I've been a crossdresser for as long as I can remember, and then started taking it more seriously when I got my own place 14 years ago. I've spent a lot of time since then living my male life day to day, but recently something's changed. Every time I get dressed, it gets harder and harder to take it off and go back to being a male. I'm okay at best as a guy but happy as a woman.
As such I'm taking a serious look at transitioning, but of course there are doubts. Am I really female? If I'm dressing day to day versus just for special occasions and going out, will getting dressed have the same impact?
Have any of you had a similar experience? What did you eventually decide on?
I remember telling myself I was ok just wearing female clothes around the house and that it would never, ever, ever, ever be more than that. Then I couldn't stand to put the clothes on anymore because I knew that wasn't what I needed. It's like, the clothes weren't real. I needed to be free from that and the more I denied it, the more painful it became. Before I started HRT, I purged almost all my old girl clothes because they weren't what I wanted people to see as the real me, like that was all a costumed past or something. IDK what it means for you, but maybe it's time to talk to a therapist. Even if you decide you aren't into transition, it might just clarify some things for you.
When I started out as a CD I thought that that was as far as I wanted to go. In time I felt that my experience and feeling s ran deeper than clothing. I did more research and discovered the word 'transgender' for the first time. Right away that word connected with me. I'm not going to transition but I spend a good amount of time wearing women's clothing. I've balanced masculine and feminine but prefer the feminine.
Seeing a gender therapist may help you to clear up any questions that you may have.
:)