Since I have decided to accept who I truly am I seem to be growing more confused than ever. I. love feeling sexy and feminine, I feel relaxed and less aggressive/frustrated and I think.o am much more easy going and understanding. My problem is that I don't really feel the desire to wear a lot dresses and such. Don't get me wrong, lounging in a silky nightgown is heaven, but I don't feel mmuch like dressing up often, I prefer casual with minimal make up. Maybe iya my late age of coming out(47). Plus most of the women in my life have been maybe a little less "girly " than. most. I get the sense that dressing up/ fashion is a pretty huge part of many of you girl's thing. Am I missing something?
Honey, no. I think you're doing just fine.
Transitioning isn't about moving toward something, it's about moving toward you. If being you means you don't wear dresses and make up, then that's fantastic.
You are missing something and that's realizing that clothes can be a big part of LOOKING feminine, but are in no way the determining factor of BEING feminine. While wearing dresses is quite a feminine visual cue, it doesn't make you less a woman if youd prefer not to wear them. Sometimes a casual, laidback style and a little makeup is all you need. Just don't feel less feminine because you see dresses aplenty here.
I think some ladies feel the need to go all out, possibly to make up for lost time, and that's alright! Our common link here is transition, but we are all individuals with different styles, interests, and lives.
Thank you for the feedback ladies. I meet with my therapist again on Wednesday. I Babe discussed my plan to transition and start HRT early next year but I have been kind of wavering in my head. To me, the mild mannerisms and compassion is just as important as the feminine sexual feelings that I have. A part of me wants to feel pretty and womanly I guess, but not having a lot of experience at it, I feel awkward.
None of the women in my life are very feminine when it comes to appearance either. In fact, one of the reasons I don't think my marriage will survive is that I seem to need to be much more girly than she - and I know she doesn't have much understanding of those who are that feminine.
In my case I see the clothes as a symbol of who I am. For whatever reason dressing in a skirt or otherwise feminine tells my inner girl that its okay to be a girl. And the more I express myself that way the more confident the girl side of me becomes. You, obviously, don't need to use clothing as a symbol in that way. So just be whoever makes you comfortable. In the end it is about being yourself rather than living up to the expectations of others.
Given my cluelessness of most girly things I wish I had your problem. But that isn't who I am.
It really doesn't matter look at the majority walking around on the street in summer. Mostly slacks, jeans, cut offs or shorts and t-shirts
Quote from: AnnaCannibal on July 04, 2014, 12:23:50 PM
You are missing something and that's realizing that clothes can be a big part of LOOKING feminine, but are in no way the determining factor of BEING feminine. While wearing dresses is quite a feminine visual cue, it doesn't make you less a woman if youd prefer not to wear them. Sometimes a casual, laidback style and a little makeup is all you need. Just don't feel less feminine because you see dresses aplenty here.
I think some ladies feel the need to go all out, possibly to make up for lost time, and that's alright! Our common link here is transition, but we are all individuals with different styles, interests, and lives.
This +1...
I'm a woman.. I almost never wear a dress and wear makeup about as often. The clothes and makeup are just packaging..
Quote from: rfhaas on July 04, 2014, 12:09:40 PM
Since I have decided to accept who I truly am I seem to be growing more confused than ever. I. love feeling sexy and feminine, I feel relaxed and less aggressive/frustrated and I think.... Don't get me wrong, lounging in a silky nightgown is heaven, but I don't feel mmuch like dressing up often, I prefer casual with minimal make up.... maybe a little less "girly " than most. I get the sense that dressing up/ fashion is a pretty huge part of many of you girl's thing. Am I missing something?
Many women are not particularly girly. Dressing is part performance. It provides a cue to others. It aids in your expression. If you don't feel the need to dress it doesn't mean you are less female.
Interestingly it was a similar experience while transitioning MTF, that caused me to think more deeply about my identity. This led me to conclude that I was non binary. Finding that I was more comfortable in andro presentation I understood that it would be easier and more socially acceptable if I transitioned MTF but decided that I needed to see if I can do this without further surgery while continuing low dose hrt. Time will tell.
Safe travels
Aisla
Quote from: AnnaCannibal on July 04, 2014, 12:23:50 PM
I think some ladies feel the need to go all out, possibly to make up for lost time, and that's alright!
