I can't do this anymore. I am sorry.
Hugs girl,
What happened?
no need to be sorry
It is okay. Many of us go through several purges/delays dealing with these things in our lifetimes. The feelings will likely never go away completely though, although sometime down the road may be a better time for you to reevaluate. No apologies necessary :)
Norma Lynne
You write your own story and you set your own rules. There is no one path that fits us all. Whatever you choose and wherever you travel - be proud, be safe and be strong. Our love and thoughts are with you.
Aisla
We can help with the burden; it's what we do. There is no need to say I'm sorry. We understand.
Let us know how we can help.
Hugs,
Jen
I am feeling better today. And I want to thank all you Who commented. I did help a lot. Part of it may be that I quit taking cymbalta cold turkey LOL. And I know part of it was my wife saying we need to take a break. Well What I decided is That I am no longer going to slow my roll for anybody anymore. I personally think that has caused more problems than if I would have just started HRT in January instead of waiting. Now after calling 4-5 doctors that have embarrassed me not been there or etc.... I have to regain my bearings and get the nerve to try again. You would think in southern California it would be no problem.
This is good. I am glad you are here.
Hugs,
Jen
Glad you are feeling better and don't apologize because we all are different. BTW, never stop taking mdedication without weening yourself off of it first. Your doctor should tell you how to stop taking it, especially something like cymbalta which is used as an antidepressant as well as anti inflamatory for arthritis. God, How many times I couldn't do it anymore and got rid of everything. Well I finally purged myself of my wife, which was the biggest problem and now I am more non binary female than anything and am actually rather comfortable and found one killer girlfriend that has been through what I have but transitioned long ago that does accept who I am no matter what I decide.
Day to day, Norma. Tomorrow may never come so be who you are now, own it and bask in it and be proud of it.
Southern Cali. I am sooo jealous.
I can't do this any more either - but together we can. There are amazing trans women in So. CA, have you reached out to them? I am spending next weekend with a half dozen other trans women celebrating a T-girl graduating from college. How cool is that? I have trans friends everywhere in my life, both online and in the real world. Friends are more than just important to me, they are my lifeline. When I feel lost, I can call, and they know exactly what to say or do. Yeah I am always read when I'm with another trans woman, but I just don't care very much. We can do anything, alone I am a small frightened animal in a very big world. There are lots of girls here in stealth mode. That would likely kill me. I'm close enough to the edge without adding isolation.
Transitioning is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the most freeing and empowering. I am a woman! That is power. We are women! That is infinitely more powerful. Connections changed my life, and my relationship to the world. I am not controlled by the reactions I get (as much), but proudly go where I need to go, and do what ought to be done.
Hugs,
Julie
Quote from: JulieBlair on June 09, 2014, 06:27:21 PM
I can't do this any more either - but together we can. There are amazing trans women in So. CA, have you reached out to them? I am spending next weekend with a half dozen other trans women celebrating a T-girl graduating from college. How cool is that? I have trans friends everywhere
Very cool. I would love to have friends. Since my mother died I let everybody go. I don't think they would be my friend if they knew. I don't know of any from socal. I just know of drzoey and jenny and both are 2 of the most awesome ones to me I know of. I just don't think or want to take a chance they would want anything to do with me. But I will be contacting them to see if f they have a blog or bio I could put on my site. Just went live today. And I have to figure why my map links don't work.
Transgenderfriendly.net
After you click on the map you have to go back up to the top of the page, and select your state. A little confusing, but it works OK. Good luck filling it out. Would you like some links to include from Washington?
Even if you don't here some are. lol
http://www.genderjusticeleague.org/
http://www.theemeraldcity.org/emerald_city_events.htm
https://www.facebook.com/IngersollGenderCenter?filter=2
We're very happy your back Norma Lynne. Glad to hear your OK and moving on to better things. We're all here for you if you need us.
Ally :icon_flower:
I think the ups and downs, back and forth questioning and wondering if you're doing the right thing is normal. I'm 60 and trying to transition while still married. Hate my life but we do trudge on. This place is a good source of encouragement and information to help keep you on track. A good gender therapist is also a must. Wish these resources were available when I was in my teens, I'd be a full time woman now and maybe even married. Anyway, help is here if you need it, just don't be afraid to ask...
Quote from: Katherine on June 26, 2014, 12:30:10 AM
I think the ups and downs, back and forth questioning and wondering if you're doing the right thing is normal. I'm 60 and trying to transition while still married. Hate my life but we do trudge on. This place is a good source of encouragement and information to help keep you on track. A good gender therapist is also a must. Wish these resources were available when I was in my teens, I'd be a full time woman now and maybe even married. Anyway, help is here if you need it, just don't be afraid to ask...
Hi Katherine,
Nice to meet you. Transition need not be a veil of tears, but tears do seem to be a part of the equation. I'm sixty-one and have been on this journey for most of two years. My marriage has mostly ended, but I am grateful that we remain friends and confidants. I wish you and your wife growth and acceptance as you seek the authentic you.
