http://huffingtonpost.com/jenny-boylan/5-things-not-to-say-to-a-transgender-person_b_5591433.html?utm_hp_ref=transgender
tries to explain there's a difference between how performers are viewed and the reality of being transgender
I haven't had anyone say any of those five things to me. What gets my goat is when they tell me how "brave" I am. I know it's meant as a compliment and yeah, some bravery required, but it totally misses the point of needing to do this regardless.
I love Jennifer. Her book, She's Not There was a great read. In fact, it's one of the best books I've read lately. I even sent her an email telling her about how much it resonated with me and she reponded within minutes and wished me a successful and happy transition.
I am with Grace here, I hate it when people tell me about how I'm like the bravest or most courageous person ever. I'm not. When my only other options were "go crazy" or "die", transitioning just became a no-brainer.
Some of my favorite facepalm moments from the last year:
"I can't believe you cut it off."
"Are those like implants?"
"Please don't tell X,Y and Z- they won't take it well."
"Stay away from my kids."
"You look so much like your husband."
"You're going straight to hell."
"You're like the last person I'd suspect."
"Will you still jam with me/fix my guitar/listen to metal?"
"I always figured you were gay anyway."
i find something that is quiet offensive to me is people not knowing the correct terminology like my mum says "im in the change" or my mum calls me elanore in one sentence and the next sentence calls me "he" how long did you guys have to put up with this
When I came out on my neighborhood Facebook page, I got a "that took a lot of courage" response. It didn't bother me and actually I was really happy with how supportive they were about it.
actually number 4 can you orgasm? Was one of my top 10 questions when I was learning about myself and what it meant to be trans. I'm not even sure what most of the other ones mean. I am not familiar with those movies and/or people.
Quote from: Ms Grace on July 21, 2014, 02:35:49 PM
I haven't had anyone say any of those five things to me. What gets my goat is when they tell me how "brave" I am. I know it's meant as a compliment and yeah, some bravery required, but it totally misses the point of needing to do this regardless.
I'm only out to a handful of people at the moment and I've already gotten the "you are very brave" comment. I just let it go after realizing that explaining it was going to take too long so I just nodded and smiled instead.
As far as article I've already been asked my surgical status too. At least I'll already know what everyone is thinking when I go full time lol...
Currently I wouldn't be offended by the surgical question, however I've noticed that things that didn't used to bother me now do. I never thought I would care about the bathroom at this stage, but I hate using the mens. I don't belong in there. So its possible I could be offended layer on. I try to not let anything legitimate offend me on any subject. That policy has served me well.
Quote from: awilliams1701 on July 21, 2014, 03:46:57 PM
Currently I wouldn't be offended by the surgical question, however I've noticed that things that didn't used to bother me now do. I never thought I would care about the bathroom at this stage, but I hate using the mens. I don't belong in there. So its possible I could be offended layer on. I try to not let anything legitimate offend me on any subject. That policy has served me well.
i know exactly what u mean about the bathrooms but i can see the other side of the issue especially if children are involved. i have been compared to a peadophile in the past and then had to restrained by police because i was about to seriously harm the person that called me a peadophile
This is not a topic discussing bathrooms.
Stay on track people, you want to talk bathrooms start another thread.
Fortunately the only mens room I use is at work. I rarely use public bathrooms anywhere else and the few times I do, they are made for one person anyway. So I guess until I pass no women's rooms for me except at work.
Soory I'll stop on that subject.
Quote from: Ms Grace on July 21, 2014, 04:54:33 PM
This is not a topic discussing bathrooms.
Stay on track people, you want to talk bathrooms start another thread.
The only one that has been said to me thus far is the assumption that I adore Rocky Horror. At the time, I hadn't even seen it. It's also been frequently assumed that I must adore Orange Is The New Black despite never watching it. Naturally, I'm overjoyed that somebody as fantastic as Laverne Cox has had such success and prominence but I wish cis people would stop assuming the predilections of all trans people based on such things.
Oddly, I have had people assume I must really dislike Judith Butler rather than love her. That's despite the fact I've found her more recent work incredibly powerful and supportive. I can only assume that the cis and trans people that said it had interpreted certain sections of 'Gender Trouble' as similar to the attitudes of odious people like Raymond or Jeffreys.
The only question I'm getting tired of hearing is "what do your parents think?"
Nobody's asked me any of the other ones yet.
In the places where I am out, I get 'you are so brave', 'the op' question and other genital questions, your life is a performance statements and 'I am ok with it, but I just don't want my children around it' statements. Its funny, but a lot of those things come from people who are reasonably OK with it, but just ignorant.
People need to learn to just respect trans peoples' privacy. I'm always getting asked personal questions by sometimes just acquaintances or strangers.
I haven't been lucky enough to get the questions yet. Its something to look forward to.
Gotta say so far people in my life have been great. I got a few 'so you having the surgery?' ones, and a 'don't worry, you'll always be a man to me'. Lol. Okay.
Me last Sunday but the pronouns can be reversed.
