So kinda frustrated today. I dont get out much honestly...don't have any way to, but when I do, I mean my body is too womanly to go in any other box than cis female, yet I'm aware that there is something about me that in a sea of cis girls just looks hard to place, just somehow different, maybe striking? So I do get a lot of attention, male and female, but most importantly male attention.
What frustrates me so much is when a really hot guy(s) will be into me and I want him a lot but there is literally nothing to do about it, I am not viable for anything spontaneous at all cuz of the huge chance of rejection... I hate this so much, how do people deal? Not gonna lie I'm feeling pretty slutty lately and I deserve and want to own it but I can't. So many gorgeous guys that want me and there's nothing I can do abt it. Fuuuu I hate everything. What is the point of being seen as a girl if you can't fulfill the only thing girls ultimately exist for in our culture and to guys. It's so stupid. Its like being an amputee pianist or a blind painter. Totally pointless :/
So take a huge leap of faith, take a risk, tell the truth, maybe fall in love. You are beautiful and valuable, there are men, even some hot ones, that will see that. But how can they if they don't get the chance?
I understand rejection, I understand pain. I also know that even when I hurt and am terrified I have to keep trying if I want to find my way to sunlight. There are a few people here who sometimes make me want to cry, because I just want to give them a mirror that reflects their value, but I don't seem to have the tools.
I can sink into self pity and paralytic fear with the best of them, but I can also sometimes glimpse the beauty of my own soul. I wish I could show you the beauty of yours but you wouldn't believe me. Still the beauty is so there.
What's keeping you locked up inside?
Love,
Julie
Are you talking about the beauty of my soul or my boobs? Cuz the men I'm talking about only care about the latter and honestly you're right, I don't believe the former, and I really don't believe they'll appreciate the beauty of my dick. I'm pretty enough that telling the truth would hugely disappoint the kind of men I like and maybe they would kill me, though that would be an experience at least I guess.
So, your struggle is, that guys that don't know about you are into you? And your into some of them?
Why not just pick from ones that know about you and are intrested in you.
Of course for this, more people will need to know about you, but why hide it? Ofcourse I'm not saying run around the streets yelling it at the top of your loungs. But freinds of freinds? Their freinds? Meet safe people through safe people? Exspand your freind network that way. And plus the best relationships develop from a freindship in the first place. IF you look for love you will never find it. It has to find you, and the only way that will happen if, there are more people that KNOW you? And that means everything.
Don't build a relationship around somthing that's hidden, because revelations can destroy them.
Let you being you be that foundation, build on the fact that despite your biology this person still invite you to join in, this person still hates to see you upset, and most importantly your heppyest around this person, and this person is happyest when you happuy.
Sound like a dream? An impossible fantasy? Well, dreams only come true when the dreamer doesn't know its impossible. Just live life.
I think that this is a preety dufficult situation and I'm sorry if this is no help. And Its probably the main reason stealth is not an option for me.
It is a bitch when someone asks you out and you think to yourself, you know, self, it'd be nice, real nice. But then you'd have to tell them and then you just know that as soon as you tell them, the offer is gone, they could get pissed or whatever and if they didn't, then chances are, they are going to see you differently than from before they knew, that's just human nature.
I've been through it too many times and I hate it. Sure, there are some I would have gone out with, but can't because of the whole trans thing. Where if I were a cis woman, it would be easy to just say yes.
That's one of the most miserable parts of being trans to me.
Quote from: big head horsey-face on May 24, 2014, 08:25:40 AM
It is a bitch when someone asks you out and you think to yourself, you know, self, it'd be nice, real nice. But then you'd have to tell them and then you just know that as soon as you tell them, the offer is gone, they could get pissed or whatever and if they didn't, then chances are, they are going to see you differently than from before they knew, that's just human nature.
I've been through it too many times and I hate it. Sure, there are some I would have gone out with, but can't because of the whole trans thing. Where if I were a cis woman, it would be easy to just say yes.
That's one of the most miserable parts of being trans to me.