I resemble this remark! *giggles* ;D
I personally am happy to finally be able to dress and appear like I have wanted to my whole life. That is what helps me battle the Dysphoria monster and cements my femininity. If you are more comfortable with less there is nothing wrong with that at all. We are all finally free of titles, labels, etc, so be free to be you and never feel like you have to be just like any other person. :)
Clothing and the gender differentiation expressed through fashion is utterly a social construct. It changes with the ages and generations, what is feminine/masculine/andro now won't be in a hundred years. Clothing isn't really there to help you "feel like" your identified gender but to express it. Women, cis and trans, can certainly express their femininity without girly girl clothes.
You have to give yourself time. Go slowly if you need to. This is a BIG change and can not be rushed (lol sometimes even if we want to :)
).
You may find in time that as you gain self assurance in your new self that you want to go more girly. Heck after 16 years i went from moderatly feminine to girly girl full dress all the time lol.
I have never worn a dress in my life. For me it's sort of a confidence issue, though I never really felt that I needed to wear dresses to feel feminine either. And if I look around at what the women where I live wear, it's usually something like jeans and a t-shirt. I do see the occasional dress, but it's pretty infrequent unless it's a setting where people are dressing up. So if you don't like wearing dresses very much, then it seems like you are actually a pretty typical girl. ;)
I live by a university and probably a good majority of the girls wear dresses
Nope. It depends on the woman. I liked dressing up a lot at first... but now I generally am in a pretty shirt and jeans or work slacks. :) Dresses/skirts are for special occasions or when I'm especially in the mood for it. I quit wearing makeup after the first few months, too; now I do it for parties and (lately) job interviews, and that's about it.
Thank you everybody. It probably does get down to my lack onfidence. Like I said, I do love to sit around at home in silky nightgowns and I almost always wear women's panties, I'm just on an emotional rollercoaster since starting therapy.
If you had to wear a dress or a skirt to be a girl, my sister's file would be stamped 'never to be released'. Due to all the death stares she has given shop assistants saying, "Oh this will look lovely with your eyes". You will have trouble getting her jeans and yoga pants out of her cold dead hands.
There is now right and wrong you just have to find to find the personal style your happy and comfortable with. I'm someone who wears jeans when it's 50ºC in the shade. While a friend has only recently fallen in love with maxi dresses no matter what the weather.
Wear whatever you want! I'm a little to old to be wearing a lot of things so I dress simply most of the time - some skinny jeans, a nice top, and a shoe with a nice tall heel will suffice for pretty much any situation that I might find myself in. I don't even own a dress and i rarely dress in a skirt. I don't wear much makeup either. If the outside world doesn't like it - tough!! I dress to make myself happy, not anyone else.
So don't feel like you have to dress or appear a certain way as a female. Be yourself!
Quote from: Ms Grace on July 04, 2014, 03:37:46 PM
Clothing and the gender differentiation expressed through fashion is utterly a social construct.
This is true but only to a point since most men's and women's clothing are designed to show off each sex's good points (or secondary sexual characterisitics) like large shoulders for a man and small shoulders or shapeliness for a woman. Clothing is basically dsigned, and had been designed, to attract the opposite sex.
Though, to the OP's point, I think most of MTFs are pretty masculine, if you go by a very unscientific view by reading posts here and seeing how people respond or like to dress. It's very rare to see an MTF who has liked and worn makeup for a longtime or even liked it. I could be very wrong and prolly am. Just what I see. But perhaps I have bad vision.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 04, 2014, 06:35:01 PM
This is true but only to a point since most men's and women's clothing are designed to show off each sex's good points (or secondary sexual characterisitics) like large shoulders for a man and small shoulders or shapeliness for a woman. Clothing is basically dsigned, and had been designed, to attract the opposite sex.
Though, to the OP's point, I think most of MTFs are pretty masculine, if you go by a very unscientific view by reading posts here and seeing how people respond or like to dress. It's very rare to see an MTF who has liked and worn makeup for a longtime or even liked it. I could be very wrong and prolly am. Just what I see. But perhaps I have bad vision.