"You are not a girl untill you've had the surgery!"
Pool cue is still intact after that comment, and not broken over the persons head. I am learning self control
I had gay guy say hes really attracted to me and he said he would blow me anytime if I was interested. I never showed any intrest in him besides being nice to him, but im that way to everyone lol. I found that offensive on so many levels, I was really upset about that one for a few days...
The worst I've had was that I looked like a freak from walmart. Which makes no sense because half the people(or more) that live here shop at walmart.
It's funny- when I used to hang out with gay friends at gay clubs, it bothered me if I wasn't hit on... but when I was I was like 'uhg... you think I am a guy.' Humans. So contradictory.
Quote from: Emmaline on July 21, 2014, 10:52:36 PM
It's funny- when I used to hang out with gay friends at gay clubs, it bothered me if I wasn't hit on... but when I was I was like 'uhg... you think I am a guy.' Humans. So contradictory.
Hmmm I get really bothered when I get hit on by gay guys. Im not attracted to guys for the most part though.
The one thing that irritates me is when someone tells me that I'm not masculine enough to be a guy. I haven't been asked about surgery yet but I don't really want any surgery. I don't like the results for ftm bottom surgery, and my chest doesn't bother me enough to get top surgery, so being judged by that would be irritating as hell. As for being hit on, I just really hate it when anyone besides my girlfriend flirts with me.
From the article:
QuoteFinally, your own Jenny Boylan has just published a new novella, I'll Give You Something to Cry About (Shebooks).
I'm obviously the only trans woman on the PLANET who isn't a head-over-heals ga-ga fan of Jennifer Boylan . It irks me that what starts out as an article about etiquette ends up as a shameless book promotion.
Quote from: suzifrommdIt irks me that what starts out as an article about etiquette ends up as a shameless book promotion.
I thought it was shameless self-promotion right from the get-go... the whole article is a lead-up to her third "Do ask" question. ::)
Quote from: Jill F on July 21, 2014, 03:09:23 PM
I love Jennifer. Her book, She's Not There was a great read. In fact, it's one of the best books I've read lately. I even sent her an email telling her about how much it resonated with me and she reponded within minutes and wished me a successful and happy transition.
I am with Grace here, I hate it when people tell me about how I'm like the bravest or most courageous person ever. I'm not. When my only other options were "go crazy" or "die", transitioning just became a no-brainer.
Some of my favorite facepalm moments from the last year:
"I can't believe you cut it off."
"Are those like implants?"
"Please don't tell X,Y and Z- they won't take it well."
"Stay away from my kids."
"You look so much like your husband."
"You're going straight to hell."
"You're like the last person I'd suspect."
"Will you still jam with me/fix my guitar/listen to metal?"
"I always figured you were gay anyway."
I'm FtM and mostly gay. I came out to my mother a few days back and she told me I shouldn't tell a (hypothetical) potential boyfriend that I'm transgender, since that would freak that potential boyfried out and scare him away. Facepalm moment indeed.
Although my grandma reacted better to me coming out, she still adviced me to not tell my dad, I wouldn't want him to be sad, now would I?
I don't really get how those arguments works, I mean, if I don't tell the people near to me, my relationship with them would gradually feel more and more like a lie. If the people who know me well don't know a thing like this, they don't really know me anymore, right? A dear friend told me she view me as a person, thats it, a person, and she didn't want to discuss labels or hear anything about it.. She's very comfortable in being cis, and I got the feeling she mostly denied ti herself that she accually was quite disconserted by what I told her, but I don'd know, I might be wrong of course.
Stuff like this also feels "great" to hear...
"But you used to wear skirts all the time"
"But you are so feminine and delicate"
"But you're such a beautiful girl, you don't have any trouble getting boys, why do you complicate everything and make yourself feel bad?"
i often get asked why would i want to chop "it" off when i am attracted to women as if the see it as cured to being gay
After coming out in the neighborhood Facebook page, I expected a specific person to be an ass about it. I was right. He compared me to a strip club and after I told him he was being an ass he said if you want to chop it off that's fine with me. I was going to correct him, but I really didn't want to feed the troll.
Quote from: Elanore joey on July 22, 2014, 02:47:25 PM
i often get asked why would i want to chop "it" off when i am attracted to women as if the see it as cured to being gay
"Oh so you like guys then?"
Umm no what I want to wake up as, does not relate to who I wish to wake up with. Gender and sexuality are two different things.
Quote from: suzifrommd on July 22, 2014, 08:32:23 AMI'm obviously the only trans woman on the PLANET who isn't a head-over-heals ga-ga fan of Jennifer Boylan . It irks me that what starts out as an article about etiquette ends up as a shameless book promotion.
*waves* You're not alone. Personally, I think the particular brand of advocacy she represents is often egocentric and potentially dangerous. I'm happy that her words and prominence help people but don't accept the recklessness she's demonstrated when it comes to statements that might be read by other trans people and cause them to make personally harmful choices.
What can we do to get this message in the mainstream? Is there a central document source we can share out- should we pput up posters through our cities?