Hi everyone, my name is Kayla.
Like most of the people probably do initially, ive been lurking around the forums for a while now and thought I'd finnaly indroduce myself since i believe i will be spending alot of my free time on here.
I'm 30 years old, married, and live in south east GA. I've had gender identity issues for as long as I can remember. I remember never really fitting in with all the boys and wanting to play house and play with the girls. The problem is that I grew up in Texas in a not so tolerant area. Between constant bullying and parents that I wasn't sure how there would react given comments I've heard them make growing up about others, I ended up repressing the majority of my feelings and temptations reserving to let them out only when i was alone, which was almost never. Thankfully the invention of the internet helped alot. Thanks chat rooms!
The long and short of it is that doing that for so long I grew into a self-hating, angry person and a mild alcoholic. I learned to bury anything i had that was masculine and pretty much step on it, than bury it with anger. It didnt help when i got married that anytime it "accidently" came out my SO would state clearly that I married a man not a woman.
This all being said about a month and a half ago I sort of got caught by my SO and after 8 hours of crying and talking got everything off my chest to her. For me it was the greatest relief, I slept the best I had in a long time and felt so much lighter. Well since that time in my private life, meaning anything thats not work, I live as Kayla and for the most part my SO is supportive. She is a supportive person of the human rights and will always respect my decision but as a spouse she is trying to figure out if this will work out. We will know that in time.
Before I close the introduction, that seems to have runaway from me, I'd like to restate that I live in southeast GA and there is limited to no resources out there for this. I have researched all I can as far as gender therapist, HRT etc. and it just doesnt exist around here. The nearest I can find is Atlanta and thats a 4 hour drive for me. So if anyone has any advise on that Id appreciate it.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, and nice to meet you!
Kayla
Welcome to Susans. While I am down under in Oz we have many members in the US who should be along in a moment to help you feel welcome. Taking the first steps is extremely daunting but on Susans there is a wealth of info, experience and folk who can listen and share their journeys and perspectives with you.
You seem to have hit the jackpot with your SO. It may be a great idea for her to read or participate in the SO forum where many of our partners share their experiences, concerns, thoughts and dreams.
Your story is similar to that of many of us. The first understanding that we are trans* and that there is a better life available to us is a revelation.
Safe travels
Aisla
Hi Kayla,
Welcome to Susan's. I'm that American welcome Aisla was talking about. When it comes to resources, there are some surprisingly helpful things around. You can talk to a reputable gender therapist on Skype for example.
Here are some links to site rules and answers to often asked questions.
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Welcome to Susan's, Kayla!