I like the smell of make up and nail polish
I'm with Stephanie on this. "I love the smell of peroxide in the morning", and my own bottles of nail polish are no problems. I DO have a problem with perfumes and colognes but that has always been the case. My clothing style has always been practicality but looking fabulous doing it
Clothes and makeup, doesn't make one a woman. It's what's inside that counts, and how you are socially. How do the other women in your city dress ? Surely they all don't wear dresses.
I have to say, I think it's a little unfair to say that if a trans woman behaves the way many cis women do - as has been mentioned on this thread, there are tons of cis girls and women who don't wear dresses or makeup very often - it's "masculine." There's a huge gray area between hyper-feminine and masculine, after all.
(I'm actually pretty femme, just not in a way that involves a lot of dresses. I'm way more femme than my wife, that's for sure!)
Quote from: Jenna Marie on July 04, 2014, 09:38:58 PM
I have to say, I think it's a little unfair to say that if a trans woman behaves the way many cis women do - as has been mentioned on this thread, there are tons of cis girls and women who don't wear dresses or makeup very often - it's "masculine." There's a huge gray area between hyper-feminine and masculine, after all.
(I'm actually pretty femme, just not in a way that involves a lot of dresses. I'm way more femme than my wife, that's for sure!)
Well why is it bad that there are boundaries that define masculine and feminine. I had putting things into boxes, but some times you have a lot of crap and you need a "box." It shouldn't be considered an insult as some seem to take it. It is what it is and doesn't make one more or less trans. It juts makes them them. I don't wear dresses but most of my other clothing is prolly even more femme than a dress cause they show of my body in a way, say a maxi dress, won't.
I think a lot of MTFs are masculine for whatever reason and it has nothing to do with dress or makeup and everything to do with the way breasts are objectified and women for that matter and how there is this sense of competition and one upmanship that exists between many on this site, and a kind of aggressiveness that is lacking in most cis women. Mainly its all the arguments and the way they proceed sometimes on this site that just says to me "man." I don't know why. It makes me fel really bad and guilty and icky and just ugh.
I am not even saying you so PLEASE don't take it that way and I apologize for using your post as kind of a sounding board for my thoughts on gender and masc and femme and all that stuff and what makes who what and what who and whatever. I'm sorry if my stream of consciousness is hard to read.
I mean what's wrong with being a masculine women? I happen to love them.
I didn't say it was bad... I just think the boundaries are drawn differently than you see them, I guess. As I said, I see a bigger gray area than you do, and I think a lot of women (cis and trans) would be startled to hear that wearing women's pants instead of dresses and no makeup = masculine. I don't want to argue about it. :)
Quote from: Jenna Marie on July 05, 2014, 09:05:20 PM
I didn't say it was bad... I just think the boundaries are drawn differently than you see them, I guess. As I said, I see a bigger gray area than you do, and I think a lot of women (cis and trans) would be startled to hear that wearing women's pants instead of dresses and no makeup = masculine. I don't want to argue about it. :)
I was speaking more of, uh, personality than fashion choices. But, I agree on the not arguing point. Hate it. I wear women's jeans the majority of the time and have rarely worn a dress, except for a normcore grey cotton romper with red tights, and also wear little makeup except for foundation and mascara. Mainly, I use nude makeup. I also have a short pixie and 90 percent of the peeps here prolly have longer hair than me. I think one could wear makeup and be very girly fashion wise and still be masculine. I guess it depends on what one calls masculine. But I guess that begs the question what is masculine? I can't define it but I know when I see it.
One thing about reading this site... you will quickly realize we are all different... just like genetic woman.. some wear dresses and love looking girly.. others prefer the no makeup and jeans look.. nothing wrong with either one.
for me.. I am a girly girl.. love wearing skirts/dresses, makeup, nail polish and high heels. I shop with the best of them.. I spend a lot of time grooming myself and making myself looking pretty. Wearing a silky nightgown is heaven, but this is how i am.. for me, this makes me feel feminine. I also have a feminine design tattooed on my lower back to show express my feminine side.. want a few more small tattoos.
In the summer months I wear a dress or skirt almost every day..
Make up is a fascinating thing for me. I love how it can be used to fool the eye, but then again, faces are an area of fascination for me.
You dress a certain way because you like how you look and feel. Most certainly there is the need to dress appropriately for your age and area if you want to blend in and pass more easily. Then again, you may choose not to do so and make a statement.