I am not an expert but it seems as though cis men have no trouble answering a yes or no question with yes or no. They even seem to even prefer yes or no questions.
Conversely, women seem to have no ability to just say yes or no ( unless they aren't in the mood to talk to you). Every answer is an explanation or story.
I catch crap for not being able to simply answer yes or no all the time by men, but not by women. I have always done this, but am I just crazy or is it definitely a girl thing?
Don't know if it is or not. I tend to be a bit more descriptive in my responses than I maybe need to be. I know a few guys who can be chatty that way but most aren't while most women I know are...then again, some aren't.
I'm a talker always have been why just use one word when there are three others you can use as well. I am seriously thinking of putting I sign up saying. WARNING: If I am quite do not engage in conversation. YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE. Oh wait what was the question again right I have know guys that you avoid asking questions because they will tell you how much hassle it was to get this for you and how much you owe them as well as women that are all business, look all I want to know have you done A do you have B. So feminine trait probably not just individual personality what are they like.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on May 24, 2014, 04:38:44 AM
I'm a talker always have been why just use one word when there are three others you can use as well. I am seriously thinking of putting I sign up saying. WARNING: If I am quite do not engage in conversation. YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE. Oh wait what was the question again right I have know guys that you avoid asking questions because they will tell you how much hassle it was to get this for you and how much you owe them as well as women that are all business, look all I want to know have you done A do you have B. So feminine trait probably not just individual personality what are they like.
This is a great response and made me laugh. Women and girls are much more verbal than men and boys. It is both wiring and socialization. Girls play house vs boys make truck noises. So yes the loquacious woman will talk things out more than a taciturn man. "why just use one word when there are three others you can use as well"
I think it is a way of organizing thoughts socially and by engagement. I never got the funny noise thing boys make growing up, and was labeled a "chatterbox" for talking endlessly, but I am a software engineer, and in that world precision and brevity are valued. So until I transitioned I tended to the brief. Not so much these days lol, I am a girl and I get to tell you what I think. One of the best perks of an authentic life. Talk on girlfriend.
Julie
Quote from: Michaela Whimsy on May 24, 2014, 03:48:02 AM
I am not an expert but it seems as though cis men have no trouble answering a yes or no question with yes or no. They even seem to even prefer yes or no questions.
Conversely, women seem to have no ability to just say yes or no ( unless they aren't in the mood to talk to you). Every answer is an explanation or story.
I catch crap for not being able to simply answer yes or no all the time by men, but not by women. I have always done this, but am I just crazy or is it definitely a girl thing?
Not sure if it is particularly a girl thing or not, but it does seem to lean that way :laugh: I can't count the times a guy has interrupted me and demanded a simply yes or no answer then at times followed by comments about me having a feminine behavior
I've gotten to where I think a moment and decide whether to give a simple yes or no answer or a full explanation
I've always thought of it as an intellectual trait more than a feminine one.
But since you're mentioning it, I've noticed that the only individuals who ever press me for yes or no answers are guys. But then they're also generally not educated past high school... So I don't know. It could be a bit of both, perhaps?
I've actually read a fair bit of stuff relating to this, and the answer is that it's a combination of several factors.
First of all, men are socialised to be confident and self-assured, and to stand up for themselves. Therefore, they are more likely to answer questions with certainty (i.e. either 'yes' or 'no'). Women, on the other hand, are socialised to be quiet and to second-guess themselves at every turn, and so are considerably less likely to answer questions with certainty.
The second, much more sinister factor, is that women are taught not to trust their own emotions, ever. Whenever a woman is justifiably angry or upset, men will frequently blame it on her period or hormones, and refuse to take her seriously. In fact, whenever she shows basically any emotion that men don't like, she's likely to be either dismissed outright or met with anger or even violence. When you're told day in, day out, that you're inferior and your thoughts aren't as important as men's, that's going to reflect in how you talk to others. Even if she does want to say 'no' or 'yes' outright, those years of socialisation means that she is unlikely to actually do that for fear of further misogyny.
Where do trans people fit into this? Well, it varies a lot. Some internalise the values entirely of their own gender, others mostly of their birth assignment, some a mix of both.
But long story short, it's not 'an annoying habit' - it's the culmination of a deeply misogynistic society that socialises women into that form of response.
When around people I don't know, I don't talk much at all, someone asks me a question, they get a very simple, straight to the point answer, and I never initiate conversation, ever. When its someone that I'm kinda of comfortable, only rarely initiating conversation, any question they ask or thing they say sometimes results in me opening up a bit more than usual, then I start rambling, for a little bit anyway. With those I know and am completely comfortable talking to everything is in full descriptive detail and sometimes I have so much to say I tend to stutter a lot, my brain and mouth not quite in sync with each other, I do this a lot at home when talking with my mom. She tells me I need to slow down. I think deep down I'm a blabbermouth, this crazy fear of people that I've lived with my whole life just keeps me from talking to any and everyone, or maybe its just that most things that people talk about simply don't interest me.
i either give a full story to the question or just go off on a tangent xD usually gets me in trouble or gets me the annoying label
Oh my God, I talk, yap or just generally won't keep my mouth shut. I always have to say something. Where I live I catually talk more than the women do. Most of ya'll that read my post can attest to that. ;D I tend to have atendency to PO or irritate guys from talking too much and once I start with women, they talk back so it truly may be a girl thing.
