I put Trigger Warning because I'm not sure if just by saying this i might causes someone to bring themselves down or feel the same way.. I dont want to bring anyone down with my down-ness >_<
This might be very contradictory to a lot of the things I say... but I'm certain you all understand quite well how our moods can swing violently.
To get to the point: How do you combat the moments when you get an overwhelming feeling that causes you to believe you havent changed at all.
I hope im not the only one who feels this way, but how do you keep yourself from falling into that hole... or climbing back out? I've been making an effort to avoid the internet for the sake of avoiding causing a tear fest from looking at things that might enact these feelings... but life is never on pause and I cant realistically shelter myself from everything that makes me upset. usually I am able to handle it, look away, pep talk myself back to earth... but days like today; i wake up feeling like i've made 0 progress...
if anyone has any advice on how I can help myself see the changes... without trying to find rational explanations for those changes that don't include hormones (i often find myself contributing any changes STRICTLY to things i've changed in my habits and barely on hormones... which is a pattern i'm sure some of you have noticed on here with my comments or posts)
I welcome any words of comfort... I know hormones are an art where patience equals reward... but what do you do when you've temporarily run out of patience for the moment, or minute or hour or day?
Please don't get me wrong I'm not asking for advice on kind words to "keep me going on my path"... im gonna keep going regardless... I just wanna know how to deal with the days of hopelessness.
I've been distracting myself with exercise... but that only comes at the end of my day after a long 8 hour work day.
Usually when that happens to me, I try to focus on something other than transition that I enjoy... such as one of my hobbies or talents. Something that occupies the mind in a positive way.
Sometimes it is so easy to forget who you really are and get lost in a sea of dysphoria.. with all concentrations pointed toward outward appearance. It's a double edged sword, in my opinion.
I have always thought moderation is the key for myself, but also having moderation with that moderation itself. Sometimes it can be necessary to follow down a path driven by obsession; the mental drive you get from it is one of the strongest of all and can take you to great heights. It can be very hard to know the difference. Generally, I try to seek happiness. And, if I'm able to stay focused on that, it generally works.
What Jenny said, plus sometimes when I think I'm stuck in "no man's land" I look at pictures from months ago or even a year. If I look at pictures from even farther back (and I don't have many left- long story...) I can REALLY see how far I've come. It's slower progress than I'd prefer, but progress nonetheless.
Why do you care whether positive changes you see in yourself are caused by HRT or something else?
Surely these changes are good whatever causes them, are they not?
Women do loads of things that affect how they look and present, generally not involving taking hormones.
You know for those things you say you attribute to habit changing rather than to HRT. Why does that matter?
You talk about it.
Not talking about it is the worst thing you can do. Because it just builds up otherwise. You need an out let. Somebody to talk to. But more imortantly sombody to listen to you.
If you need sombody to talk AT :p then pm if you want and never feel like im not going to care or be botherd or that ive got better things to do then read messages from you.
Because somtimes I Just wish somebody would listen to me. And its not fair if i want somthing from others if I dont do it for others when they need it. helping you helps me in a way. I cant do much but ill will listen to you.
So feel free to pm me with everything thats getting you down if you need heck even if you just want to. :)
EDIT- seems like the above are better at this then me.
Quote from: Seras on May 14, 2014, 02:48:09 PM
Why do you care whether positive changes you see in yourself are caused by HRT or something else?
Surely these changes are good whatever causes them, are they not?
Women do loads of things that affect how they look and present, generally not involving taking hormones.
You know for those things you say you attribute to habit changing rather than to HRT. Why does that matter?
Because I want to believe the hormones are working. I want to believe that I'm not just losing weight, but I'm gaining the right shape. I want to believe that I'm not just using lotion but that my skin is naturally getting smoother.
Its not that I want all my progress to be hormone related... I just want to know and feel that it is to some degree. I guess what im trying to say is that I don't just wanna see that I'm getting "fit" i wanna see that I'm feminizing as well. Ive seen so many people who simply went on hormones and everything was magically transformed within a year or 2... i can't help but feel like I have to put in so much effort just to look decent regardless of gender, and then when I look at myself i can't even really tell if I've made any progress in either aspect. So whether or not its hormone related or habit related... I still feel on days like this that there's been no change. Concentrating on a hobby would help, but as of right now my hobbies are a bit limited... i lost interest in video games and made a hobby of working out, which is in itself related to my transition by default because while I am working out to stay healthy, im also doing it to improve or hope to improve my journey.
I don't know how to explain it. I'm just having a difficult day. I hope I'm not upsetting anyone... I don't make it a habit of creating these kinds of posts but i guess i wanted some kind of feedback since this site is pretty much the only place i can come for any sense of community.
Quote from: ButterflyVickster on May 14, 2014, 03:06:49 PM
You talk about it.
Not talking about it is the worst thing you can do. Because it just builds up otherwise. You need an out let. Somebody to talk to. But more imortantly sombody to listen to you.
If you need sombody to talk AT :p then pm if you want and never feel like im not going to care or be botherd or that ive got better things to do then read messages from you.
Because somtimes I Just wish somebody would listen to me. And its not fair if i want somthing from others if I dont do it for others when they need it. helping you helps me in a way. I cant do much but ill will listen to you.
So feel free to pm me with everything thats getting you down if you need heck even if you just want to. :)
Talking about it is something that I try to do but also try to avoid because i don't really have many people to talk to. I mean i have my wife.. but she doesn't understand and i also dont like to bombard her with the frequency of days like this... She's already dealt with 5 years of my constant depression.. i dont like to burden her with things she can't offer any advice on... in the end it only makes me feel worse and makes her feel worse for not knowing what to say or not being able to fully understand.
I guess after the years of dealing with depression and no one wanting to talk to me, i kinda just learned to keep to myself for the sake of not being annoying.
Quote from: LittleEmily24 on May 14, 2014, 03:09:55 PM
I guess after the years of dealing with depression and no one wanting to talk to me, i kinda just learned to keep to myself for the sake of not being annoying.
Everybody here are here for help and too help. This site is a support group, and here people do want to help. And if it is any help you already make a very cute girl in your avi.
Quote from: LittleEmily24 on May 14, 2014, 03:07:40 PM
I want to believe that I'm not just using lotion but that my skin is naturally getting smoother.
You could stop using the lotion. Probably get low cause it would feel like a huge step back but its the only way your going to find that out.
But I get the impression that your trying to watch a mushroom grow Without time laps. Let it happen. You could take weekly photos for three months four? five creat your own sort off selfie time lapse?