wondering what your experience with your parents attitude towards your childhood dysphoria. My dysphoria started at 4 years old and my parents were totally aware of it at that time because I use to sleep in my sisters clothes. They tried a small amount of aversion therapy that wasn't helpful and just decided to let it be. I'm glad they didn't go the psychiatric route. I just bring this up because of the recent case of the parents letting their child experience the proper gender very early on My parents did their best with the knowledge at the time.
My guess is my parents knew but would never discuss it with me. My father was angry and physically abusive to me when I wasn't "manly" enough. Perhaps this is why I've had such a life long distaste for macho crap.
It's really nice to see parents today with such open minds on this subject.
No, and they died before they ever found out. However my father kinda bailed before I was into my teens so he isn't really a factor. I don't think my mother ever knew. Mind you, I don't think I knew enough to put a name to how I was feeling other than "sad", or "different". I think I was more an annoyance for not living up to all the expectations put upon the oldest of 3 brothers and I was seen to be just doing it to be awkward or something. I dunno.
The world has come a very long way in some aspects.
my mother was aware of my differences. she kept coming to me asking if i was gay several occasions. when i said something, she was like i knew it but still down plays it thinking its just me being gay, bi or just still in my curious phase
I didn't have gender issues at a young age. As an adult, my mother expressed concern that all my friends were female, and tried to encourage me to get involved in male pursuits, so I think she might have sensed something.
Not consciously, but I definitely exhibited some girly tendencies that "concerned them". I was force-fed a regimen of sports and "guy things", which was fine with me, but I was still bullied and beat up on relentlessly until the age of 14, made fun of every day, called "->-bleeped-<-", "sissy boy", and worse. My go-to 8th grade bully, during a routine beating once screamed in my face, "You're such a f***ing woman!" I'm sure he knows by now that I really am. Through all of this, my parents had no freakin' clue what to do. I had zero desire to fight people. I learned to fake it all pretty well eventually though.
Now they're basically kicking themselves in the head for not figuring that one out. I suppose that if I was born in 2009 instead of 1969, they would have put their finger on it.
Quote from: Jill F on June 05, 2014, 11:44:18 AM
Not consciously, but I definitely exhibited some girly tendencies that "concerned them". I was force-fed a regimen of sports and "guy things", which was fine with me, but I was still bullied and beat up on relentlessly until the age of 14, made fun of every day, called "->-bleeped-<-", "sissy boy", and worse. My go-to 8th grade bully, during a routine beating once screamed in my face, "You're such a f***ing woman!" I'm sure he knows by now that I really am. Through all of this, my parents had no freakin' clue what to do. I had zero desire to fight people. I learned to fake it all pretty well eventually though.
Now they're basically kicking themselves in the head for not figuring that one out. I suppose that if I was born in 2009 instead of 1969, they would have put their finger on it.
I know they knew ,but I don't know if they discussed it with any body , but my grandmother , she said something to me when I was a kid about refer to my shirt as a blouse which at the time I thought quite strange. I was also bullied a lot because I was the school cry baby . I was just a sensitive little camper.
My parents did not likely know and, similar to Sephirah, I lacked the language to articulate anything beyond crying, sadness and feeling so different. I was a "sissy boy" and preferred to play with tomboy girls until coerced and repressed into acting more like a boy. Many of us sadly learned the hard school yard way about what is acceptable behavior. Some people have called me "brave" for coming out but somehow I waited until my dad was dead to come out as queer and until my mom was dead to come out Trans. I have endeavored to be a better parent and support my two children in pursuit of their own genuine identity.
Like Paige I find it really nice to know of parents who are aware of and fully support their transkids. I now live in a rural community where we started a Trans Support group last year. We know of kids here in elementary, middle and high school who consider themselves trans and have family support. It really is a better world today!
I wish. I had the misfortune of being born into a family where everyone thinks that everything that isnt a physical illness, is a phase.. EVERYTHING. My mom and dad were more liberal with me than the rest of my family, but they always got heat from everyone else about how they were "bad parents", and with the pressure of working ungodly hours to keep us going, they never realized anything. So to put it clearly, 80% of my family thought everything i did was a phase, and 20% (my parents) never even had time to process any of it and would often just try to avoid family drama by just shutting them up and treating it like it was a phase...
