Okay, well, I am pre transition (as most of you know), and only out in a few circles (well, most actually. But lots of people who knew me as female "before" still refer to me as such, which is extremely annoying. Same for my parents. Thought they were accepting, but now they just ignore the whole issue as if it's nothing), and I met this amazing, but also very shy, girl lately.
Her shyness makes it hard for me to read her, but I THINK she might feel things for me. Beyond 'just friendship'. I know she is okay with me being trans (Obviously she knows, as I'm pre T), and sees me as a guy completely, albeit a transguy.
I really like her as well. As in like-like her. But I am a total love-dork. I have only had a relationship ONCE, which was with a guy (and he initiated it). Later I've had a bunch of guys crush on me, but because they loved the female-me I turned them all down and told them honestly I didn't feel it back for them. I have NEVER initiated a relationship out of my own, because of fear of rejection (and that being trans was like my biggest secret back then didn't help either. Cause I couldn't love someone who saw me as female, but couldn't tell them "Yeah, I know I said I am a girl, I know I look like a girl, but actually I'm a guy and I love you like a guy" either. Lol), and totally don't have a CLUE how to initiate a relationship/confess love/date a girl. All my life I have been BEFRIENDING girls, but I never had he guts to DATE one.
I know how to make a girl like me. I know what girls like in guys. I know how to be a really nice guy for her. But I have NO idea when or how to take 'the step' from friendship into relationship.
So any advice is welcome!
Also IF it works out... some advice on how to do some sex related things is also welcome. Kissing won't be a problem obviously(I don't have MOUTH dysphoria, LOL!), but how am I ever going to be a proper guy for her in bed? I don't have a dick. I don't know how to have sex without a dick... always when I dream or imagine myself having sex, I HAVE A FREAKING DICK! So now I really feel like I miss a body part. I also don't want her to feel like she is in a lesbian relationship, which worries me especially cause I am pre T.
And my top causes me dysphoria (though it would be bearable without shirt or binder if I would be bottom, cause lying down flattens my chesticles enough for them to seem non-existent), but keeping my binder on in bed also seems... awkward... my bottom causes me dysphoria... so basically all I can do now without feeling paranoid and terrible is kissing... wow... :I
WOAH! This got pretty long. Hope you guys can make some sense out of it. Sometimes I ramble too much, lol.
Fortune rewards the bold Erik. Just ask her if she would like to go out and get dinner with you. Just make it a place where you can talk (not too loud) and get her to open up to you. People are shy until they get to know someone better. After breaking the ice a little you will have a good idea how she stands on you and any relationship possibilities. If she chooses not to go down the relationship path yet at least you will have a good friend to confide in. Who knows, the better you two get to know each other the better an opportunity for a relationship might develop. Just take baby steps and don't force something too soon and you should do well. Just my opinion as always. :)
For sex use your hands and mouth on her. Purchase a QUALITY SILICONE dildo and a QUALITY harness. You can wear your binder in bed. Even a binder and t-shirt if it makes you/her more comfortable..sliding across her chest with a binder may not feel so good on her skin.
If you are dating a woman who is ONLY interested in dating men, she won't want to get in your pants and she won't want to touch your chest. If you are dating a woman who dates people besides females (and therefore in theory can be sexually satisfied with a non-female partner), just make sure you are upfront from the beginning that you don't want those parts touched. The "right" partner for you will be relieved that you don't want those parts touched.
I have dated a multitude of women (I'm 44 years old), who were straight or queer who were quite happy that I was "stone".
P.S. Be smart and have your first dildo be 6 inches long and 1.5 in diameter (the length is more important than the diameter, however). The is the average male sized penis and studies have shown this is what is preferred (and physically "fits best') in a women's body.
Guys sometimes go too large and it is less enjoyable for their partner. If you have come across a partner who prefers a larger size, you can choose to buy one then.
If you need lubricant, buy water based lube. Silicone lubes can't be used on a silicone cock. Always use condoms if you have more than one partner. Silicone cocks can be sterilized by putting in a pot of boiling water for 3 minutes. They can also go in the washing machine.
Ok, so there's my fatherly advice. ha!
Can't help, but I be sure to follow this topic as I never dated or been in relationship with girls either. Only kissed my best friend who a girl and that's about it.
If it comes to sex take it slow and make sure you two have some rules, ect if u don't like her touching ur chest or downstairs part. And yes sex toys I have a 3/4" (peacock)and 5" one. But it pends on the person if she has sex before or not have a chat and u two can both choose one online or shop.
