Let me share to you my story...
I wanted to be a girl since age 4, seriously started of thinking doing SRS since 2001(13 years ago when I was 18) but failed at every attempt. In 2004 I discovered Chettawut's website and kept on hovering over it since then every month as inspiration till I now I finally managed to do it reaching 31 years old. I'm origin of a 3rd world country where people treat transsexuals like animals on the streets, where they throw stones and projectiles on you whenever they feel like doing it. They mock you and call you a 'man' 'creature' and all derogatory words equivalent to 'fa**ot'. Police don't do anything to defend you.
I've studied up to University and had a great paying job as a guy but it all suddenly crumbled ever since I decided to transtition in mid 2009. I lost my job, kicked out from house of my family, lost all my friends and I was left all alone and when I say alone is 100% alone. My only support was Susans forum and the girls that time, I had another account/nick back then. In my country there is no therapists or endocrinologist for transsexuals and it's an embarassment to go to a doctor. I read the entire HRT section on Susans dating upto 2007 and this great website for transgender http://www.transgendercare.com to guide me more. So I started self medicating as I had no choice. The average salary of people in my country is 200$(U.S) and at that point it was impossible whatsoever to have SRS even I worked uptil 30 years in my country.
As I was brutally fired from work due to my transitioning, I had no choice of how to survive and fell into street prostitution. I'd rather die than detransition. Living one day more as a man would have made me sick. During end of 2009 a gang of ->-bleeped-<- prostitutes tried to kill me cos clients seem to be liking me more than them. In trying to defend myself I was borderline going to kill her myself but she managed to run away. A police who liked me and was my sort of sexbuddy saw me running with a knife told me he doesn't wanna see me on the street and go do this in night clubs, casinos, internet and streets was not my level. Then I started sending my C.V to find a normal job as a transsexual, I was fortunate to get a decent job which lasted 1 year and a half cos the employer was an open minded person who lived in Europe. But my path was still trepidant day to day. I was pretty but semi-passable cos of my very prominent adam's apple that made me get clocked. So my turmoil continued but thanks god I was then secured at least financially.
I saved money over and year and a half and fled to Europe end of 2011 and asked politcal asylum but was rejected. I love the country I am, my soul is so compatible to european culture. Ever since I stepped over europe not a single day I've been insulted on the streets, they are all so busy in city to stare at you weirdly like in my country. Gay marriage is legal and people very open minded. So ever since I lived without paper and searched for a lawyer to fight my case in the supreme country and even till now 2014 it's still on going. I provided all proof possible that I was in physical danger and death threats in my country.
My life in europe was not bread and butter neither. Despite my high qualifications it was impossible to get a normal decent job without work permit and social security coverage, so again I had to be an escort to survive in 2012/2013. But I was doing it just 5 days end of months just to pay my rent, food and transport. During my path in escorting I met with a super rich sugar daddy who paid my boobs.
In 2013 that same sugar daddy paid my nose but then I unfortunately I lost him due to some problems. Then I felt stranded cos he was the only one who could help me transform.
In January 2014 thanks god I got a very well-paying job (3000€/month) black job but that requires my skill and completely stopped escorting plus I fell deeply in love with my housemate who happens to be a transphobic and every time he tried to touch me down I escaped with my excuses as in my culture we need to be virgin till marrriage etc but if you want you can do anal and I'd always find a way to secure a strap my junk between my legs in case ->-bleeped-<- happens. I'd hide my adam's apple with scarf as fortunately it was winter and lucky to flee sharp just when summer was about to begin. He set the line clearly from the beginning he didn't want to be in relationship with me but every night he would search me to make love with him, so to me I took it for granted he was boyfriend whatsoever cos for 6 months almost everyday we sleep together even we each have our own room. I managed to retain him like this for 6 months till I managed to have SRS this month.
Conclusion: Me from my departing point from 2001, thinking from that point it was impossible whatsoever for me to even think of SRS BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT POSITIVELY AND SAID TO MYSELF 'I DON'T WHEN AND HOW I'M GONNA HAVE BUT I'M GONNA HAVE IT'. If you really are determined to have it, think and think positively NO MATTER HOW IMPOSSIBLE IT LOOKS RIGHT NOW AT YOUR CURRENT STANDING POINT, the law of universe will find a way to attract your goal to you. It might take years and years but to happen it'll definitely happen if you are really determined. Just keep on thinking positively, be patient and you're gonna have it. I waited for 13 years and I finally did it and I inspire all pre-op sisters who are suffering of severe dysphoria to be patient and continue thinking positively no matter what.
I'm happy it finally worked out for you
Such a sad and traumatizing life you've had, I'm so sorry. Glad you made it out of that situation
I'm happy you're in a better place now! Good luck!
Such a big hug from me!!! You've done so well :) I hope your amazing but terrible journey only helps you to enjoy the good and beautiful things to come in your future and no shade from the past ever darkens them. You sound like such a very strong person :) Big hug again and I hope your recovery is going well!
Thanks girls, well all it's all those sh*ts that happen in your life that help us evolve and grow stronger.
Yes, I found your story very inspiring and it very much reinforced my hope I'll one day soon be whole. I thank you very much for sharing your story with us.
Very Biiiiig hugs! :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
Ally :icon_flower:
Duh! And I've got pulled backed to escorting again this time striving for FFS. This job is like a magnet to my soul, it's as if I feel I can't do any other job than this. The other 'decent job' I still can do it but it goes too slow and time is running and I need my full face asap. I am passable at like 80%, but I need to get to 100%. I cannot show forehead all, passable only with bangs. This is soul-straining. I'm getting sick of all this, it's like an eternal war never-ending PFFFFT!!! BUT I NEED TO FIGHT, MAY GOD HELP ME! ROUND 2...FIGHT!!! >:-)
Having gone through transition I met many trans women in the process. A great deal would talk about wanting SRS but not having the funds. Mind you some certainly did not but many that said they didn't have the money were smokers, had a nice car, nice home, valuable things............