No one ever questioned why I bought the spice girls diary, sneakers, CDs, movies, idolized baby-spice and wanted to BE LIKE HER. No one ever wondered why I happily played with my best friend's barbie or baby dolls, why I could have a perfectly fun time being with my female friends and just talk for hours, no one ever questioned my desire to wear feminine things or express feminine attitudes... hell, they didn't even assume I was gay... seeing as thats a common thing to assume when you have a very effeminate son. Everyone in my family just ignored it like it was a phase. It wasn't until highschool that my "male" persona started developing out of survival... i went through hell in elementary and middle school, bullied day in and day out because I was sensitive, because i was fragile, because i was kind, and because i didn't like anything that "normal boys" liked... no one ever bothered to ask why I wanted to wear swimsuits instead of swim shorts... or why i would walk around in "mommy's" clothes and not "daddy's"...
Seriously; just talking about it kind of gets me riled up... all the signs were there... and no one paid any freakin' attention.. so much so that I developed suicidal depression, anxiety, explosive rage and extreme denial, as well as living a sheltered life where i was afraid to do anything... I would always just tell people in my family "no one is listening to me, no one cares!" and I never understood what I meant exactly, i just knew that I felt like no one was listening, like no one was paying attention to me, like no one was bothering to understand me.
It wasn't until my bell went off that it all made perfect clear sense. My family didn't even so much as mention my very feminine habits and interests whenever it came time to see a psychologist... and even the incompetent morons i saw as a kid couldn't see it either... they said I had ADD, ADHD, Autism, Daddy issues, etc. all of which were completely wrong.
When I was a kid, i felt like i was girl and behaved as such.., then i grew up and buried it deep inside until the day that it almost killed me... I often wish i would've transitioned sooner... but not for the idea that I would look better now... simply for the fact that my life would have been so much happier if people had just paid attention to me... but i guess thats what I get for being in a hispanic family, in a hispanic city, run by hispanic ideals... people in south america still cant so much as grasp the concept of someone being gay, let alone being trans. I don't blame my parents, they were constantly working and didnt even know that being trans was a thing at the time.. but i do have a bit of resentment to the rest of my family just for being so blatantly closed off to the idea that anyone can actually suffer in their head and not just on their body.
On a side note: at some point in my highly feminine childhood, my family was beginning to actually deny me anything that can be percieved as feminine... I wanted an easy bake oven so bad... and not because it was a girl thing, i just wanted to bake cookies and brownies LOL, but they said "no! don't get him that! he'll come out gay!". From that point on it was pretty much "guy" music, "guy" colors, and male-driven conversations about ass and p***y -_- jokes on them though, because now I'm not only trans, but a lesbian too xD
My parents didn't really know though in there defense I hid it pretty well as I got older. Apparently went I was really young I tried to wear a dress and was told boys don't do that. To which I replied "well they do someplaces" but I was told while right, it would probably get me beat up. I'm also a people pleaser so I almost always take from myself if I think it will make things better or easier for people I care about.
I did pay with girls and barbies when I was younger but that was seen as a phase and written off as I got more I got more into video games. (Though I almost always made girl characters). I think even if I was born a cis gender female I wouldn't be super girly and would likely still be more of a gamer, so my childhood didn't have many red flags to go off of.
If my parents had found out I was "different", I wouldn't be alive today. Literally. Nuff said.
Quote from: Foxglove on June 05, 2014, 03:43:57 PM
If my parents had found out I was "different", I wouldn't be alive today. Literally. Nuff said.
OUCH! So sorry to hear that. Do they know now or is that moot?
Apparently not as I completely blindsided my mom when I came out to her. And honestly, I'd probably be scarred by years of reparative therapy had they ever found out early on.
Quote from: Jill F on June 05, 2014, 11:44:18 AM
Not consciously, but I definitely exhibited some girly tendencies that "concerned them". I was force-fed a regimen of sports and "guy things", which was fine with me, but I was still bullied and beat up on relentlessly until the age of 14, made fun of every day, called "->-bleeped-<-", "sissy boy", and worse. My go-to 8th grade bully, during a routine beating once screamed in my face, "You're such a f***ing woman!" I'm sure he knows by now that I really am. Through all of this, my parents had no freakin' clue what to do. I had zero desire to fight people. I learned to fake it all pretty well eventually though.
Now they're basically kicking themselves in the head for not figuring that one out. I suppose that if I was born in 2009 instead of 1969, they would have put their finger on it.