Ditto
Just to clarify... it's not about love or long term relationships. I know those can be niggled on. It's about the accessibility of sex. Guys all want it and if I wanna give it in most situations I can't. That's depressing to me... cuz I know when talking to guys that's all they want and why shouldn't I be at that liberty? But, I only look female, I am not female, so there's no point :/ I don't know why I even bother being pretty or anything except to lead them on
Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 09:38:23 AM
Just to clarify... it's not about love or long term relationships. I know those can be niggled on. It's about the accessibility of sex. Guys all want it and if I wanna give it in most situations I can't. That's depressing to me... cuz I know when talking to guys that's all they want and why shouldn't I be at that liberty? But, I only look female, I am not female, so there's no point :/ I don't know why I even bother being pretty or anything except to lead them on
I'm one of those that think how we present ourselves with clothes, makeup or whatever is something we should do more for ourselves than anything else. I like to try to look nice, even if I fail miserably at it at times. Unfortunately, it sometimes does create some interest from someone and I have to deal with it as best as I can, hopefully without outing myself as trans in the meantime. Sure, I'd love to go out with someone and have a good time, even if it was for just once or twice, but I feel like I can't because I'm pretty sure it'll end badly if they initially don't know I'm trans. And if they do know I'm trans before asking, I know its usually just because they want to "experiment" or satisfy some sort of curiosity and the idea of that pisses me off for some reason.
I can understand about the post that mentions the boobs over the beauty of the soul. I was on a forum where men were messaging me because they were attracted to my boobs. I am a biological male, with female looking boobs and I am attracted sexually to women only. Women hardly ever messaged me, though. My profile picture showed the boobs, so it was a visual attraction for the men. People really don't get it that there is more to a person than their physical appearance. However, I do love my boobs, which are between a B and C cup, just saying there is more to it than that.
Stephanie
Quote from: Jaime R D aka big head horsey-face on May 24, 2014, 10:05:06 AM
I'm one of those that think how we present ourselves with clothes, makeup or whatever is something we should do more for ourselves than anything else. I like to try to look nice, even if I fail miserably at it at times. Unfortunately, it sometimes does create some interest from someone and I have to deal with it as best as I can, hopefully without outing myself as trans in the meantime. Sure, I'd love to go out with someone and have a good time, even if it was for just once or twice, but I feel like I can't because I'm pretty sure it'll end badly if they initially don't know I'm trans. And if they do know I'm trans before asking, I know its usually just because they want to "experiment" or satisfy some sort of curiosity and the idea of that pisses me off for some reason.
Hi wait are you Jaime Jaime?
Anyway idk, I get nothing out of any of that for myself, I mean, it's fun here and there being creative, but I could cosplay or do that for Halloween if I wanted. day in and day out I'm doing it to look pretty/seductive to people. I'm doing it to be liked and desirable but there's no point being desired in my case. Lol :/
I mean, yesterday, showing more skin and being stared at and flirted with all day by hot guys I had no potential with if they knew, it just feels really stupid when you're surrounded by actual girls.
I'm Jaime, not Jamie. I came here about the same time as Jamie though, but have left and came back and left and came back, etc.
I imagine our age difference will change our own reasons for doing stuff. I'm in my fifties, so I gave up on impressing guys or girls a long time ago. I'm more into just satisfying myself and not being laughed at for how I look.
Honestly if your going to be negative about your situation your not going to find someone. Most people wouldn't want to date someone with a negative attitude. I have plenty of people who know I'm trans that would still go out with me anyways. Honestly you have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone. Sure they're will be some that won't date you but that's they're problem not yours.
Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 12:39:53 PM
Honestly if your going to be negative about your situation your not going to find someone. Most people wouldn't want to date someone with a negative attitude. I have plenty of people who know I'm trans that would still go out with me anyways. Honestly you have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone. Sure they're will be some that won't date you but that's they're problem not yours.
Well I'm not really talking about dating
Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 01:24:11 PM
Well I'm not really talking about dating
I hate to say it but if you are looking for a meaningful relationship, you have to get out there and date.
Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 12:39:53 PM
Honestly if your going to be negative about your situation your not going to find someone. Most people wouldn't want to date someone with a negative attitude. I have plenty of people who know I'm trans that would still go out with me anyways. Honestly you have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone. Sure they're will be some that won't date you but that's they're problem not yours.
Words of freakin' wisdom by the Great Heather. ;) Never ever ever limit your options, There may be a transgirl out there for you or a transman or a cisman or a ciswoman. Me personally I would much rather date another transgender than a cisgender. F2M or M2F. I found this out a few months ago. Two trangenders have way much more in common than a transgender and cisgender person. But then again never limit your options because really sad panda, you never know where true love may come from. A negative attitude will turn somone off from you quicker than anything else, even being transgender.
I can kind of relate to this as of late.
There are a lot of guys I would like to pursue, but I find myself putting the kibosh on it before anything ever happens- even a kiss. These are not guys who just want to have sex, but they are also not guys who would be into having sex with someone with a penis (just as I don't want to use mine during sex).
I would have to say that is the number one reason I am seeking SRS- so I won't have that physical (and therefore mental) block holding everything up.
Again, Craigslist hookups are my outlet. Went out with 2 guys last week, going out with 2 more next week and have lots others lined up. Mebbe it makes me trash, maybe it's gonna get me killed, and maybe I couldn't care less.
Also, I'm finding Tumblr to be a mildly amusing outlet HAHa so apparently pictures of me are spreading around different "trap" sites lmao. I think it's hilarious...everybody takes it so serious but I think it's too f'king hilarious.
Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 01:24:11 PM
Well I'm not really talking about dating
I'm sure if your looking for a hookup they're is plenty of men who will do that. In fact they're is way to many that are looking for that. But I thought you had a boyfriend already? But honestly I don't think some random hookup is what you need. You really need to respect yourself and your body more than that.
Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 01:40:22 PM
Words of freakin' wisdom by the Great Heather. ;) Never ever ever limit your options, There may be a transgirl out there for you or a transman or a cisman or a ciswoman. Me personally I would much rather date another transgender than a cisgender. F2M or M2F. I found this out a few months ago. Two trangenders have way much more in common than a transgender and cisgender person. But then again never limit your options because really sad panda, you never know where true love may come from. A negative attitude will turn somone off from you quicker than anything else, even being transgender.
Lol I don't think I'm that great but I'm just speaking from what I've learned in my life. As far as dating cis vs trans I really don't have a preference. If I click with that person is all I really care about.
Quote from: Jennygirl on May 24, 2014, 01:54:44 PM
I can kind of relate to this as of late.
There are a lot of guys I would like to pursue, but I find myself putting the kibosh on it before anything ever happens- even a kiss. These are not guys who just want to have sex, but they are also not guys who would be into having sex with someone with a penis (just as I don't want to use mine during sex).
I would have to say that is the number one reason I am seeking SRS- so I won't have that physical (and therefore mental) block holding everything up.
Really Jenny? Me personally I think any guy cis or straight would consider you great beauty regardless. I think that guys are attracted to a pretty face and pretty much two other assets and they really could care less about the penis as long.... Well I ain't goin' no further than that and you got the pretty face. But that mental and physical block is what you have to do to feel comfortable and safe with yourself. Don't sell youself short though.
Not on a serious note though I think most guys could care less as long as you don't drag them on Jerry Springer. ;) Which brings me to another point, 15 mins of fame aside, how can they not know?
Regardless, the heart wants what the heart wants and no matter the plumbing, being attractivly feminine is attraction to most men. And yes if you lead them to believe something and are totally different than what you led them to believe it can get a little dangerous. I never used to have problem but did tell them upfront before anything, even before kissing. Then it's either "what's your number?" or "OK, but your not my type." And it may be a little rude but just leave.
Quote from: Abbyxo on May 24, 2014, 02:07:33 PM
Mebbe it makes me trash, maybe it's gonna get me killed, and maybe I couldn't care less.
Welcome to the club Abby, I don't mind being trash, as a matter of fact I think my next band's name will be Trailer Trash ;). But we aren't trash and never let yourself be seen that way. You really need to care Hon. We, and I definately don't want anything bad to happen to you. But again, another pretty face and a lot guys could care less as long as you don't call them out in public.
