I looked in the mirror again.
I try to look in the mirror as little as possible these days because my reflection brings me down every time I see it, and this time was no different.
I see plenty of problems with my appearance (from mid-back length black hair to round cheeks to a not-so-small chest, and so on). However, I can't do much about most of that now, but what I can do (without drawing too much attention to myself) is exercise more.
I need to lose weight; I know this because female-bodied people store more fat than male-bodied people, giving them the appearance of roundness and curves that I am so desperately trying to get rid of.
On top of that, I need to build muscle. I have never been an athletic person, but if it will make me look more how I *should*, then it's well worth it.
So my question here is: what are good exercises to help me not only lose the weight but build muscle as well (preferably in my arms and shoulders)?
I'd love to hear from other FTMs about what has worked for them, but if any ladies have some advice as well, I'd be glad to hear it.
Thanks everyone.
Any advice on how to feel like I "pass" without changing too drastically would really be appreciated.
Exercises that build shoulder muscle can make quite a difference. Try lifting gallon jugs of water out to your sides.
Kat, thanks for replying.
I have heard that a key to passing is in building up shoulder muscles, so that is one thing I am focusing on. I will definitely try the gallons of water thing, seems simple enough.
Thanks again for the advice!
I'm no expert on such things. But I would suggest the above. Build muscle, and focus most on the upper body, as that opposes the lower body which is usually where MtF look at more, as building more muscle in the legs would make the problems worse for you I imagine. I would focus on arm and back exercises, but not neglect the chest and stomach. shoulder muscles are in a very notable way, muscles that increase the size of the shoulders in appearance.
As for passing, perhaps more baggy clothes? I would think any form fitting clothes are a no-no as they would make the shape more apparent.So perhaps a shirt 1 size too big and looser pants? Wear a belt perhaps? Not sure but there is something more masculine about wearing a belt especially if it's black or brown and more simple looking. some sturdy leather thing that's not flashy. But that's just my own suggestions and opinions. I have these type of clothes, and I hate them. all my clothes are too baggy and require me to wear the belt. (which is just the kind I described.) Because I have so little money new clothes are just not an option. The best I can do is wear my 3-4 sizes too big shorts and a belt, and my only form fitting shirt to show off my bit of gynecomastia. (Male breast tissue) It doesn't look very feminine, so I just try to accent it with how I hold myself. combined with my broken glasses and short hair (gah) we have the opposite problems it seems. ;) (Meh, I'm in a good mood so I can talk of it without being depressed right now.)
Rayne,
I'm just gonna start by saying that I admire how you can talk so bluntly about it without getting upset over it. Bravo! I'm glad for you that you are making the best of your current situation. :)
As for the style, I think one of the hardest parts for me is my style. I am young and dress "emo," so I think it's natural for me to want to incorporate that style into passing. That being said, it's so hard! Because I love skinny jeans, especially on guys, but that becomes a problem since it does accent curves that I wish to hide. However, once I get a proper binder, I think my band tees could help me pass, seeing as not many of them are very form-fitting.
On that note, I cannot wait to start working out and building that muscle up. I don't want to be macho man, but definitely need more than this.
Dark clothing helps hide curves. I think 'emo, if I understand it, works with dark clothes. Busy patterns help distract from curves as well.
Yes, dark clothes help a lot, Kat. I have a few awesome shirts that really help, and I'll be working to add to that soon. If I'm correct, horizontal stripes are a no-no, right?
Well um... Thanks for the complement ^////^
Yeah a binder would help definitely, but at the same time it has to be a good kind. I don't know much about the science of binding to decrease breast size, I hear It's supposed to break down the breast tissue a bit, but you want to be careful with anything that breaks down tissue. But yeah, with something to help hide the breasts, most shirts should work provided their not too form fitting. But the skinny jeans I know must be something that's hard. You either wear them and keep the curvy look or sacrifice your style for now in order to avoid them, tough call. I'm not sure, but abstaining from shaving arms, legs, etc might make you look more manly, or cut your hair. However both can be sacrifices, particularly the latter, that can be troublesome. I mean, Leg hair grows back fast but cutting your hair is semi-permanent in that it takes months to regrow.
So for passing I think we are getting down to more subtle things I guess that can help you pass. Mostly avoid crossing your legs and such. You can place an ankle on your other knee or something, but guy's have too much baggage down there to cross their legs well. (I can painlessly double cross mine ^~^) lean forward a bit, hands or elbows on your knees, legs spread a bit, is a fairly manly sitting pose. I guess any way of sitting that allows you to get up fast, and takes up some space, but not too much, is fairly good. Steriotypically men are the protectors,t hey need to be able to get out of that seat fast just incase after all. :laugh: :laugh: In general most guys won't sit all the way back and rest their back on a backrest. In fact they almost avoid it. These are things I used to do before I started questioning myself, things I guess I was trained to copy from other guys. and I've seen my dad and other guys around me, paying some attention to how they move. (Mostly after I started questioning it and thinking of what to avoid doing. I didn't want to seem more manly after all.) Guys also lean forward when walking. Don't expect great posture unless their raised by strict parents, or something else, or they have prior/current military training. I guess exercise instructors and the like too but meh. Also, avoid sucking your gut in. most guys would rather not hide any fat if it meant being less comfortable. Perhaps wear less colorfull clothes? (It sounds like you don't anyway.)
