Ok, here is my story, from a very young age(6 or 7) I've dreamed of being a girl, i've pretended to be female sometimes, although I did play with male toys and do "Male things" I've always known somewhere I'm female. I've never had dysphoria in the way that someone would say hate themself, I've always been able to live, and be just ok through life, the reason I started transitioning was that the "Male" me was not really me, and I just had to start being myself more.
I don't know how to put this very well, but I cause because I was never dysphoric, even though I know that I'm female, and I love going out(I'm full time now). I can't help but have this fear that I'll mess myself up, or that I'm somehow going to do that wrong thing, and maybe I could just live a "male" life if I just tried harder or whatever.
Any advice on dealing with this/anyone had anything similar?
What does your therapist think of how your progression is going?
Its not a easy one size fits all type box no matter what society thinks.
Everyday is its own day in your lifes path.
Isabell
Well, depending on the severity of your dysphoria, it's certainly possible to avoid transition.... at least for a time.
Nobody wants to be trans. It's perfectly natural to attempt to avoid all the hassle, expenses and inconvenience of a transition if it's not absolutely necessary.
I knew I was a girl well before starting elementary school, but "sucked it up" and went through most of my life playing role I was assigned. At age 58 as my ability to produce testosterone gave out, I just couldn't do "man" anymore.
Fortunately I'm now retired, married 32 years with a 26 year old daughter. Life is good.
OK, I wasn't really the man I pretended to be, but I got away with it. At age 64, if I'm making a mistake, it's something I can live with.
Randi
Just do what you prefer-if you don't feel forced into living one way or another, just do what you feel happiest doing, and everything else will take care of itself I should think.
Nah I was never dysphoric. Most of the really feminine MTFs don't seem to suffer that much from dysphoria, I wouldn't worry! ^O^ the only thing is, if you have trouble validating yourself, it might be hard. I want to detransition (from MTF) not b/c I had problems as a girl, but b/c I couldn't self-validate.
good luck! :D
Quote from: kitty007008 on July 01, 2014, 04:55:08 PM
Any advice on dealing with this/anyone had anything similar?
Yes. Me.
I lived somewhat happily as a male for 50 years. Never hated my male self. Never hated my male body (though I'd have traded it in for a female body in a heartbeat). Had two very successful careers, married happily, had two well-adjusted kids.
I always wanted to be a woman, but assumed since I didn't fit the profile of a trans woman, I couldn't transition.
I was wrong.
I've now been happily living full-time as a woman for more than a year. This was the way I was meant to live.
kitty007008, does that help?
Sounds familiar
- Never really wanted to be a boy, that was my only option. Hoping / Wishing / Praying to 'wake up as a girl' never worked
- Did all the usual 'Guy' stuff from childhood on. Though not the crazy, over the top, hyper stuff. Except perhaps building and racing muscle cars. Something that obeyed rules and I can control
- Tried to be 'normal'. Never really obsesed or had the classic 'dysphoria'. Sure, always still wished I was a woman but sure is not in the cards this lifetime. Never had a major issue with the dangly bits. Afterall, we could have some great times together.
- Always, as in always, crossdressed. Ranged from daily to monthly to barely ever. NEVER purged, I knew better than that.
- Did try some experiments at transitioning in my 20's. After university and after marriage #1 exploded. (3 guesses why :( )
- A good 30 years of trying to be normal resulted in needing to build ever thicker walls and living up some some caricature of a guy. I slowly turned into a machine. Lifeless and soulless, devoid of emotions. Devoid of joy, happiness. Devoid of any hopes, wishes and dreams of my own. I Survive. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Six years ago after yet another major life disaster I realized that pretty much all of them had a root cause of how I was handling being trans. I had no doubt whatsoever I was 'just a cross-dresser'. Nor was I anywhere near the end of the spectrum to qualify me as a 'True transsexual'. I sure did not fit that, especially after 50 years of what would be called a very successful male life.
During the past 6 years now, (an anniversary date coming up in a few days) I learned and discovered a LOT about myself. Most importantly I found joy, happiness. I have come to FINALLY feel better about being me. I am happy being my own somewhat modified skin. I achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman.
Yet, I mainly present male. Two big reasons why, a wife I love more than life itself and my career. Financially I cannot take chances, right now. Besides, my job is ore like being paid to have fun. Being a hero engineer and sometimes salesperson is a major part of my self image. Loosing that loosing a major emotional aspect, one I became well acquainted with 6 1/2 years ago, would be devestating.
For years during my questioning and even 'WTF am I doing periods my TG group, therapist, even wife have reminded me that what I am doing is obviously right for me, NOW. You are happy, things are working for you. Stop worrying about a future you cannot predict, much less control. No one made you God. TBH, though I would love to go full-time and have a good basis to believe I can have some success at it, I wonder even more today if it is right for me.
Coming to accept myself for who I am, being able to feel I deserve the gifts I have in my life, or simply put being happy about being me, I cannot help but to question if I need to change things even more for an unknown benefit and possibly great costs.
That is the purely logical, analytical side of my brain. The other simply says I know where my true joy lies.