hey guys. i actually feel calm, relaxed, less hollow inside but that feeling is still there. i guess since i gave into it my need to become myself, the world around me just seems to vanish. my dreams have become more focused to the point i can remember, my eye sight actually improved, and all around, i just feel less stressed. time is starting to move. idk what it is but i like this feeling. my impulses are becoming more of first natural and i think i see which path i want to take but the picture is still a bit hazy. the only issue is that my urge to rid myself of this unnecessary piece of dangling has become a lot stronger and more frequent than ever. trying to hold out a little longer but the need is over powering. other than that, i'm doing excellent. this little sabbatical i'm taking is allowing me to think about whats more important, so as of now, i dont really care about whats going on, i'm going to try again and free myself.
i actually had a good day today. ^-^ stress level is finally decreasing. i guess becomes my appointment is drawing closer and i actually have a good feeling about this. if i keep this up, i may be able to finally let go and finally live, well, at least a little
even though i was sleeping most of the day, i get this feeling like i cant wait for the next day. this feeling of what the next day would bring sends exciting chills down my spine. i'm beginning to become more hopeful though i know that deep down, if i become to happy, i'll fall so hard that i'll never be able to get back up. knowing this, i'm walking on a razor edge and the tiniest thing will be the the utter death of me. i slip up this time, and i'm literally dead.