The point is that I came here feeling lonely, angry, different and afraid. Often wanting to die, and often on the edge of despair. I don't live or feel that way any longer, and am slowly becoming what I believe is my true self. This happens with work and help for most of us.
Peace,
Julie
Quote from: JulieBlair on June 24, 2014, 01:36:35 PM
After you click on the map you have to go back up to the top of the page, and select your state. A little confusing, but it works OK. Good luck filling it out. Would you like some links to include from Washington?
Even if you don't here some are. lol
http://www.genderjusticeleague.org/
http://www.theemeraldcity.org/emerald_city_events.htm
https://www.facebook.com/IngersollGenderCenter?filter=2
I got rid of the maps, to frustrating. I went with flag Icons. I have your first link up and working I hope. I will get the rest up as I have time.
Quote from: JulieBlair on June 26, 2014, 09:00:55 AM
Hi Katherine,
Nice to meet you. Transition need not be a veil of tears, but tears do seem to be a part of the equation. I'm sixty-one and have been on this journey for most of two years. My marriage has mostly ended, but I am grateful that we remain friends and confidants. I wish you and your wife growth and acceptance as you seek the authentic you.
The point is that I came here feeling lonely, angry, different and afraid. Often wanting to die, and often on the edge of despair. I don't live or feel that way any longer, and am slowly becoming what I believe is my true self. This happens with work and help for most of us.
Peace,
Julie
Hello Julie,
A pleasure meeting you as well. I am happy for you. I do still feel despair and could sometimes care less if I live or die right now. Having said that, I do want a long life and want so much to be me, but that is always just out of reach, but I do keep trying. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, but that does seem to be the end result of those of us who are. I've been married 34 years and no longer care about what will happen when she finally realizes that I am not "cured" and that I am who and what I am. I do wish for you the very best as a woman. Take care.
Katherine,
I care if you live or die. Becoming true to ourselves does not need to stay "just out of reach" as with courage and faith an amazing number of us eventuality do find an authentic way of life. Yeah, living decades in the wrong skin is a waste and a shame, but what were the options way back when? I'm neither brave nor strong enough to be that far in front, so I am where I am. That is really not so bad, today I am living my dream.
If that lasts a week or decades, it is still the realization of the girl who has so much wanted and needed to find the light. I will never retreat, nor will I feel remorse for my path into womanhood. It took what it took for me to get here, but so it goes and today I am happy joyous and free. I wish you well in your search for self, and am always willing to lend an ear or a hand, just hang in there it gets, if not better, way interesting. ;)
Julie
I have had my share of the WTF am I doing meltdowns. THe best survival technique I developed is to always remind myself that I know what does not work. And that is pretty much everything I was doing for 50 years of being trans.
My first life changing event came the evening I attended my first ever TG support group meeting. You'd think that after 50 years you know everything, yet being in a living room filled with others just like me with similar life stories rocked my foundations. A couple of meetings later I knew I needed to be there. In 6 years I missed perhaps 3, at the most. They have done far more to help heal me than anything else, including HRT and even therapy. (TBH, after almost a year with a for real gender therapist it is a very close call)
Quote from: Norma Lynne on June 09, 2014, 05:29:05 PM
I am feeling better today. And I want to thank all you Who commented. I did help a lot. Part of it may be that I quit taking cymbalta cold turkey LOL. And I know part of it was my wife saying we need to take a break. Well What I decided is That I am no longer going to slow my roll for anybody anymore. I personally think that has caused more problems than if I would have just started HRT in January instead of waiting. Now after calling 4-5 doctors that have embarrassed me not been there or etc.... I have to regain my bearings and get the nerve to try again. You would think in southern California it would be no problem.
Be careful with that cymbalta!!!!!! It will make you think crazy thoughts!!! Bad stuff for me. I stopped smoking without it.
Transition definitely is a rollercoaster. I am glad you are feeling better and sorry about the marriage.
Quote from: Norma Lynne on June 09, 2014, 05:29:05 PM
I am feeling better today. And I want to thank all you Who commented. I did help a lot. Part of it may be that I quit taking cymbalta cold turkey LOL. And I know part of it was my wife saying we need to take a break. Well What I decided is That I am no longer going to slow my roll for anybody anymore. I personally think that has caused more problems than if I would have just started HRT in January instead of waiting. Now after calling 4-5 doctors that have embarrassed me not been there or etc.... I have to regain my bearings and get the nerve to try again. You would think in southern California it would be no problem.
I'm happy to hear your feeling better Norma Lynne, and am very happy for you. I'm originally from Southern Cali myself and to me it's hard to believe you had so much trouble with Doctors. It's behind you now so just keep moving forward.
Ally :icon_flower:
Transition is the hardest thing I've ever done, but it has been worth it, and it is the best thing that I have ever done for myself; I'm happier then I ever have been. It's normal to have doubts, and to second guess ourselves, that's how we make sure we are doing the right thing. Always follow your heart, and do what is best for you. And if you decide that you do not want to proceed with your transition, that is entirely your decision. We only want you to be happy.