This was my experience as well. I was put into the care of early medical providers and given "Reparative Therapy" to the point of abuse by todays standards. Our generation had absolutely NO tolerance back then. GID was still treated as a mental disorder.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 05, 2014, 04:48:57 PM
This was my experience as well. I was put into the care of early medical providers and given "Reparative Therapy" to the point of abuse by todays standards. Our generation had absolutely NO tolerance back then. GID was still treated as a mental disorder.
wow, so sorry to hear that. Since learning of how they use to treat that I'm very grateful my parents let me be. The severity of what was going on with me would of forced a lobotomy
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 05, 2014, 04:48:57 PM
This was my experience as well. I was put into the care of early medical providers and given "Reparative Therapy" to the point of abuse by todays standards. Our generation had absolutely NO tolerance back then. GID was still treated as a mental disorder.
That's awful Jess, sorry to hear you went through that. When I hear about the types of reparative therapy that went on back then I just shudder. It's just sickening and all the cases I've heard of weren't just borderline but straight up abusive.
When I first came out both my parent's were so blinded by crazy religious-rage they weren't quite able to reflect upon it
that said, after they calmed down and had some time to think about it (becoming legitimately supportive as they do their homework), they both agreed "It sure as hell explains a lot" and "You know you never really were a boy"
Though I was apparently very bad at hiding these emotions, considering the prevailing reaction to my coming out has been, "we all thought that about you"
I have been on HRT for a year but only out to my therapist and my wife. I can look back and think "how did they not know?" I mean don't you get a clue when your son wants to dress up as a girl EVERY HALLOWEEN!? But years of therapy has helped me to figure out how dysfunctional my parents are and that they live in a world of denial about everything.
I have not decided if I will ever present female in public or just do a stealth transition. At 44 years old, I'm about half way through the race of life so......I might be able to present as a "androgynous" looking man to the world but be female inside physically, mentally and emotionally. Not sure if it could work but I'm taking one day at a time, "Literally". My wife is supportive and our relationship the past year has become a traditional lesbian relationship even though she doesn't like to think of it that way.
Many parents have such specific goals and images of what their children are and will be that transiting can blow their minds. My parents can't really handle ANY bumps in the road of life and my mother is and has always been chronically depressed so knowing about the true me is just well.....plan scary.
I hope that I am never an Anchor to my children emotionally, spiritually, mentally or physically.
Kay
My mom didnt have a clue
until I came out to her then she found some
My first 44 years where the normal male life except for my insight in how a lady ticks ..But when i came out to my mom a few months back she laughed and said when i was a teenager our relationship was mother daughter thing ( yes right i just did not see it }.my step father always treated my younger brother as elder son ?( did he pick up on my trans thing but had no reference to his understanding ?? ).here,s is icing on cake for me ..2 out of 3 relationships that i had in my adult life end in the gals turning full on lesbian and never being with male partners again ..No strange sexual events in any relationship but there same answer was they left our time together ..(just could see another man doing for them what i did ) ??? wow ok maybe if i add it up now there was a trail .... Aka Sara
My mom knew there was something. She had me in a dress on one Halloween. She thought I got over it. It didn't surprise her when I came out in 1977 and out of the Navy for 2 years.
Joelene
My parents definitely knew and feared something, but they never asked. I think they were afraid to know and still are. They found my clothes stash once, and they always steered me away from female typical activities. I wanted to play the flute and violin like all of the other girls, and instead got stuck with a saxophone and a cello. When I was in my early thirties, my mom was still at it....a friend sent me a quiz on fb about what hills character you are, I took it and my mom promptly admonished me in the comment section. Obviously she was and still is scared that someone will see her son as less than a normal hetero male. So sad. Even sadder, I got Lo on the quiz. It ruined my day!
My mother told me that she always knew I was different. She said she couldn't pin point what it was, but she knew it was something. She said I was a sad child at times and she didn't know why. I'm sure thinking about things now that she knows I'm trans it's like light bulb. I wasn't aware what I was for yrs. I just thought I was a fem boy. It wasn't until age 11, when I started to wonder what I'd look like with long hair, that I started looking at my face and becoming aware that my face was a lot softer than other boys. It was gradual, but through my teens I learned more and I came to the realization.
My parents claim they didn't notice anything, but they can also be pretty oblivious about these kinds of things. Considering that this (http://postimg.org/image/rjb6a2ell/) is what I looked like at three years old, I think it's safe to say there were signs. ;) I did go really heavily into repression mode pretty early in my childhood though, and became very self conscious (maybe even a little paranoid...) about doing anything that might be perceived as being too feminine. Then again, I also showed little interest in things that were very masculine either...
