so, today, i got a fb notification text message and when i saw it, my heart went into hyper drive. does this mean that internal struggle is almost over? like for the past 2 weeks, every time i hear my boy name or i see it in my text message, i get panicky :o its really frustrating but really awesome at the same time
I'm not sure if you could say that "the internal struggle is over", but I know what you are saying. When I hear my birth name it used to irritate me and sometimes really upset me. Now I still hear it occasionally and its easier to let it go. I'm glad things are becoming easier for you. But don't forget that we all move forward on our paths at different speeds. I found (and continue to find) that some days are rougher than others.
Glad things are getting easier for you!
My name has always been weird for me. My birth boy name doesn't bother me, but that because I've always never entirely identified with it. Its like... how do I describe it... hearing my birth name gets a reaction in the back of my mind going "oh right that is me" - like a forum username or an MMO character name you don't actively think about, and then someone addresses you and you're like "oh yeah that is me."
On the other hand, my given girl name has rarely ever been used to address me so for now I feel sorta unnamed - I have a lot of handles I go by, but right now I am not identified / do not identify by any of them.
I'm FtM and when I see or get called by my girl name I get nervous and I wish I could erase it from all papers and people's minds.
Dunno why I react that way.
I feel good only between my trans* friend because they respect me and we all call eachother with our given names.
I know it's wrong but, that's how I feel now. Maybe in the future I'll be more tolerant, who knows *shrugs*.
You could just legally change it to a boy name.