Not always though, so both of you pick and choose wisely. And you will know who may be a dangerous and who won't. And never ever when they have had too much to drink because they may feel differntley the next morning. And I am sick of seeing statistics that really don't need to be. But there are a lot of guys out there that crave extreme femininity and a lot of ciswomen just aren't feminine enough now days. Or at least can't be as feminine as someone who revels in femeninty such as we do.
Quote from: Jennygirl on May 24, 2014, 01:54:44 PM
I can kind of relate to this as of late.
There are a lot of guys I would like to pursue, but I find myself putting the kibosh on it before anything ever happens- even a kiss. These are not guys who just want to have sex, but they are also not guys who would be into having sex with someone with a penis (just as I don't want to use mine during sex).
I would have to say that is the number one reason I am seeking SRS- so I won't have that physical (and therefore mental) block holding everything up.
Yeah unfortunately I just look like a girl regardless of my identity, I need some form of SRS no matter what I do now, but do not have access to it.
Quote from: Abbyxo on May 24, 2014, 02:07:33 PM
Again, Craigslist hookups are my outlet. Went out with 2 guys last week, going out with 2 more next week and have lots others lined up. Mebbe it makes me trash, maybe it's gonna get me killed, and maybe I couldn't care less.
Also, I'm finding Tumblr to be a mildly amusing outlet HAHa so apparently pictures of me are spreading around different "trap" sites lmao. I think it's hilarious...everybody takes it so serious but I think it's too f'king hilarious.
I think the problem is, I just want a type of guy. I want the type of guy who takes, not so much asks, but I can't let any guys take from me cuz there is nothing to take, you know? :c
I just only want a dominant, aloof, emotionally unavailable guy, and there aren't really those kinds of guys who are into dick right? There are plenty in the cis world, but, how can i seduce them if they are repulsed by dick?
Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 02:31:27 PM
I'm sure if your looking for a hookup they're is plenty of men who will do that. In fact they're is way to many that are looking for that. But I thought you had a boyfriend already? But honestly I don't think some random hookup is what you need. You really need to respect yourself and your body more than that. Lol I don't think I'm that great but I'm just speaking from what I've learned in my life. As far as dating cis vs trans I really don't have a preference. If I click with that person is all I really care about.
I'm pretty sure I need hookups, otherwise it wouldn't hurt not being able to have them.... why do I need to respect myself or my body?
Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 02:31:27 PM
Lol I don't think I'm that great but I'm just speaking from what I've learned in my life. As far as dating cis vs trans I really don't have a preference. If I click with that person is all I really care about.
You are an inspiration whether you believe it or not. I am definately like you it is all about the person and the click and having fun but also a deep meaningful relationship. Don't sell yourself short. What I have gotten from your post has really helped me to be able to open up at least the my psychiatrist anyway. That is the first step right?
Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 03:14:04 PM
I'm pretty sure I need hookups, otherwise it wouldn't hurt not being able to have them.... why do I need to respect myself or my body?
Because Hon, if you don't respect yourself how can these "hook ups respect you?" Take it from me and for whatever you make of it, cheap meaningless hookups are just that. Cheap and meaningless. Love is out there for you, you just have to recognize it. It may come in many different forms such as male, female, trans, gay lesbian or straight. Love is not cheap, it requires a lot from both parties, but dont just hook up for a one night stand. If the person holds any value in you, then sex shouldn't be the main reason for guys and girls. If I meet a guy and all he wants is what I can do in the bedroom the first niogh, he is not worth it. If I meet a guy that is respectful and expects nothing more than an innocent kiss at the end of the date and no more, then that is what I like to experience. No I ain't no angel and belive meI have had my share of one nightstands, but really in the long run they are not worth your time or effort.
Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 03:30:22 PM
Because Hon, if you don't respect yourself how can these "hook ups respect you?" Take it from me and for whatever you make of it, cheap meaningless hookups are just that. Cheap and meaningless. Love is out there for you, you just have to recognize it. It may come in many different forms such as male, female, trans, gay lesbian or straight. Love is not cheap, it requires a lot from both parties, but dont just hook up for a one night stand. If the person holds any value in you, then sex shouldn't be the main reason for guys and girls. If I meet a guy and all he wants is what I can do in the bedroom the first niogh, he is not worth it. If I meet a guy that is respectful and expects nothing more than an innocent kiss at the end of the date and no more, then that is what I like to experience. No I ain't no angel and belive meI have had my share of one nightstands, but really in the long run they are not worth your time or effort.
But idon't want them to respect me and I'm not looking for love.
I don't get why everyone acts like they know what is right for me. I would never tell someone they shouldn't transition for example. But just because i want something they don't understand it's wrong?
Seems like everyone is different in this regard.
I think the main battle is knowing what you want! Some want a meaningful relationship, some just want to have fun. It's all a matter of knowing yourself and what makes you happy... and then going after it!
In sad panda's case it is obvious where the conflicted feelings are coming from- the lack of being mirrored how they see themselves and how that plays into interactions with others.
Sad panda- I wouldn't give up hope yet... Chances are in a few years SRS coverage will be much better for us and you just might gain some sort of access! If it is SRS you desire to feel whole with yourself, I suggest you go for it! If I were you I'd be smashing the work scene making as much money as I could.. lol.. kinda exactly what I happen to be doing right now as I sit at work makin that skrilla to pay for srs! ;)
Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 03:14:04 PM
I'm pretty sure I need hookups, otherwise it wouldn't hurt not being able to have them.... why do I need to respect myself or my body?
You sound really depressed. I'll be honest I hope this is just something you'll grow out of. Because truthfully if you don't your in for a very hard life. I'm telling you to respect yourself because if you don't nobody else will.
Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 04:10:16 PM
You sound really depressed. I'll be honest I hope this is just something you'll grow out of. Because truthfully if you don't your in for a very hard life. I'm telling you to respect yourself because if you don't nobody else will.
More words of wisdom from the Great Heather. ;)
Your hookups may not respect you, but you still need to have self respect because once you lose your self esteem it will lead to depression and other problems. Lack of self esteem sux, no other way to put it and it is way harder to get it back than it is to lose it. I was extremely wild and lived a fast life when I was younger and the one thing that I made sure of is that I never lost my self repect or self esteem. I son't go into it but I have had to do the walk of shame before, but I owned it and embarrased others before I embarassed myself.
Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 04:25:54 PM
More words of wisdom from the Great Heather. ;)
Now if you want to call me a great dancer or a great dresser I won't argue. ;) But I'm just trying to give advice it doesn't make me special. Anybody could say what I have said it's not new knowledge. It's actually been around a long time. But it's still true now as it's ever been. :)
I have never had self esteem or self worth, I'm not gonna grow it now. Actually the only way I can is embracing the things I want and doing them by my own choice rather than just having reluctantly let them happen on other people's terms. So if what I naturally want is cold, unavailable men then the only way to respect myself is to make it happen and enjoy it rather than tell myself I shouldn't be allowed to because susans would judge me.
Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 08:05:36 PM
rather than tell myself I shouldn't be allowed to because susans would judge me.
No one has judged here at all. You asked for advice and many different points were brought up.
If this topic goes into this type of arena it will be locked.
Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 08:05:36 PM
I have never had self esteem or self worth, I'm not gonna grow it now. Actually the only way I can is embracing the things I want and doing them by my own choice rather than just having reluctantly let them happen on other people's terms. So if what I naturally want is cold, unavailable men then the only way to respect myself is to make it happen and enjoy it rather than tell myself I shouldn't be allowed to because susans would judge me.
I didn't have those things either before transition. And I honesty think you could grow it now as long as you change that I can't attitude. Btw I'm not judging you I'm just telling you what has helped me. Whether or not you listen is entirely up to you.
Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 03:10:21 PM
Yeah unfortunately I just look like a girl regardless of my identity, I need some form of SRS no matter what I do now, but do not have access to it.
