has everyone who has dysphoria started out cross dressing . for me I started at 4 and after quite awhile of finally perfecting my dressing came to the conclusion that this wasn't the solution and the only way to try to help myself was through hormones , to actually change myself physically to match the wardrobe.
I went through a phase during puberty but it passed, since I realized it did nothing for my personal dysphoria.
Quote from: Tori on July 05, 2014, 07:33:40 PM
I went through a phase during puberty but it passed, since I realized it did nothing for my personal dysphoria.
that's what happened to me it just took longer.
I started cross dressing when I was really young as well. I didn't know why at the time, I just sort of did it. I sorta became a clepto, anything that was cute and girly I had to have, couldn't stop myself. I played around a wee bit with makeup and stuff but was terrified of getting caught so didn't do it very much.
A few years ago I learned how to feminize myself thru stuffs and did that. Didn't really think about it too hard, just sort of had to do it. Then I found this place and read a ton of posts and was like, "hmm, some of this sounds familar"..uh oh lol!
Quote from: LivingTheDream on July 05, 2014, 08:09:09 PM
I started cross dressing when I was really young as well. I didn't know why at the time, I just sort of did it. I sorta became a clepto, anything that was cute and girly I had to have, couldn't stop myself. I played around a wee bit with makeup and stuff but was terrified of getting caught so didn't do it very much.
A few years ago I learned how to feminize myself thru stuffs and did that. Didn't really think about it too hard, just sort of had to do it. Then I found this place and read a ton of posts and was like, "hmm, some of this sounds familar"..uh oh lol!
yea it's pretty amazing the reaction you have when you first start reading all the posts.
I spent over 40 years cross-dressing every day except for the few I found to dress as the real me. Then I transitioned. ;D
Quote from: stephaniec on July 05, 2014, 08:23:19 PM
yea it's pretty amazing the reaction you have when you first start reading all the posts.
I'll second that! I started reading and this little voice in the back of my head started tapping me on the shoulder saying "HEY! HEY! You see this?! This is whats going on!" Lol it certainly woke me up, I couldn't lie to myself anymore
Quote from: Jane's Sweet Refrain on July 05, 2014, 08:28:22 PM
I spent over 40 years cross-dressing every day except for the few I found to dress as the real me. Then I transitioned. ;D
I started really early in life but with the denial and purging and finally the money to totally do it right I got to a place I thought I had solved the problem and gave up for quite awhile. It came back with a sledge hammer and hormones.
I don't think it did start with crossdressing for me, aside from shoes. Really my first memories relate to playing make believe/imaginary games where I'd play along to something (like a cartoon) and pretend to be the female character. Then it was makeup, I wore makeup to school but made sure it was just light enough to not be obvious (mostly concealer to hide bad under eye darkness I've always had), until the day my mother caught on and asked why I was wearing makeup. She actually didn't flip or anything and seemed pretty much ok with it, but I didn't do it for a long time again after that.
Actually I think crossdressing makes my dysphoria worse rather than better. It's one of those stumbling points where I feel like I don't "fit in", the problem is with my body and it's just kind of depressing seeing my broad shoulders and narrow hips :( So I don't really do it.
Quote from: Erem on July 05, 2014, 08:46:21 PM
Actually I think crossdressing makes my dysphoria worse rather than better. It's one of those stumbling points where I feel like I don't "fit in", the problem is with my body and it's just kind of depressing seeing my broad shoulders and narrow hips :( So I don't really do it.
I have the same problem, regardless of how right it feels when I'm dressed I can't look in a mirror at all. Or really at any part of my body that looks "male". If I see myself in a mirror my dysphoria really kicks in and I can freak out pretty easily.
Quote from: Erem on July 05, 2014, 08:46:21 PM
I don't think it did start with crossdressing for me, aside from shoes. Really my first memories relate to playing make believe/imaginary games where I'd play along to something (like a cartoon) and pretend to be the female character. Then it was makeup, I wore makeup to school but made sure it was just light enough to not be obvious (mostly concealer to hide bad under eye darkness I've always had), until the day my mother caught on and asked why I was wearing makeup. She actually didn't flip or anything and seemed pretty much ok with it, but I didn't do it for a long time again after that.