Good luck and she lucky to have you as a friend if it hasn't gotten further.
You have a lot of intimacey advice allready.
And I Wish I Could give better feelings advice, im in the exact same boat as you at the moment (Except im sitting at the other end).
So all i can offer is what other advice people have given me.
Just go with the flow. If your going to be doing somthing invite them along. Let what will happen happen. Freindships have a natural way of becoming more than freinds if its somthing both parties would like. ironicaly just be yourself.
(And im happy this is someone that knows your trans) And if things dont work out that way. she seems like an awesome freind.
Quote from: Brett on May 25, 2014, 01:43:19 PM
If you are dating a woman who is ONLY interested in dating men, she won't want to get in your pants and she won't want to touch your chest. If you are dating a woman who dates people besides females (and therefore in theory can be sexually satisfied with a non-female partner), just make sure you are upfront from the beginning that you don't want those parts touched. The "right" partner for you will be relieved that you don't want those parts touched.
I have dated a multitude of women (I'm 44 years old), who were straight or queer who were quite happy that I was "stone".
P.S. Be smart and have your first dildo be 6 inches long and 1.5 in diameter (the length is more important than the diameter, however). The is the average male sized penis and studies have shown this is what is preferred (and physically "fits best') in a women's body.
Guys sometimes go too large and it is less enjoyable for their partner. If you have come across a partner who prefers a larger size, you can choose to buy one then.
If you need lubricant, buy water based lube. Silicone lubes can't be used on a silicone cock. Always use condoms if you have more than one partner. Silicone cocks can be sterilized by putting in a pot of boiling water for 3 minutes. They can also go in the washing machine.
Ok, so there's my fatherly advice. ha!
Sometimes guys see me as a father figure. LOL. Well it's fun if you father speaks dirty to you I suppose.
Good advise.
One thing I'll say is lube is good. Go with lots of lube. Water based is good because nothing is permanently lube-y.
I know a lot of guys who are "stone" esp pre-transition, and have partners and so on.
--Jay
Seem a bit early to be worrying about he sex angle, but that is me.
I would try just asking if she would like to have coffee somewhere or go to an ice cream place. something to do while you talk and easy for either to leave if you find it isn't what you want.
Ok, butting in here. I've been mostly asexual. What does "stone" mean?
Quote from: christopher on May 25, 2014, 10:51:18 PM
Ok, butting in here. I've been mostly asexual. What does "stone" mean?
It is taken from the butch/femme community (but that isn't the only group of people who use the term). A sexually "stone" person, is one who prefers that their genitals/breasts are not touched during sexually intimacy. They receive their sexual pleasure by sexually pleasing others.
I was using the term "stone" as a short hand for a person who prefers to not have their genitals touched.
P.S. In my first post I meant to say dishwasher, not washing machine!
Well, if you've only just met her - take things slowly to begin with. Get to know her first as a person and let your friendship develop.
Flirt if you must. I think that if you make it obvious you're interested in her, you'll know her feelings soon enough.
Quote from: Brett on May 25, 2014, 11:15:43 PM
P.S. In my first post I meant to say dishwasher, not washing machine!
I was wondering how it would go in the washing machine. Seems a funny thing in the dishwasher as well, but might be just me. :)
--Jay
Thanks for all the great advice guys.
Actually she is coming over next week, and I'll either cook her a dinner myself or take her out, whatever she prefers. (I can make delicious home made pizzas :P) She loves music and is very creative, so I figured we could make music together (and she could teach me a few things), paint together, etc. and just talk a bit in the process.
I already know her pretty well, as a friend, though (not like BFF for years, but like a beginning good friendship). I talk to her about every evening, though over chat, and have been with her at various places, though never JUST with her. And I have no idea when to take a friendship to the 'next level', so to speak. I have had crushes on people in the past, but all the times I waited TOO LONG, and I got 'friendzoned' kinda. I don't want that to happen again, but I don't want to rush it either.
And how would I flirt with her without it being 'too much'? Should I give her flowers or a present? Or say she is beautiful? Because she is so shy and hard to read I am really afraid to unknowingly go to far. But a friend of hers and mind said she DOES feel something for me, and I don't want to 'disappoint' her by not returning it either. Maybe she's just waiting for me to make a move on her...