My point is it became clear to me that a number of these people CHOOSE not to have the funds for SRS.
First off thanks for sharing. We may not agree on everything but I can emphasize with a lot of your struggle. I grew up in a transphobic country myself and that greatly hindered me. Buying women's clothes? Lol! Couldn't do it. I had to beg borrow or steal.
I think with insurance covering it more and more this problem will go away, at least in the U.S. But that still leaves other countries. Anyway my GP told me to hold off on SRS because insurance may cover it sooner rather than later. I am but I'm also holding out for what I see are constantly improving procedures that give a more authentic result.
I might not relate to your struggles specifically, but your story does make me feel better about my future. You've fought for your gender and I'm so glad that you've perservered. Thank you so much for sharing this story.
Bumping for new girls to read my story ^-^
I'm not a girl but your story is inspirational for all of us, and especially those who feel that they will never be permitted to be themselves.
You have grit.
Quote from: Evolving Beauty on July 08, 2017, 04:50:36 PM
Bumping for new girls to read my story ^-^
I send you pm about your post can you check it I'm waiting for your replay xo's
Thanks, you are a great person. Enjoy life.
Quote from: Skyelish on August 19, 2017, 03:41:25 PM
Thanks, you are a great person. Enjoy life.
Thanks to you too. :laugh: Thanks God Today I'm a happily married woman now and I finally got the papers after a tedious struggle. My Life is now finally smooth & all stable. Wishing good luck to all girls out there. YOU WILL MAKE IT!!! :)
Quote from: Evolving Beauty on August 23, 2017, 03:49:14 PM
I finally got the papers after a tedious struggle. My Life is now finally smooth & all stable. Wishing good luck to all girls out there. YOU WILL MAKE IT!!! :)
So sweet happy to hear that
I'm sure you want us all to make it to be safe and living as ourself as women
Your story is so strong and I think you are brave
________________BUT ______________
I'm a girl exactly in your same situation before if not even worst i send you msg asking you for help days ago and I still waiting for the reply ( it could totally save my life )
maybe you miss it so I will write here short and simple
I'm from very dangerous place for lgbtq+ the punishment can be " beheaded " or very long jail or torture
No rights no nothing ( even the lgbtq+ flag can put you in troubles ! )
You said in your story that you run to Europe and asked for political asylum but they refuse it even tho you show them that you are in danger in your original country
Most girls here are from USA or other parts of the world it's rarely to find someone who in Europe or asylum seeker
Here what I want to know ( again these informations can save many lives )
Since you have experience in the Europe system what the best countries to ask asylum in for lgbtq+ in Europe considering the refugee crisis in europe right now
What kind of evidences or informations I should give in the asylum
And any advices about the asylum process
If we did not help each other how we expect help from others
[emoji8]
I can't relate. To be honest, that read very tragic to me more than anything else, and you were lucky to avoid death at any given moment.
I wish you best of luck.
Quote from: rose on August 23, 2017, 06:01:01 PM
So sweet happy to hear that
I'm sure you want us all to make it to be safe and living as ourself as women
Your story is so strong and I think you are brave
________________BUT ______________
I'm a girl exactly in your same situation before if not even worst i send you msg asking you for help days ago and I still waiting for the reply ( it could totally save my life )
maybe you miss it so I will write here short and simple
I'm from very dangerous place for lgbtq+ the punishment can be " beheaded " or very long jail or torture
No rights no nothing ( even the lgbtq+ flag can put you in troubles ! )
You said in your story that you run to Europe and asked for political asylum but they refuse it even tho you show them that you are in danger in your original country
Most girls here are from USA or other parts of the world it's rarely to find someone who in Europe or asylum seeker
Here what I want to know ( again these informations can save many lives )
Since you have experience in the Europe system what the best countries to ask asylum in for lgbtq+ in Europe considering the refugee crisis in europe right now
What kind of evidences or informations I should give in the asylum
And any advices about the asylum process
If we did not help each other how we expect help from others
[emoji8]
I'm really very sorry but I almost never check my PM. Just checked it now and replied back. Only country that beheads for this could be Saudi. If you're there YOU NEED TO HANG ON ON THE MALE MODE (DESPITE HOW BITTER IT CAN BE) till you reach Europe. You can't joke around AT ALL if you're from Saudi. Don't risk your life for now till you reach Europe. ME I HAD TO HANG ON ON THE MALE MODE 10 EFFING BITTER YEARS OF MY LIFE, FOR FAMILY, SOCIETY, JOB ETC...Dysphoria sucks but you need to be PATIENT or might ruin it all.
Read other stories of my life
Getting Married finally with a guy that didn't know what I am
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,225729.msg1999996.html#msg1999996
Turmoil of being almost deported for not having papers
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,167083.msg1450013.html#msg1450013
Evolving Beauty, you do have an enormous amount of courage and spirit. That is the way I was, when I transitioned over 40 years ago. I had to be very tough and very cunning. I made it. I've had three husbands and this last one is sticking.
The main reason for my comment is the positivism of your approach to life's problems. Money is a huge problem, but life just happens. With a positive, no-fail approach to life, we are a lot more likely to manifest the realities we seek. We build our own Universe from the dreams we hold dearest. If we're negative, if we just don't care, then we are lost. It's faith in your self and in the rightness of your desires.
Listen to no one except the voice inside that keeps you alive. Living is such a gift. And loving is the reward.