Hi Everyone,
I finally think I understand who I am, after a very confusing 37 years of not having a clue, but I would be interested on what your opinions are on whether I am right?.....
I have always been very uncomfortable with being called a man, as I truley do not feel I am. I have a penis etc but do not feel that this defines me as a person. I have identified as a gay man since I was in my teens as this felt the best fit for me, but apart from being sexually attracted to men, I don't feel I really fit into the male part of being a gay male. I love wearing make up and high heel shoes, but not to look like a woman, just to look like me (I unfortunately don't wear the shoe in public and tone the make up right down when I go out :( ). I love the look of tailored suits with high heel boots, but this is not a sexual love, nor is it to look like a woman, I just like the look. I also like to wear masculine clothes as well, like a nice suit and tie and shoes or a tight vest and jeans. again it's just what I like.
For many years I believed I was transgender. This was because of my complete revolution of being classed as male and my ability to connect to my femininity, but to class myself as a woman dosen't really fit either. I don't want womens genitals, I'm quite happy with what I have, but just as long as they don't define who I am.
I was watching you tube this evening and was watching some dancers that would be classed as male, but wore heels and make up with masculine clothing and I looked at it and then realised that maybe the label I have been searching for doesn't exist. Maybe I am not a man or a woman, but a mixutre of both and neither of them at the same time (if that makes sense)
How do I feel now? I feel quite releived to be honest. I really feel I know who I am, and that's me. if they had an "other" section on a form were it states man or woman, I know that is the box I would tick.
I am attracted to men and can relate to men and to women and feel I have certain trates of both, such as a feminine compassion and understanding side but a male sexual side, but again neither of these really seem to fit into either a typical man or a woman
I welcome your thoughts.....
Thanks :)
Hi Alex.
There are a broad set of labels, and generally speaking "transgender" is usually used to cover all the spectrum of non gender conforming identity, so you can still be a transgender person without ascribing to a specific gender binary label either.
What you describe seems to fall very well in line with the new(ish)ly coined "queer" gender:
http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Genderqueer (http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Genderqueer)
Also, even as a transwoman I am not going to conform to every stereotype of the socialized female gender. There are a great many you do which I do not. Everyone's identity is different, all that should matter is that you know who you are, whether society has a nice label for you or not :)
Hi Annabella,
Thank you so much for your reply.
What you say seems to make a lot of sense. This is all very new to me, but strangely feels very comfortable. I feel very much at ease, as if things are falling into place at last.
I only wish society could accept me for who I am, but one step at a time :-)
Thank you
Alex x
Welcome to the forum Alex!
Make sure you check the rules and stuff as it is helpful...
This is a place where you can find yourself, and we usually encourage getting a gender therapist so we can complete our understandings.
But you are not alone, our stories may differ, but we all share a common bond here.
Read, listen, post, vent, there will be many that will help you.
I am farther down the female spectrum of gender. But it doesn't matter. We find out who we are here, dropping the labels, discovering ourselves, reaching out and helping those who we can or who we identify with.
Most in the non binary section have a take on gender that much of it is illusionary. It should not be tied to our negative self esteem, that is based on a deception by those who cannot see past their binary focus and that we innocently buy into. Not their fault, not even something to fault at all, but we are not constrained by gender in this place. We are free spirits.
Stay with us.
Blessings.
--SJ
At the top and bottom of the non-binary talk page, you'll see the little boxes for back pages.
Always interesting to find what people comment on.
There is also the search function, top right side of every page.
Try it out, it's pretty decent search engine that's confined to the forum.
There is more information there, years worth of it.
Non-binary is a perfectly acceptable label, it doesn't box you into as much as most of them.
Do a little reading, catch up on stuff, things can become outdated pretty fast sometimes, too fast...
And by all means comment away whenever you want, ask all the questions you need to.
Sounds like you found the place you've been looking for.
Ativan
Alex
Understanding who you are, why you are and how you wish to be is important stuff. Self acceptance, expression and leadership are available to us all. Non binary is an unusual place to find yourself but it is what it is. It is a never ending quest in this journey we call life. As I progress it feels as though it is more akin to a spiritual journey.
There are many fascinating travellers and guides on this road of ours. Some cross our path, others walk with us for a while. As our identities and our spirits are unique we are compelled to realise our particular truth and there is great growth and beauty available in this.
There is no time line, no rush, no single path or single destination. There is great power in self authorship. Nuance in gender identity, gender expression and sexuality will be revealed and perhaps stay for a while or become fixed or fluid. Perhaps it is an illusion, a veil to pull aside, a lesson to learn. Seeking to be present, honest and authentic helps clear the way. One step at a time does it.
Safe travels
Aisla
Clothes and makeup don't determine your gender or preclude a gender. If you have a unique combination of male-designated and female-designated clothes you like to wear, that's a part of your your particular taste. Eddie Izzard has worn plenty of "women's" stuff and still identifies as male. Your personality, too, does not determine your gender, so none of this would stop you from being a man. You may be some gender besides male or female, but wherever your personality and style falls, there's not anything wrong with being a male who looks very little like the stereotype (very few men flawlessly resemble the stereotype anyway, nor is it healthy).