And I know thinking about sex things is a bit early, but my worries concerning that side of a relationship are kind of stopping me from pursuing one. Friendships are fine, I know how to make friends, both men and women, but that 'other' side is like chinese for me, lol. People say I am wise for my age, but on terms of love I am like a toddler trying to understand adults.
Quote from: Erik Ezrin on May 26, 2014, 07:11:48 AM
Thanks for all the great advice guys.
Actually she is coming over next week, and I'll either cook her a dinner myself or take her out, whatever she prefers. (I can make delicious home made pizzas :P) She loves music and is very creative, so I figured we could make music together (and she could teach me a few things), paint together, etc. and just talk a bit in the process.
I already know her pretty well, as a friend, though (not like BFF for years, but like a beginning good friendship). I talk to her about every evening, though over chat, and have been with her at various places, though never JUST with her. And I have no idea when to take a friendship to the 'next level', so to speak. I have had crushes on people in the past, but all the times I waited TOO LONG, and I got 'friendzoned' kinda. I don't want that to happen again, but I don't want to rush it either.
And how would I flirt with her without it being 'too much'? Should I give her flowers or a present? Or say she is beautiful? Because she is so shy and hard to read I am really afraid to unknowingly go to far. But a friend of hers and mind said she DOES feel something for me, and I don't want to 'disappoint' her by not returning it either. Maybe she's just waiting for me to make a move on her...
And I know thinking about sex things is a bit early, but my worries concerning that side of a relationship are kind of stopping me from pursuing one. Friendships are fine, I know how to make friends, both men and women, but that 'other' side is like chinese for me, lol. People say I am wise for my age, but on terms of love I am like a toddler trying to understand adults.
Hey, Erik. It is good to hear that your mutual friend says that she likes you. Good indeed! I would suggest doing the dinner thing in the most intimate setting. Making her pizza at home can be seen as rather sweet, but if you live with your parents, it will be less intimate. Taking her out to dinner and insisting on paying could be seen as a sign to her that you are interested in her in that way.
You don't want to be over the top in your flirting. Maybe more just tell her she looks really nice, or a step up would be something like you like her hair. A step up from that would be telling her that she looks really pretty that day. This is a way to make comments letting her know that you notice her "in that way", but you aren't really putting yourself out there, or making her uncomfortable in the off chance that she isn't interested.
I personally wouldn't physically make a move (or do the flowers/present thing), until you get more of a clear signal. Does she look at you in a way that other people usually don't? Does she hold your eye contact a little bit longer, than most do in a conversation? Hold her gaze a little longer so she sees your interest. Smile at her. These kinds of things lets someone know we are interested without physically taking the next step.
I think it will start to become natural at some point.
Good luck and keep us updated!
Brett, thanks man! Your advice is really helpful.
I do still live with my parents sadly, and they also regularly misgender me and call me by my birthname, therefore I was pretty much against it she would come to my place, but I explained it to her (and warned her they will do that. She knows my birthname, cause I thought it would be better for her to hear it from me than from someone else. It was really hard to tell... but right after she said it didn't feel like 'my name' to her at all, etc. which is a good sign), and she reassured me it wouldn't change her view of me (I hope she's right).
I'm trying to get my parents go out together that day, so we have the place for ourselves, and if not I'll probably take her out for dinner, yes. Maybe even go for a walk in the forest, a drink or something, to be away from my parents, as we obviously cannot talk freely when they are around.
Okay, thanks. Telling she looks nice is always a good idea I think, and not too over the top indeed.
I'll pay extra attention to those signs you mentioned. But I'll wait a bit longer indeed, until I am pretty sure she does feel something for me, and is ready for the 'next step'.
Maybe I can give her a hug (I hug all my friends, if they are okay with it)? Or sit a bit closer than I would usually? And then see how she responds. If she draws away or is tense I know to back off, if she leans into me I know she likes it.
I just wanna give her some subtle hints that it can become 'more' than a friendship. Fine if it won't, but great if it will.
Quote from: Erik Ezrin on May 26, 2014, 11:46:01 AM
Maybe I can give her a hug (I hug all my friends, if they are okay with it)? Or sit a bit closer than I would usually? And then see how she responds. If she draws away or is tense I know to back off, if she leans into me I know she likes it.
I just wanna give her some subtle hints that it can become 'more' than a friendship. Fine if it won't, but great if it will.
I'm liking these ideas!