Actually I think crossdressing makes my dysphoria worse rather than better. It's one of those stumbling points where I feel like I don't "fit in", the problem is with my body and it's just kind of depressing seeing my broad shoulders and narrow hips :( So I don't really do it.
This is totally me too, even with the makeup at school (and reasons for using it) and being caught by mum lol. I have really high standards and kind of feel like I don't deserve to dress totally female until I look good and passable enough. I currently at least look really good up to my chest, but I hate my male pec's, shoulders and face as it currently is, if see them while dressed (for therapy, endo etc) I really hate it and it freaks me out too. To me it highlights what I'm not, rather than helping with disphoria. I just do a few subtle things to help me feel better and more feminine, and work on my attitude, gestures, voice etc for when I do transition socially and help maybe subtly plant the seed in the minds of others around me in preparation for that, well that's my devious plan anyway lol (cue sinister laugh), and that seems to work for me.
At 4 years of age I began my attempt to wear the right clothes, girls clothes. So I wore my sister's stuff every chance I got.
But my parents caught wind of it and made me crossdress by wearing boys clothes...ugh for years I crossdressed in boys clothes.
No more! :)
Interesting how many of us started so young. I can remember somewhere around 4 or 5 wearing a t-shirt like a skirt (I didn't have a sister to steal clothes from), and I actually used a rubber band to tuck. How in the world does that even occur to a 4 year old!?
When I was little and we played an imaginary type game i always wanted to be the female character... e.g. playing house, i always wanted to be the mommy.
I did not try on any female clothing until i was 14.. i tried on a pair of black pantyhose and loved how it felt.. at 16 or 17, i got a blue cheerleader skirt. i loved wearing that... i still have it.. but it does not fit anymore, due hrt widening my hips.
I was 19 when i wore makeup, shaved my legs, wore high heel shoes and dressed fully as a woman.. i remember how amazing and right it felt for me.. that was the first time really felt.. i am actually a woman. I even got my ears pierced later than same year.. both ears like a lady. I remember how great it felt, to me getting both ears pierced was so feminine. i got them done with a needle.. and when the needle went in, i was so excited.. back then, my shaved legs and earrings were signs of my womanhood.
Also at 19 I began to enjoy wearing panties more than male underwear and would wear panties under my male clothing and I often wore clear nail polish on my toes as i wore socks under my shoes, i needed to feel something feminine the whole time At 20 i started counseling which lead to hrt and i came out as trans.
When I was five to eight years old I took my mom shoes, but that is how far I took crossdressing. When I turn thirteen my cousins (girls) left behind clothes in my house before they left to another state. I used that opportunity to put girls clothes on at night. At that time I almost got caught by my stepdad. I wore skirts, dresses, jeans, blouse, tops, and anything else I can find. Unfortunately, my stepdad throw all those clothes away.
The next time I crossdress was when I was fourteen and fifteen. That was when I slept in my sister room when she was someplace else. I shouldn't have, but I decided to try on some of her jeans, shirts, skirts, dresses, tops, etc...
When I turn nineteen, I got up the courage to inside target, Walmart, Burlington coat factory, to shop for girls clothes. I wasted a lot of money brought clothes that actually fit. Not like the clothes I sneak around and tried on in my past. By that time at age nineteen I let my immediate family know that I was a transsexual and my intentions to one day transition. So it was not a huge surprise to them. However they were shock when I wore girls clothes in public and around the house. they are still getting used to seeing like this. Its been three years and am 22 now.
Not too long ago I decided to go to an all girl department like JC Penny, Macy and so forth. I was afraid to do so because only girls are suppose to go to stores like that. Plus that where they have the most feminine clothes all for themselves. None of the clothes I had was good enough for me. There were a bit of problems shopping, but my positive experience outweighs my negative experience. Now I have good clothing to wear and been crossdressing for some time now.
its too bad that I did not have anyone to shop with me and help me find clothes. I have no friends or family willing to go with me. Although on a side note I feel more confident going into stores and getting what I want. I had a fun time trying on things that I like.