I think the problem is, I just want a type of guy. I want the type of guy who takes, not so much asks, but I can't let any guys take from me cuz there is nothing to take, you know? :c
I just only want a dominant, aloof, emotionally unavailable guy, and there aren't really those kinds of guys who are into dick right? There are plenty in the cis world, but, how can i seduce them if they are repulsed by dick?
But...you have a bum lmao. Sorry but yeah. There are like..there's like a market for everything. Literally. Your area isn't any smaller than mine so girl legit...post an add on craigslist that reads "sissy trap looking for dominant daddy" then go into detail in the add.
Like..its like that Eurythmics song. I know from a bi guy at one of my groups theres a large BDSM community near me cuz he wanted to get me involved with...how shall we say, generous? Friends of his that were into that. You just gotta find that in your area if that's what you really want tbh.
But be careful cuz there's a lot of psychos. You have to learn to sort through, and become an experienced CL hoe. What you're wanting is riskier tho...the guys I go out with have been pretty vanilla or even subby tho I'm going out with a Dom this week which should be fun lmao.
But yeah there is a giant market out there for this..I mean all of it.
Also as an FYI I don't think Panda needs platitudes...this it gets better sh*t? Its f*king bullsh*t. Lots of trans women commit suicide. Tons. Tons get raped, murdered etc and just fall through the cracks in a million different ways. Life doesn't always get better because REAL life isn't all inspirational quotes and memes and fluffy bunnies and whatever other bs.
If it got better for you, bully. Congrats, awesome. Enjoy it. But constantly spreading your good news and how peachy cream and hunky dory your f*king life is to people who are in pain, is just making a sh*t ton of people feel more alone and like bigger failures and it's NOT helping it's just nailing one more head in the coffin in the most aggravating way possible.
So Sad Panda? It might not get better. But that wasn't your question was it? You want sex. And you wanna be abused, from what I'm gathering. Craigslist. Have at it babe. And don't be afraid or ashamed to get what you want when you're on this side of the dirt.
Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 05:44:23 PM
Anybody could say what I have said it's not new knowledge. It's actually been around a long time. But it's still true now as it's ever been. :)
This is not just for Heather but everyone in the thread- Let's not forget what may be true for you might not be for sad panda. We all come from different backgrounds, hold different beliefs, and have vastly differentiated opinions on how one should live one's life. There really is no right or wrong, true or untrue when it comes down to it.
I wouldn't go so far to say that anybody is "judging" here at all so let's nip that in the bud, but perhaps sad panda is indeed feeling a bit boxed in by some of the advice and suggestions saying they are wrong for feeling a certain way. Instead of trying to disarm and change, let's try to understand and help them grow. I think that was clearly the initial goal of everyone's comments but we started to veer there for a second.
I think Abby's getting it :)
EDIT: her FIRST post, lol. Dang girl, that second post is pretty gnarly!
And hey at least sad panda knows what they want! That is more than I can say about myself when it comes to intimacy!
Quote from: Jennygirl on May 25, 2014, 03:38:14 PM
I think Abby's getting it :)
EDIT: her FIRST post, lol. Dang girl, that second post is pretty gnarly!
Jennygirl, did anyone ever tell you you're one of the most lovable people on the planet haha?
Quote from: Abbyxo on May 25, 2014, 03:48:00 PM
Jennygirl, did anyone ever tell you you're one of the most lovable people on the planet haha?
Oh you! Makin' me blush :-*
You are quite the realist and I can relate to that bigtime. But we can talk about that somewhere not in this spicy thread.
There are a lot of different minded people here, that's what makes places like this so great. Just because one, two or three people have a similar feeling about something doesn't make it truth. It just means those people might have made different decisions. Nothing wrong with that. As long as nobody is getting hurt, I am all for it sad panda. But to me you do seem rather hurt, and hopefully you'll see that no matter what you decide we will always try to help you talk something out. And I'll be standing by with the love-sprinkles
I Have had a sort of related exsperience lately.
