anyone here can help me? i really need some advice
Check out the wiki, it has some good tips. I ould start there for some ery good tips. ;)
I have that same problem! I will talk a look ;)
I don't know how to tell my parents either. They just think I'm extremely girly because I have followed the Emo trend for three years now. Which includes being extremely skinny, longer hair, no facial hair, in many cases hairless bodies, girl's jeans or skinny jeans, tight fitting shirts, unisex shoes, sometimes makeup, girly peircings, and the list goes on.
I wrote a letter. I live with my parents, but I tend to not be able to speak my mind properly in face to face situations like that. Writing a letter let me choose my words ahead of time, and I could talk to them after having them read it. Of course I ended up not having to give my mom the letter, as she kind of caught me off guard. It all worked out well though for me :)
I wish you the best of luck in telling your parents. :icon_bunch:
*HUGS*
Well, telling those we love is often a very scary thing given the irrational way some people relate to this, but knowing your target audience should give you some pretty decent pointers on how to broach the subject. This said and given my target audience I went with the direct approach. Dad asked what was bothering me, I asked if he wanted the long or short version; He opted for the short. "I am tired of being a boy." was the gist of it. This said I suppose the most solidifying thing I said was a bit later when I mentioned that all of my life I had been planning for the next life to be a girl. (Since I could not be this time around.) Course, the exact specifics of it all are very dependent on your audience. But then, odds are when we are telling those we love we have a pretty decent idea what they react like. NOT ALWAYS, and that is where the scare comes in. This said, I jumped in with both feet. I survived and so did they; Do what seems best and tread with caution.
I wish you luck and good fortune... and hope very much you need neither.
Quote from: Kat on July 30, 2007, 10:26:40 PM
I wrote a letter. I live with my parents, but I tend to not be able to speak my mind properly in face to face situations like that. Writing a letter let me choose my words ahead of time, and I could talk to them after having them read it. Of course I ended up not having to give my mom the letter, as she kind of caught me off guard. It all worked out well though for me :)
I wish you the best of luck in telling your parents. :icon_bunch:
*HUGS*
I wrote a letter as well, except I did end up giving it to her, well leaving it in her work stuff so she got around to it eventually, I was so scared at the time though I must say.
thanks for the ideas:)
Hi. I don't know if this will help, but I'm trying. I think that telling your parents or friends is hard to do because of the idea in your own mind that they will not accept you. In the end, YOU are the one who matters. Opinions do NOT. Clearly, it is for your own well-being that you want to be a woman (or ->-bleeped-<- or so on). If they truly love you, which they probably do, they WILL accept you. The WILL understand. It may take an hour or 10 years, but they WILL come to understand. If they don't, then what does that honestly matter in the end? I'm literally half Korean. I have grandparents who are racist against Asians. I've come to realize that if they really can't just see me as a grandchild, but rather as an "enemy," then what importance do they have in my life? The answer is simple: None. If they will never accept who I am, they do not deserve to know who I am. More importantly, I do not need to feel bad about something which was not my choice, specifically my heritage. You are the same. It was not your choice to be transgendered AND there is NOTHING wrong with being transgendered. Though it is very difficult to do in this society, you must understand that about yourself and be confident in who you are. For every five people you meet who don't accept you, you will meet one who does without question or judgement. Just tell your parents straight up what's going on with you. If they meet you with any grievance, explain to them that it was not a choice and grievance only makes it harder for you to be who you need to be. Again, I don't know if this helps. I'm just telling you a combination of what I think and what I've learned in 27 years on this planet. As well, I accept you 100% for who you truly are. I hope this is helpful.
its very helpful...
I know that this will sound like I am making a joke, but I am not, so bear with me.
Have a talk with your parent or parents. Make it one if possible, the one that caters to you the most first. Every child is favored by one parent or the other.
Don't be specific in how you present what is distressing you. List all of the things that are bothering you, like you are leading up to something. Now here is the part I will get in trouble for with some people. If you hint enough, they will assume you are leading up an announcement that you are gay or lesbian. This might severely distress them in some cases, especially in families that are more the church going type.
Finally, relate to them that you don't feel like you are gay or lesbian, but more that you feel like your body is wrong. As a queer that came out long ago, and with friends that have come out as gay, lesbian, Bi, or trans, I can attest that in my experience, coming out as BI or Trans is much less stressful for most parents than a child that is gay or lesbian.
I'm not saying it would be a walk in the park. But, I have found that most parents are worried about the survival of their child and how that child fits into the mainstream. A trans-identified child has more potential for fitting in because they tend to identify as heterosexual, which is the dominant culture.
The toughest cases I have seen are kids that come out to their parents as cross-gendered, but also gay or lesbian. That seems to create a disconnect that a lot of parents cannot come to grips with.
At least you were not born IS. An IS child is a constant reminder to their parent that they "messed up" in some way. Much more so than parents of gays and lesbians. Mothers especially have a guilt trip about it.
Mainly, just be honest with your parent when you come out. Don't try to justify yourself. Don't make stuff up. Just present yourself and allow them to come back to you when they are ready if it bothers them. You have to be patient, because in the coming out process, the child often switches places with the parent. You have to be unconditionally loving and supportive, because you may trigger some deep homophobia or other fear within them. Sometimes, you may have to go it alone for a while until they come back to you.
I helped a family of a young gal that was very religious and struggling with her transition request. Normally I wouldn't have gotten involved, but my therapist asked me to help as a personal favor to her, and we were tight. It took time, but not only did they come to accept her, they eventually paid for her surgery. And, yes, she was heterosexually-identified which made it easier to accomodate their religious beliefs. I like to think that after meeting me, they were so relieved that she was not a lesbian that anything looked good in comparison. LOL!!!
So good luck to you. Coming out stories are experiences that link us across time and affiliation.
You could purchase the book "True Selves" (or get it at the library) and say here mom and/or dad, this explains what I am.
Usually, the fear of coming out is far worse than the actual event, you will find a great sense of relief once you do it.
what do u mean?
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 04, 2007, 10:51:57 PM
Usually, the fear of coming out is far worse than the actual event, you will find a great sense of relief once you do it.
Quote from: DynamicDSurfer on August 06, 2007, 01:58:12 AM
what do u mean?
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 04, 2007, 10:51:57 PM
Usually, the fear of coming out is far worse than the actual event, you will find a great sense of relief once you do it.
The dread of imagining what will happen when you out yourself is worse than the reality, in most cases. They probably know already anyway.