Hi,
Me, I have started out cross dressing. With make up and all things to give me more feminine. Why ? It is a necessity, it is me, I feel so good like that and I hate more each day my all boy stuff. And yes, I am probably not enough female because of my shape. I am impatient to change all and to get surgeries. I am not 100% time like a girl, but I make progress.
The most important is, for me, how I feel and no how people feel about me.
Take care,
Hannah
Hi Kitty,
Quote from: HelloKitty on July 05, 2014, 10:09:57 PM
At 4 years of age I began my attempt to wear the right clothes, girls clothes. So I wore my sister's stuff every chance I got.
But my parents caught wind of it and made me crossdress by wearing boys clothes...ugh for years I crossdressed in boys clothes.
No more! :)
Your attitude to this whole journey hasn't gone unnoticed. That in fact is the right answer. You're obviously born with a girls brain and by an inappropriate convention, forced to crossdress as a boy.
You can take that one step further and say you tried to "pass" as a boy, someone you clearly were not. No more passing, no more crossdressing; glad to hear it.
Huggs
Catherine
Quote from: Erem on July 05, 2014, 08:46:21 PM
Actually I think crossdressing makes my dysphoria worse rather than better.
I can relate to this, sort of...
Crossdressing in itself was such a relief for me, I could hardly stop looking at myself and those times were nice because I really felt relief and was finally happy with how I looked. I still love how I look fully dressed. The catch, for me anyway, was the constant de-transition. Taking everything back off and going back into boy mode was, and still is, soul crushing.
I think we all started out crossdressing either by mistake or running out of clean underwear and or a number of things or something we felt we had to do and so on. To me it was not as much a stress relief as much as it felt perfectly normal. No sexual rush at all from it or stress relief. I just felt... normal and natural.
I started as an androgynous genderqueer identified person who wore makeup and girls clothes but made no attempt to pass...
When I was in my early teens, I used to lock myself in my room and wear my girly nighties and underwear I had hidden and then go to bed....now that I think about it, it was really the only time I was not crossdressing.
That said, I am still very much in the closet so I still crossdress everyday.
Quote from: JadeFla on July 06, 2014, 01:50:06 PM
When I was in my early teens, I used to lock myself in my room and wear my girly nighties and underwear I had hidden and then go to bed....now that I think about it, it was really the only time I was not crossdressing.
That said, I am still very much in the closet so I still crossdress everyday.
I've done it for along time. Its totally better now with hormones and being in public as a normal person
I had discovered how nice wearing bras and panties were, just a few years ago, and felt driven to fill the bras, so that is where I am at today, filling out bras!
I did for most of my life! But I struggled with being a cd....I knew it was much more than about cross-dressing. I was presenting female out in public at the age of sixteen, at about 20 I researched the library for hours at a time to find out there was much more to me than cross-dressing. When I read about and seen Caroline Cossey, this was when I realized who or "what" I was. At the age of 25 I was minutes away from starting my transition...but I failed. In many ways I am thankful since I was able to have 3 wonderful children....but I often wonder how my life would of ended up living as a young 20 something female....I am sure I wouldn't of been the Christian girl I am now! LOL
I continued cross-dressing up until I accepted myself as a transsexual 7 years ago. I then didn't go out in public dressed as a female for almost 3 years....and when I finally did it was more of an androgynous type male/female.
I do not have anything against CD's but I was never happy being one or considered one. Maybe it was the thought that I truly wasn't cross-dressing! :-\
Quote from: AmazinglyAutumn on July 06, 2014, 12:50:35 PM
I can relate to this, sort of...
Crossdressing in itself was such a relief for me, I could hardly stop looking at myself and those times were nice because I really felt relief and was finally happy with how I looked. I still love how I look fully dressed. The catch, for me anyway, was the constant de-transition. Taking everything back off and going back into boy mode was, and still is, soul crushing.
This describes me totally!
Hi to all
Firstly i would like to express my staisfaction at seeing that there are more and more people into this art of lifestyle.
