Hi all. I'm so glad there are forums like this one because I'm at a very confusing point in my life. I'm 30 years old and since as early as I can remember I felt like I was born into the wrong body. In fact my mother has some pretty funny stories about me telling people that I was going to have a sex change when I was only 3 years old. How I even knew what a sex change was at age 3 remains a mystery, but anyways just like all of you I knew from the day I was born that something wasn't right. Up until age 14 it would be safe to say I lived as a boy because I refused to wear dresses, insisted on getting my hair cut very short, played with GI joes instead of Barbies, and hung out with my brother and his friends instead of girls. Sure I got teased a lot but up until adolescence I didn't really care. At age 14 the torment I went through was unbearable so I gave into peer pressure and started living as a girl which wasn't so bad because it was new to me and adolescence is all about trying to figure out who you really are anyways. However during this phase I still was somewhat of a tomboy. I got pregnant at age 18 by one of my "male friends" had my son at age 19. Two years later my son's father and I got married. I went to college and got my nursing degree. After 6 years of being together we got divorced. I went years without dating because I'm not physically attracted to men. I met a girl online in 2010 and we hit it off. She said she couldn't understand why she was so attracted to me sexually because she wasn't gay. We got together and dated for 4 years and she left me for a man. I'm at a point in my life where I think that instead of doing things to make everybody around me happy, I should make myself happy for once. For the past couple of months I thought about it but I think that now I'm ready to move forward. The only problem is I don't know where to begin. I read some of the posts and I'm under the assumption that the first step is you have to see a therapist? Is that correct? This is not a psychiatric disorder. Secondly, I'm terrified about coming out. I shouldn't be, because when I came out as gay people weren't exactly "shocked" LOL. But I'm a registered nurse and am a little apprehensive about what transitioning would mean with regards to my career? I mean if I could go from female to male overnight it wouldn't be a problem, but being on testosterone and looking like a man because your jaw is widening and you have a beard, but you also have breasts and your name is Stephanie, I don't know if my job would go for it? It's like dear lord where to begin. Any input would be appreciated.
therapy is always a good idea as for my personal belief because its helped me out quite a lot in my life. I don't know I always thought the medical profession was more understanding of transitioning ,but I don't know for sure just a guess.
The first step is to figure out how things work in your area. If you live in a country with universal healthcare and want to go through that system, they have their own rules for this process. If you live the U.S, start looking for doctors in your area and get an idea of what the process is in your city. Some places have doctors that don't require a therapy letter, but instead will prescribe HRT to you based on informed consent. You can also start looking around for gender therapists.
Once you know what your options are, think about what you want. Do you want to go therapy if you don't have to? As the person above mentioned, it is not a terrible idea to go to therapy, at least for a bit, as this is all a really big deal. It can help to talk stuff out to deal with things. However, depending on what is going on where you live, you may not need to go in order to transition.
Also in terms of being at work with a female name and a wide jaw and beard - If you decide to start HRT, you can wait until T has had some to set in before transitioning socially. You don't have to come out to your job before you start to pass unless you want to, as long as whoever is prescribing it to you doesn't have rules about being full time before they give you the green light (again depends on where you live and your doctor)
If you need any help looking for doctors, therapists or finding out about the procedure where you live, or any other questions, just ask away - someone here will probably be able to point you in the right direction.
Hey Julian
Welcome to Susan's :) Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
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Cheers
Grace
Thanks for your replies. You're right therapy wouldn't hurt. But I'm almost at my breaking point, as in I've waited long enough LOL. I've taken testosterone multiple times in the past for bodybuilding purposes and I love it because I actually feel "normal" when I'm on it. Then when I come off I get so depressed. I have grown sporadic hairs on my face and chin but nothing very noticeable, and my clit is probably 5 times bigger than average, but nobody mistakes me for a man but given the right haircut i could definitely pass. So take the testosterone until I see obvious changes then transition and change my name? If anybody knows of a decent doctor in Oklahoma I would love for them to share.
Julian, we're close to the same age, and I'm just now making a real attempt at transitioning. I found that therapy was very helpful in many way. I don't feel the shame and guilt that my family heaped on me for being different, for wanting to be myself. Having great friends [mostly LGBTs] who are loving and supportive, and think I'm awesome just for being Amadeus is...well, wonderful! It's really boosted my self esteem and made me want to move forward with pride, dignity...and sh*t.
And there I go again, channelling Emily Howard from Little Britain. Pity it couldn't be Tom Baker instead...
Anyway, yes, go see a therapist, one that's LGBT friendly. Talk about your gender dysphoria, find out what your options are. If you just enter your city's name alone with 'LGBT friendly therapists counsellors' then you should get some good results. Once you talk to the therapist and find out the process, you can make long term plans and go from there.
As for your job, most medical employers are educated enough that they might bat an eye when you tell them you're transitioning. But that's about it. It'll probably be, "Oh, really? Okay. So, how's that working out? Do you have this paperwork? Are you having surgery?" Be prepared for questions not just from them, but from your family and friends. Be honest and polite. Be firm when necessary. Don't take any rubbish from anyone. Be true to yourself in all things. And best of luck to you
I don't know. I feel like therapy can help anyone, whether you have a diagnosed mental illness or not, but if you don't like the idea you might could go along with some minimum amount to get a hormone letter. I have no experience with informed consent as we usually mean it on these forums.
My first transition steps were mainly to do a lot of research. I went to lgbt gatherings and centers to meet others like me and ask questions, and I read peoples' experiences online, and I read a lot of legal caselaw about child custody. Honestly, by the time I came out for good I was so desperate to be comfortable that my primary concern was binding.
My transition was really slow, and I had to deal with a lot of people who knew my old legal name and a gender presentation that didn't quite match. Or after I'd changed my name, with people who saw that my body didn't quite match my name. It was just uncomfortable for a few years. I don't know what to say about how to make that part better, other than do what you feel you need to do and take the lead in defining yourself publicly.
I still think Hudson's is one of the best resources available.
http://www.ftmguide.org/
You can do it in order that you want, for the most part (only not bottom surgery). Be aware that a doctor may not like the fact you took T for body building, I assume without a script? So tread cautiously.
I looked around for a second to see if I could find anything to help you out, but the links to OK resources I saw were old and no longer in service.
Here is what I would do if I was you:
Find a generic GLBT support group near you and call them and ask, "could you point me towards transgender resources in Oklahoma?" They may have a list of groups to give you, or they may have no clue and be no of help at all. Worth trying though.
I did find these on another trans resource site, but the information could be old and no longer accurate, so use at your own risk
Frances Haas, D.O.
802 South Jackson Avenue, Suite 505
Tulsa, OK. 74127
Phone : (918) 599-5222
Jonathan Davis
4221 South Western
Oklahoma City, OK.
Phone : (405) 644-6232
Also - depending on where you live in OK, Dallas may be easier