people who ever use he/him/his or she/her/hers as being archaic...)
I am still presenting in andro/male mode so everyone calls me he/him. But as I progress in transition I am starting to dislike it more and more. I would prefer she/her but it is impossible because I still look like a male and other people see me as one. And I have it more complicated because my native language (Czech) differentiates male/female when speaking in first person. So I am constantly forced to gender myself in every sentence I say :(. Stupid language.
I'm comfortable being referred to as "he" "him" but I like "they" and "them" too. I thought about "it" but it felt too harsh. I present as - and am physically - male.
There have been a few cases of people using "it" as a pronoun, usually to make a statement (basically, to get people to ask why it uses that pronoun, and then explain about the history of trans people being dehumanized).
I'm not personally interested in doing that, but I thought it was an interesting experiment in the (news) story that I read.
I like the neutral pronouns like "they/them/their" and "ze/hir" quite a lot, and generally go by those around my gender-knowledgeable friends.
I love those rare occasions where I get a "sir" in public, and it makes my skin crawl to be called "ma'am" or "miss."
I might move toward "he/him" pronouns eventually. I need to break free of several situations and really explore my identity first. Which is basically what led me to this forum....
I prefer male and gender neutral pronouns (they/them).
Female pronouns make me twitch, but unfortunately it's what I get the most because I'm AFAB and pre-HRT.
I have noticed though, that when my friends use male pronouns in public, strangers copy them without question. Even if I'm not binding.
Admittedly I'm small chested, but they're still noticeable. Gives me a confidence boost whenever it happens.
Quote from: Jill F on May 14, 2014, 12:03:30 PM
Nobody wants to be an "it".
Dont say that, i know a couple of people which prefern pronoume is "it"
-
I prefern male or gender neutral pronomes, mostly male but it depends on the context.
I like they. They is a word people actually use, so it feels less like people are accommodating for me. It's not a big deal if someone calls me a she, but he kind of grates on my nerves. It's not a big deal though, people don't know any better.
I enjoy hearing she, her, ma'am, miss, girl, lovey, honey and sweetheart. And then i went into transition accepting that i might never be seen by most others as anything more than a strange hybrid sort of way late bloomer. I fuss about other opinions much less now and have a far clearer sense of my identity. It is a sheer delight to find ways to align my presentation with this girl i once only experienced as a shadow.
I think most of us can distinguish the mistaken or awkward misgendering versus the mean spirited attempts to out us and i'd rather give people the benefit of the doubt and look for ways to gently educate. Truth is i still sometimes misgender myself and will say things like "I'm the guy that.... opps" I cut myself slack considering my 60 years of socialization as him. It is reassuring to think of our many young, and seemingly younger that ever, transitioners who will likely have a nice long lifetime to hear their name and those pronouns the right way.
Any new folk have pronoun preferences?
I like getting miss or ma'am. People starting with female pronouns then correcting themselves to sir comes in a close second! Seriously, I'm all grins when I've got someone guessing and squirming!
The it/it's/itself pronouns are brand new to me, and I'm impressed that there are people who are strong enough to identify that way. Or maybe you don't need to be so strong in a world that is learning acceptance. I certainly hope that's the case.
Hugs, Devlyn
I had someone use "they're" when referring to me in a 3rd party today.?
It felt odd.? I always go by He/Him/His.. I can understand it though.