After my surgery I went to my mom's to recover. During the time there we had several conversations about my growing up of which, my mom said she always knew I was a girl, but due to the times and the area we lived as well as several other influences she ignored it and just deemed me as different. She said from my first footsteps to my first words she knew. But the pressures of other people to raise me "right" and to correct my "ways" made her try to raise me as "normal". Lol when thinking back I remember wanting several girl toys to which she got me something else, I remember being told to quit bobbing as I walked as well. Later on when puberty hit....... Well that was a disaster, my inner dysphoria was so bad and my subconscious "knowing" something wasn't "right" but couldn't put a word on it ended up with me in several psychiatric hospitals to find out what was wrong with me.
My parents once referred to me as some kind of "pathology" and wanted to show me to psych. I overheard that conversation, totally freaked out and stopped speaking to them about skirts and other stuff (I was 7 or 8 y.o. then).
When I talked with my mom about possible childhood signs, at first she denied everything (cause she indeed had forgotten) and then she started to vaguely remember things, saying that she thought it was just a phase which went away.
When I came out to my folks my mother said she had to acknowledge that I hadn't been like the other boys my age when I was growing up. I certainly avoided engaging with most other boys, especially in groups, avoided most typical boy activities and games, preferred to do my own thing. Guess she could see that but didn't understand what it meant.
Quote from: Ms Grace on June 06, 2014, 03:06:51 AM
When I came out to my folks my mother said she had to acknowledge that I hadn't been like the other boys my age when I was growing up. I certainly avoided engaging with most other boys, especially in groups, avoided most typical boy activities and games, preferred to do my own thing. Guess she could see that but didn't understand what it meant.
Yeah, back in those days it was mostly "Your child is not like the others".
"Why so?" "Dunno, but there is something which is different".
Lol, 10 years ago I was sure about having indigo condition :) :) :).
My folks always just thought I was gay. I am, but the other kind. :P
Still, when I came out there was a resounding lack of surprise. More like: "well, that makes sense."
It's funny, because I didn't really feel, when I was in it, that I was giving a ton of signs or anything. I mean, I had almost all boys as friends and I didn't play with barbies or adore pink or anything of that stuff. But I guess the way I was and looked and moved and all that kind of did it. I mean, I got called "elf" in primary for looking so fey... and a lot of adults thought I was a girl until they were corrected - I spent my first day of school with everyone thinking I was a girl actually.
I'm really lucky that I grew up at a time and in a place where the worst I had to suffer was some verbal abuse and harassment.
I keep thinking that flunking kindergarten for not socializing with the girls should have been a clue.
They knew and felt completely helpless. Theyt tried to help me but the redneck social envionment was too much to overcome and i developed the male persona to protect me, but there were many issues.
So it was no surprize when I told Dad last year about my dilemma. Took me a year of gently revealing peices to fully come out.
My parents certainly knew from infancy that there was something "different" about me but they pretty much ignored it. It didn't become an issue for them until I started school and vigorously resisted sexual segregation and being lumped with the boys. My "difference" became a source of considerable conflict with my mother and by puberty I was becoming quite vocal about saying I was a girl, not a boy. Unfortunately that was the early 1960s and transsexualism was virtually unknown.
those earlier years were something else. So glad things have changed . I know when I hit my late teens I used to read stuff in a in a library at a catholic University. Because of my gender problem I was researching transsexual surgery and the books they had in the library bordered on disturbing .They had very sad looking of men in dresses that had the operation. It kind of stopped me from researching for awhile. It might of been because it was a catholic university or just that there wasn't that much good information at the time
Quote from: stephaniec on June 06, 2014, 06:28:34 AM
those earlier years were something else. So glad things have changed . I know when I hit my late teens I used to read stuff in a in a library at a catholic University. Because of my gender problem I was researching transsexual surgery and the books they had in the library bordered on disturbing .They had very sad looking of men in dresses that had the operation. It kind of stopped me from researching for awhile. It might of been because it was a catholic university or just that there wasn't that much good information at the time
Yup! When I was 13, I stumbled accross an article about transsexualism (that article allowed to finally figure out what was wrong, lol), but yes, it only covered the physical/surgery part and no hormones were mentioned whatsoever. Those pictures/photos did not look very attractive and I quicky picture myself with some added parts and some parts chopped off... and yes, that image was quite disturbing. That article was quite typical for Soviet times, so I still wonder how people managed to get through all that hustle back in the USSR (because they obviously did).
