So, after a terrible week, SO and I reached a reconcilliation point; ok, it was mostly me that needed to get it together. Yesterday, I had a panic attack over what it would be like if my SO and I go to the beach when HRT happens. Really dumb. We never go to the beach, but I get a thought in my head, and I obsess over it and can't let it go. My SO rolled eyes, but humored me. I told my husband that I need to meet Her. I need to see Her and hear Her and make Her my friend. I'm not allowed to say who SHe is...He isn't comfortable. So, today...with a lot of anxiety, we had a makeover. I showed Him how to be Her without looking like a whore. She put on a new t-shirt she bought, I did her hair (as best I could because she desperately needs a haircut to even things out--we're going for Halle Berry pixie maybe), I showed her one one side how to do her makeup and she did the other. She achieved a rather lovely smokey eye. I also attacked her eyebrows and gave her an arch; to which she asked, "Is it too extreme?" and I replied, "Well, we can't fix it now." Then...we sort of didn't know what to do together from there. I am not ready yet to have Him and Her be One. I still need to know Her. She ordered pizza, and I had to run and get a soda for her because she didn't want to do that yet, but I ran another errand and didn't beat the pizza person, so that was weird for her. But, she feels bold in our little condo-complex, because all of our neighbors dislike or ignore us anyway, so she even took out the trash. I am not sure how I feel yet, except that I don't want her to call me Hon or Babe...that is too intimate right now. He can do that as much as He wants, but not Her yet. That might be really unfair, but I'm not ready. It's only been a few hours. Still, she looks pretty. Once she does something with her hair, she'll have people wondering. Today was the first time that she told me the truth: This isn't going away. I just hope I can remain strong through this process, because I get so scared. I like neat and tidy, and this isn't at all neat and tidy.
Thanks for the update, it's nice to hear some good news from you two. Your new avatar says it all perfectly!
It is nice to hear you've both taken the time to listen and respond! There are ups and downs to every relationship. Finding the balance again each time one party or the other shifts is the key. It does mean fighting for yourselves and each other at different turns, but knowing what you'd like to see at the end with the caveat that things are always changing is worth it all.
It was my turn this week for a little upheaval. Just like you two, we had to sit down and do the honesty talk and hammer out what we wanted. Too bad this time they were different things, but we agreed at the end on how we feel and we'll make it work to what we both want.
I hope that your lessons and trials will end up with greater understanding each time. For this shopaholic, it just means more time to browse and more options :)! Have a good week, K!