Quote from: Brett on May 26, 2014, 08:52:04 AM
Hey, Erik. It is good to hear that your mutual friend says that she likes you. Good indeed! I would suggest doing the dinner thing in the most intimate setting. Making her pizza at home can be seen as rather sweet, but if you live with your parents, it will be less intimate. Taking her out to dinner and insisting on paying could be seen as a sign to her that you are interested in her in that way.
You don't want to be over the top in your flirting. Maybe more just tell her she looks really nice, or a step up would be something like you like her hair. A step up from that would be telling her that she looks really pretty that day. This is a way to make comments letting her know that you notice her "in that way", but you aren't really putting yourself out there, or making her uncomfortable in the off chance that she isn't interested.
I personally wouldn't physically make a move (or do the flowers/present thing), until you get more of a clear signal. Does she look at you in a way that other people usually don't? Does she hold your eye contact a little bit longer, than most do in a conversation? Hold her gaze a little longer so she sees your interest. Smile at her. These kinds of things lets someone know we are interested without physically taking the next step.
I think it will start to become natural at some point.
Good luck and keep us updated!
Brett has given you amazing advice!
I would just keep things fun, to be honest. Flirting isn't always about winking and complimenting, but sometimes it can be about teasing (the nice way) and joking and bantering back and forth. Try to be witty and charming - but not a BFF. I wouldn't buy her presents unless there was an occasion like her birthday - even just a card says a lot.
They make wrapping paper that is just all white or brown. Wrap up a card in the paper after you draw on it with the message inside of "the gift is the wrapping paper". lol
Yeah, I'm just not sure how to get a girl to like you, other than befriending them. (all I have done with girls is befriending them, lol)
I thought about making a painting or drawing for her (when it comes to that point), as I am rather creative, and she is too, so I am sure she'll appreciate a handmade gift more than something from a store.
But yeah, I think you guys are right about waiting with such things, I'll first just have to get a bit closer to her (friend-wise, but not in an 'exclusive' way that signals "I don't feel anything for you beyond friendship")
She is visiting next friday, I'll sure to keep you guys posted! :)
Erik, Kreuzfidel's suggestion of fun and light - the bantering back and forth is what is best. Keep things light and airy. Try to not think too much and enjoy yourself. Let her see your interest in your eyes, your smile, and your teasing. Good natured (not over the top), teasing is always good. You may already be doing the above and not even know it?
Gifts, anything you might make, etc., (in my opinion) would come after it is established there is some romantic connection there. You don't want to overwhelm her or make her feel bad if she doesn't feel the same way. The key is to figure out if the girl likes you prior to giving her anything that can for certain be read as you liking her. Stay in the moment.
Keep things light, tease and banter with her, give her compliments where they naturally fit. After there is an establishment of romantic interest (the first, light kiss, for example), you can consider gifts. Until then, just give subtle cues of liking her.
Next Friday meaning this one coming up? I'll stay tuned!
Yup, thanks. I am already kinda teasing her (in a positive way) yes, and just generally laughing about stuff together, etc. whenever we meet. I also know she really looks forward to seeing me again (as she said that up front), and I just told her honestly I was too. Also can I see she always get a bit giggly and such when I am around, lol, is that a positive sign? :P
It is just hard for me to believe someone would like me, in a romantic way, as I am now. Pre T and all. Plenty of transguys have a difficulty getting someone when all that is missing is a dick, and I miss much more than just that. But I told her how insecure I feel about all these things, my voice, my looks, etc. and she just said she loved my voice and looks, and she knew it I wasn't going to look and sound like this forever. Just... wow... how did I find such a magnificent human being!? :o
And aye, the friday coming up. So pretty soon already :)
Quote from: Erik Ezrin on May 27, 2014, 09:09:48 AM
Yeah, I'm just not sure how to get a girl to like you, other than befriending them. (all I have done with girls is befriending them, lol)
I thought about making a painting or drawing for her (when it comes to that point), as I am rather creative, and she is too, so I am sure she'll appreciate a handmade gift more than something from a store.
But yeah, I think you guys are right about waiting with such things, I'll first just have to get a bit closer to her (friend-wise, but not in an 'exclusive' way that signals "I don't feel anything for you beyond friendship")
She is visiting next friday, I'll sure to keep you guys posted! :)
Depends. It is not really hard to get a girl to like you. Long stemmed red roses always work on me. Do you think she may like you in a romantic way? If so romancing is always a winner. Nice restaraunt, candle light, extreme attention paid to her, compliments and long stememmed red roses. The kicker is a sort of tenderness and attention that I am the only person in your world regardless of all the other stuff I mentioned.