I told people I'm mostly male, with a part of me that's feminine, so it was actually a perfectly respectful prounoun.. It was one of the first times I'd heard it towards me, and it still sounds strange.?
i'm ok with 'she' offline. it's a kind of automatic thing that happens to people when they see hips and boobs. pointless to defy it, because of defaulting.
but online, i prefer 'he'. for the sake of balance.
if i'm ever called something else, i hope it will be well camouflaged, in words that neither reveal gender, nor state insecurity about it. but that's really difficult to do in languages with gender specific pronouns, and even worse when gender is applied on verbs. like russian past.
i like 'it' as a pronoun. not for me, i'm usually far from it, but whenever sootball is around, both it and me feel more like it.
i also know a person who's perfectly fine with being called it, but that one's a tentacle monster.
it isn't dehumanizing in any way i can think of. it's more like a very ungender kind of think, and that might be the reason why most people don't like it. seems like gender and sexuality are so important to them that it gets difficult to relate to anything that isn't a 'he' or a 'she' or at least 'they'. aren't 'it's human too? or at least proper persons (even grammatically). (reason why i'm rarely it, is that i have too much gender.)
my language frequently uses equivalents of 'it', 'that', and 'this' about people. doesn't sound weird at all. but that might be because the pronoun for a 3rd person singular is unisex.
funniest application of they, is for a person who thinks of themselves as twins. they're really a correct kind of person to call they, don't you think?
Wow, I was just asked this question earlier today. Still not sure of a correct answer. When I get called her or she, I shine. Was not always that way. I used to cringe. I used to correct people and say "him". Not any more.
I guess I was always partial to "Professor" which my Phys Ed / EMT trainer called me in school. He did not know what to think of me. He was very military and referred to the others in class as men and ladies. It was always "What do you think Professor?" with me.
Reading all the potentially acceptable pronouns from the above posts and your stories about why you desire them, makes me feel like all of us here are potential superheroes. This non-binary gender fluid situation is only now something I even opened my eyes to. I have been practicing in front of my cameras and I think I can morph in real time from male to female or back. Thats some superhero or X files ->-bleeped-<- right?
I think you are all awesome and if I ever mess up any of your pronoun, please know It was a mistake. I am wicked new to this.
when in doubt, 'they' is usually good.
when f or m gender markers are used, it should be safe to assume they want 'he' or 'she', unless else is stated in their profile.
'sir' and 'ma'am' are horrible. i'd only accept love or hon or similar from a woman or non-binary with some female in them.
'professor' sounds really nice. i think i'd prefer 'your highness'. 'my lord/king/queen/liege' would also work. for some reason 'queen' sounds gender neutral to me. it's more of a state of mind than anything, the way i've ended up hearing the word.
Here I marked F in my profile. So my answer to the original question is -> I like she and her, those make me happy. To come across as male I have to be grumpy, angry , stern, etc. All feelings I don't like anyway.
This made me think about my past and my two brothers. They always called me bitchy when I would get upset about something. Heck they still do. You know that point past angry.. where you are flipping out. They come across as dicks or ->-bleeped-<-s, like lots of men. Me I always came across as bitchy... haha ::)
Either male or female are fine with me.
Laughing personally because someone on the first page said, "nobody wants to be an 'it'," but it/its/itself pronouns are actually fairly common among neurodivergent/mentally ill nonbinary folks? Though to be fair, I didn't realize it/its/itself was an option until pretty recently. I pretty much accept any neutral pronouns out of practicality, but i'm not a "they" or an "ey" or a "ze". I am indeed an "it".
Yeah, it's really smart to avoid "everyone, no one, all, none" and other broad brush terms on this site. Experienced posters refrain from making decisions for others, because life has taught them that they don't like others making decisions for them.
I once ran into a person (online) who said, "When someone asks me if I'm a boy or a girl, I ask them, 'What do you think?' and however they answer, I tell them they're correct."
I want to be like that person.
It's hard being that way offline, though. Particularly because I want to be seen as a person, not as an ambiguously-gendered object. I don't necessarily want my first impression upon everyone to be "What is this person? Which head-box do I put them in? What pronouns do I use for them??"
I've been toying with the idea of asking people to call me "he/him" just to see how it feels. Otherwise I'm ok with she and ze, also. I know what I am inside; you can call me whatever makes you comfortable, since I am both male and female. That's how I see it.
I'm not the least bit pronoun sensitive, him, her, she, it, them.....whatever blows your hair back!