I Have two male intrests at the moment, on of them is "intimate" but as far as intimacy goes it doesnt quite GO WEAR i would like it to. This realy upsets me because i know "post op" this wouldnt be a problemb.
I Think what panda is going through is bottom dysphoria in the extream.
Panda if intimacy is realy all you want at the moment you have to find it wear your third leg wont discurage it. If your third leg discuraging it is what your afreighd off.
Im sorry your getting all this attention you would like to recieve. But if receiving attention is what you want to do, you need to find a compatible sorce. You cant offer tea to someone who wants coffee. If you want to be drunk you need to find someone who wants tea.
Quote from: sad panda on May 25, 2014, 03:59:56 PM
Thanks abby and jenny. I really appreciate your support and replies, so much, and I read them and thought about them and it really means a lot to me. Sorry I stopped replying to my own thread just jessica merriman made me feel uncomfortable again with what felt like a threat to me, I'm not trying to be mean just being honest about how it made me feel. I always feel like jessica hates me and I don't know why, but I can't take it, it makes me want to delete my account here, I can't freaking stand being hated, not one bit, and it's not worth posting here if people are going to make me feel guilty basically just for existing. :(
You are welcome and don't worry about it, I think misunderstandings happen a lot here. I guess that is to be expected when you're sitting behind a computer screen not actually interacting with people face to face.
And Jessica, she is grade-A great. She's doing her job here in the best way she can and trying to keep the peace between everyone. I'm sure she didn't intend to make you feel uncomfortable so I'll go ahead and nip that in the bud, too.
You are definitely not hated at all as far as I know, and if you ever feel that way don't hesitate to PM me and I'll be more than happy to talk you through. I know you're a good person :)
Quote from: sad panda on May 25, 2014, 03:59:56 PM
Thanks abby and jenny. I really appreciate your support and replies, so much, and I read them and thought about them and it really means a lot to me. Sorry I stopped replying to my own thread just jessica merriman made me feel uncomfortable again with what felt like a threat to me, I'm not trying to be mean just being honest about how it made me feel. I always feel like jessica hates me and I don't know why, but I can't take it, it makes me want to delete my account here, I can't freaking stand being hated, not one bit, and it's not worth posting here if people are going to make me feel guilty basically just for existing. :(
Well if you do leave do you still have my new number? Cause I'm an idget and I lost my old phone
Thanks again and yes I do have your new # in my phone Abby. I'm not going to leave I just need to do something soothing tonight and not be stressed. Love you guys and feel free to txt/chat me though I might not see it tonight.
Quote from: sad panda on May 25, 2014, 04:12:40 PM
I just need to do something soothing tonight and not be stressed. Love you guys and feel free to txt/chat me though I might not see it tonight
Craigslist...haha I'm done now. Love you to text me if you're feeling low sug
Quote from: sad panda on May 25, 2014, 03:59:56 PM
Thanks abby and jenny. I really appreciate your support and replies, so much, and I read them and thought about them and it really means a lot to me. Sorry I stopped replying to my own thread just jessica merriman made me feel uncomfortable again with what felt like a threat to me, I'm not trying to be mean just being honest about how it made me feel. I always feel like jessica hates me and I don't know why, but I can't take it, it makes me want to delete my account here, I can't freaking stand being hated, not one bit, and it's not worth posting here if people are going to make me feel guilty basically just for existing. :(
I have tried all I can to show love and acceptance here. To single me out for doing my job was terribly uncalled for. I have gone to extremes to help everyone I can here, but if it is not needed or you feel I have no genuine feelings for those here maybe it is time I moved on. I was tempted to lock the topic after the attack on me, but other Moderators let it go. I feel I have outlived my usefulness here if I ever had any at all.
Jessica everyone here knows you do a marvelous job- you established yourself as one of the greats within the first week we started modding. Hopefully it truly is just a series of misunderstandings gone awry. Maybe just some differences in personal opinions at play. Either way we should all be able to get along
I think this thread indeed has run its course, so I am going to lock it. Sad panda I hope you continue to feel better and Jessica I hope you realize how much your duty here is needed and appreciated every day. I support the heck out of both of you. ~hugs all around~