Hi, Everybody!
I'm putting this on the MTF forum, since that's what I am, but if there are any guys reading this who'd like to respond, you're welcome to.
We all know, "What's in a name? A rose by any other name. . .", right? Well, no.
That is, if since the dawn of time we'd always called roses "blixfreds", then it wouldn't matter to us now if we were calling them "blixfreds". But the fact is we do call them "roses" and we always have. So if we now for whatever reason were to start calling them "onions", that would take some getting used to.
And I've found that's the case with my name. I changed my legal name about a year and a half ago, and I'm still trying to get used to it. At the start, I still had a huge attachment to my old name since I'd been using it, since that's what people had been calling me for so long. My new name seemed a bit unreal to me. As much as I loved it, it felt a bit phony to me.
Now, I no longer have any emotional attachment to my old name. It means nothing to me. It doesn't feel like mine, it doesn't feel like me any more. And yet my new name is still very recent. I respond to it (like a dog will respond to his), and when people ask me what my name is, I give them my new one without hesitation. But I still haven't developed the attachment to it that I had to my old name. I'm still in transition with it. The result is that I feel somewhat nameless at present.
This doesn't cause me any regret or sadness. I'm delighted to be rid of my old name, and I love my new one. I know I just need to give it time. Sooner or later it will become completely mine and me.
Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? Has anyone else had this experience?
Best wishes to all,
Foxglove
Well, in my lifetime I have went by 4 names so far lol.
first my middle name, then my first name, then my nickname, then my chosen name.
Every single time, it feels very weird, for a little bit, then it becomes normal. The instant sort of response of that's my name seems easier to ingrain than it is to fade though.
I had a bit of hard time adapting as well. I am 45 and my legal name change became official if February of this year, although I had been using my chosen name is some circles (BDSM community, gender clinic) for several years. When I first started hearing it in more vanilla every day settings it was a bit weird. The first time I went to the doctor and the called out the name Allison, I looked around the waiting room to see who they were calling before I realized it was me. :)
At times I still feel like I should thank people for calling me by my chosen name. The fact that it is indeed my legal name and some people only know me by that name hasn't fully sunk in yet.
i went by umiko one time but i choice an old friend of mine's name.