Okay, after friday, I am like 99% certain she DOES like me in a romantic way. Just in the whole way she spoke and acted and looked at me... even the love dork like me could see it, so then it's glaringly obvious.
Things like, standing extra close to me, holding my hands (yes, she did), complimenting a lot of things about me, looking at me with a 'dreamy' expression and saying she liked my voice, my face, etc. (doh, I disagree... I wish I would see what she saw), wanting to be around me all the time, etc. etc.
I am pretty sure that for this whole thing to kick off, all I have to do is give her a clear sign in return myself... but... dang... I am a bit scared actually. I don't know ->-bleeped-<- about love, it makes me feel very awkward, and I do not easily fall in love either (I am demisexual, so I first need to establish a strong emotional bond AKA friendship). Also because she is so shy and agrees with everything I say, I am sometimes afraid I unknowingly do something she doesn't like, and besides that... I also like to get some counter argument sometimes, someone who speaks up, yknow.
But on the other end... she is the sweetest girl I can imagine, and totally 100% accepting of me as a guy even though I am PRE EVERYTHING. She is creative and musical (which is incredibly sexy IMO) and loves a lot of things I do too.
I just find it very hard, one end I am in love with her, one end I am not. She also has a lot less life experience than I do, and she feels so... young... and vulnerable still. Even though the age difference is not so big, it feels like I am an adult loving a child.
But then again, I could help her grow, I could show her beautiful things in the world, I could help her gain self-worth and courage, because on the inside she is very beautiful, clever, caring... she just doesn't see that herself yet. Together we could grow into bigger people than we were before...
Quote from: Erik Ezrin on June 02, 2014, 07:50:23 AM
Okay, after friday, I am like 99% certain she DOES like me in a romantic way. Just in the whole way she spoke and acted and looked at me... even the love dork like me could see it, so then it's glaringly obvious.
Things like, standing extra close to me, holding my hands (yes, she did), complimenting a lot of things about me, looking at me with a 'dreamy' expression and saying she liked my voice, my face, etc. (doh, I disagree... I wish I would see what she saw), wanting to be around me all the time, etc. etc.
I am pretty sure that for this whole thing to kick off, all I have to do is give her a clear sign in return myself... but... dang... I am a bit scared actually. I don't know ->-bleeped-<- about love, it makes me feel very awkward, and I do not easily fall in love either (I am demisexual, so I first need to establish a strong emotional bond AKA friendship). Also because she is so shy and agrees with everything I say, I am sometimes afraid I unknowingly do something she doesn't like, and besides that... I also like to get some counter argument sometimes, someone who speaks up, yknow.
But on the other end... she is the sweetest girl I can imagine, and totally 100% accepting of me as a guy even though I am PRE EVERYTHING. She is creative and musical (which is incredibly sexy IMO) and loves a lot of things I do too.
I just find it very hard, one end I am in love with her, one end I am not. She also has a lot less life experience than I do, and she feels so... young... and vulnerable still. Even though the age difference is not so big, it feels like I am an adult loving a child.
But then again, I could help her grow, I could show her beautiful things in the world, I could help her gain self-worth and courage, because on the inside she is very beautiful, clever, caring... she just doesn't see that herself yet. Together we could grow into bigger people than we were before...
First of all, yay!, that she likes you!
I think you are thinking too much about this. Dating her does not mean you are committing to life! Dating is about finding out if you like someone. You don't need to decide if she is a "fit" for you prior to dating. I say, if you have any romantic interest, at all, go for it. Just see what happens. You may find out you like her even more than you think you do!
It almost seems like there is a part of you that is looking for something that "doesn't fit"? Is it possible your anxiety about getting into a romantic relationship is what is fueling this?
Regardless of what you do, glad to hear things went well!