Again these are all what I have seen and my opinions.
Anytime. :)
As for skinny jeans, I think there are ones that are made specifically for males. I'm guessing those ones are better to not emphasize any curves and possibly keep my style. :)
Thanks a lot for the sitting tips. I really appreciate them, and I'll be re-training myself to use them now. I have a bad habit of crossing my legs (drilled into my mind by a mother who wants girly-girls). I think packing though will help me to remember though. XD
No Worries Phoenix ^~^ I'm retraining myself as well, so we are in the same boat there. But it's starting to feel much more natural to do things like cross my legs, I frequently double cross them for no real reason other than perhaps to increase my leg flexibility. My favorite pose is holding my hands behind my back while I walk. Not sure why. I was always a bit shy so I can do more shy poses easily, their natural really. It's retraining my voice a bit to speak softer that's harder. (I am so lucky to never have went through puberty. Yay childish voice. ^~^)
Packing would be a decent idea yes, just so long as it doesn't become obvious. Your new underwear should help there. To those who don't know, you're still a girl, and obvious bulk down there would be a bad way of coming out. :laugh:
Not sure if male skinny jeans would help. I do know men don't have the but females do in general, so they may not work there, and may not have the rear end to fit you. I honestly don't have any so I don't know to be honest. I am glad I can be of use ^~^ It makes me feel nice.
Ah, you lucked out in the voice department, eh. Congrats to you. XD as for myself, to myself, I have a rather deep voice (for a girl). When I listen to it recorded...no. I'm going to work on deepening exercises but I doubt much will happen without T.
Isn't it great that it starts to feel more natural? I'm happy for you. ^-^ I am naturally flexible and not very strong so it's weird to try the reverse, but I would gladly change the two.
You're right...but maybe it's worth a shot. Or maybe I'll try out some androgynous skinnies at hot topic. :D thank god I don't have a butt, really XD
I like to help as well. It's nice to make friends who understand
And yes, you're right. The bad packing would probably not be the best way to come out XD I'd get some strange looks for sure.
Don't we all struggle with this.... I sure do, anyway.
I've picked up a few things: Dark colors below, lighter colors above will emphasize your upper body more. Once you have a decent binder, horizontal stripes up top aren't such a bad idea -- they may help your upper body to look broader. Another key thing is where jeans, and trousers in general, hang on you: you want them to ride relatively low, on your hips and not at your waist; this helps to minimize your curves. And if you can, avoid clothes that are too big -- they pretty much make you look like a lesbian instead of a guy.
And if you look on You Tube, there's a ton of stuff on how to deepen your voice -- some of it is by actual speech therapists and may even be safe. ;) If your voice is naturally pretty low, this might work pretty well for you.
Thanks a lot for the advice, tysilio. I'm going to start working on my voice ASAP.
As for the jeans, I didn't know that. Thanks for educating me a little. I'll be sure to look for that when I shop for them. XD
All is great advice that I appreciate very much. Thank you again :)
For me, baggy clothes, a shorter haircut (Which I've always had anyways), I've also always wore darker clothing... Uhm.. Ya exercise can help as well.. Though I'm not good about that department cause I'm lazy lol... Uhm a chest binder, I'd look up some youtube vids on chest binders. Don't do ace bandage wraps or anything like that cause it could do more harm than good. You could bust or crack a rib, cut off air flow, or do damage to your chest in general. As much as we transguys hate our boobs it's not good to injure yourself either. I have a couple binders from Underworks. I have a full torso binder which kinda helps hide the extra body fat in my stomach lol.
Uhm.. Ya that's all I got for you. Some of it can't really be helped cause things like your voice will give you away unless you have a naturally deeper sounding voice you may be able to disguise that. Some of these things, unfortunately, we have to wait for T to help out with. But ya try some of those things, unless you like your longer hair (and some guys do, hell I have a cismale friend who has long hair going down to his ass lol). But ya.. Give some of those things a try. It might help with passing, and if not it will help you feel more comfortable in your own skin at least. Especially a chest binder. For us transguys it can be like a security blanket that helps us get through the day.
I don't usually exercise either, but I love to swim and luck would have it that that's really good for building arm and shoulder muscles. ;) I've also decided to try yoga. I thought it was too girly at first, but damn is it hard! It also builds muscles and endurance.