I been here in this forum for quite some years now, and have been absent for maybe a year or more without posting as i did in the past. Now to my suprse i see more people participating and going thru the exact same way I embraced my crossdrssing habits at 4 years old then wearing something from others and then trying lingerie till getting to have your own stuff and thinking how to wear all and go out and about.
I think i already described my crossdressing path in other threads, but the message i better want to leave today is that.
even i started young, i realized that I lived more experiences after my 36years cause maybe i understood that youth is a gift and it disapears in our look day by day.
I remember when i was a size 6 and could wear anything i wanted , now i have to wear size 10 and 12 but not casuee i gain weight but becasue i got to learn how to pad my curves and make my silhuete in a way that i pass everytime io go out.
My suggestion to all those young cd who are looking to go out one day day or night would be the following and take my advise as gold you will get a reward on memories and euforic feelings.
1. Get to know how to make up specially eyes and know how to use foundation and other tones to hide perfectly the beard shadow, use eyelashes and nice tones.....you get to learn quick, as long as you master that your confidence will jump 50%. at the point that without a wig your face look incredibly passing no matter how malish are your expressions.
2. get to calculate your body proportions, hips- shoulders, no matter how large shoulders you have you get to produce a widder ass, and try to really make it round and yummy, big asses are the best description of a girly lady, no matter the shoulkders or malish face.
Secret, i made my hips out from a football foam ball sliced in half, use a second football sliced at 1/4 each side to put together with the one half previously cut to blend in the curve with my legs.
the curve must start at the level of your belly bottom in both sides, my hips get maybe 4inches wither in both sides, and then i compress them to keep them firm with a tight body compression suit with short, then over that i wear two butt enhancer underwear.
the sihuette looks very femenine and curvy, gloria vergara style, ..that gives me another 30% confidence
3 right clothes, ...no matter if you want to look classy, elegant sexy or vulgar or slotty....anything goes but you got to wear it right.
I mean if you want to look elegant you must match clothes that fit with your shoes and hose and your jewelry should be right for that.
If you want to wear like a slot is also a challenge, you get to fit in the dresses you want to wear and make sure no imperfection on the padding will give you away, p,us you must be able to walk and sit correctly,...yes slotts are carefull to not flash anyone and not to trip with their 6inchers.....knowing the appropriate wardrobe give you a 10% of confidence.
4. moves, avoid too much malish moves try better not to move but to try natural girly moves or posisions while walking or standing,, im a straigh guy and i dont have any femenine manerism so is hard to act, i better try to only walk with a slight wave not too much and go straight and head up, elbow inside and holding my purse and phone with my hands, iwhile walking and im out. 10% of confidence
those four points are very important aside of your plan of your day or what to do where to go where to park to sit to eat talk or not etc, all is about decisions, but what makes you go out day or night is your confidence.
im not transitioning, i understand i could enjoy this and my male life as well, i couldnt be more atisfied until i really wesnt out first at night to crowded places then day light and i better prefer daylight is less stressing, people are more respectful and distant if they see something weird in you.
the better you feel the best is your peace of mind with the cd inside you.
if u are to transition your body and your desire will tell you to do it, if you are just a fan of wearing as a girl and enjoy that other person that you"could" be well is time to reach your best cd level soon before you cannot fit on those nice sexy dresses and feel them right out and about.
Similar story about 9 and them into teenage years and never stopped. We are wired this way. Hugs Shannon
It was never important to me. The body os what causes me the dysphoria. To be honest I wouldprefer having female anatomy and male gender expresdion than the reversed situation. I remember being curious to try on makeup and wearing my mom's high heels but that is really just how far it went. I remember trying on a dress (the only time) and it just felt wrong and made me sad because I didn't look good in it.
Quote from: Auroramarianna on July 10, 2014, 06:46:49 PM
It was never important to me. The body os what causes me the dysphoria. To be honest I wouldprefer having female anatomy and male gender expresdion than the reversed situation. I remember being curious to try on makeup and wearing my mom's high heels but that is really just how far it went. I remember trying on a dress (the only time) and it just felt wrong and made me sad because I didn't look good in it.