That good news. I'm sure she will open up once she gain more confident around you and speak up.
you're over thinking it too much. honestly it's suppose to be fun and light and getting to know each other, etc. people date others with age gaps, it usually doesn't cause issues unless you let it or it is a BIG age gap where you're in two completely different places in life. as for showing her how you feel, just hold her hand, hug her, sit closer to her, tell her she's cute when she laughs or cute in general or playfully tease her. she's interested in you so you basically have the go ahead but if you don't make a move or anything, she's gonna back off. it is great when someone likes you pre everything, it means they like you and respect you for you, etc. and that alone should give you confidence!!
it seems that she loves you too... :)
nevertheless
here is my advise
tell her whenever you get a good chance, you wont regret it...
dont overthink it ,just do what your heart tells you
Best advice I can give is don't over complicate anything. Don't even think. Let it happen man! Good luck
Okay, thanks guys, you could very well be right about that. I guess that I just have a way too idealistic/perfect image of love and relationships, and nothing real fits to that mould. I should either just be open, and adjust my values a bit, or be the everlasting single.
I think you guys are right, I should not worry so much and just take it easy. Whatever happens, she is not my future wife or something (Or at least doesn't have to be), and we wouldn't have to be bonded for life in an instant.
Thanks :)
Quote from: Erik Ezrin on June 03, 2014, 07:58:26 AM
Okay, thanks guys, you could very well be right about that. I guess that I just have a way too idealistic/perfect image of love and relationships, and nothing real fits to that mould. I should either just be open, and adjust my values a bit, or be the everlasting single.
I think you guys are right, I should not worry so much and just take it easy. Whatever happens, she is not my future wife or something (Or at least doesn't have to be), and we wouldn't have to be bonded for life in an instant.
Thanks :)
Erik, I really hate to tell you this but no one or no relationship is perfect or ever will be because people are not perfect. Get those Idealistic Perfect images out of your head and just focus on realistic possibillities. Have fun and don't focus too much on the future because if the "L" word comes too fast for either one of you it may scare one of you away.
Yeah, thanks, I realize that too (as I said right after ::)). I KNOW it is, but I am a crazy romantic on the inside, lol. Well, just have to get over it then ;)
I'm marrying a man I've known since I was twelve, so I'm not the best person to offer this advice, but... ;D I agree with the advice to just enjoy things for what they are now and be open to wherever it leads. Whether she's the one or one of many, you each bring something to the table that will grow the other person. Once you find someone who accepts and recognizes you for who you are, that's 90% of the battle right there.
And there is nothing wrong with being a crazy romantic as long as it's balanced with a bit of realism when necessary. :) Best of luck with what sounds like it could be a great new chapter in your life.
Hey Erik, she sounds wonderful :) don't worry too much about things at the moment. Just enjoy her company, continue getting to know her, and see what happens. If she's got less life experience than you, she'll catch up as time goes on, depending on what it is.
Also, people have already given you advice about sex stuff, and it's still too early, but I'm going to type it now anyway. COMMUNICATION. Most important thing. Talk about it before you do it. Some people can do the spontaneous sex thing, but if your dysphoria might be bad and you don't know what might set it off, talking about it openly beforehand is very important. It might be a bit awkward at first, but it's better than feeling bad down the line. She sounds like she'd be completely understanding and receptive to your feelings, though, so if it does get to that stage, I think you'd be just fine.
Thanks guys. I saw her again this weekend. I am a 100% certain she likes me in a love kind of way now... at one point she wanted to tell me... but I was scared, didn't feel ready enough. It overwhelmed me in a sudden... how touchy and clingy she got, and I just needed some space. But I explained to her, and I think she understands and at least knows this wasn't a refusal of her. In fact, I told her I knew she loved me (it was THAT obvious, I could say that without a risk), and I felt like that too, but just needed some space for a sec.
She leaned into me though, and I threw my arm around her and it was totally obvious she liked it.
I wouldn't say... less life experience, that was bad wording of me, in fact she had quite a troubled past... but she is still in high school, and in that sense still 'young'. But in a few years she will also leave high school and such, so that's no big deal.
I think you guys are right that it's mainly my own fear of relationships and love and such. I just hid away this part of myself for a long time, and it is scary to open up. For a long time I just thought I was asexual and was okay with that, though when I opened up about being trans, I slowly came to realize I am not asexual, but have a very repressed sexuality. This girl is opening me up, but not as quick as she'd want to. Some mutual friends told me she was head over heels in love with me the first time we met already... while I at that time wasn't even thinking about love and relationships and stuff, and just saw a nice and beautiful girl that would be a good friend. To me it's a miracle someone can fall in love with ME, and also at the FIRST time we met. Wow...!
When I am with her my anxieties get through the surface a lot, and I think 'screw relationships, maybe I should just stay single forever', but when she is away again... I miss her. And I want to hold my arm around her and all that stuff. Lol, I must be weird XD