Things like voice and hair are tricky. My boyfriend's voice is higher than mine, presently, and he is cismale. Then, there's the hair deal. Some cismales, like your friend, have really long hair, haha. However, for me personally, I want to work on deepening my voice naturally and cut my hair (maybe to an androgynous style first).
I really do need a binder, but it's hard to get one when people around me don't know about this yet. So for now, I'm using the 'ole sports bra trick, which is helping some.
As for clothes, I am still hunting for skinny jeans that won't give me away. (Yes, I am crazy.)
Until then, I am busy re- training my body to behave like a man's and trying really hard to erase the irritating girly habits that seem natural to me now.
Thanks for the advice, bro. Good luck on your journey, too.
I have a bgger chest too so I know the feeling. But most people didn't even notice at first when I started binding. So either people actually don't pay attention in general or my friends/family is oblivious rofl
Haha I wish my family was that oblivious sometimes. I think they're watching me closer than before now
I lost a lot of weight by cycling (exercise bike) and walking pre-T. I couldn't focus on building muscle in my upper body because of an RMI.
I managed to stay fairly stable on T, but the clinic reduced my dose, so weight management became harder. But I did all right until a foot injury forced me to stop exercising for months and months. Stupidly, I also started eating a lot of junk food because of stress and, illogically, depression over my weight. Apart from all the anxiety of being overextended at work, I guess some sort of twisted logic impelled me in that direction: I'm going to gain weight anyway, so I might as well indulge.
Not the smartest way to go.
Still, T has made it much easier for me to maintain my weight. Other guys seem to have the opposite effect. What are your long-term plans?
I'm sorry to hear that, Arch. I hope it's going easier for you now, and maybe you can get back to exercising.
At the moment, I'm not out to family or friends so everything I'm doing has to look "normal," so I'm trying to focus on the exercising and hair (which will be fairly long...emo style). Or things they can't see (I.e., boxers, male deodorant, etc.)
I'll be free to do what I please in about 5 months, so that's when I can start doing some more outwardly transitions. I'm not sure how far I'm going to take this. I would love to go all the way, but for now, I'm testing the waters.
How about you?
I should make an appointment with my podiatrist, but my schedule this month has been hell. I'll probably call up on Monday and make an appointment for June. In the meantime, I'm trying to manage my stress and my eating. Still a struggle. But I look MUCH better as a somewhat overweight man than as a somewhat overweight woman. Oog. Back then, I looked so unhealthy. I couldn't look in the mirror without cringing (well, some of that was gender dysphoria). Now I just look like a guy who eats a little too much Ben & Jerry's.
If you want to get the ball rolling in five months, maybe you can take that time to start laying out the groundwork and doing research and so forth. Are you in the U.S.?
Aha, there's always a bright side, eh? Good on you for taking that step :p
Yeah, I've been doing some research and hanging out around here for a while now. Yes, I am in the U.S.
Well, if you are a young guy (if you are a minor, don't post your age), are you hoping to transition in college? I did my transition on the job as an older adult, but my university system covers transition for both students and staff/faculty. I always do say that a college education is a great opportunity . . .
My friend was just telling me about that actually, and I think that'd be great. I'll have to do more research on what universities offer help and such. Thank you for the idea
Quote from: PhoenixAsher on May 17, 2014, 07:18:37 PM
Yes, dark clothes help a lot, Kat. I have a few awesome shirts that really help, and I'll be working to add to that soon. If I'm correct, horizontal stripes are a no-no, right?
Correct, especially for shorter and/or wider people (like me). Button down shirts seem to help, at least for me.
I've heard that before...maybe I'll give button downs a try at work when I can't wear the band Tees :D
A good exercise is (shoulder) dips. All you need is something a couple of feet tall, like a bench or chair, with some space in front of it. Sit on the ground with your back against it, with your legs out in front of you. Have your hands up on the bench/etc behind you, palms down and elbows pointed back. Then push down with your hands, holding yourself up for a few seconds. It builds up the back/should muscles right under the arms. This helps people get that male V shaped upper body. Hope this helps.
I love you, Avery. That sounds perfect. Thank you!
Well T has about a 57% chance of helping you maintain weight. I was told this when i was 12 when they diagnosed me with...well lets say i have a very high testosterone level that i shouldn't have so i got the bad luck of being the 43% that have a hard time controlling my weight but i'm getting there. But the percent could hav changed over the years and they could be in your favor if you do wish to try T.
Li, I do wish to start T, but I hear that that will take a while before I can get on it. So I'm trying whatever I can to pass before then. :p and ah, that must be hard but it's awesome that you're doing better. Good luck to you
What also worked for me is to paint on my eyebrows a bit darker and thicker (but not so much it looks too fake), as I naturally have very thin eyebrows that look really feminine.