Quote from: Miyuki on June 05, 2014, 11:21:25 PM
My parents claim they didn't notice anything, but they can also be pretty oblivious about these kinds of things. Considering that this (http://postimg.org/image/rjb6a2ell/) is what I looked like at three years old, I think it's safe to say there were signs. ;) I did go really heavily into repression mode pretty early in my childhood though, and became very self conscious (maybe even a little paranoid...) about doing anything that might be perceived as being too feminine. Then again, I also showed little interest in things that were very masculine either...
Miyuki.... You and I could be twins, every single thing about you say is well, close enough to exactly what Id say that sometimes I read your post and think, I don't remember typing that, Oh wait, Miyuki my secretary must have done that. Wait, I don't have a secretary...
Quote from: Miyuki on June 05, 2014, 11:21:25 PM
Considering that this (http://postimg.org/image/rjb6a2ell/) is what I looked like at three years old, I think it's safe to say there were signs. ;)
Dear lord, you were such an adorable baby. xD (sorry, i have a weakness for cute babies) Sorry for the useless topic response, i just wanted to say this lol
I was born in the 50's, lived in a small industrial community far from any cities. Not a good place to be anything but CIS and hetero. If my parents suspected anything, they never let on. I was terrified of my difference when I was a kid, had absolutely no clue what it meant. It was terribly confusing. I can't ask them now, they are both gone, but I think they may have known something was different about me. When I was a freshman at university, they had a pastel done of me. It remained hidden for fourty years, unlike those of my brothers. I discovered it rolled up in a tube a few years ago when we were emptying my late mother's house.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs26.postimg.org%2F56rouv9hl%2Fe71sc.jpg&hash=c021d729dfc894178ffe519a3d50fd38f6cc7723)
my mother said she always had it in the back of her mind but i think my dad was just blind to anything like this until recent times
I think, for the longest time, my mom just thought I might be a lesbian... She had asked my ultra-christian sister what she would think if I was a lesbian when I was like 14. But when I came out, she was pretty much like, yeah, not surprising.
This thread made me dig up what she said to me and it kind of made me cry.
"The day you were born, I was surprised you came out a girl. You have been different all your life. Before you were 2 I tried to put you outside with a sundress on, you refused and cried until I put shorts on under it.
It is better to be true to yourself and be happy than make everyone else around you happy.
I love you regardless, you are MY child."
Then an exchange or two later, she was like, "I have shampoo I don't like, do you want it?" So I guess the information wasn't a smack to her face at all.
My mom was never against my boyishness... She let me buy and wear all the boys' clothes I wanted except the few times, like communion, she tried to put me in a dress for tradition sake. And she definitely had a thing for me having butt length hair. She told me the only time that I've EVER upset her is when I cut it into a mohawk when I was like 16.
Quote from: Kyler on June 07, 2014, 04:41:26 PM
I think, for the longest time, my mom just thought I might be a lesbian... She had asked my ultra-christian sister what she would think if I was a lesbian when I was like 14. But when I came out, she was pretty much like, yeah, not surprising.
This thread made me dig up what she said to me and it kind of made me cry.
"The day you were born, I was surprised you came out a girl. You have been different all your life. Before you were 2 I tried to put you outside with a sundress on, you refused and cried until I put shorts on under it.
It is better to be true to yourself and be happy than make everyone else around you happy.
I love you regardless, you are MY child."
Then an exchange or two later, she was like, "I have shampoo I don't like, do you want it?" So I guess the information wasn't a smack to her face at all.
My mom was never against my boyishness... She let me buy and wear all the boys' clothes I wanted except the few times, like communion, she tried to put me in a dress for tradition sake. And she definitely had a thing for me having butt length hair. She told me the only time that I've EVER upset her is when I cut it into a mohawk when I was like 16.
I really don't know what my parents thoughts about my situation was. they tryied a little aversion therapy once but gave up for some reason. I used to have a boy friend when I was about 5 or 6 and I used to walk around the neighbor hood holding his hand. My mother told me after seeing this or hearing about it that I couldn't talk to him any more. that lasted a couple of days. I think they just figured I'd grow out of it and they left me alone and never mentioned the cross dressing. I would of loved though if they put me in a dress for communion.