What stopped me from cross dressing for awhile was that I bought a dress when I was 20 and I was pretty thin at the time and the dress just didn't fit right so I quit for a couple years until it exploded again.
Oddly enough, I pretty much went from never to full time in 5 months flat.
Wanted to wear girly things since I was 4, but the need to do so became absolutely overwhelming by age 43.
It was this line I didn't ever want to cross, for fear of the can of worms I may be opening. I shoved it down deep, denied it and suppressed it until I could no longer do so after I finally got a good look of myself wearing eyeliner.
Then the can basically exploded in mah face.
I have only recently become fully aware of my transgender identity. Today was the first day I experimented with an outwardly female version of me.
As a child I would try on my mothers clothing. As an adult I would escape into video games where I could vicariously be outwardly female.
For example:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1244.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fgg579%2Fannatesra%2FAnna_zps5ed4eaf0.jpg&hash=9288afd424ba40427a0db4e2b895a29d4b7b5e88)
I will second what others have said. Now that I am aware, it feels like I have been cross-dressing as a man my entire life.
Cross dressing didn't start for me until my early teens, but I was trans from age 3 or so, but didn't know how to express it. For me, I got some new clothes and tried them on when everyone was gone... I looked like a mini version of my dad. For no reason I can think of, and without any thoughts except that "if I look like dad, do I also look like mom?" I tried on my mom's clothes and saw who I really was for the first time. I cross dressed and dreamed of being a girl every waking moment until I had SRS.
I cross dressed every chance I got and did my makeup/etc while I was growing up. Had a lot of time alone so it was easy to do without anyone finding out. I think I got caught only once.
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on July 14, 2014, 09:06:26 PM
I cross dressed every chance I got and did my makeup/etc while I was growing up. Had a lot of time alone so it was easy to do without anyone finding out. I think I got caught only once.
I almost got caught once by my father wearing my sisters prom dress. scared the hell out of me.
Quote from: stephaniec on July 14, 2014, 09:12:25 PM
I almost got caught once by my father wearing my sisters prom dress. scared the hell out of me.
lol same here, minus the prom dress. He just laughed and went back about his business.
Never brought it up either.
One of the problems, having grown up in the 1960s and 1970s in Appalachian coal mining and steel mill communities, was that I completely lacked the vocabulary to even talk about myself. Trans? What the heck is that? Then there were the constant redneck social images pounded into my young brain that only "perverts" would undergo a "sex change" operation. That was the mental hell into which I was born and grew up.
Growing up in that, I began cross dressing as early as 9 years old, perhaps 8, I can't be sure. It started with my mom's underclothing, panties, stockings, bras, lace things. But as I grew, I began to wear more and more of her wardrobe, yet I never knowingly got caught, or if she knew, she never said anything.
It wasn't until I left that environment via the military and began to take night classes in college with an early emphasis on psych and sociology that I began to understand that this entire gender thing was more complex than I realized. I continued cross dressing though, because despite the intellectual education that I was slowly undergoing, years of indoctrination in my youth insisted that I could never consider becoming a woman.
I toyed with the question of "am I a woman?" right after high school in 1976, right after leaving the military in 1985, and again after surviving a bout with a rare cancer in 1996. And each time childhood indoctrination drove me away from that question, and back into depression and obsessive compulsive behaviors. It wasn't until 2007 that I finally pieced together enough to really understand, both intellectually and emotionally, that there was nothing wrong with me, but with society. Even still, I convinced myself that "my time had come and gone" and there was no way I could transition successfully, so I continued to cross dress when I could.
Then the mother of all GID episodes began in September 2010, culminating with me being caught planning my own suicide in Feb. 2012 and in a dark, dark place emotionally. That changed my life, forced me to seek therapy and begin the long journey upward to the light, and to find myself.
So yes, I "began" with cross dressing, because I didn't know any better and because it did give me some small sense of relief about myself.
Oh yeah, my first "attempt" at cross dressing that I can remember was at the age of 5 or 6, I can't remember specifically, and demanding my grandmother buy me a particular pretty dress while we were out shopping. The horrified look on her face was one of those things that helped drive me deeper into the closet for decades to come.
