Hello, I'm an 18 year old teenager who has recently (this year) been thinking about my personal self lately.
I am very accepting of the transgender and transsexual communities, so don't worry about "teen is embarrassed issues", I tend to not follow the messed up opinions a lot of people (like the media) have. I believe you are just as human as I am and despise that so many of you are hurt or abandoned for being yourselves.
Anyways, the thing I wanted to say is that I recently have discovered that I feel as if I would be happier as a guy. I have even come up with a male name (Hal Massey) and have thought about this. I'm not sure if my age will cause a few people to think that this is all a non-serious feeling, I hope not. I'm quite serious. Although I haven't really committed entirely to the idea. There is a person who I really like (they aren't my boyfriend yet, but still) that isn't against gay people but really doesn't seem he would ever be one himself; he likes me a lot as I am, and it wouldn't be like he would hate me or not be my friend anymore if I were a dude, it's just that it is very possible he would not be interested. Now, I know quite well that this is purely my decision and life and nobody else's thing, but it does tend to make me a bit hesitant. It doesn't mean I'm 100% against the idea of pursuing this dream of mine though!
I never have cared to be quite girly, and some might even slap a tomboy label on me; while I understand I can still be a girl and like "guy" stuff, it goes a bit beyond that (as I explained earlier). It bugs me when I express my feelings that I would like to be a guy and one of my parents (who is actually in transition to becoming a woman, I kid you not, but this is mostly because of a long story of how they were born both genders, their parents chose an operation for them to be male before they even knew what was going on (they were young) and they learned later on in their life, and want to be a woman instead) tends to say that I should like being a girl. I don't. I actually even feel that I would be a bit less gloomy often if I did this; now I understand transition isn't some auto-cure for a gloomy person, but thinking about the concept just makes me really happy! Sometimes I'm gloomy for other reasons, I understand.
I have also told my mother, which doesn't seem to really want to hear it (probably mostly because my other parent is often frustrated with their 10+ year inability to be able to have money for their surgery, and often gets upset about it; she actually has said something along the lines of that before, although she doesn't hate trans people, this particular situation is obviously stressful for everyone!) and doesn't seem to really support it, but I'm not sure.
Whatever shall I do about this? I have personally drew some pictures of what I'd imagine a guy-me would look like, and that always makes me quite happy. I draw myself mostly how I am, I admit, but with slight bit different body shape (not saying that taking T would mean I'd be Macho Man all of a sudden) and a short beard (some could say I'm fascinated by the thought of having a beard).
I've written stories, too (also featuring my close friend) and once came out to say that I've written stories (I didn't mention about what) about an alternate world version of me (this is how I shyly explain things) but then my other parent asked what is the character's name and I said I was too shy to say which made them upset and said that was bull->-bleeped-<- and I was acting like an ->-bleeped-<- (I hope that wasn't too rude, not sure about mild swearing, but if mods don't like it, they can remove this part, I'm sorry) because I mentioned the story but wouldn't go as far to say the name of the character. The reason I wouldn't say the name (I even implied it could upset them) is because the name is almost obviously male, which would point out that my alternate self character is a guy. Not sure how that would have gone.
My alternate world character also lives in another state (not meaning to sound too badly "everything in my life must be on the other side of the grass because it's greener over there" here) that I have an interest in (which is Massachusetts, I have a fascination with Massachusetts!). Out of shyness, I refer to this persona as my "alter-ego" which I'm afraid is going to make people think I'm seriously "wrong" in the head with a two personality disorder or something. I know my male side isn't a secondary person or living in my head (like a "voice in my head") and is actually just a character and persona I came up with, that's the difference. I know very well it is me. I do wish I were like my character, though.
I hope I didn't post this in the wrong part of this forum. I just came upon this forum and wanted to voice my mind on this.
Hello greenhat,
Questioning who you are is fine. I do think you could benefit from talking to a therapist about your feelings. Sometimes it really helps to sort out what your feelings really are and what they mean.
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Hi Greenhat! A very warm welcome to you. As my feline friend said Therapist's can help you immensely with these issue's. Mine is indispensable to my success and ease of transition. :)
Thanks for the warm welcomes!
As for therapists, I cannot see one at this very moment (not only does my other parent not care for the idea of me walking places alone myself, but I also am not sure how they would feel if I was walking over to see a therapist for such reasons (like when they ask me where have I been) as they aren't too keen on me saying I want to be a guy - I do hope to learn how to drive soon, although when I would is unknown, I still need glasses... hopefully, if I am able to drive, my other parent won't have that "you are going to get harmed walking alone places" feeling.) but such a thing seems like a possibility considering my strong feelings on this matter.
I thought that at this moment of time, the best thing I could do is be a member of a supportive place where I could discuss such feelings. ^-^
Welcome, Greenhat!
It would be great if you could see a therapist -- is there any chance you could persuade your parents that it would be good for you to see one for other reasons (depression, anxiety, whatever)? You don't have to tell them what you and your therapist actually talk about.
