Hi!
Something strange is happening.
Or maybe not.
I'm still not on hormones yet because of the number of therapies I still have to go through.
That said, I see a growing light at the end my tunnel I built to burry myself into.
I started to see cis-women differently.
I still envy them for being born female and not me but I have a strange feeling, like, yeah I'm not that different from them now.
In the contrary, I feel like leaving the men's club I've tried so desperately to fit into.
I always felt being a girl/woman but the mirror was always telling me otherwise.
Even closely shaved, I rarely saw me as a woman.
That guy's reflection is me.
I'm having electrolysis and I see my beard disappearing but is far from being gone.
Now, I see more and more a woman even I haven't done much in term of my appearance.
My mind is playing tricks with me.
I wonder why.
Is it because I decided to transition? The therapies?
I also feel a growing impatience.
Sonia
A big warm welcome to transition! ;) What you are feeling is quite normal at least in my case. Acceptance of yourself is what did it for me and the rest followed. OMG was I in a hurry to get on HRT. Seemed like the Therapist took forever, but they did it right and made sure so I would not regret my decision later on in life and was prepared for the trials we all go through. Welcome to the girl club Sweetie! :-*
I think I know what you mean.
While I have desired to be a woman as long as I can remember, it was only several months ago that I realized I could be. I am also still pre-hrt, but since this realization I have been making little changes - losing considerable weight, shaving the beard I'd had since High School, that sort of thing. I am not behaving overtly feminine but I have stopped trying to exude masculinity; I am just letting myself be me and it is a relief.
I have found, as you seem to have, that while in the past I only ever saw a man I hated, now when I look in the mirror I see a glimpse, a flash of a girl behind those eyes. And yes, it feels like my mind is playing tricks; nothing has really changed and yet I see something different.
Its exciting, and frightening, and I feel like I can pull this off and maybe the world will see what I can see just below the surface, waiting to be free. But also I worry that I am getting my hopes up only to be disappointed...
Best wishes to you on your journey!
I would agree that self acceptance is a large part of that. I identified as transgender before finding out about transitioning. Although I thought I was female inside, because of my male body it was more of an academic point. When I realised I could change that, I shaved my beard off and looked in the mirror and for the first time, could see a glimpse of myself. Wondrous tricks of the mind ;D Enjoy it
Quote from: BeingSonia on May 25, 2014, 08:02:54 PM
I started to see cis-women differently.
I still envy them for being born female and not me but I have a strange feeling, like, yeah I'm not that different from them now.
This stuck out to me as it's something I struggled with for a while.
In my opinion having a vagina makes someone a female, but that doesn't always mean they're a woman. Just as having a penis makes someone a male, but that doesn't always mean they're a man. Femininity and masculinity is a fluid spectrum.
Don't get too hung up on this. I think too many people get caught up in the need to be a Marilyn Monroe (if they're MtF), or a John Wayne (if they're FtM), when in the real world before HRT you might very well be more feminine and womanly than many, "women" out there.
Quote from: teeg on May 25, 2014, 10:28:21 PM
This stuck out to me as it's something I struggled with for a while.
In my opinion having a vagina makes someone a female, but that doesn't always mean they're a woman. Just as having a penis makes someone a male, but that doesn't always mean they're a man. Femininity and masculinity is a fluid spectrum.
Don't get too hung up on this. I think too many people get caught up in the need to be a Marilyn Monroe (if they're MtF), or a John Wayne (if they're FtM), when in the real world before HRT you might very well be more feminine and womanly than many, "women" out there.
I'm far from a Marilyn.. Nor do I know many trans women IRL that are like that. I'm a non-op genderqueer gynephile who identifies as a woman because it removes the need for a tedious explanation of what genderqueer is. You can label me anything you like on the basis that I have a penis, I know who I am..