I always wanted too, but never really did until about a year and a half-ago. I was surprised at how decent I looked despite my height. Then I got really depressed that it wasn't real and that I had more masculinizing to do as I proceeded further into adulthood. I always had a feeling that I was trans and getting all "dolled up" sort of made me realize that I was indeed. It just felt right. Now I would do near anything to rid myself physically of all things masculine. I'm seeing a therapist and will probably be on HRT soon. I don't think crossdressing leads to being transgendered, but I'd say most (if not all) TG/TS started with crossdressing.
That was the first time I'd gone full out with dressing I should say. I gave it a few half hearted attempts as a kid, probably around 10, but I could never see it back then. I was stuffing bras w socks (looked awful) and I had no idea (still don't) how to do make-up correctly. I just couldn't see looking female at the time.
I've crossdressed since I was 4 years old and wore my mom's high heels all the time. I never really understood or tried to analyze why I felt the way that I did, it just felt natural to me. During my teens, I stopped thinking about dressing as a girl during my high school years, but then it came back to me later on shortly after starting college. I didn't realize there was such a thing as transgender until the internet became more developed.
I've done it all my life with breaks in between , but always coming back
Quote from: KatelynRain on July 25, 2014, 09:13:27 PM
I've crossdressed since I was 4 years old and wore my mom's high heels all the time. I never really understood or tried to analyze why I felt the way that I did, it just felt natural to me. During my teens, I stopped thinking about dressing as a girl during my high school years, but then it came back to me later on shortly after starting college. I didn't realize there was such a thing as transgender until the internet became more developed.
[/quote. :)]
I can relate with this. I was 15 when I started cross-dressing and like KatelynRain said I couldn't very much put a name to it either until the internet came around. But over the years things changed and I realized that I had GID and that I was a transsexual and now I'm transitioning! :)
its nice to accept yourself. I was in hiding for so long until I broke free
The earliest things I remember regarding my condition were when I was about 7 years old. I grew up on a ranch with a single mother who worked full time. In the evenings when Mom would be at work I'd have to do chores and feed the horses either with my little Sister or by myself. Instead of putting on my shoes, which required more effort, I'd simply slip on a pair of my Mom's pumps. I much rather preferred them to my boring boy's sneakers or cowboy boots and I just hated having to take them off when I got back into the house. This continued well into my teens. I was wearing those 3" heels one morning while doing chores when one of our Arabian quarter horses ran through the open gate and my little Sister and I chased, then finally caught it. A sheriffs deputy was driving by, saw two small teenagers with a bridle chasing a big horse, he pulled into our driveway just as we were leading it back to the pasture gate, got out of his car and asked us what we were doing. My Sister quickly explained that one of our horses got out and we had to catch it. It was then that I noticed the cop looking at my footwear. He questioned me about my choice of footwear then got into his car and left. I was mortified but not discouraged.
I first fully dressed up and wore makeup when I was about 16...at home, alone. I often cross dressed when I was home alone and first went out into public, cross dressed, when I was 24, in San Francisco and at night. I got busy with a career at the age of 30 and those things decreased far more than I would have liked them to. Now, at age 43, I'm finally making many changes to feminize and ultimately transition. To me transition is nothing more than augmentation to match my appearance with my core self. Gender dysphoria isn't easy and it's real.
Katherine ,that happened to me when I got a half way decent job, I stopped the cross dressing and just put all the energy into work, but it eventually caught up with me again
I don't remember exactly when I started crossdressing. It was mostly some underwear and stuff I swiped from my mom. I was caught when I was about 12ish, if I recall correctly, I was off and on, purging and getting new items for a few years, mostly panties. I didn't wear any female clothes (besides panties) out of my room until about 6-9 months ago.
i started at age 5yr wearing my sisters clothes and my aunts high heels never got cought by parents though at 16 was living on my own buying my clothes at sears i've been dressing off and on for years and decided to get hormones and mental health eval for srs but still jumping the hoops at age 65 society makes it very difacult to transition but i won't give up