I'm an FTM, who is considering beginning a relationship with a longtime friend who is a ciswoman. We have been really good friends for about 10 years, I know her family/ex husband/kids/work friends/other friends etc. She identifies as bi (about a 70% male 30% female split), her ex-husband was bi, and I have never met a more open minded and accepting person. And she raises her two boys with it too.
A few months after her divorce in 2011, she revealed that she has had a thing for me since we first met, but she was married at the time. We had a few moments in the weeks that followed that...nothing beyond kissing....but enough to know there certainly was chemistry. By mutual decision, we called it off...partly because of her not really being in a place to begin a "relationship" and partly because despite her emotional and physical attraction to women, she has a preference for relationships with men. Thankfully, our friendship was not impacted in any negative way, if anything we got closer.
So here I am in transition TO male, and I've been very open with friends and encouraged questions etc. One night she admits that she not only still has a thing for me, but it's gotten stronger. She used the analogy of life being a jigsaw puzzle and the people in your life are pieces.....the spot in the puzzle for partner was a pretty near fit for my piece before, but as my piece transitions she is seeing a better and better fit.
Apparently this came up in conversation with conversation with a mutual friend who pretty much asked "Then what are you waiting for?". So this lead to further discussion between my friend and I.
She knows I am not really a "casual dating" person, and she isn't either. But in the post-divorce time....things were different, of course they were.....that's enough to shake anyone up.
The adage of "if a woman wants to spend time with you she will make time/find a way" etc is something I now see as very true. Despite the insanity of kids and work etc.....I have had more invitations for dinner/movies/whatever in the past month with this friend than in the entire year prior. (Schedules were just a pain to sync, but we talked nearly daily in some form regardless)
So, my questions come down to:
-What things should I as a transperson be mindful of regarding a SO/possible SO of a transperson?
-I'm still evolving, any tips on working with partners who are trans or from your own experiences as a SO of a transperson that might make any of this easier to navigate?
I think the only thing you got to be mindful of is that she might not understand everything thats bothering you. I noticed with my girl (she's mtf) that things I might find normal she might find horrible or unthinkable.
Communication. It's the best way to navigate in a relationship.
As it seems you like her (why other reason would you make a post here if it wasn't that way) and it seems she likes you I will say the same as your friend. What are you waiting for?
(in case anyone is following this, or perhaps it strikes a chord with someone else)
I think the biggest chunk of my hesitation in "just going for it" is that while I am fully aware of the fact I'm a guy....the world around me is adapting....transitioning....right alongside. It's a bit awkward perhaps for others as they adapt (despite a complete acceptance). So each day I morph a bit in their eyes.
But on the plus side, this has never been a friend who is affectionate (some women sprawl out and curl up with their female friends, do the cheek kissing thing etc) and wasn't with me pre-transition/coming out. But this weekend when I was invited over for the day she found an opportunity for me being her pillow, little touches on the arm/leg, random back scratches, kissing my cheek when I was leaving.
I suppose my own question has been answered once I see this in print.....lol
Quote from: Greeneyedrebel on July 30, 2014, 02:06:42 PM
But this weekend when I was invited over for the day she found an opportunity for me being her pillow, little touches on the arm/leg, random back scratches, kissing my cheek when I was leaving.
Do you need anymore signs?
One thing I have to say. If you keep being just friendly with her and nothing more she will think you aren't interested in her and will move on (she might keep on trying to win you over if she is fully head over heels with you).
Good Lord, man, go for it. If you don't, every guy (and gal) here who feels like they can't get a date/will never have a relationship will hate you forever. :icon_mrgreen:
I'll see her tomorrow night, and yep....even the shy transguy here can read those signs. ;D
You've got to give it the opportunity.
Best Wishes!
Success. ;D
Eh, congratulations and well done... ;D