I don't think this is a feminine or masculine trait more than it is an aspect of someone's personality. Some people are just not very verbal or talkative. And I know plenty of women that this true of and men that can never stop talking. Personally, I never really feel satisfied with a simple yes or not answer, but that says more about who I am and how I see things more than it does about my gender. As for whether it's an annoying thing, I suppose that depends on who you ask. I love long stories that can explain a position rather than a mere yes or no, but I know I can drive people insane by my inability to do this.
I must be an odd duck, but I'm a guy and I'm extremely chatty. Especially when you get me excited for something or ask me to tell a story about something I did, etc.
Sometimes it makes me feel 'womanly' or 'too feminine' etc. but I just have a lot to tell and LIKE to tell it.
When I am not chatting with someone for fun but someone asks me a fixed question, I am usually quite straight to the point though. Not like answering 'yes' or 'no' (I have been taught it is very impolite to just say 'yes' or 'no', unless the situation demands you do so) I also noticed that when my mom talks about things she adds a LOT of emotional words and needless details, while I'd just tell the story quick, but not rushed, and in a more objective way, only saying "Oh, that sucked" or "Yeah, it was great" once or twice.
But even as female people would say I'm chatty, and now everyone is like "DUDE! Wow! How can you catch breath? So much talking!" lol
Quote from: Michaela Whimsy on May 24, 2014, 03:48:02 AM
I am not an expert but it seems as though cis men have no trouble answering a yes or no question with yes or no. They even seem to even prefer yes or no questions.
When I was in the U.S., I was also a little bit perplexed as some American colleagues requested me of a clear yes/no reply. In my country, this is interpreted as very rude and undiplomatic.
http://www.ediplomat.com/np/cultural_etiquette/ce_kr.htm
Quote"Yes" is not necessarily "yes." Koreans avoid saying "no." Try to phrase questions in a manner that doesn't require a "yes" or "no" answer. Example: Instead of saying "Could we sign the agreement by next Friday?" say "When is the earliest date that we could expect to sign this agreement?"
barbie~~
I see it as a mix of personality and culture. Personally, I can be terse when I need to be, but there are environments that seem more receptive to loquacious responses (like on campus) and I am much more comfortable not giving an abridged version of an answer. The culture of the place I worked was dedicated to grossly fulfilling every masculine stereotypes, and so everyone there gave sharp, brief responses.
Yes
<I couldn't resist it :laugh:>
Definitely a more feminine quality. It's more common for men to be more stoic, and women to be more explanatory/emotional in their responses. You will get crossover however so this isn't a black and white comparison, just something that's common among the genders.
I have noticed a lot of women do this.
The difference between "annoying" and simply "how you communicate" is the way in which you answer the questions. Annoying is being vague and weird and cryptic, and not answering the question at all. How you communicate, on the other hand, is elaborating on something. For example:
Question: So are you excited about moving?
Direct answer: Yes or no.
Elaborate answer: Well, yes and no...I'm excited to be having a fresh start, and Bobby's new job pays way better, but at the same time I am going to miss my family, and I worry that the stress of moving will cause Bobby and I to fight.
I used to be one of those guys that wanted a yes/no answer and not the entire story behind it - just cut to the chase and give me the danged answer!
Now things are...... different.... I'm the one that always has a story and I can't shut up lol....estrogen has unlocked that part of my brain.
A funny story - at my church we feed the homeless every month which means getting together to prepare the food and then we split up into groups to take it to the people. One girl was shunned by the guys because "she talks too much" so i volunteered to let her ride with me - I certainly don't have a problem with that! We are best friends now Lol....
It is both biological and social modelling.
As part of an article I did with a few doctorate candidates in 2013 we spoke briefly about this. Two were Psychologists, an accredited mental health Social Worker and a lecturer who is a Psychiatrist. It was fun hearing the open debate and the different theoretical models. Indeed the notion of patriarchal dominance was breached several times, dismissed, reflected on and dismissed again, with social modelling being agreed upon by all parties. The biological aspect of it took up a huge part of the debate with example of neurological aspects of the brain. Yet in the end it was concluded that it is 50/50 wiring in the brain and modelling behaviour from those we socialise with.
I talk non-stop, I am empathetic and a true advocate for others, but so is my son and daughter. My little sister is blunt to a fault with yes and no answers, whilst my ex would take 3 hours to tell you how their morning was :) .
So from my perspective it is very much modelling, as I raised my children alone and they act just like I do :(
I don't know for sure, but it seems to me that it's more of a female thing. Anyway, if you find out how to stop it, would you please post so I can pass it along to my girlfriend?
Quote from: birkin on May 25, 2014, 11:44:38 PM
I have noticed a lot of women do this.
The difference between "annoying" and simply "how you communicate" is the way in which you answer the questions. Annoying is being vague and weird and cryptic, and not answering the question at all. How you communicate, on the other hand, is elaborating on something. For example:
Question: So are you excited about moving?
Direct answer: Yes or no.
Elaborate answer: Well, yes and no...I'm excited to be having a fresh start, and Bobby's new job pays way better, but at the same time I am going to miss my family, and I worry that the stress of moving will cause Bobby and I to fight.
Annoying Answer: Well, um... tonight we're going out to eat, and um, I just can't stand that girl next door, and um, um... What did you do/happened to your hair???
LOL... I could go on and on for days about this subject, but everyone keeps wriggling out of the ropes and running away :D
The boss at one of my sites has taken to writing notes in a diary or text when it comes to communicating with me. I think I've scared him from actually calling me I can take so long to give an answer. Even when I'm asking him a question it takes me a while to get to what information I'm actually asking about