QuoteI thought that at this moment of time, the best thing I could do is be a member of a supportive place where I could discuss such feelings.
I haven't been a member here all that long, but I'd say you've come to the right place -- the folks here are amazing, and it really does feel like a family. (But in a
good way... :icon_mrgreen:)
Quote from: Tysilio on June 19, 2014, 06:34:36 AMIt would be great if you could see a therapist -- is there any chance you could persuade your parents that it would be good for you to see one for other reasons (depression, anxiety, whatever)? You don't have to tell them what you and your therapist actually talk about.
That probably wouldn't go over well (especially with money trouble) and they might think this is solely because of someone online. Plus, I would feel quite sad if I ended up with a therapist that wasn't too supportive of transgender people.
Hey Greenhat!
It's totally cool to question things and express yourself in writing. See I didn't know up until about a year ago that transmen existed. I knew I wasn't a butch(Though I had been mistaken for one often) and just thought I was one hell of a tomboy but see I've always felt masculine and would get furious if I was kept from doing things with guys. When I wasn't aggrivating my mom by turning down makeup and feminine clothing I was off playing sports with guys or socializing with them OR writing. Writing is a great escape. It sort of evolved over the years to a point where I discovered role playing and I wrote male characters. I also roleplayed in MMO video games and such like Warcraft :) I'm still in the process of figuring myself out but if you ever want someone to talk to feel free to message me :D
Quote from: Silver Centurion on June 19, 2014, 11:37:25 AM
Hey Greenhat!
It's totally cool to question things and express yourself in writing. See I didn't know up until about a year ago that transmen existed. I knew I wasn't a butch(Though I had been mistaken for one often) and just thought I was one hell of a tomboy but see I've always felt masculine and would get furious if I was kept from doing things with guys. When I wasn't aggrivating my mom by turning down makeup and feminine clothing I was off playing sports with guys or socializing with them OR writing. Writing is a great escape. It sort of evolved over the years to a point where I discovered role playing and I wrote male characters. I also roleplayed in MMO video games and such like Warcraft :) I'm still in the process of figuring myself out but if you ever want someone to talk to feel free to message me :D
I can't send messages yet (low post count, will earn the right over time) but I'll keep you in mind once I can. I don't do a lot of writing (people often suggest I should try it) but I do enjoy writing things about myself as a guy. It is mostly in a futuristic setting (no flying cars, but rather my future self) with comical stuff in it.
I feel slightly in denial of my feelings when it comes to people wanting to read it. (Such as family being curious about the story or my close friend saying that he wanted to read it.) I still believe I'm a little bit in the questioning stage, but not in full denial to myself; rather just a bit uncomfortable with how some people might respond. Although I don't let it stop me from thinking of it. I'd say I'm mildly shy but if someone asked I would admit that I think about it often.
My mother doesn't pressure makeup on me but my other parent sometimes thinks I should wear it as well as stuff like girly shoes.
Quote from: greenhat on June 19, 2014, 02:09:40 PM
I can't send messages yet (low post count, will earn the right over time) but I'll keep you in mind once I can. I don't do a lot of writing (people often suggest I should try it) but I do enjoy writing things about myself as a guy. It is mostly in a futuristic setting (no flying cars, but rather my future self) with comical stuff in it.
I feel slightly in denial of my feelings when it comes to people wanting to read it. (Such as family being curious about the story or my close friend saying that he wanted to read it.) I still believe I'm a little bit in the questioning stage, but not in full denial to myself; rather just a bit uncomfortable with how some people might respond. Although I don't let it stop me from thinking of it. I'd say I'm mildly shy but if someone asked I would admit that I think about it often.
My mother doesn't pressure makeup on me but my other parent sometimes thinks I should wear it as well as stuff like girly shoes.
No worries you will get to message soon :)
Sometimes writing just for the sake of writing can be helpful and you can keep it to yourself. Questioning things while frustrating at times is a good thing. I did a lot of reading here and on many websites and even searched things like youtube and such to see how others felt. Maybe try that? I know it helped me sort a few things out since I can't go speak with a therapist. The more I read or saw someone speaking about their own experiences the more I realized exactly how I felt about myself and the confusion cleared up so maybe it may help you. The social thing is like a whole other animal. I'm still trying to sort when and who I'm going to tell and there's no time limit to figuring anything out btw. I think the more you find out about yourself and what you need to be happy the rest of it will just fall into place :) Maybe tell the one parent when they mention makeup or girly things that you are uncomfortable with it and it doesn't make you happy and see what happens.
Quote from: Silver Centurion on June 19, 2014, 05:43:29 PM
Maybe tell the one parent when they mention makeup or girly things that you are uncomfortable with it and it doesn't make you happy and see what happens.
That doesn't really work; I say that I don't like those things yet they continue to speak about them occasionally. This person has even called me a "bum" because I wear sweatpants instead of something like jeans or slacks.