Also try to speak more monotone and slow, an spreak from your chest instead of your throat. The way you speak (slow, confident, instead of fast and nervous) often matters a whole lot more than the pitch of your voice. Speak as if you are in control.
Guys are generally speaking also more dominant than girls, ESPECIALLY in the presence of other guys (they have to 'prove' they are strong and all), so try to be straight to the point, direct, in charge, etc. Also if you try to use the male toilet (it is perfectly possible pre T. I do it all the time when I am in an environment where I am fully presenting as male (so also with name and all)), just walk in quick, pop into the nearest stall, don't look around, don't look at other guys, don't talk to anyone, do your business and get out asap.
Also there is this 'rule' that if a big guy approaches a small guy on pavement, the small guy always yields.
If you greet another guy, just a simple "hi" or a nod is enough. Do not say "Hello sir, good day to you. How are you?" Yadda yadda yadda unless it's a friend and you want to talk with them or something. In that case a simple "Hey mate! How's life?" or something is good.
If you shake hands (this applies to females too btw) look the other person in the eye, grip firm but don't squish their hand.
Also guys among each other do a lot of mock-play and insult each other all the time, this is NORMAL and just a sign of friendly competition (you will know when it is serious, lol). Do not shy away when they do it, or feel insulted, but mock them back just as hard. Guys in a group are constantly competing and testing each other, if you don't participate you are instantly viewed as the 'weak one'.
Also, cursing and bad language is generally more accepted among guys than among girls. And guys do NOT do this sort of mock-play with girls. (what I experienced is that they are often much gentler with girls than with fellow guys. Unless they are douchebags)
Putting your hands on your hips is generally considered feminine, putting your hands in your pockets masculine/something guys do a lot.
If you get a firs date, the guy pays. It's just decent. And if you don't, it's basically a way of saying "I liked it, but let's just stay friends". If it's a date, the guy pays. Period. Also, take her coat, open doors for her, etc. (if she likes that and is not some sort of an 'equal rights'-feminist who insists she can do it herself) Respect her, listen to her, laugh about her jokes, tell something about yourself and try to flirt a little if you see she likes you, and you can even get a lady as trans and pre-T. (if you pass, like when on T, tell her AS SOON AS POSSIBLE you are trans. Preferably during or before the first date. Then she knows what she's getting into and the chances of her accepting as MUCH bigger)
Buying too big clothes is not (always) a good idea as they can make you seem smaller, etc. and a sports bra can be used as a binder for the smaller chested guys (chesticle size AA/A)
Wow, this got longer than expected, but that's all I can think about right now, hope it helps.
Woah, that's a lot of information that I didn't know before. (Seems that I have lots of work to do lol.)
I also have really thin eyebrows. I tried to fill them in a little, but they always look too fake. They might look more natural now that my hair is black, so I'll try again.
I'm working really hard on my voice right now. I've noticed that the way guys talk to other guys is different than when a girl is involved. Ever since I've begun presenting as male, even online, I can sense the more direct, dominant (and mock-play definitely) that happens with other guys. I think I adjusted to that one the easiest.
Handshakes are something else I can work on pre-T so thanks for the idea.
I've become familiar with the hands in pockets and legs shoulder width apart stance a lot of guys take on and have been mimicking it for a while that it comes almost naturally now.
As for dates, if it was a girl, I'd probably offer to pay if I like her, yes. But I'm pansexual and tend to date guys more often, so then it depends I guess. I don't expect to be a total douche haha
And baggy clothes aren't my style so I won't be in a rush to get anything bigger than I need to, trust me.
Thanks for the loads of information; it helped and gave me more things to work on.
You're welcome.
And ABOVE ALL remember to stay yourself! If you are a talkative/femme/less masculine guy that is okay too! I am not femme at all, but I am not a typical "alpha" either, nor do I have any ambitions or wishes to be one. Whatever you do, make sure one mask doesn't replace the other. Just do what feels good and right to you. Don't try to prove yourself to others, you don't need to prove ANYTHING, you are a guy and you are strong and awesome JUST AS YOU ARE! So step in that room and show that! Don't let anyone kick you down for who you are!
Erik, thanks for the reminder. I am more of a "girly guy," or femme, sometimes (a lot of the time), and the fact that I'm pansexual (but mostly attracted to masculinity) makes people question why I want to transition at all. So it's nice to have someone remind me not to leave this persona for another "more masculine" one. Thanks again.
Immortal, funny, I never thought of that as an exercise haha but don't you think my mom would wonder if a pair of crutches randomly appeared on my front porch :p
I am no pro and tend to do my own thing here, but good old push-ups and chin-ups have done wonders for my body shape. Not there yet, but better!